People always complain that they are getting screwed by politicians. Well, here’s a platform that I bet many of y’all can get excited about.
My name is Tania Derveaux…
I am the leading NEE party senate candidate in Belgium. And due to popular demand, I will give 40,000 blowjobs to anyone who requests one on this page.
It started with our response to incredible claims that were made by other parties in Belgium, several parties promised new job opportunities in ridiculous amounts. We responded with a parody campaign for which I posed naked and promised our voters 400,000 new jobs.
This national campaign resulted in international media attention and I received hundreds of e-mails asking for 400,000 blowjobs. If this would get us even more media attention, I’m willing to give 40,000 blowjobs to make the statement.
According to my planning this would take me 500 days to tour around the world, visiting all the ones who signed up for a blowjob on this page, giving 80 blowjobs per day. So the offer is limited, sign up while you still can.
Heavens! 80 a day?? My jaw hurts just thinking about it.
No idea how many takers she’s already got, so you fellas better hustle if you want your penis to be a stop on the Fellatio World Tour.
First!
#1 | Comment by Robz21 — May 11, 2007 @ 7:38 pm
ps. i heard people who post “first” are ineligible for free blowjob.
to bad yep to bad
#2 | Comment by AngelBaby — May 11, 2007 @ 7:39 pm
She is officially my favorite politician of all times. Too bad she’s a waffle…
#3 | Comment by chode — May 11, 2007 @ 8:02 pm
Angelbaby delivers!
#4 | Comment by woolylambkin — May 11, 2007 @ 8:12 pm
better get a whole lotta mouth wash. lol
#5 | Comment by Xan — May 11, 2007 @ 8:14 pm
I lol’d at this condition:
“any attempt to influence the depth of insertion by the user will
result in immediate end of service”
#6 | Comment by ARM — May 11, 2007 @ 9:12 pm
lol just gag her at the last second.
#7 | Comment by ryan adams — May 11, 2007 @ 9:15 pm
Well at least she’s as trustworthy to her campaign promises as all over politicians.
#8 | Comment by sKetch — May 11, 2007 @ 9:52 pm
i’m so tempted
#9 | Comment by same — May 11, 2007 @ 11:28 pm
Sweet Jesus walking on a sea of Scope!
That is SO a plague vector in the making!
#10 | Comment by nevermindthat — May 11, 2007 @ 11:29 pm
Sloppy seconds never seemed like such an attractive situation
#11 | Comment by Zorak — May 11, 2007 @ 11:47 pm
so, you need to wear a condom and the blowjob can only last 5 minutes. yeah…..i cant see ANYONE getting off on that.
#12 | Comment by him — May 11, 2007 @ 11:57 pm
Can I pay an extra hundred and get the first one? How about $50 for the first one of the day?
#13 | Comment by Topher — May 12, 2007 @ 1:21 am
#11 – more like sloppy 34,972nds
#14 | Comment by AngelBaby — May 12, 2007 @ 2:26 am
“11 – more like sloppy 34,972nds”
I was just going to say something like that, but you beat me to it. So i’ll just move onto my next joke.
3.Chode: “She is officially my favorite politician of all times. Too bad she’s a waffle…”
Actually, blowjobs from a waffle isn’t that bad.
On a related note, I’m not legally allowed to walk into any IHOP or Waffle House anymore.
#15 | Comment by The Deadly Superman — May 12, 2007 @ 3:19 am
Scattered, smothered and covered?
Pretty much anyone can run with that one….
#16 | Comment by Zorak — May 12, 2007 @ 3:27 am
Here In Spain a lefty politician has decided to take part in this gang bang world record.
a href”http://www.20minutos.es/noticia/232590/0/record/porno/burgos/”>Here, contact me if you’d like e translation.
#17 | Comment by snipfer — May 12, 2007 @ 4:22 am
I wouldn’t want to be the last spoon stirring that bowl of porridge.
#18 | Comment by Zleet — May 12, 2007 @ 5:24 am
This will never happen!
Also, take note that no where does it say that the services will be performed specifically by Tania!
#19 | Comment by MacDaddy — May 12, 2007 @ 7:44 am
what if you signed up for a joke,
and now realise that you still live with your parents/loved one/share accommodation?
#20 | Comment by hhhh — May 12, 2007 @ 11:26 am
She reminds me of my last girlfriend 🙁
#21 | Comment by HHJjoy — May 12, 2007 @ 1:36 pm
@17, thanks, but that guys not really my type
#22 | Comment by Lincoln — May 12, 2007 @ 1:37 pm
#21 – your last girlfriend sucked 40,000 dicks?
😮
#23 | Comment by AngelBaby — May 12, 2007 @ 2:32 pm
With the average penis size of 6 inches, were she to take all 40,000 penises fully into her mouth that would be 20,000 feet of penis going past her lips, or 3.78787879 miles of penis, or enough penises, end to end, to reach the top of the Empire State Building (not including the lightning rod thing) 16 times.
