Are you one of those people who believes that before you can make a serious commitment to a significant other, you must know absolutely EVERYTHING about his/her past? If you answered ‘yes’ to that question, then do I have a movie for you.
In an effort to keep up with the exciting front page topics of late (zomg controversy!), such as teenage white supremacy, religious extremism, and pedo pregnancy, I offer you the latest film from Bob Goldthwait (I suppose he dropped the ‘cat’ in an effort to be taken seriously). Opening in limited release in the US on October 20, Sleeping Dogs Lie is the heartwarming tale of a girl who finds herself in a precarious situation when the above premise arises in her relationship. See, Amy isn’t like all the other girls…basically because all the other girls didn’t experiment with oral sex on their dogs. 😮
Oh yes, Hollywood has decided to tackle that final cinematic frontier…the romantic bestiality comedy. And I say it’s about time! Where has the voice been for all those young ladies who were so curious about the art of the blowjob, that they began to look in their pet’s direction for practice? Now finally, they have THEIR movie.
So I put it to my beloved fubarians…if your girl admitted to you she once put a little extra wag in her pup’s tail, what would you do? Is honesty really always the best policy? Also feel free to come clean about the sickest, most depraved act of sexual theater in your sordid pasts…after all, we’re not getting married!
^_^
Cool its “Chasing Amy” but with beastality instead of homosexuality
#1 | Comment by Aaron — October 10, 2006 @ 12:21 am
Get yer load woof.
#2 | Comment by unclemao — October 10, 2006 @ 12:27 am
Let me guess the first song on the soundtrack CD;
AC/DC – Givin’ The Dog A Bone
#3 | Comment by El Payo — October 10, 2006 @ 12:41 am
Premise for the sequel: A guy practices cunnilingus on his cat.
The jokes write themselves!
#4 | Comment by Nobody — October 10, 2006 @ 12:55 am
I’d drop her like someone else’s child.
Also, grossest thing I’ve done? Well, it was more done to me. After assfucking a girl, she sucked me clean even though there was shit on my dick.
#5 | Comment by Cole — October 10, 2006 @ 1:02 am
Did you ever wonder if your wife gave your dog a blowjob right before she kissed you goodnight?
#6 | Comment by BigBlueBalls — October 10, 2006 @ 1:24 am
Whats next?
guys bonnig pies?? wait a minute…
#7 | Comment by Charlioso — October 10, 2006 @ 2:00 am
I say honesty isn’t the best policy. Because it’s not something she’s still doing, so it’s not really an issue, but I’d be too grossed out to be with her if I knew. If she was still sucking off dogs… then I would want to know so I could dump her ass.
#8 | Comment by Kito — October 10, 2006 @ 2:08 am
Honesty is not the best policy. “Being Honest” with people is narcassitic bullshit.
Think about it. Whenever someone wants you to ‘be completely honest with them’ they are looking to actually drop a bombshell of truth on you. And the premise is always false, the reality is, THEY want a clean conscience. They don’t actually want you to drop a T-Bomb.
Am I afraid to tell someone I love and trust dark, inner secrets? No. But they are reserved for the if/who/what/when that is appropriate to disclose those things. I would want a girl to be able to feel that she can trust me enough to tell me anything and I wouldn’t judge her for her past, and I like to think that if it were someone I were in love with, I wouldn’t judge.
But it actually comes down to what the backstory is. For example, could I love a girl who used to be a prostitute and be ok with it? Theoretically, yes. In reality, no. If the girl told me it up front, I wouldn’t see her again; if she kept it from me and revealed it later, I’d feel betrayed by her lies of omission. It’s a catch-22.
So, I reiterate. Some things are best left unspoken, ever. If you need a clean conscience, see a priest or a shrink. If you feel a lack of trust or a lack of a deeper connection with someone, consider this: if she trusts you enough and loves you enough she’ll let ‘sleeping dogs lie.’
And that’s the truth.
#9 | Comment by smash — October 10, 2006 @ 8:03 am
“Written and Directed by Bobcat Goldthwaite”
#10 | Comment by cujo — October 10, 2006 @ 8:10 am
I think smash just ruined the storyline of the movie for us.
#11 | Comment by Nate — October 10, 2006 @ 11:08 am
Yes, Smash just told the movie. Thanks!
To answer the “What would you do?” I’d hand her some listerine.
#12 | Comment by Duffman — October 10, 2006 @ 11:56 am
I have a carrot up my ass….
