Magazine fun!

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I have a perfectly good explanation as to why i am holding this magazine in my hand.

It’s not mine.

Seriously! It’s not mine! I have proof!

See? Not mine. It belongs to a Lisa Palaian.
Whoever the hell she is.

Actually i sorta stole it from this little basket kinda thing that they have out in front of the mailboxes downstairs. That’s where they put all the magazines that’re supposed to go to the people who subcribe to them… but can’t pick them up from their mailboxes. Because they’re not here for the summer. Because they’ve all gone back home or something. So they just put all the mags that still keep coming into these boxes for anybody to take. It’s great. Just last week i took a copy of Penthouse from there. Har har har. Actually i took three copies. But they were all the same issue. I couldn’t tell because they all had this black plastic shrinkwrap covering all the mags. So now i have three copies of the exact same issue of the August Penthouse.

Penthouse sucks by the way. It’s so boring. I’m going to leave them somewhere out in the hallway tonight for somebody to find.

I am such a good samaritan.

Anyway, i also took this magazine today.

This is me holding up the August issue of Cosmo Girl!
And pointing to where i think Kelly Osbourne’s left tit is.

No, i don’t subscribe to this magazine either. Actually you’d be surprised as to who actually subscribed to this one.

AHAHAHA. WILLIAM BRANCH! (whoever the hell he is).
Willie, may i ask why you subscribe to ‘Cosmo Girl!’??

Oh look. A mag that i actually subscribed to! OH NO! From the looks of it, it looks like a girlie mag!!

Ahahaha. It’s not a girlie mag. It’s actually Yahoo! Internet Life.

I blanked out my name because i don’t want any stalkers stalking me. But i didn’t blank out my address though. Which is stupid because now people know where i live! OH NO!

That’s not all that’s stupid though. The stupid magazine company got my address wrong. It’s supposed to be Smith Burnham Hall, Room 359, Western Michigan University, Kalamazoo, MI 49008. But they got it all ass end up like. ANNNND what’s even MORE stupid is that i didn’t actually find this mag in my mailbox. I FOUND IT IN THE BASKET!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK MAN. To think, somebody else could’ve stolen my magazine!! Good thing i stole it first.

Entertainment Weekly!

You’d think that i actually subscribe to this mag… but i don’t. I stole this from… Kurt J McDonald. Whoever the hell he is.

Free magazines! w00t!

But seriously though, i didn’t really steal these magazines. They’re free for anyone to take. I just like saying that i stole them because it makes me seem more mischievious.

Anyway, i got a check for 76 bucks in the mail today from T-Shirt Hell. I love T-Shirt Hell.

You know, i actually wouldn’t be ashamed to be caught reading YM. Have any of you guys actually seen all the hot girls that’re in that mag?? Wooh. YM is great. AND LOOK WHO HAS A WHOLE PAGE DEVOTED TO HER!!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I love you Avril Lavigne.

Okay it’s a pretty bad pic but i don’t have a scanner so i had to use my webcam. That’s why the pic is so blurry.

But what the hell. ISN’T SHE CUTE?

Cute boobies too. And so what if they’re small?

Big, small, i like em all.

I’ll tell you who has nice boobies though.

Okay. That’s it for my update. Bye bye!

15 thoughts on “Magazine fun!”

  1. you idiot i can read your address.. even though i already knew it.

    #1 | Comment by suzi — July 12, 2002 @ 8:00 pm

  2. Not bad update J Dizzle. credit for creativity.
    Just hope crossdressing William Branch isnt a fan of badinagoodway maybe he will kick your ass.

    Who the hell does the advertising and marketing for Twix this commercial with Usher makes me naseous, abotu as bad as the twix add with "Bow Wow" and who the fuck does the advertising for Taco Bell, the commercials are awful. Why don’t these giant corporations hire someone with a brain.

