HOLY WOMEN’S PANTIES BATMAN. Umgawa has touched upon a subject that i’ve always been meaning to bring up but was always afraid to due to me not wanting to offend/disgust/turn off people. Especially my 4% female readership. Now i don’t know if what i’m about to post about only applies to me but i’ll tell you that it *MIGHT* either:

a) offend you (especially if you’re a girl)

b) disgust you (especially if you’re a girl… and maybe a guy)

c) turn you off and make you look out for it for the rest of your life (especially if you’re a guy… and maybe a girl)

d) do nothing at all. and prove that Umgawa and i are just sad strange little men. (especially if you’re a girl. and maybe a guy)

It’s going to be like a post where i make horrible fun of fat people or something, and then you’re laughing, until you realize that you’re pretty fat yourself or something. And then you get upset. Or something. Something like that. It’s like me pointing out something you never noticed before. Like say, Go-Go Yubari having a fucking big nose. Or Lindsay Lohan having freckles on her armpit. Or how Meg Ryan has pretty ugly boobies (have you seen In The Cut?). Stuff that you never noticed but will now haunt you forever.

Because see you, what i’m about to address is the issue of…


Okay maybe i should say dirty women’s panties so as to not confuse the difference between like… the panties that a prostitute would wear and panties that are just plain dirty. Dirty as in STAINED.

Last chance to turn back.

Okay here we go. Things are going to get rather explicit from here on.

I’m just trying to deal with my all-too-recent discovery that I’m deathly afraid of women’s panties.

Yes, you read that right. The reason why I’ve been single all these years has nothing at all to do with my often poor and always misguided choices for potential girlfriends, but that my bad taste in women is simply a symptom of this phobia that has crippled my sex life. And, no, finding a girl who always goes commando won’t help, either, because I think that’s kinda weird and it would just disturb me even more than the whole panties-thing – Umgawa

See, from my experience, once i get really close to a girl and stuff, once things start getting ‘serious’, clothes start to come off. And of course, you get to see things you had only imagined of prior to getting ‘that close’. Boobies. Naked bodies. Her ‘down there’ area. Etc etc.

But that’s besides the point. See, once the clothes start to come off, so does the underwear. Bras. Panties. And what have you.

So now. Without naming names and numbering ex’s, i’m going to make examples based on two girls that i’ve been with. And seen first hand the effects of…. SKANKY PANTY SYNDROME (SPS).

Let’s call them A and B.

Okay first off, please excuse my apparent ignorance if i do so happen to exhibit any. See, i never took biology lessons in high school. I only took Chemistry and Physics. I never studied all that human biology/anatomy crap so i have a rather miniscule understanding of how the female and male pee pee works.

Actually we did have a chapter about the human reproductive system in our Chemistry textbook but for some reason our fucking chem teacher skipped that chapter. Asshole.

So i’m with this chick right, it’s pretty much one of the first times i’ve ever really got to relish seeing her fully in the nude. I’m like totally aware of everything. Her naked body. Her clothes coming off. Etc etc. Everything.

And so then she starts taking off her clothes and crap. Shirt comes off. Pants come off. Bra comes off. Skanky panties come off.


So i’m looking at the panties that she just took off that landed on the floor and i notice this STREAK. I was like, “What the hell is that crap?” (in my mind of course. and by crap i don’t mean shit. not like she shit her panties or anything). No, it was like this; what i presumed to be; PISS STAINS, or something, right down this imaginary ‘line’ where her clit would begin and her vagina would end. Of course, i reluctantly concluded that “THAT CAN’T BE PISS STAINS” and figured that maybe it was just a result of her getting horny and getting wet or something.

Now i don’t really know if it’s the same for guys and whether YOU have piss/crap stains on the underwear you’re wearing right now, whether it be due to you being an unhygienic�bastard or it being just ‘something normal that happens’ but me personally, if you were to take off my boxers (i don’t wear briefs. too constricting me thinks), they’d be practically spotless. As i would assume for women’s panties to be too (unless they were unhygienic bitches themselves).

I mean shit, okay, like… i’m sure you’d WANT them to be spotless right? Or stainless rather. As in like, if you were a girl, and you were gonna go down on me, you wouldn’t want to have to take off my underwear only to get this NASTY FUCKING STINKING STAIN; on top of having to go down on my presumably disgusting unwashed penis which caused said NASTY FUCKING STINKING STAIN right?

