Last night i experienced true hell for the first time.
I was lying in bed. Listening to Jan De Bont’s audio commentary for Speed on DVD which i’d just bought the day before. I couldn’t keep myself awake to finish the whole thing so i turned everything off right after the part where the bus jumps that gap in the freeway. And i proceeded to fall asleep.
About an hour or so later, i woke up feeling really really sick. It was so bad. I got up, stumbled around in the dark, grabbed a empty cup off my table, walked out of my room and filled it up with water.
I found a place to sit and i put the cup down on the floor. The pain was just crazy. It was so bad that i actually broke out in a cold sweat. I assumed a ‘crash seating position’ like how you would if you were on a plane that was just about to crash; holding on to my dear life. I felt like i was about to faint. Sitting there. Sweat beading off my forehead. Down my nose. Onto my arm. As i sat there with my head resting right between my knees. And then it happened. It was grotesque. It didn’t feel at all like how it usually would. It was all wet. Moist. Liquidy. Drippy. And the way it all happened was as if it just exploded out of there. And the sound that it made… it was just undescribable. It was sort of like a “Fhlphhooofb… Phfoolb… Phlb..“. Then “Plop… plop plop… plop.”.
Minutes later… relief. No more pain. No more nausea. And i felt as ease. Calmness.
So i tore off some tissue paper, reached around behind my back and wiped my ass. Oh and i used the water in the cup to wash off any leftover shit before that.
Then i got up off the toilet and went back to bed.
That sure was one satisfying dump.
haha, first time? ya gotta be kidding me. what did you eat?
#1 | Comment by alan — August 1, 2002 @ 1:58 pm
whoa. i had that for the past three days. i think i contaminated you.
#2 | Comment by Turtle Boy — August 1, 2002 @ 2:10 pm
what’s REALLY good is when you actually put as much pressure as you can on the prostate, you think it exploded? With this technique, you’d better have a military-grade stainless steel toilet.
#3 | Comment by xenophile — August 1, 2002 @ 2:18 pm
i had a pepperoni calzone for dinner that night. with fries. hahaha.
oh and i digress, it wasn’t exactly the first time. first time in months maybe, but not the first time ever =P hehe.
sharting is great. (shit + fart = SHART!)
#4 | Comment by Justin — August 1, 2002 @ 2:21 pm
ahh, Justin, your antics and new phrases never fail me. go shart!
#5 | Comment by Turtle Boy — August 1, 2002 @ 2:28 pm
Justin,
I hate that feeling when it feels like I’m peeing out of my rear. It’s miserable. Mexican food can do this to me. Or a hard night of drinking.
I feel your pain.
#6 | Comment by smash — August 1, 2002 @ 9:10 pm
bangsar mamak food can fuck your stomach
#7 | Comment by beng — August 1, 2002 @ 10:39 pm
Er. Who drinks outta that cup?
#8 | Comment by ronnie — August 1, 2002 @ 11:15 pm
that is so digusting.
#9 | Comment by suzi — August 2, 2002 @ 1:17 pm
oh god.
*closes window*
#10 | Comment by una — August 2, 2002 @ 2:50 pm
you should have taken a picture of this HELL you’re talking about
#11 | Comment by gripweedianlogic — August 2, 2002 @ 6:15 pm
i think ratemypoo.com has had enough submissions… -_-;
#12 | Comment by alan — August 2, 2002 @ 8:39 pm
ugghhh i’m with suzi on this one that’s nasty
#13 | Comment by Plugo — August 3, 2002 @ 3:44 am
gawd damnit justin! i told you to bury yer shit in the kitty litter!
#14 | Comment by Raze — October 20, 2003 @ 11:45 am