#24 | Comment by Paragon — May 12, 2007 @ 4:06 pm
dear #24…
:^O
#25 | Comment by Coolstream — May 12, 2007 @ 4:29 pm
“your last girlfriend sucked 40,000 dicks?”
in a row?
#26 | Comment by ryan adams — May 12, 2007 @ 4:38 pm
You have my vote. Now if only I sould find other people who would run that WANT to screw me.
#27 | Comment by Anubis — May 12, 2007 @ 5:50 pm
is this real?
#28 | Comment by Captain Faptastic — May 12, 2007 @ 6:15 pm
I so want to get the herps from her after being #40,001.
#29 | Comment by CDC — May 12, 2007 @ 6:16 pm
Anyone else think Justin and AngelBaby are really the same person? The internet can breed strange manifestations of identity issues. There was a mod on another board that had vehemently claimed to be a woman for years and years but she was finally outted with some evidence recently (he even faked his own death before becoming the new female persona). Just reading their posting styles, it’s a feeling I have.
#30 | Comment by Blahblah — May 12, 2007 @ 10:47 pm
^^^
Justin wishes he was as pretty as me.
And he wishes he drove a cool blue Honda sports coupe like mine.
#31 | Comment by AngelBaby — May 12, 2007 @ 11:21 pm
I hate to resort to this, AngelBaby:
Care to provide valid pics proving such claim? I’m really not challenging you, of course. I personally see quite a distinct difference in AngelBaby’s posts vs. Justin’s. So this request is really for #30 *cough*.
In all fairness, I suppose a request for a pic of Justin is in order as well – See, I don’t want to come off as a total loser/pervo – many ‘o pervs have requested pics of AngelBaby and have failed.
I’d really just like to see that cool blue Honda.
#32 | Comment by clash — May 13, 2007 @ 12:39 am
I didn’t mean they sound the same, but that it seems like one person trying to come across as two different people.
#33 | Comment by Blahblah — May 13, 2007 @ 12:51 am
Angelbaby is the hottest dude on this site. And Justin is a bit fugly, so I know for a fact that they are two different dudes.
We kinda drifted away from the whole 40fuckingThousand blowjobs topic, eh?
#34 | Comment by ruprecht jones — May 13, 2007 @ 12:59 am
I got that 😉 Though, given a long enough timeline, that one person trying to pose as two different people would eventually give it away that they are indeed one person through a series of tells. These post have been going on long enough and remain fairly distinct, imo (with the exception of “hotsexpussyfuckballs”). eh, maybe I’m a sucker. Anyhoo, it was a rhetorical request for pics of Angelbaby; it gets asked a lot. In vain.
#35 | Comment by clash — May 13, 2007 @ 1:17 am
True. My apologies.
The participants are forced to wear a condom. That to me equals masturbation with a 3rd party involved that may or may not do it the way you’d do it on your own. One could achieve the same results with a number of inanimate objects, less the awkwardness of a stranger looking up at you with your sheathed dick in her mouth. Awkward.
If the condom weren’t necessary, considering the 40,000 involved, it would be a step above masturbation but with the element of fear of a STD thrown in, not to mention the gross-out factor of sticking your dick into the mouth of a cum-dumpster.
Verdict: Find a different platform.
#36 | Comment by clash — May 13, 2007 @ 1:47 am
What if she were naked while giving this blowjob?
#37 | Comment by Scratch — May 13, 2007 @ 8:13 am
I just cant imagine what her parents think of it all.
“Now, we want you to get a career in politics when you grow up. Help out the country and make things better”.
So she decides to go into politics and suck 40,000 dicks at the same time. (I wonder how she is going to go when deeply religious people or the elderly are voting?)
#38 | Comment by Pandanski — May 13, 2007 @ 9:39 am
There didn’t seem any age restrictions.. so.. eugh. I suppose that after all that cock-sucking, she’d be sick of the sight of cocks, become a lesbian for a brief time (please all those GLB’s..) and then, to please the deeply religious people, repents and takes up absitinance…
#39 | Comment by Garth2k — May 13, 2007 @ 10:02 am
#35 – “These post have been going on long enough and remain fairly distinct, imo (with the exception of “hotsexpussyfuckballs”)”
i think it’s fairly obvious to anyone who is more than a casual reader that i’ve appropriated quite a few “Justinisms” in my writing. mainly to adopt the flavor of the site, and also because they make me giggle.
in the example given above, i was specifically trying to do an outright imitation of Justin while he was off on one of those sex-tourism trips he takes to singapore every other month or so. you’ll notice i get busted by commenter #10, because i failed to make the title ALL CAPS which has become Justin’s thing lately.
#40 | Comment by AngelBaby — May 13, 2007 @ 10:45 am
Poor girl let’s hope she doesn’t’ get cancer
#41 | Comment by daserca — May 13, 2007 @ 12:08 pm
Here’s a penis-shrivelling thought: Imgaine if Hillary Clinton tried the same thing.
