It’s possibly the worst movie i’ve seen this year and yet, as much as it sucks, i totally love it too. Sure, the girls don’t have boobs as big as their videogame counterparts and the movie does have the hideously ugly Devon Aoki in it but Jaime Pressly (who is looking fucking fit and totally hot in this flick) and Sarah Carter (SO pretty – like a cross between Sarah Chalke and Kristen Bell) totally makes up for Devon Aoki’s fucking alien looking face.

Jaime Pressly could probably crush my penis with her vagina muscles.

In fact, this movie was so bad that my girlfriend who had absolutely no interest whatsoever in wanting to watch the flick actually couldn’t take her eyes off the screen. Though she did have this look of disgust the whole time and she kept hitting me everytime something sexy happened onscreen (like the beach volleyball scene – FAP!!!!!) but yeah, i got to make her watch Dead Or Alive! HA HA.

Volleyball + Jumping girls = Boobies all over the place!!

Now if i can only get her to play DOAX2 (or at least watch me play).

Though i haven’t really been playing DOAX2 as much as i’ve been watching it. All i ever really do in that game is make the girls relax or prance around doing girly things while i try to manouvoure the in game camera to get the best view of their jiggling boobies.

So anyway, my favorite DOA girl from the movie is Helena. Played by Sarah Carter. I like Sarah Carter. Jaime Pressly comes in at a close second. I fapped to Jaime in Poison Ivy: The New Seduction last week, before seeing DOA. And i never even really liked Jaime Pressly to begin with. But after watching her in My Name Is Earl and now DOA, she’s grown on me and i’ve decided that i do like her and i happen to think she’s quite fappable to. To which i did. And what a great fap it was! AAA+++ Will fap to again!

Old Playboy pics of Jaime here and here. And a coupla Sarah ones from DOA here.

37 thoughts on “DEAD OR ALIVE

  1. Sarah is looking fantastic.

    But for Jaime, those man-abs = erection-free for me, although in Poison Ivy she was everything I needed. Those were good days.

    #1 | Comment by Kewtr — December 4, 2006 @ 10:30 am

  2. when did that movie even come out? was it straight to dvd?

    #2 | Comment by Xan — December 4, 2006 @ 10:56 am

  3. poison ivy Jaime is teh hawt.

    #3 | Comment by AngelBaby — December 4, 2006 @ 11:22 am

  4. I have seen this movie and there was no story but there was hot girls so the film was let off….lol

    #4 | Comment by Rapnix — December 4, 2006 @ 12:00 pm

  5. Too bad Jaime is preggers

    #5 | Comment by DUDEMASTER — December 4, 2006 @ 12:24 pm

  6. Ringmaster was on comedy central the other day…. hottest white trash ever…

    #6 | Comment by Nate — December 4, 2006 @ 12:43 pm

  7. Jaime Pressley is HOTTTTTTT, also has been!!

    Sorry about geting her pregnant! (My powerful seed, must have entered her via the tv screen when I fapped to her on My Name is Earl a few weeks ago!)


    #7 | Comment by THOR — December 4, 2006 @ 1:49 pm

  8. Oh and Justin, you dissapoint me!!

    If your Girlfriend is indeed real and not a figment of your imagination, you need to dump her!

    If she is not going to play DOAX2 or even watch you play, she should at least Blow You while you play!

    #8 | Comment by THOR — December 4, 2006 @ 1:55 pm

  9. You didn’t even mention the faptastic Holly Valance? So do we think they will scar us with a second DOA?

    #9 | Comment by Sliy — December 4, 2006 @ 2:39 pm

  10. I actually went to school with in high school Sarah up in Canada, I haven’t seen much of her work but from what I know of her she’s every bit as gorgeous in person on a day to day basis as she looks in all of her TV and movie work.

    Just fyi! ; )

    #10 | Comment by rusted — December 4, 2006 @ 3:06 pm

  11. Check Jaime’s best performance in Not Another Teen Movie.

    #11 | Comment by kiko — December 4, 2006 @ 4:06 pm


    #12 | Comment by El Payo — December 4, 2006 @ 4:40 pm


    #13 | Comment by El Payo — December 4, 2006 @ 4:41 pm

  14. holly valance is the hottest in the movie… then you add her accent and i can just sex her all day

    #14 | Comment by doctorofstyle — December 4, 2006 @ 5:09 pm

  15. i just realized that Sarah Carter is in Shark.


