Justin – where the hell are you?

In lue of recent events, I think it’s time to take advantage of the fact that my network problems are solved, and bring a little bit of sanity back into the internet world. Lies, lies, lies

What is the facination with breasts, fubar readers? I can’t make a similar connection with breasts to heart, compared to eyes being the windows to the soul. Maybe I’m female, well-endowed, having owned my ladies for a good 8 years now, and the novelty has long ago worn off.

In the past, there were requests for me to write about breasts. Sorry to burst your bubbles (no pun intended, har har har) but there won’t be any pictures. It will be a cold day in Hades, when I’m tanning next to Mr. Red and sucking on a blue popsicle until you see snaps of my swingers – that, or a very sweet check able to fund my new “I want to weave baskets” phase.

Eve’s boobography

There have only been a few occassions in life that I wished I were born male and without the extra chest. I was fortunate to bypass the wet dream horrors and sporadic erections in class, but having breasts comes at a price, too. Take for instance, when you’re 10, budding like the flowers you still wear on your pink shirts, and your grandmother has the audacity to take her finger, poke you in your left tit and nearly squeal with glee apon the realization that yes, I WAS GROWING REAL LIFE BOOBERS JUST LIKE HER. No, grams, I never stuffed – we hip and au natural chicks left that up to Charmagne, the tall African American butt shaker of the class. She always had a boyfriend, we still had our barbies.

My ladies came into life without too much impact. I remember admiring these new formations in front of the mirror after locking my door, and often comparing with my flat-as-the Grand Canyon cousin. (Hers popped out around the age of 15, compared to my 10.) She was hopeless, no amount of chest puffing could make the real thing happen before it’s time. Happily, at that age, boys were still more concerned about destroying the neighborhood peace and being the little bastards that they were, than chasing after the little women. We were not women, we were yelling, crying, cradle-playing on the swings, pink wearing, cheap makeup purchasing little girls. I got asked out on my first “date” by Terrance, an African American ADD pimp. I secretly called him at night when my mom was grocery shopping. My mom found out. He wanted my tits, even in 5th grade. Momma ended that one.

Two years after my ladies made their first appearances, and long after I had stopped playing in my mom’s lingerie drawers, I caught up with my mom. She’s not dramatically small, but relatively speaking, she’s not stacked. The first bra I bought, I slipped under a shirt, in it’s pink box, and snuck into a dressing room. I didn’t want my mom buying me those ridiculous lace and triangle things anymore. I was growing up. (Oh memory lane, *gag*)

M’kay, middle school rolls around, and I outshone my class mates in my grades/writing/art skills and in my cleavage. This insued some friend rivalry. I didn’t flaunt, but I was satisfied carrying my 34B babies through the halls, comfortable in the fact that I would never be one of those girls who felt like she was lacking in her feminity due to the lack of frontal protrusion. There were the assholes as well, that would ridicule me and ask if I had implants. Apparently, it was inconceivable for a 14 year old to have perfectly round, full breasts. A “boy” saw them for the first time on his bedroom floor for about 4 minutes before his brother walked in. The school was then informed that, yes, Eve’s breasts were 100% genuine. Too bad that ‘boy’s’ girlfriend had to find out the hard way the real deal. It’s middle school, life’s not fair, get over it. 😉

Time went on, upon entering HS, girls were finally hitting their own growth spurts. The attention was averted from my chest and onto the others’ chests. Men, do you know degrading it is, for male and female, to talk to your chest and not your face? *shakes head* Seriously. Well, girls caught up, but didn’t exceed. The girls that could out-bounce my 16 year-old firmies were the ones that outweighed me by double digits. That was what made them more obvious, I was thin. Even with my inherited child-bearing curvy hips, my breasts were unhidable. By the grace of God, I was at least proportioned well. (At least that’s what my mother claims. Angsty body-conscious teens never -ever- agree with that.)

So, the story doesn’t have an end really. When I was 16 I went through a big growth spurt, and my 36C Victoria’s Secret purchases weren’t really holding it all in anymore. I had to go a step farther and put myself into the 36D class. At that point, I swore if they didn’t get ahold of themselves, I would be on a list for a reduction by the time I was 18. But all is good and well now, they’ve settled down, and it’s stil hard to find shirts that fit well. Try buying a bikini. Pffffttt. To match the top size, I end up with a grocery bag hanging off my ass. Stores long ago stopped selling decent separates or turning a blind eye to mismatched size pieces on bikini sets. That problem probably won’t go away any time soon.