Hell even i wouldn’t want you to go through that. Which is why i ALWAYS take a good thorough shower before i ever get hot and heavy with any girl. No shower, no go. Unless you’re already pretty clean beforehand. It’s just plain good manners. Like, if i KNOW that i haven’t taken a shower, and that i’m probably like all icky and sticky and sweaty down in my junk, i’d fucking tell you to STAY TEH FUCK AWAY FROM THERE.

But holy shit man. With girl A, i noticed that it was pretty much ALL THE FUCKING TIME with the SPS. I mean like, okay she’d take a shower. Then maybe a coupla hours later, or maybe even later in the day, presumably after having maybe gone to the bathroom to take a leak or something, you’d presumably assume that “Okay, it’s not like she went out fucking jogging or anything. And i sure as hell haven’t made her horny enough to wet herself within the past coupla hours. Her panties can’t POSSIBLY have any skank on them right?”

And so we get into it. And off come…. THE SKANKY PANTIES!!! Holy shit. And it just keeps happening each time. I just keep noticing those damn stains.

After a while, i just assume, “Well. I guess it’s just normal for that to happen…” but then how do i explain the fact that EVERY SINGLE TIME I GO DOWN ON HER, IT’S JUST A DAMN NASTY EXPERIENCE???


Now don’t get me wrong, i actually like going down on a girl. I like making her feel good. Hell, i don’t even care if she doesn’t return the favor. Making her happy makes me happy. I really couldn’t care less if i don’t get off. Even during sex. Just as long as she feels good.

But DAMN me if i wasn’t beginning to think that she was just plain fucking unhygienic.

Fuck. Me, i make sure to wring out every little drop of piss out of my motherfucking ding dong. And wipe my ass fucking properly too for that matter. No fucking nasty ass stains on my fucking draws.

And so now i’m with girl B. After having been with girl A of course. And it’s that time again. Us getting close and getting buck fucking naked. And i’m like fucking anxious to see if my theory was right. Is it ‘just something normal that happens with girls’? Or was my fucking ex-gf just one unhygienic woman.

Were they really piss stains? Or was it just a result of her maybe getting wet or something?

And so off come the panties.

Clean. Practically motherfucking SPOTLESS.

So then. It’s time to go down. And down i go on her.

NO smell whatsoever. NO taste whatsoever.

This all while she was dry of course. Going down on a girl when she’s already wet will almost always produce a taste. But even then, when i went down on this girl while she was wet, it was absolutely NOTHING like what i’d experienced with girl A. It was downright fucking PLEASANT compared to the GROSSNESS i had to endure upon going down on girl A (which i did so anyway, numerous times, just because i aim to motherfucking please).

So like probably out of say, 30 times being with girl A, there was probably like 100% chance of me noticing that she had SPS.

And probably out of say, 30 times being with girl B, i only noticed this ONE time where there was any kind of stain whatsoever. And even then, it’s was the result of me fingering her clit and getting her wet through her panties before her taking them off. So that was understandable.

It’s like if she were to be like, jacking me off and i’d pre-cummed onto my boxers or something while i had them on. Doesn’t necessarily mean i pissed my pants or whatever.

And so i’m left with this uncertainty and this haunting of SPS with every new girl i get with since the discovery of this… this… apparent hygiene problem. Or at least that’s what i hope it is.

Or maybe it IS just ‘something normal’. And that it isn’t just a matter of a girl (or a guy for that matter) being a lazy fuck and not bothering to clean their shit properly.

I’m not sure if this is what Umgawa is afraid of when it comes to women’s panties but it sure as hell scares the hell out of me.

Whether it be piss stains or stains as a result of getting wet, i just want to know: IS THAT NORMAL FOR THAT TO HAPPEN 30 TIMES OUT OF 30?

Or is it more likely to happen maybe like 1 time out of 30. Hell maybe even 5 would be understandable. And if so, that would just totally explain the fact that girl A was just fucking plain nasty unhygienic.

… So it’s no wonder that I don’t try harder to get myself a girlfriend. Because I’d eventually have to deal with panties. It’s like going out on an adventure with Indiana Jones when you’re afraid of snakes, because you just know there are going to be snakes. They just come with the territory. Women come equipped with panties. There’s no way around it, short of a girl who just plain doesn’t like them, and just goes commando all the time, and I’m pretty sure I’d have issues with a girl like that, too. …

Folks, only I can come up with crap like this and actually mean it. – Umgawa

Come on guys, i can’t be the only one tho have noticed this right?? Tell me i’m wrong.