    #15 | Comment by AngelBaby — December 4, 2006 @ 5:35 pm

  16. i dunno about this being the worst movie this year… i saw hard candy and it was really, sensationally bad

    #16 | Comment by sithlord — December 4, 2006 @ 7:14 pm

  17. Yep shes in Shark and I get to see her in all glorious High Def. *Fappity fap fap* Same with Jaime Oh yeah. P.S. Sarah was in Final Destination 2 she gets killed right away which made me sad 🙁

    #17 | Comment by DUDEMASTER — December 4, 2006 @ 8:23 pm

  18. Your Lindsay Lohan shawl doesn’t count as a “girlfriend”.

    #18 | Comment by Bill Clay — December 5, 2006 @ 1:53 am

  19. oh and error in the last still.. helena is missing her neck tattoo =P

    #19 | Comment by doctorofstyle — December 5, 2006 @ 2:59 am

  20. Why were you making your girlfriend watch such a bad movie? Were you trying to talk her into a 3 way? You, her and the Pepsi Girl…that’s hot.

    #20 | Comment by Smiley — December 5, 2006 @ 3:41 am

  21. Devon Aoki > Sarah whatever

    #21 | Comment by bleh — December 5, 2006 @ 3:42 am

  22. The Weinstein’s suck!! They bought Amanda Bynes’ “Lovewrecked” then never released it in the US. And, now, they’ve held up the US release of “DOA” for 4 months now. It was slated for mid-August, then mid-September, then December, and, now, it seems to be off the schedule. Even if the film is schlock, schlock can be fun. And how bad can it be with a bunch of hot chicks in it??? It’s not like it was directed by Uwe Boll or Paul WS Anderson, so it can’t be that bad!

    #15 – Thanks for the “Shark” connection. I would’ve never caught that Sarah was the smarmy, know-it-all attorney on “Shark” if Angelbaby hadn’t pointed it out.

    #22 | Comment by council24 — December 5, 2006 @ 5:25 am

  23. hahaha. it might not be directed by paul ws anderson but did you know that he’s a co producer on the movie???

    i actually laughed when i saw his name in the end credits.

    #23 | Comment by Justin — December 5, 2006 @ 5:29 am

  24. Sarah Carter is a HOT piece of ass!!!

    She was in HBO’s Entourage, during the Sundance Episode and has a 3sum with Drama and Turtle!

    Oh yeah….I’d Nail her!!!!

    She also played in Smallville as Clark Kents psychotic Girlfriend.

    Sweeeeet, Clark should have given her a Super-Slammin!!

    #24 | Comment by THOR — December 5, 2006 @ 9:08 am

  25. For your fapping pleasure:

    Smallville: (DVD Stills)

    Entourage: (Youtube)

    Did I mention I’d nail her??

    #25 | Comment by THOR — December 5, 2006 @ 9:17 am

  26. saw it in the cinema, twice

    This film is so bad it’s good, Sarah Carter especially.
    See her in Boston Legal, very very sexy (keeps her clothes on unfortunately but sometimes sexy > naked)

    #26 | Comment by mo-boobies — December 5, 2006 @ 11:09 am

    get on aim sometime.

    #27 | Comment by SUZI — December 5, 2006 @ 11:32 am

  28. OH MY GOD.

    i just watched this yesterday, and said to myself – i gotta make a comment about sarah carter on Furbar for fap-justice. and guess what?! zomg! ur a step ahead of me. faptastic!

    movie sucked, but who needs a movie plot with sarah carter?


    #28 | Comment by fufufafafaf — December 5, 2006 @ 11:58 am

  29. Titties only make the movie barely watchable.

    #29 | Comment by Phantom6 — December 6, 2006 @ 6:46 pm

  30. how could you not mention holly valance? by far she is the hottest!

    #30 | Comment by JFW — December 7, 2006 @ 5:43 pm

  31. JFW, you are wrong!!!!!
    sarah carter is by far the sexiest! the best scenes are the volleyball one and the one where you see her underwear.
    also thanks the pointers THOR

    #31 | Comment by murraymints — March 5, 2007 @ 2:48 pm

  32. is sarah carter naked in anything?

    #32 | Comment by murraymints — March 5, 2007 @ 3:09 pm

  33. ^^^
    yes. my dreams.

    #33 | Comment by AngelBaby — March 5, 2007 @ 3:17 pm

  34. Sarah Carter is the hottest chick I eva saw

    do you guys that in one of the earlier episodes she got it on with that other guy, I was just wondering if anyone has a clip of that, coz she aint wearing a bra

    #34 | Comment by Shak attack — January 22, 2008 @ 5:08 pm

  35. How dare you call Sarah Carter a cross between the incredibly average Sarah Chalke and the incredibly weird looking Kristen Bell!

    #35 | Comment by Tony — January 22, 2008 @ 8:34 pm

  36. sarah carter and the bastardization of helena’s character almost ruined this movie for me… 😉

    #36 | Comment by shadowadrik — February 22, 2008 @ 9:36 pm

  37. wish sarah chalke and kristen bell was in doa as well

    #37 | Comment by joedoe — June 16, 2009 @ 8:13 am

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