I went out again today and i bought more pirated DVDs.

Mostly catalogue titles though.

• The Rock: Criterion Collection
• Pulp Fiction 2 Disc Collector’s Edition
• Jackie Brown 2 Disc Collector’s Edition
• Goldeneye
• Tomorrow Never Dies
• The World Is Not Enough
• Die Another Day
• The Usual Suspects Special Edition
• Jurassic Park III
• Little Otik
• 2 Fast 2 Furious
• American Wedding

Yes you read that right. American Wedding again. But this time on DVD!

You’ve probably already heard of all those other movies. Well except maybe Little Otik. It’s this little Czechoslovakian horror movie that’s apparently pretty good. Here are some review blurbs from the DVD cover.

“TRULY EXTRAORDINARY! HILARIOUSLY CHILLING! Don’t miss this baby whatever you do!” – Mike D’Angeloa, TIME OUT NEW YORK.

“Rivals ‘The Exorcist’, ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ and ‘Eraserhead’ as a disturbing treatise on the fear of parenthood” – Andrew Johnston, THE NEW YORK TIMES.

Wow! Sounds pretty good eh? What’s the plot like you ask?

Well it’s about a couple who can’t have a baby. So they dig up a tree stump, diaper it up and decide it’s their baby. Oh, and by the way, the tree-stump baby happens to eat people.

I love this movie already.

Oh and speaking of other good movies, i got around to watching Gerry last night. I did some research on the movie and i was surprised to find out that it’d already been out for quite a while now. Since February 14th actually (the day Daredevil was released. must’ve got drowned out by all the Daredevil hype).

Anyhow, just in case you’ve never heard of Gerry, let me tell you about the plot.

Two friends, both named Gerry, get lost while hiking in the desert.

Tada! That’s it. That’s the whole movie in it’s entirety. It runs for about 100 minutes and that’s all there is to it. Two guys walking around in a desert for 100 minutes. Oh and it’s a near silent movie too. There’s very little talking. You’d be lucky if you could squeeze out 20 minutes of dialogue from this movie. I think there’s probably even less than that. I swear to God it’s just basically two guys. Walking around. In a desert. For 100 minutes. They walk and walk and walk. And then they talk for a while. And then the walk and walk and walk again.

Let me describe the first opening 5 minutes.

We see a car driving along a road. No opening credits. There’s background music. Car’s still driving and driving and driving. For like 3 minutes. Then camera angle switch. We see Matt Damon and Casey Affleck in the car. There’s still no dialogue. Just music. This lasts 30 seconds. Then camera angle switch. First person view of them driving down the road. For like 2 minutes.

Now let me describe one scene for you.

Gerry I and Gerry II. Extreme closeup on their faces as they’re walking. Heads bobbing up and down. No dialogue. No background music. No cuts. No edits. No change in camera angle. Uninterrupted. For like 4 minutes.

Shit this is exciting stuff.

But you know what? I really like this movie. Sure it’s literally just two guys walking around lost in a desert for 100 minutes with barely any talking at all but it’s all just so real. It’s a beautifully shot movie, EXTREMELY long takes for each scene, VERY little editing or camera angle cuts with little to no dialogue at all (and what little there is is all improvised and actually quite humorous). Even Castaway had a lot more talking.

It’s funny. You can take a bathroom break during pretty much any scene in this movie… and come back… and not miss a single thing! Because the two Gerry’s are still just gonna be walking around lost in the desert!

My favorite scene is when Casey Affleck gets stuck on a rock. One camera angle. Of him stuck on a rock. And Matt Damon collecting dirt to build a dirt mattress so he can jump down. 10 minutes.

Let’s look at that again:

Casey Affleck stuck on a big rock.

Matt Damon collecting dirt.

For 10 minutes.

This is probably the best scene in the movie.

I’m not even kidding.

You all probably think i’ve lost my mind now.