    Ok im done,
    Dylan

    #2 | Comment by D — July 12, 2002 @ 8:10 pm

  3. u mugger!!

    #3 | Comment by Ju — July 12, 2002 @ 8:22 pm

  4. Man, i gotta say this is one fucken funny site. I’m sure you get that alot, but me and my crew were just talking about how if we knew you, weed all be kickin it off im sure. It’s good to see people in this world still have a sence of humour. Well, at least some of us. Keep it up man, iim definatly coming back here.
    Peace! Love and crap,
    Chris

    #4 | Comment by ralvsx — July 12, 2002 @ 8:48 pm

  5. Ju,

    You dont get it Justin is straight uncontrollable gangsta like Michael Corleone, he’s the kinda thug who steals your clothes from the apartment dryers, opens letters sent to the previous resident, eats all the sample foods on Saturdays in the supermarket, grabs the last parking spot in the student lot you had been eyeing and been an inch away from taking, the kind of fucking wild ass G that asks the girl out you had been trying to get the courage to hit on and makes out with her right in front of your sorry ass.

    Ok well maybe not but I have to admit it is nice humor to steal your neighbors mags and boast about in on the internet.

    #5 | Comment by D — July 12, 2002 @ 10:33 pm

  6. kelly osborne makes me hot.

    well, not really. and michelle williams might have a nice pair of funbags, but it’s too bad about her face. ugh.

    #6 | Comment by alex — July 12, 2002 @ 10:34 pm

  7. update:

    greymatter sorta died last night and corrupted the .cgi file to this post. which is why some of you couldn’t access it. so i had to rebuild it from an older copy. if you see that your comment has disappeared, go ahead and re-comment because there were about 12 or so on here before it died.

    #7 | Comment by Justin — July 13, 2002 @ 7:51 am

  8. I am William Branch, and I subscribe to Cosmo girl cos I like to whack off to it in my tool shed. Could you just pop the mag under my door when you’re done with it Justin?
    Thanks

    #8 | Comment by William Branch — July 13, 2002 @ 10:23 am

  9. hmm i forgot what i commented…something along the lines of ‘dont steal’…oh well…greymatter killed my site…i dont spose you know how to replace a corrupt install justin?

    #9 | Comment by Jacob — July 13, 2002 @ 8:51 pm

  10. Do you kids today still do acid? Is it still cool, not that I would do it, or anything…

    #10 | Comment by Larry — July 13, 2002 @ 11:41 pm

  11. yes Larry ( the aging Greatful Dead Fan )kids today still do acid and wouldnt you know Old Timer they have found a slew of other drugs to fuck themselves up with real good as well! Even using household cleaners, sniffing glue, paint supplies and prescription pills, dont kids just do the darndest things!

    #11 | Comment by D — July 15, 2002 @ 5:21 am

  12. Wow, free addresses…

    #12 | Comment by BURN — July 15, 2002 @ 10:52 am

  13. Yo Saddlebags, whats up? Nice site and as for Avril, nice sight! Keep entertaining the masses and giving it up for the people, we appreciate it.

    Johno

    #13 | Comment by Johno — July 16, 2002 @ 9:05 am

  14. Yo Oldtimer i did acid this one time, and like 5-6 hours later i was layin in bed trying to pass out then in saw my sock run across the room and jump into the hamper. I never touched the shit again. Ill stik to mushrooms

    #14 | Comment by smoXe — August 2, 2002 @ 9:58 pm

  15. I was doing a search for Lisa Palaian and your site came up. I don’t know what kind of music you’re into or what not..but Lisa Palaian is (well, was..) the Merch guy’s girlfriend for Senses Fail – their merch guy being Shawn Nelson. Now they’re just real good friends. And..she dates Derek Trafton from the band tHrOnE. Okay..now that I look like an official nerd for knowing all that..i’ll stop talking. Have a good day. 🙂

    #15 | Comment by Dee — November 24, 2005 @ 3:37 am

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