The thing I focus on though, is that I don’t have any complaints. No, no back pains, though sometimes I get indents from where my bra sits. I’ve never felt bad because I thought I was small chested, one guy did make me feel a little defeminite by declaring he didn’t like “big boobs.” Like I have control over it, right? Well, the future is looking bright. When I’m 50, and youth has fled my body, I will happily be sporting my super-strength-elastic boulder carriers and letting them rest on my tummy.

Hey, at last those eventual grandkids will get a couple cracks out of it, and that’s not so bad.

No Title!

Bah. Justin should post on his own site.

psykotik2k: post on my site.
psykotik2k: pleease?
psykotik2k: i want you to bastardize it!

I’m not sure what that means, and neither does he, but I shall bastardize anyways. I had something I was actually going to say. I had written a whole long post but I decided not to post it since everyone else was already posting and I didn’t want to be another update bitch.

I was going to post a picture of this poor baby squirrel my cat attacked, but since my site isnt up at the moment I couldn’t upload it so yeah. You will all have to miss out on such a nice picture. <4 the squirrels. I don't know why I'm posting since I am ignoring Justin. I was boycotting this site due to the pain to my eyes that occurred every time I came here (from this god-awful layout), but I changed my mind since I missed his tardness... Ah <4 silly Canadian Justin. Ah, I am done bastardizing now, I think.. p.s. my boobies are better than all of yours. *cough*i wish*cough* eh.. oh and IM Justin and look at his icon. It is awesomeness.

NOW, I am done bastardizing. <4 !!!

I’m on crack.

So here’s the REAL deal. Justin gave the site to me. And Just for your information Both Eve and Liz’s boobs are nicer than mine. However here’s something fun for you guys to do….who do you think has the nicest boobies?? (<—before giving me the site Justin suggested I ask that). Moving on within the next week or so I will probably be making some changes to the site. The layout will now be a David Hasslehoff layout because he oozes sexiness <3. All the naked girly pictures will be replaced with doll porn. Examples 1, 2, 3, 4, and here’s one for the lady fubar readers. If you’re lucky I may even bring you some Sim porn, and yes I do have some.

Also….with me now running the site…stuff like this and this is what you have to look forward to.

And now some monkeys:


WHAT?! Justin posted?

Dammit, I thought I disabled his access to the domain!

I can’t believe how funny everyone at this site is. First its “Wow, you’re really Avril?” to “I LOVE YOU LIZ” to “What a nerdy little immature bitch” and now in one voice, you’re all crying out in the words of the mighty and powerful Justin “Show Me UR Boobs!” Amusing indeed.

I want to take this time to explain why my little ramblings are here, interrupting your porn. See, the point of me posting here is because Justin invited me to. In fact, just last night he was messeging me begging me to post more. What a pussy, when I said no, he cried. You’d think he’d get used to chicks saying no to him, huh? (Jokes, jokes! I kill you my friend…) Anyway, to everyone who hates me and is telling me to go back to my site, kindly fuck off. Anyone with half a brain would realize that I’m really not here to bastardize the place, but to have a little fun. You can quit your bitching because I’m not literally opposed to all things porn and Avril. And yes, I might just become a regular feature here. Because in reality, this is not your site and no one really cares if you don’t like me. Actually, I do care because I think I’m pretty fucking cool and am going to do my best to make you all “Liz-bians”, heh. But I will have to think over the whole tit contest ordeal.

Your favourite webmaster gave me a link to porn to post so you all wouldn’t be outraged, but I couldn’t care less and I’ve lost the link. So I’m sure he’ll post it later. Now, I’m going to leave you with the one thing that organized religion sure got right…

Well aren’t we excited now?

Hrm, well it seems Justin was thrilled with my post and has decided to give fubar to me. Therefore, I think there’s going to be a few changes under way here.

