Two things i would like to improve on with this site:

  • The loading time
  • The posts

    As some of you know, especially for those of you who’re still on dial up, this site takes an unreasonable amount of time load up. Mostly because of the fact that the main index.html page, the page you’re currently reading/viewing/skimming through right now, usually weighs in at about 200k. Which is waaaaay over the limit of what it’s supposed to be (optimally 50k).

    Personally, i have absolutely no idea how slow (or how fast for that matter) my site loads up on dial up since i’ve been living with the comfort of having a fast enough cable connection at home and at college. But logistically, i’m gonna assume that on dial up, it probably loads slower than a fat bitch on rollerskates going uphill.

    I have a strange feeling that i’ve used that joke before…

    Anyway, you can blame the ridulous page size on me. Or my posts rather. Or even me AND my posts. You see, i tend to write a lot. I tend to write a lot of crap some might even say. And that’s just putting it lightly. And from Q and Q standpoint, it’s undeniable that there’s more quantity than there is quality on this site. It’s true. I post more than people even care to read. I’m even doing it right now. It’s happening right under your nose. As of this very moment, as i’m just writing all this. Practically wasting valuable K’s of cyberspace writing about what’s ultimately going to amount to nothing, in the end, bogging down the site even further as a result.

    See? Even by starting this short new paragraph by leaving a line and writing this said new paragraph, i’m wasting valuable space when i could actually be writing about something more worthwhile.

    Which brings me to my next point, my posts. Specifically my posts which i need to severely diversify upon topic wise. Because the old pattern of movies, DVD’s, women, and embarassing failed attempts at humor… is getting old. Actually it got old a year ago but i still kept at it. Because it works. What can i say? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Still, you do get bored of the same old thing over and over again. So yeah, even though i’m going against myself by actually getting off my ass and trying harder to not bore you actual readers to death, i’m try to work on being more entertaining. Actually i’m surprised that some people still even read this site. Or much less even visit it everyday. Even much less visit it at all in lieu of the consistent lack of anything truly new or original going on within this site. Post wise, content wise etc etc…

    Apart from a few spurts of inspired moments from time to time; like that Wonder Years obsession this past August, there’s not really much to tide things over during the downtimes.

    It’s okay. I have absolutely no idea what i mean by that last paragraph either.

    I’ve actually been under quite a lot of pressure this past week. Site wise i mean. I’m sure you all know by now of the sudden influx of hits i’ve been getting (averaging roughly around 3000 a day now) due to all the Osama bin Laden search referrals. With all the new visitors coming here and all, it’s a great opportunity to snag a few of them into my trap and turn them into regular visitors. And maybe even *shock* readers who actually read the posts! Wow! What a concept!

    Actually… let me allow myself to pat myself on the back for that ingenius ploy. You know, mentioning Osama bin Laden in nigh on every post in hopes that Google picks up on it and lists my site amongst the other Osama bin Laden related sites. Even there’s absolutely nothing at all related to him on the site. Aside from the mentioning of his name like a million times. Yes, that deserves a pat on the back. I am, indeed, the smartest man in the world.

    I was a bit slow, i’ll give you that (should’ve thought of it a month earlier) but hey, better late than never. Look who’s getting the hits now. Har har.

    Yes. Justin, ever the opportunist.

    So yeah, roughly 3000 hits a day more or less. Which is pretty impressive for a small site such as mine. Of course, i’m not at all as naive or as stupid as to think that all those hits equal to the number of people who actually READ my site. Oh no. Because, as sad as it is to say, probably 80% of those hits amount to people who’re just looking for porn. Mostly of the preteen variety.

    And of course, Osama bin Laden naked.

    Out of all the hits i get from you people, i’m thinking probably only a very small percentage of you actually even read the posts. Especially the long ones. And believe me, my posts can go on forever.

    Now if they were good long ones, that wouldn’t be so much of a problem. But alas, mine are usually of the bad long variety.

    And it’s not a matter of length either. The short ones are equally as bad. If not even more so for their brevity.

    Funny thing happened last night. I was just doing my thing on the net, downloading trailers, reading DVD reviews, hitting on a girl on AIM (i lead a very sad internet life) and some guy IMs me. Said he was a fan of the site. Told me he found my posts humorous and thought the faq section was the funniest thing ever.