48 thoughts on “SPS

  1. Honestly, I haven’t seen skanky panties…dude, I’m seriously wondering your ability to choose women…if they aren’t skanky then they are skanky with they hygeine.

    #1 | Comment by smash — November 9, 2003 @ 5:06 pm

  2. for the record it’s only happened with that one girl. and so far, i’ve only compared 2 of them. so it’s not with all of them 😛 besides, i never really made it a point to look until i got with that one chick.

    #2 | Comment by Justin — November 9, 2003 @ 5:09 pm

  3. Okay, Justin went off in a completely different direction than I did. Well, kind of the same general thought process, but I’m terrified by pretty much all women’s panties. So, in order to clarify things, the following is the unvarnished and very clear seven-hundred words that will probably get me inducted by psychologists into the next revision of the DSM:

    So, I was downstairs switching my laundry from the washer into the dryer, and I thought, "Wow, tonight’s asinine topic could be: Dryer Lint; Why Is It Always That Pale-Blue Color?" but then I came up with a much better one:

    I’m afraid of panties. Deathly afraid of women’s undergarments. I had to pull my mother’s laundry out of the dryer, and interspersed among about three-dozen socks and a few nightgowns were her … well, you get the point. Now, I have no problem with folding her socks or her nightgowns, but the underwear just gets dropped on the pile. I’m not folding her underwear; there’s not enough whiskey in Ireland to make me do it.

    I think all of this goes back to my parents’ pressures on me to abstain from sex, pretty much forever. My mother always told me, "If you get a girl pregnant, her family had better like you, because you’re out of this one." Strangely, I think that warning even extends after such a time as I get married; not that the whole marriage detail matters, seeing how I can’t even get a girl to like me for more than a day or two, let alone getting her to stick around "for as long as we both shall live, or until one of us gets sick of the other."

    So, I ended up taking each individual pair of underwear (you really can’t call them "panties" when they belong to your mom) out of the dryer in such a way as one would pick up a piece of roadkill, using only the very ends of my thumb and forefinger to grasp them and quickly drop them when the forward-motion of the garments would be sufficient so as to propel them onto the mostly-folded laundry pile. And I realized after the second or third pair that I’m deathly afraid of women’s undergarments, which explains why I’ve never been able to walk into a Victoria’s Secret.

    Well, that and because of the time I asked them if they had a thong in a child’s size. … just kidding.

    I mean, it’s not as though I’m afraid of women who are wearing only their undergarments. I just don’t want to handle them any more than I want women seeing or handling my underwear, which is why I’ve always got my shirt tucked in. Of course, then again, that’s like an extension of the neurosis that makes me so tremendously self-conscious that I’m uncomfortable being seen in anything less than a parka, explaining why I’m always wearing several layers of clothing. Yes, I have many, many more issues than your average heterosexual man.

    Seriously, I don’t think that most guys ever had these sort of mental problems, or -if they did- they somehow got over them. Maybe they had fathers who patted them on the back during a hunting trip and simply reminded them, "Son, I’m going to tell you about sex now. No glove, no love. Now let’s field-strip this carcass and get out of here." At least those guys were afforded some sort of encouragement to have sex, provided it was protected sex. Me, I basically got the equivalent of, "If you’re having sex, we will find out about it and then we’ll kill you."

    Maybe I’m reading a bit too much into that, but I think that I associate panties with sex, and I associate sex with death (or at the very least, being evicted from my rent-free existence), and so I’m absolutely terrified of panties. Especially any ones that are not white and cotton. Colors and non-cotton fabrics only serve to cause me more mental distress, because they’re "fancy," and imply sex, thereby implying death, et cetera, et cetera.

    So it’s no wonder that I don’t try harder to get myself a girlfriend. Because I’d eventually have to deal with panties. It’s like going out on an adventure with Indiana Jones when you’re afraid of snakes, because you just know there are going to be snakes. They just come with the territory. Women come equipped with panties. There’s no way around it, short of a girl who just plain doesn’t like them, and just goes commando all the time, and I’m pretty sure I’d have issues with a girl like that, too.

    So, that’s right. Why am I single? The answer is simple: Panties.

