Damn. My dad sure took his own damn sweet time. He’s been on the PC since like 3pm. He finally got off at 11:30pm. Anyway, as i was saying, yeah, i got a phone call today from Izzati and the first words she said were “You’re so funny”. Apparently her cousin dictated to Izzati what i wrote about her on my site (because she was too slack to go see for herself) and she thought it was funny/sad and that i was just using her as a ‘marketing tool’ to get hits. Haha. I don’t really know whether or not i’ve been even ‘using’ her as some kind of marketing scheme to get my site more hits but i do know that i do want people to come here and read my shit. If they want to of course. I’ve got no control over who becomes a regular reader or not. That’s their own decision.

But basically, she thinks i’ve been using her name just to get hits. Lemme stress this point out. I’d like to think of this site as my journal. The unique (maybe not) thing about it is that it’s online for the whole world to see (if they want to of course). Being a so called journal, i basically write about what happens in my so called life. I’ve got many friends (well..i’d like to think so anyway) so at times i might even write about them. If i just keep writing ALL about myself everyday, it’ll seem like i’m full of myself (or shit as some people might like to think). And on certain unexpected occasions, a few controversies or hot stories/topics might come up. An in my case (and this sites’ case), there’ve been 3 (three) so far that i can remember.

The first being the ‘Dan Bell dead horse’ thing (see archives starting July 22nd), the second (and most popular) being the ‘Jeanne Saga’ (see archives starting July 18th) and the third most recent one being the ‘Izzati/Tazio incident’ (see archives starting July 31st). Now these just happen to be events that happened in my life that i write about in my journal/site. It just so happens that it’s online for people to read should they want to or not. I can’t help it if some posts are popular and generate hits and if some things don’t. That thing that get me is that she thinks i’m an attention seeker.

Now, anybody who knows me well KNOWS that i’m no attention seeker. Even when i was in school, i’m quiet and i keep to myself most of the times. I don’t seek attention. I can’t help it if attention seeks me. Like i said, i use this site as my journal and i can’t help it if people actually visit or not visit my site. But it sure as hell isn’t an attention seeking device for me. I couldn’t care less WHO reads my site but i DO care whether they actually read the stuff i write and not just visit just to give that one measly hit. Confused? Me too. Haha. Anyway, that’s your decision to make whether you come here to read or to hit. I just write my bullshit for my own further reference should i need it (or should anyone else for that matter) later in my life. I don’t make up shit on my site and even if i do, i’ll state it obviously as possible without actually giving it away that i’m just bullshitting.

I can’t help it if my hits fluctuate up and down during certain periods. I have my ups and downs. I admit i’m a hit whore but i’m not just ALL about the hits and this site isn’t just ALL about the hits either. I want hits because that’s the purpose of having websites; for people to go to. It’d be pointless to have one and not have anybody visit it. This site wasn’t made just for getting hits either. It’s my own version of my journal and i write in it to release any built up thoughts that i have. I don’t give a rats ass who reads it or not but i can’t help but wonder HOW the person found out about this site and WHY that person may want to come back. I don’t care if i grab their attention or not. I’m not seeking their attention.

But in the event that i do actually get their attention, i can’t help but wonder HOW i did it (e.g. how, why, when, where did they find out about my site and what they think of it etc etc). Wouldn’t you? Anyway, she thinks that i’m seeking attention. I say i’m not because i’d like to think that i’m not and i know i’m not. This site isn’t just ALL about hits. Even though i say i’m a hit whore (Like Nathan. Haha), i do actually care about what i write. But i don’t care who reads it. But in the event that they do, i’d like to know why and how. That’s basically it i guess. Nope. No attention seeking here.

It may SEEM like it but that’s just me being ‘tongue in cheek’. A little psychology working there to ‘fool’ the stupid people out there. And believe me, there are ALOT of stupid people out there. Not to say that i’m super smart or anything. Having a site like mine may even be stupid enough to warrant me being one of the ‘stupid’ people. But hey, this is my ‘thing’. I like doing it. Ultimately i’m not doing it for anyone but myself. It’s my journal not yours. It just so happens that this ‘thing’ that i’m doing is online for everyone to see.

If i’ve contradicted myself in this post well….i’m sorry. This ‘thing’ i do is kinda hard to explain. And i’m really REALLY shit at explaining things. Hopefully you’ll get what i mean. Well, the smart ones will anyway.