1) The name fubar is not only clever and the title of a very cool indie punk flick, but it just won’t do anymore. So, from now on…This site will be known only as ‘LiZ’s SuPeR dUpEr FuN sPaRkLeY pAgE!!!!’
2) I’m sorry but the chicks have to go. No more Avril immunating off the screen. I’m thinking maybe it’ll have to be the particularly dumb one guy from Nsync. The one who wants to go to space and lost really easily on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Lance, right. Hah, he sounds like Cal from the show Undergrads. I need me a layout with him on it.
3) There’s not going to be anymore fucking swearing. So watch your goddamned mouths, got it? Or I’ll fubar your ass, mofos!
4) Britney Spears’ BEST SONG EVER “Lucky” is going to have to play in a continuous loop in the backround, just to get you people all excited.
5) No more porn links…..EVER. Well, maybe Monkey porn or Hello Kitty porn, but only if you’re lucky.

I’m still deciding whether to keep Justin around. After all, do we really need him?



My boobs are still nicer than yours. Justin said so.

1.) Boy band related things

2.) Skank Spears

3.) Your “SuPeR dUpEr FuN sPaRkLeY” humor.

Mein Frühstück liegt, verdaut auf dem Fußboden neben meinem Stuhl.

Vielen Dank, Liz. Du hast mich Tot gelacht.

Figure it out.

Warm welcome.

i want to do avril lavigne in an igloo in napee

Hey everyone, this is AVRIL LAVIGNE. I was talking to Mr. Justin and saying “dude, you’ve totally got to update, man” and he’s like “Avril, will you do it for me?” And since I’m such a rad chick I said “of course.” So here I am taking a break from my busy schedule of wearing pants that fall down too low, and voicing my very intellectual opinion about Britney, the ho.

Hah, okay I lie. But to the people who have no braincells, I’m sure they’re filling up the guestbook at this moment worshipping. In reality, I’m Liz and although I am Canadian, 17, and I wear ties, I’m as much Avril as Justin is. Canada…Now thats the fruitful land of popstars who think they’re punk, Eskimos (wait, they like to be called “Inuit”) and about 90% of the world’s fresh water. If you make fun of my country I will kick you in the balls. I am very patriotic after all.

Now, as I see it blogging on fubar is a big responsibility, is it not? Considering my little site *cou*teenagevictory.net*gh* gets about no traffic whatsoever, its alright for me to be nonsensical there. But here…Now this is a change. I feel like I owe it to you, the readers to come up with this big elaborate story full of sex, lies and of course…a videotape.

But, I have the attention span of the average fourth grader so instead I’m going to post a bunch of rambling and you are all forced to read on, because honestly can you look at a entry and not finish?

Now, I have been trying to persause Justin for some time now to once and for all prove that he is not, in fact Avril Lavigne. And I have come up with the perfect solution. I think that Justin should sing us just a little bit of “Complicated” and post it on the site. Wouldn’t that just be perfect? He’s always posting .wav’s from his voicemail, I think its time he gave a little back. I want to hear him sing, especially if he’s terrible. The worse, the better.

And Justin, if you’re listening…If you DON’T do this, I will send thousands of mindless teenyboppin’ drones to you. They’ll be everywhere. In your email, messeging you on aim, whoring up your guestbook, on your bed (okay, maybe not)….You’ll never get a moment’s peace.

Okay, thanks for listening everyone. Now you’re probably wondering what the point of this retarded chick’s ramblings was…Well, it all goes back to the one genre that connects the internet together. PORN.

Here is lots of pussy for you dirty old bastards.


Someone was asking if i’d ever gotten any Avril voicemails.

Well, there’s this one:

Also, this guy is a fucking moron. Why the fuck is he talking for so long?

And finally, Vassiliossssss!!! Goodness, update your damn site.

Those are all the new voicemails i’ve gotten so far. If you wanna listen to any of the older ones, go here.

I’m gonna go to BestBuy in a bit. I’m gonna get myself a copy of The Sweetest Thing on DVD. I probably won’t be getting Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown yet though. Can’t afford to just yet. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’ll just get em some other day when i have enough sponduli.

Goodness. Boobies. I want to touch.

Oh. Solo is back.

Bence has been updating more than usual.

And i owe Fedallah a plug.

Plus i still have tons of e-mail to reply to. Goodness i’m terrible when it comes to replying e-mail.

OH! I’ve already moved into my new place. It’s really swank. I love it i love it i love it. I’ll take pictures and post em up in my next update.