    #3 | Comment by Umgawa — November 9, 2003 @ 8:39 pm

  4. LOLOLOLOLOL. Ohmygod i haven’t laughed out loud reading a post like this in a long time. "Holy shit!" that was HILARIOUS. Maybe it’s just the way that i read the posts out loud in my head. Makes it twice as funny than it really is. Dude, you crack me up sometimes.

    By the way i think i’m scarred for life now. Fuck you for making me think of SPS!!!!!!!!!

    #4 | Comment by Pump — November 9, 2003 @ 8:41 pm

  5. Yeah i think commando is the way to go Umgawa

    #5 | Comment by Pump — November 9, 2003 @ 8:42 pm

  6. Okay after rereading both Justin’s and Umgawa’s very true takes on panties, i think i’m starting to become wary of them too.


    #6 | Comment by Pump — November 9, 2003 @ 8:51 pm

  7. Justin this is probably one of your best posts ever!!! wahahha… well I would have to say that my gfs never had that problem, but I do see my mothers underpants quite often in the hamper and she seems to have that problem… yuch.. I can understand Umgawas problem after seeing that!

    #7 | Comment by WP — November 9, 2003 @ 11:37 pm

  8. umgawa- I don’t share the pantie phobia, but how’s this for neurosis? I wear boxers AND briefs…for similar reasons to what you said. I just dont feel comfortable in only one or the other.

    #8 | Comment by smash — November 10, 2003 @ 2:52 am

  9. heehee, that was great.

    *I* have never had the "SPS" problem, but I had a friend who did. She said she would just randomly get wet and that is where it came from. I dunno…

    And going commando wouldnt help anything because she always did. It just made the stains end up in her pants instead of in her panties. I discovered this when I let her borrow a pair of my pants :o( Needless to say, I just let her keep them.


    #9 | Comment by TheOtherAmy — November 10, 2003 @ 3:50 am

  10. That was outright hilarious. And not in the least bit offensive.

    #10 | Comment by eve — November 10, 2003 @ 4:27 am

  11. My ex girlfriend DEFINITELY had SPS! I was with her for four years and there would always be this…well, brownish, reddish, sometimes yellowish stains around the crotch area of her thongs (she always wore thongs). I’ve seen it on another girl since then, too! I’ve actually had conversations about this with my buddies and TRUST ME PEOPLE, the problem exists and it is ever-present. So LADIES, either wash your "junk" or buy new undies on a regular basis because NO GUY wants to experience a buzzkill of YOU removing your panties only to reveal the remnants of what looks to be a new addition to the "periodical" table of elements. (no pun intended….ok, it was intended)

    #11 | Comment by Sam — November 10, 2003 @ 4:38 am

  12. I think the first sign of trouble is when she either a: goes to the bathroom to "Powder her nose" constantly, b: fidgets uncontrollably, or c: you’re eating at her place, having a ham, yet it still smells like fish.
    I wonder if Ann Curry is guilty of this.

    #12 | Comment by cust71 — November 10, 2003 @ 7:33 am

  13. YUCK…

    #13 | Comment by pangwinking — November 10, 2003 @ 7:41 am

  14. damn you justin!!! i’ll never look at any women the same way again =(

    #14 | Comment by vhw — November 10, 2003 @ 12:28 pm

  15. My ex had this problem but more like 50% of the time, she was aware of it and even washed down there just before i went down (but only if I asked) It made me less willing to want to bother but.

    #15 | Comment by Kristok — November 10, 2003 @ 4:52 pm

  16. That had to be one of the funniest posts I have ever read. I did run into this problem with a girl I was seeing and it made me nervous. I am happy to see that I am not the only one.

    #16 | Comment by Johnny Joe Joe — November 11, 2003 @ 12:41 pm

  17. you’re right.. this was a farking funny post and not the least bit offensive or whatever…

    but coming from a science/pharmacy background, i’ve had to deal with female patients/customers with this and most of the time it’s not that they’re dirty or unclean, sometimes quite the oppocite…

    their pH balance and shit might be out of whack down there, and they secrete stuff.. they start over-washing the area (coz they think it’s coz it’s not clean enough) which just makes the problem worse…

    if it’s itchy down there, then they got bigger problems than ph *cringes*

    but if they got a high libedo, girls can get wet without consciously knowing that they’re horny…

    #17 | Comment by rushie — November 11, 2003 @ 7:14 pm

  18. I dunno guys. Seems like maybe you’re looking at this all the wrong way. My roommate has similar tendancies, and I’ve always just figured that she gets excited and things get flowing. Seems like it’d be complimentary that you’re making this girl hot n bothered. Besides…overwashing sucks, it destroys the body’s natural lubrications. If it seriously freaks you out, get in on in the shower.

