Movie reviews!

Yes! I’ve seen em all! And this is what i think!

Spider-Man
Starring Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst

Director Sam Raimi does it again. The edge of your seat will be completely worn out by the end of this pulse-pounding, nail biting masterpiece. Kirsten Dunst has never been as brilliant. Tobey Maguire is an absolute revelation. I only wish i have more thumbs.

Rave-O-Meter: Eleven stars

Star Wars Episode II – Attack Of The Clones
Starring: Hayden Christiansen, Natalie Portman

Brilliant!!! Episode II is a popcorn movie with heart, soul and a funny bone. George Lucas not only knows what an audience wants, he gives it to them in spades. There isn’t a superlative possible (trust me, i searched my thesaurus for days) that does this film justice. Do whatever it takes to see Episode II immediately. Stand in line for tickets now if need be. You won’t be disappointed!!!

Rave-O-Meter: Twenty nine stars

The Scorpion King
Starring: The Rock, Michael Clarke Duncan

Hulk Hogan, eat your heart out! Brendan Fraser, Schmendan Schmaser! Not since Rowdy Roddy Piper has a professional wrestler made such a seamless transition from the squared circle to the big screen. Bring your hankies, ladies; The Rock will make you swoon. And don’t fret guy, guys; The Scorpion King is a non-stop roller coaster ride. Just buckle up and enjoy!!! Screw governor, The Rock for president!!!

Rave-O-Meter: Fifty three stars

Scooby-Doo
Starring Freddie Prinze, Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar, Matthew Lillard

The chemistry between Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar bristles. After seeing Scooby-Doo, it’s easy to see how this young couple bucks the pressures of Hollywood and keeps on keepin’ on. Matthew Lillard might as well be a feather that constantly tickles your feet. He made me laugh so hard i need to consult a physician. And two weeks later, i’m still on medication!!!

Rave-O-Meter: Six hundred and eight stars

Minority Report
Starring: Tom Cruise, Meryl Streep

After seeing Minority Report, i can say with absolute certainty that Tom Cruise is NOT gay. Never before has a leading man been so gosh-darn masculine. Cruise sizzles! I absolutely loved him in this movie… in a heterosexual way, of course.

Rave-O-Meter: Forty-thousand stars

2 thoughts on “Movie reviews!

  1. You didn’t see those movies. Liar. I however rented Wheels on Meals, Dolph Lungren in Last Warrior, and Vampire Hunter D. Good movies.

    #1 | Comment by Jerk — October 4, 2001 @ 11:59 am

  2. Wow, film interp (or whatever it is you take) has really paid off for you! Will you be our new local movie critic?

    #2 | Comment by Somebuddy — October 5, 2001 @ 5:41 am

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