It’s a baby carrot…
Does that count?
#13 | Comment by geekazoid — October 10, 2006 @ 12:01 pm
Nate and Duffman
How did I tell the movie? I haven’t even seen it. All I did is answer Angelbaby’s question with an explanation rather than a simple yes/no. (Or worse a ‘weeee beastility movies, yay, i’m sofa king retarded!’ answer.)
#14 | Comment by smash — October 10, 2006 @ 12:10 pm
my wife, many years ago when we started dating, asked that question all girls ask, “how many girls have you slept with?”
i simply answered, “don’t ask questions you’re not prepared to hear the answers to.”
that worked for her.. she quietly stfu and we understood each other perfectly.
#15 | Comment by yawn — October 10, 2006 @ 1:48 pm
Yawn: My gf asked me that same question, but like a fool, I answered with….
Tina, Michelle, Jo-Anne, Missy, Tanya, YOU, Nicole, Paula, Erica, Michelle again, and Carol.
Perhaps I should have just stopped after “YOU”. (My bad)
As for beatiality?….JUST EWWWWW!!!! However, on a funny note, my friend and I did catch his younger sister getting rammed by their Great Dane when she was 16! She claimed that he jumped on her as she left the shower and pinned her down! (Can you charge a dog with rape??)
#16 | Comment by THOR — October 10, 2006 @ 3:59 pm
Guess I’ll be the odd man out here. I love my women to be dark, bent, and kinky. Anything else is just way too boring.
#17 | Comment by Odd Man Out — October 10, 2006 @ 7:47 pm
God damn #16 that’s horrid.
#18 | Comment by Observant — October 10, 2006 @ 7:59 pm
“Red rocket boy! Red rocket! Red rocket! Red rocket”
#19 | Comment by Diggity — October 10, 2006 @ 8:05 pm
ha. I might have to rent this when it hits (or drops, whatever the cool kids are saying these days).
I’ve never done anything with an animal, but when I was 16 I fucked a cold tomato on my living room floor (over a towel). I’ve heard watermelons are better though, you just hollow out a cock-sized hole and warm it up in the microwave.
#20 | Comment by kromekoran — October 10, 2006 @ 8:15 pm
Eh, as long as there’d been toothbrushing and some mouthwash (the antiseptic kind) between Bowser and me, it’s all good. I mean… Sucking a dog, sucking some other dude… I don’t want to think about her doing either when my tongue is in a woman’s mouth.
And the upshot is a woman who blew a dog would be more likely to rim you.
FACT.
#21 | Comment by Bad, Bad Mormon — October 11, 2006 @ 12:36 am
i just wanna be the guy to mention that bobcat goldthwait is the director of this thing.
and that, oddly enough, it’s getting lots of critical love. i’ve been hearing nothing but wonderful things about it. kinda excited to see it, even.
#22 | Comment by samey sammy — October 11, 2006 @ 1:06 am
I read somewhere that they made it so that the dog talks(thru the magic of CGI) and they’re in talks with either Morgan Freeman or James Earl Jones to voice the role of Ranger the dog.
The dog was originally voiced by Sir Ben Kingsley. However, when he found out the movie wasn’t a cartoon about a stray dog that falls madly in love with the beautiful woman who rescued him from the pound, but was in fact about a dog that mounts and savagely fucks his owner on a regular basis, he asked that his part be re-dubbed.
Kingsley strongly object to one particular line in the script: ‘Turn around, girl and open wide…yeah, that’s it, yeah…I bet you’ve never taken a load of dog jizz on your face before, huh? You like that, don’t ya? Oh, shit, I’m cummmin’!’
True story.
#23 | Comment by Smiley — October 11, 2006 @ 3:04 am
Meh.
#24 | Comment by stargelman — October 11, 2006 @ 4:36 am
Movie sounds boring and trying desperately hard to be different. I actually think the premise is pretty repulsive. In my mind, the only respose to “i gave head to my dog,” is “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.”
Seriously, if my girl told me that, I’d do like a goddamn ninja and vanish. I wouldn’t even call. It would be like we never knew each other. Granted, I like my girls to be a little crazy, but not that crazy.
Maybe that’s cruel, but goddamn, I’m content keeping a healthy distance from any and all acts of beastiality.
#25 | Comment by enzyme — October 11, 2006 @ 9:43 am
For some reason when I looked at that picture I saw Ashten Kutcher and Brittany Murphy/
#26 | Comment by Logan — October 11, 2006 @ 9:43 am
So am I the only one who finds this hot?