    #18 | Comment by matt — November 12, 2003 @ 9:33 am

  19. Bingo, dude! You nailed it. My ex also had this problem 100% of the time. I never brought it up… no way. I just assumed it must be cool among the ladies to ride the stains. From my peripheral inspection of her SPS’s I was pretty sure I figured out the mystery:

    IT’S BLOOD!!!

    Dude, these chicks miss the first day of their period and eventually stain every pair of panties. They then wash them and assume it’s all cool. You can’t expect them to go out and buy new panties every few months. But it still ain’t right. Can’t they like pick one pair of panties to have SPS and just wear those whenever it’s about time? Why am I even bothering to understand… I am so far from knowing how chicks deal with all the crap they have to deal with. But I do know that it’s too much for me to deal with.

    #19 | Comment by Dr.Einstein — November 12, 2003 @ 5:22 pm

  20. ok. doesn’t seem like too many ladies want to field this one… so i’ll try to represent the team with the little medical background that i have, as well as my personal take on the whole thing.

    yeah. sometimes the girl just doesn’t know how to do laundry properly and it’s a stain from discharge or their period of months passed. i’m sure i can say that every girl misses the arrival of their period every now and again… but all it takes is a soak in cold water with some fucking woolite or shout. so that’s just laziness.

    but if you do get her all hot and bothered (i believe they call it foreplay or something like that)… before you do anything too serious… it could just be that she gets really wet and thats why you notice it every time. that depends on the girl… and how good you are.

    some girls can also just be sexually charged all the time and be wet more often than not. it’s like the boys who leave this site with a boner… some girls leave with a little dampness. and if she doesn’t go clean it out right away… the goo is going to stay there and could stain.

    and over washing/wiping can mess up the balance of the woo woo area and irritate or cause further discharge. it IS healthy to have some goo down there.

    speaking as a girl, i would not be offended to talk about my woo woo issues with a guy i’m messing with… but it takes an open mind on both of the partner’s parts.

    there really is no such thing as "normal"… it all varies from girl to girl.

    hope that was useful.

    #20 | Comment by lizzi — November 13, 2003 @ 1:07 am

  21. Nice comment Lizzi – straight up and honest. Over here in the UK I have heard the ‘goo’ referred to as ‘clitty litter’. Somehow I think that sounds a bit nicer 🙂

    #21 | Comment by Filbert — November 14, 2003 @ 5:10 am

  22. Aye, i had the clitty litter problem with my last G/F, i hated going down on her, but i never mentioned it, i have pantyphobia now too 😉

    #22 | Comment by jukebox_hero — November 17, 2003 @ 12:08 pm

  23. Gogo DOES have a huge nose. I still love her though.

    #23 | Comment by d-go — November 23, 2003 @ 11:47 am

  24. My wife has horrible sps. I’ve always wondered if she’s giving up the nasty to someone else because we haven’t had sex in a while but yet she’s got what looks like jizz stains all in her undies. What do you guys think???

    #24 | Comment by The Dizzude — December 10, 2003 @ 9:40 am

  25. Hate to tell you this guys, but you know all that juicy stuff that comes out of a ripened, ready to go coochie? I don’t mean the funky stuff, I mean the clear, silky, smooth liquid that makes sex all that much more enjoyable. Well that stuff DOES stain underwear, believe it or not. So just because you may see a pair of underwear with a stain, doesn’t mean she’s skanky. Now if she smells like something dead that’s a different story…

    #25 | Comment by Kim — December 21, 2003 @ 7:34 am

  26. Some more girly input:

    this wasn’t offensive, it was actually pretty interesting/funny to see our wetness/discharge be described as goo/clitty litter/skank!!

    Justin, maybe girl A was incredibly horny around you but dirty, and girl B was not as horny, but clean.

    Men should be flattered if they pull a girls panties off and they’re super wet…but if its smelly or dried up wetness, or yellow/brown then the chick may not be very hygienic.