#42 | Comment by The Pope — May 13, 2007 @ 1:52 pm
Thanks a lot, Pope. That image made my penis so sad it just commited suicide. Now what am I gonna play with when I’m by myself?
#43 | Comment by chode — May 13, 2007 @ 3:40 pm
it is a joke. i can’t believe you guys thought this was real. someone at somethingawful made the site.
#44 | Comment by hoax — May 13, 2007 @ 7:50 pm
Clash??? Are you that fuckin pussy who used to post on guitar.com
If not, I apologize…
if so… MY GOD!!! YOU ARE SUCK A FUCKING PUSSY!!! WHY HAVEN’T YOU BEEN ASS FUCKED TO DEATH YET?
#45 | Comment by StrongBad — May 13, 2007 @ 8:27 pm
I’m not sure if I should help or hurt the Justin/Angelbaby are the same argument…
…or comment on what I know to be the truth!
to bad yep to bad.
#46 | Comment by smash — May 14, 2007 @ 4:55 am
sounds good to me. well gotten signed
#47 | Comment by silverchip — May 14, 2007 @ 9:55 am
Oh no!!!! It’s fake???? and I sent 2200 submissions!!!
#48 | Comment by MacDaddy — May 14, 2007 @ 1:45 pm
#45
No. No, I am not. Apology accepted.
Unfortunately, there are quite a few
peopleassholes that use that handle. Those cyberfuckers…#49 | Comment by clash — May 14, 2007 @ 2:14 pm
If someone made that site as a hoax, then they REALLY put a lot of time into it…considering there are 2 documentories on there, amongst many other things.
#50 | Comment by IchibanS13 — May 14, 2007 @ 3:09 pm
^^^
i guess we’ll find out if someone reports back that they got their free 5-minute hummer.
ftw?
fifty-first!
#51 | Comment by AngelBaby — May 14, 2007 @ 3:47 pm
I’d say something about Edwards offering this same thing, but I’d be sent to rehab.
/coulter
#52 | Comment by Steampunk — May 14, 2007 @ 5:17 pm
fake: likely. But if not, I just noticed that the slogan is: “I will give you 40,000 blowjobs” (as opposed to giving 40,000 BJ’s in general). So, on a technicality, she theroriticaly and legally should be bound to giving each and every constituency member *giggle* the true number of BJ’s advertised: 40,000 each. That’s BJ’s for life, folks.
#53 | Comment by apogee (formerly "clash" but not the fucking pussy that used to post on guitar.com) — May 14, 2007 @ 6:12 pm
40,000 five minute BJs… You’d probably never have time to get off, unless you trained your balls like the hedgehog. (obscure porn reference)
#54 | Comment by d00d — May 14, 2007 @ 11:31 pm
“Honestly, it’s not worth it, unless she’s naked, and my girlfriend’s sitting on the sidelines… Personally, we need a bisexual (and American, since the voting issue makes no difference to me otherwise) chick to offer some REAL prizes to people who vote for her, after the voting… Now, THAT’S a way to earn votes… ‘Any couple that votes for me is eligible for an amazing threesome, one lucky voter will get fucked until their brains come loose, and 10 other voters get the consolation prize, great oral sex… (Note: All participants must test negative for STDs, and they WILL be thoroughly tested… problem solved)’ And then you have to vote for her to even have a chance!”
“On another note: I’d fuck her, even after the 40,000 blowjobs (though it’d have to wait until her jaw heals)… She sounds kinky, and think of all the practice she’ll have… If I had a choice, I’d be the first guy on the last day (lots of practice, but she’s had the night to sleep off all the penis from the day before).”
#55 | Comment by Ryu — May 16, 2007 @ 12:52 pm
“Oh and… 500 DAYS! She’s going to spend more than a year giving blow jobs all day long? WTF?! 80 a day is crazy sure, but think about that… fucking 500 days of just penis… LOTS of penis…”
#56 | Comment by Ryu — May 16, 2007 @ 12:55 pm
“….I haven’t thought of it that way.” “I guess I would banger in the pooper.” “Why are we talking in quotes again?”
#57 | Comment by d00d — May 16, 2007 @ 6:00 pm
Unf..Unf….Unf………….I love politics
#58 | Comment by Ben "S." Stinkson — May 19, 2007 @ 10:00 pm
I just got a reply back and this link was in it. It’s just some cute Japanese girl licking the air. Definitely seems like a joke.
http://www.movielol.org/performance.php?name=Bob
#59 | Comment by Kito — May 20, 2007 @ 2:45 pm
Just found this explanation on the movieLOL website, so for all of you who were expecting something real, prepare to be disappointed.
“NEE recently became an internationally known concept, when we launched our satirical ‘40,000 blowjobs’ campaign which was a stab at the general international political climate that’s filled with false promises (which was followed up with another satirical response to all the requests).”
#60 | Comment by Kito — May 20, 2007 @ 2:50 pm
^^^
lolz…i was making a post about this as you were making these comments.
sixty-first!
#61 | Comment by AngelBaby — May 20, 2007 @ 2:55 pm