#27 | Comment by Anoymous perv — October 11, 2006 @ 10:01 am
#27 looks like it.
Now if she had been sucking off a horse … I might be interested.
#28 | Comment by DisconcertedGeorge — October 11, 2006 @ 1:06 pm
#22 – hmm…i’m fairly certain that someone already mentioned that bobcat directed this movie.
now who could that have been?
o ya…IT WAS ME WHEN I WROTE THE POST.
lurk moar noob.
#29 | Comment by AngelBaby — October 11, 2006 @ 2:09 pm
Not only was it in the original post, but it was also pointed out by #10.
#22 FTL.
#30 | Comment by Nobody — October 11, 2006 @ 4:40 pm
oh man, i give such little of a shit it’s unbelievable
#31 | Comment by samey sammy — October 11, 2006 @ 5:05 pm
Unless this film has sex scenes, it could be directed by Ivan Reitman for all I fucking half-care.
#32 | Comment by unclemao — October 11, 2006 @ 6:28 pm
I think I could deal with the girl getting fucked by a dog (once, not on a regular basis) before I could deal with her blowing a dog. I’m not sure where the line is, I think it’s somewhere between receiving pleasure from the dog… and giving pleasure to the dog.
Strangest sexual thing? I once fucked a jar of peanut butter to pictures of Elvira. I have no idea how I got there, but it happened. I’m in discussions with Bobcat over the script right now.
#33 | Comment by Tanzarian — October 11, 2006 @ 7:03 pm
funny shit thor =) RE: #16
#34 | Comment by yawn — October 11, 2006 @ 9:51 pm
Did the dog return the favour?
Caninelingus?
#35 | Comment by Rut-Ro — October 12, 2006 @ 7:59 am
^^^
i lol’d.
#36 | Comment by AngelBaby — October 12, 2006 @ 10:43 am
um if anyone ever wondered where the got the idea from i ran into a video on limewire of a girl from duke university actually banging her german shepard on video !!! still on limewire im sure maybe they got the idea from that movie!!
#37 | Comment by Al — October 13, 2006 @ 11:02 pm
#37 um, I think you’ll find that the idea of banging your poodle has been around longer than the internets.
Of course, you had to pay to watch it back then …
#38 | Comment by DisconcertedGeorge — October 14, 2006 @ 11:04 am
C’mon #38. Obviously #37 is some teenage boy who just discovered the intraweb last year. There’s gotta be a learning curve of several years before he sorts those things out.
Although I coulda gone the rest of my life without knowing what #16 said. Thanks bud.
#39 | Comment by Willi — October 14, 2006 @ 7:01 pm
Hmmm most bizarre sexual thing I’ve done? Just one? There’s so many.
Let’s start with the number I’m up to…although I’m kinda proud of such a large accomplishment, it’s not something that I would tell every single guy I meet. For fear that it might scare him away before I have a chance to get with him haha. And then there are some of the loser ex-boyfriends that I’d rather say were “former friends/acquaintences” than ex-boyfriends. Or the fact that I took matters into my own hands a time or two when I found out that some asshole sexually assaulted my female friend. But nevermind all of that…this movie sounds gross! :O Interesting, but a little too strange!
#40 | Comment by Becca — October 15, 2006 @ 7:02 am
Silly Becca. You’re so young for a “large accomplishment.”
Do you find that since you’ve gotten the “enhancement” a lot more guys are propositioning?
You’re myspace site says you do live in the city of Brotherly Love… interesting…
#41 | Comment by Willi — October 15, 2006 @ 2:27 pm
She will go down in history
THIS DOG KNOT SUCKING STAR WILL BE GOLD ON LIMEWIRE!!
lol oh man first the lolita movie then this
oh and that other movie about that girl who fucked dead bodies at work
CLASSIC
go for the gold!!
#42 | Comment by Macktheknife — October 17, 2006 @ 3:55 am
Is this furry?
#43 | Comment by Abenoslave — October 17, 2006 @ 8:57 pm
only in America
#44 | Comment by cando — October 29, 2006 @ 9:20 pm
Yes, only in America are we disgusted by this. The rest of the world agrees this is a healthy relationship!
Technically….it was filmed in Canada, sooo, Only in Canada should have been the appropriate response.
andddd…C’mon Becca, ya never did tell us what that one thing was!! You know there is one that tops the rest!
#45 | Comment by THOR — October 30, 2006 @ 2:35 pm