    A girl can definitely be wet or have discharge on her panties that doesn’t smell and is clean and that girl tastes pretty damn good to the men who go down there…

    #26 | Comment by sarah — December 25, 2003 @ 4:47 pm

  27. I agree with Sarah…

    And um, Girl A. FOUL. I don’t know what was wrong with her, short of peeing herself a little every time she laughed or something.

    If I know that there is a chance of a guy going down on me, you best believe that:
    1. I’m CLEAN
    2. I smell good
    3. I’m properly shaved, and
    4. I’m wearing presentable undergarments (not the dreaded "Period Panties" or anything like that).

    I’d like to make the whole experience pleasant for a guy… I’ve always thought that most guys hated performing oral anyway, and so I went out of my way to make it better for them. *shrug*

    Girl A… gross.

    #27 | Comment by thefelinepunk — March 2, 2004 @ 8:52 am

  28. Thank you felinepunk!
    There is nothing I like better than going down on some hot young thing but if it’s smelling skanky, I don’t have a problem telling her to go wash it.
    I am going to send her to the moon but not until she’s clean.
    Pulling a sexy pair of panties off and finding a smooth shaven happy little clam winking at me is a huge turn on.

    #28 | Comment by Slava — March 5, 2004 @ 10:30 am

  29. felinepunk:

    EXACTLY! i always go super prepared if i know that i’m going to get laid. best lacy lingerie, shaved, washed/showered, perfumed & moisturized!! and if i am not, i never allow the guy to go down, no matter how bad i want it.

    poor justin has just had bad experiences, obviously!

    #29 | Comment by Sarah — April 13, 2004 @ 7:00 am

  30. funny story. thanks and sorry about girl A. yeah, i’ve seen it once… yuck. i made her go take a shower. my current girlfriend is WONDERFUL, she changes panties at least twice a day. It makes me laugh bc she doesn’t need to at all… soooooo clean. better safe then sps.

    #30 | Comment by me — April 21, 2004 @ 7:02 pm

  31. Hey. i sometimes get stained panties and i don’t know where it comes from. wht is odd is that a certain pair or a certain type will get stained, all the time. u cannot just know when they will get stained because body chemistry changes daily, so do hormones, which is all interconnected. antoehr thing, i have read taht girls who have discharge are less likely to get ovarian cancer. soemtimes, stains have nothing to do with cleanliness, like someone said above, pre cumm on girls also causes stained panties.. now, if it looks like dried poweder or something you can scratch off, then they have a big problem! another solution: buy her black undies. now girls, do you experience a yellosish titn to your undies? i do and hate it and yes, i just trhow away and buy new ones..

    #31 | Comment by tamara — April 28, 2004 @ 1:53 am

  32. wow, I’m surprised by this..

    as has been previously stated, body chemistry is different for everyone. girls taste and smell different, just because it isn’t exactly a good taste (like maybe the taste of, uh.. candy?), it doesn’t mean it’s dirty or horrible.

    it seems odd to me that something like that would be so incredibly disturbing to you – you are aware that you’re licking that area of the body, which is used daily for the removal of human waste.

    you can’t avoid that aspect.

    honestly, for a lot of girls (in my experience), it can be a major turn off if you act like they’re not clean or nice when they’re just being human. asking them to take a shower might be understandable if they’re sweaty and dirty (literally.. maybe they’ve been working in a coal mine or something), but doing so just because, say, they’ve been dancing or bouncing around or something seems really stupid/unromantic/unsexy/unwhatever.

    a technical bunch.

    #32 | Comment by Mako — May 13, 2004 @ 8:31 pm

  33. dude.. i think if it’s a see-thru flourescent type liquid.. then it’s probly just lubrication or cum. but if you’re seein’ colors.. like i’m talking about red, yellow, white and shit.. then the girl probably has either her period, or a fuckin STD or SOME shit.

    #33 | Comment by Ween — May 18, 2004 @ 1:37 pm

  34. Ok.. Warning I am going to get in depth.. and this will more than likely scare guys MORE than SKS.

    if a girl has just finished her period she can have discolored discharge i.e. brownish. It is totally normal. Don’t be afraid I promise it won’t hurt you.
    Girls also have NORMAL discharge. I REPEAT completely normal discharge. It is kind of ivory-yellowish.

    Anything that is greenish or really yellowish, itches, and has a FISHY BAD odor.. that needs to be checked out. It is more than likely a yeast infection..