    Personally i think my faq section isn’t as funny as people say it is. I read it now and i cringe at how unfunny it is. Speaking of which, that faq is pretty outdated. I should update it a bit.

    Anyway, the dude then goes on to ask me if i ever thought of becoming a professional writer. And i’m thinking, “EH?”. Complete with the ‘one eyebrow raised’ expression.

    Dude, if you’re reading this, let me tell you that the day i start writing professionally, will be the day Kirsten Dunst starts bouncing on my lap wearing nothing but socks and earrings.

    Hmm. you know, i actually had a point to make when i first started thinking of writing this post. That point has long since been forgotten.

    Oh well.

    Might as well continue on writing. Even though i know only 15%+/- of the 3000+/- hits from the 2000+/- or so visitors coming will ever be reading this far down the post.

    Funny how i can just throw around those numbers as if they were nothing. Because i know there are people out there probably dying to get at least half of what i get. And here i am, non-chalantly dismissing it them as if they were as lowly as the number 300 or something.

    Yes. To me, 300 is very low. Funny that. Because there was once a time where if i got 300 hits on any given day, i’d feel like the king of the world. Now, if i ever get only 300 on a given day, i’ll just quit the site.

    Maybe it’s just me but sometimes i think i just don’t deserve the hits that i get. Both the ‘real’ ones (actual readers *shock*) and the ‘fake’ ones (Osama bin Laden/porn seekers). People like Antwon, now he deserves more hits than he gets. Personally, i don’t really know how many he gets a day but he sure deserves more on top of what he’s getting. He updates everyday, he’s funny, he looks like Oliver Platt and he always has something thought-provoking to say in his posts.

    Jia Hui. She deserves more hits too. She’s consistently funny as hell, consistently funny as hell and consistently funny as hell. She deserves getting more hits than she normally does based on those three points alone.

    Even though they’re basically just the same point repeated three times. In case you didn’t notice. Thought i’d just point that out.

    Speaking of thoughts, one just occured to me. Even though i am complaining about my hits and how i don’t really deserve them bla bla blah yakkity yakk… me being the hit whore that i am; have just thought of another ingenius way to rack up MORE free hits. In the internet world, two things reign supreme. Porn and Osama bin Laden. Since the Osama bin Laden thing has already been done, i’m thinking back and i realize how most of my other free hits have come from people looking for porn. Specifically porn of the Western nature.

    With that in mind, i’m thinking that maybe i should mention more keywords that have to do with porn of the Eastern nature. Or Asian to be more specific. Because i KNOW Google will be scanning the net again in the next coupla days or so for new key words and phrases like… ooh… maybe… naked topless girls in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia? Or maybe hot Kuching girls from Miri? Or naked pics of college girls at Modestos? Or maybe even… nude Bruneian schoolgirls? Or how about… nude Sunway College girls? And hey, they might even be interested in picking up words like… naked Singaporean women? From Bugis street perhaps? Chow Kit road in Malaysia? Japanese preteen lolitas? Cheap Asian prostitutes long sucky sucky only five dollar? Asian chicks with dicks from Thailand?

    Yep. That should probably do it.

    That alone should probably increase my total hit count by at least 30% withing the next few weeks or so.

    I’ll be looking forward to the potential ‘chicks with dicks’ search referrals i’ll be getting in the near future.

    Anyway, where was i? Oh yes, wasting more valuable space on my server typing out long post entries that only 15%+/- of my visitors will read and slowing down the loading time of my site even further as a result of said longwinded, pointless, barely read, site slowing entry.

    You know, it’s gonna be tough to write a closing sentence for this post.

  • 4 thoughts on “Harlow

    1. Humble bastard you! We come here for your mental vomit as well as those ‘second hand’ nude photos! You should keep us intoxicated with more long ass posts you ass!

      #1 | Comment by Zia — October 21, 2001 @ 9:45 am

    2. Jia Hui!! Jia Hui!! Jia Hui!!

      #2 | Comment by Jia hui fan — October 21, 2001 @ 11:34 am

    3. you never cease to amaze me. you derserve every last hit you get my friend. don’t you forget it. this is one the best sites out there. your both humble and egotistical all in the same breathe, who else could pull such a feat?

      #3 | Comment by will — October 22, 2001 @ 12:27 pm

    4. nothin nothin

      #4 | Comment by dabu — January 13, 2006 @ 1:37 am

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