    To The Genius who has his sexual partner wash a lot… the vagina is a very delicate ecosystem, when you wash a lot it kills the bacteria. specifically the bacteria that kill yeast…And *POOF* YEAST INFECTION!!!! guys beware.. Yeast infections do transfer to the eyes. 🙂

    Accidents do happen with girls and their periods.. Sorry guys. It is a fact of life.. Generally I would say that girls don’t wear these underwears if they expect action though. Same with underwears that might be *stained* from other stuff too. Idk about other girls but generally I will change my underwear if I discharge and am not wearing a panty-liner, Generally we girls take pride in ourselves and like to feel SEXY for our man. Now if the underwears are a little risky.. then maybe your action was spontaneous and she didn’t mean to wear those. Or the laundry needs to be done… Just don’t look. ignore it. She really didn’t mean it. I promise.

    And sorry guys… if there is a taste.. that is natural too. Remember we are more than likely returning the favor.. and you are *returning the flavor*

    <3 Mucho love

    #34 | Comment by girl in the know — May 19, 2004 @ 3:55 pm

  35. Ok, as an expert in biology, biochemistry, and the female anatomy, I have to speak up:

    A wet panty stain of yellow or yellowish-brown AND unmistakably smelling of raw fish or sewage is BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS. The bacteria (possibly from her anus – wiping back to front or anal to vaginal sex) has overtaken the woman’s delicate natural vaginal flora and is running rampant. The drug Flagyl will clear that up.

    A wet yellowish or brown discharge on the panties with no unpleasant smell, but an offensive taste could be post period, or an STD. Whatever it is, you should not bother consuming her stuff.

    A dry yellow stained panty with NO offensive smell, is probably not dangerous (just an old underwear or the chicks natural old secretions from the day).

    A wet, whitish or curdish type discharge with a mildly offensive smell or no smell at all is probaly a yeast infection. Do not eat! The drug Fluconazole will clear it up.

    A wet, clear or opaque, slimey type discharge with no offensive smell, is female lube. Consume at will.

    When getting with a new female, a simple finger test is always best. Insert a finger in foreplay, and discreetly smell and taste it when you get a chance, or put the same finger in her mouth. If she can stand the taste or smell of her own stuff then kick her to the curb.

    Spontaneity with a woman who you already know is disease free and appropriately hygenic, as well having a pleasant natural body chemistry is absolutely the best thing ever.

    Lastly, I should mention that if you are doing it in the raw and cuming inside of her, her vaginal pH and your semen’s PH may not agree, and therefore leave her love canal smelling foul for many days later. This may or may not clear up on its own. If you do it with a latex condom you may also give some women repeated yeast infections, again because their vaginas don’t agree with the latex.

    #35 | Comment by Spoiler — May 23, 2004 @ 12:09 pm

  36. I meant to say if she CAN’T stand the taste or smell…

    If she can stand the taste or smell of her own stuff then kick her to the curb.

    #36 | Comment by Spoiler — May 23, 2004 @ 12:13 pm

  37. Wow, You guys are putting a lot of thought into this. I’m a girl and I’ll tell it to ya straight:
    Some girls are just more hygienic than others.
    It’s as simple as that. ALL girls have some kind of discharge throughout the month(it’s different for everyone) and yes, girls can get blood on their underwear by accident, but that wouldn’t stop me from either a) throwing them out or b) not wearing them when I know I might be doing something.
    Really… I could probably promise you that 85% of the girls you meet don’t have a serious problem "down there" they just have normal dicharge, or are really gross(& lazy) and don’t like to wash their clothes.
    I, personally, HAVE to be clean. Just the thought of that down there looking or smelling odd makes me sick. I can’t really stand hair either. It just seems dirty to me. My panties have to be clean, along with that whole area or my guy isn’t "coming" anywhere near me.
    Well, I hope to have shed a little bit more light on this subject. GUYS, don’t be scared of pussy cuz of some bad experiences. Next time,just get to know the girl. If she seems dirty, then she probably is.
    Oh, and Justin, I’m an 18-yr old redhead & have been called a Lindsay Lohan look alike. You have great taste 😉

    #37 | Comment by Mari*B — June 3, 2004 @ 4:08 am

  38. hey i just wandered on to this website and i thought you post was funny and i was not offened by it, or anyhting else that was said, as for the sps problem. the vagina is a mysterious thing. us girls we don’t know what is going to come out of it and when it is going to come out of it. but i do agree a "lady" would make sure that she is clean and smelling normal, and not nasty. yuck. also a lady will make sure her panties are clean. it is one thing if oops suprise look what came out two hours ago. we have no control over that and it shouldn’t be held against us, it’s natural every female has it.
    yellow stains doesn’t mean she pissed herself. sometimes discharge (that many times we don’t know is coming out) can leave a yellow tint, if it’s brown it’s blood. hey not all women know when aunt flow is coming to town and sometimes she brings her baggage early.
    and regarding the post above about different types of discharge one thing was left out. during different times in a females cycle. she has different types of discharge. so don’t freak and think she has an std if it it’s not clear, it’s pretty obvious what’s normal and what’s not.

    #38 | Comment by Ally — June 13, 2004 @ 12:28 pm

  39. 1st time here, 1st thing read and of course the bastard made me laff so hard i staind my tighty whities, yes tight cus ramos will scare the neighbors if left untethered.


    #39 | Comment by Bluto — August 18, 2004 @ 5:00 am

  40. 1st time here, 1st thing read and of course the bastard made me laff so hard i staind my tighty whities, yes tight cus ramos will scare the neighbors if left untethered.


    #40 | Comment by Bluto — August 18, 2004 @ 5:00 am

  41. 1st time here, 1st thing read and of course the bastard made me laff so hard i staind my tighty whities, yes tight cus ramos will scare the neighbors if left untethered.


    #41 | Comment by Bluto — August 18, 2004 @ 5:01 am

  42. Women tend to be very self concious, there is no way this girl didn’t know. I have that same problem.(I don’t like oral sex becuase of it)

    If she was clean enough for you to be attracted to (her hair wasn’t all greasy, she smelled clean otherwise), she wasn’t wearing old dirty panties.

    The vagina is like the mouth in that if it dries out, it is uncomfortable and won’t work right. That means it has to stay wet all day, and get wetter when they’re turned on. Like salavating when you see food. But the vagina can’t swallow, and gravity is working against it. I guess other girls have better regualtion or less hormones or something.

    I’m not ashamed of it becuase it’s as natural as anything else we women go through but I don’t go showing it to the whole world. I know it’s fucking gross, I don’t even want to see it and I make sure it’s not visible when I take them off.

    What I don’t understand is why you didn’t say anything… how fragile was this girls ego? Next time say something like, "I really don’t like doing that." Or would it be the end of the world if you didn’t get a Blow Job?

    #42 | Comment by Heather — September 12, 2004 @ 8:45 am

  43. This was a very funny post, and I am now enlightend by the plague of SPS. I never had a problem going down on “uncharted territory”. Just bite your lip and give it hell. Oh, and large consumtion of alcohol helps!!!

    #43 | Comment by Paranoid Android — April 18, 2005 @ 3:50 pm

  44. I will be short and frank, what do you think is left over in a set of underware when a guy places a Peter North load up in that slit, nothing but a mess in them draws!!! So when you are downtown and those draws look like you just beat your meat in them, think again cause just may be about to suck a dick vicariously!!!


    #44 | Comment by j — May 2, 2005 @ 4:31 pm

  45. Your a Freakin ass hole!

    #45 | Comment by Hilary Duff — May 10, 2005 @ 9:36 pm

  46. Guys guys guys, I can’t believe you are all so against stained panties!!

    Some people, including myself, have a great fetish over the smell and taste of used panties! You can buy them on the internet or steal them from female friends!!

    Check out http://www.ukdirtypanties.co.uk

    #46 | Comment by pantylover — December 6, 2005 @ 1:23 pm

  47. I love piss stained trousers. It is the second best to shit stained trousers which I like most. It is fantastic to lay under a dom lady and receive the ultimost gift of a shit and then do as ordered and eat it.

    Best regards slave Jan

    #47 | Comment by janol — December 26, 2005 @ 8:10 am

  48. Janol,

    That is some seriously fucked up shit. If you enjoy sucking the human waste out of some sweaty lard-ass then be my guest… just please don’t tell the rest of the world about your dirty shit fetishes.
    By the way… slave? Be a man you woosie and get a backbone.

    #48 | Comment by Ultima — May 19, 2006 @ 4:27 pm

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