The power of casual touching

puzzlehead · Post by **puzzlehead** » 30 Jun 2005 07:37

I like to think of myself as one of those people who can read other people immediately. I also like to think that I have a very acute sense of self-awareness (look! this is me!) and personal space. One of my favorite things to do with other people, though, is to test them with casual touching. Casual touching is very simple, very fast and, no, does not involve me touching any of your genitals. An example of this is when you are talking to someone and you reach out and touch them on the arm, the shoulder, the back, etc. You might be guiding someone someplace, reinforcing a point that you are making or possibly just making a connection by gently touching someone's fingers.

Sometimes many people find this to be very intimate. Almost too intimate. However, it gives me some perspective with how far I can get with the other person - what buttons can I push, what they are comfortable with and what they believe to be their sphere of personal space. I like to use it at work establish my presence. It must be said, however, that this is normally only acceptable when you have the type of personality to pull it off. Examples:

Homeless guy on the street - no.
Eva Longoria - yes.

This does not, however, mean that you do it all the time. Doing so will probably get you labled as a sexual predator...

Women tend to do this to me a lot because they are comfortable with me and pretty much understand that I'm harmless. Most of my friends (male and female) realize that I'm a very tactile person and we are able to casually touch each other without repercussions. However, are these types of signals regularly misinterpreted? Have you ever been in a situation where you've been talking to someone and they've all of a sudden touched you and you immediately thought 'whoa...he/she wants me'?

AngelBaby · Post by **AngelBaby** » 30 Jun 2005 14:18

Don't touch me. :mellow:

grey_fox24 · Post by **grey_fox24** » 30 Jun 2005 14:29

Can I?

Smash · Post by **Smash** » 30 Jun 2005 18:00

AngelBaby wrote:Don't touch me. :mellow:

That echoed my thought when reading this. I fucking hate when people touch me.

JustSumDude · Post by **JustSumDude** » 30 Jun 2005 18:52

Smash wrote:I fucking hate when people touch me.

With statements like this, I am amazed you are still single, Smashy!

omg burn!!

puzzlehead · Post by **puzzlehead** » 30 Jun 2005 19:32

Smash wrote:That echoed my thought when reading this. I fucking hate when people touch me.

Come on, Smash...who needs a hug? Is it you, big guy?

In any event (and after Smash finishes strangling me), I think it happens more often than people realize. In situations where you want people to remember you it is one of the best ways to leave an impression - a light, simple touch on the forearm. Similar to when you walk through a doorway into an office and then stop for a second so that the doorway frames you. You end up having 'you' burned into that person's head.

The downside to this, in my opinion, is for women who casually touch a guy friend during conversation. Face it, there are so many insecure, raging hormoned males out there who, as soon as someone of the opposite sex touches them, believe that they are now an object of desire.

See, I'm lucky. I happily acknowledge that I'm undesirable.

steampunk · Post by **steampunk** » 30 Jun 2005 21:16

I believe there were some articles written about Clinton's use of touch. They said that his power of communication was not only a folksy delivery of a speech, but also his ability to know when to give a pat on the back or a hug or do the two-hand handshake or <insert sexual joke here>.

But I agree with Smash. Don't touch me. I like my "gay space" at the theater. I like my friends to stand at arms length. Don't be a "close talker". If you don't have a vagina, don't touch me or I'll rip your arms off and stuff 'em in your pocket. If you have a vagina, feel free to rub my shoulders or run your fingers through my hair.

bligityblah · Post by **bligityblah** » 01 Jul 2005 00:39

As a general rule I don't like to be touched, unless you have a vagina, look good in a skirt, and smell purdy.

That being said, I love it that broke the touch barrier first...There are certain touches that send a clear signal like the lower back and neck, w00f.

Cowards Away!!!

Smash · Post by **Smash** » 01 Jul 2005 02:23

Puzzle,

Your original statement implies the 'Clinton' methods and usage.

If it were a female signaling me that she was into me, sure...touch away.

In general though, if it is a guy or a girl who ISN'T trying to give me a non-verbal cue of interest...hands off.

~vjay~ · Post by **~vjay~** » 01 Jul 2005 07:54

Smash wrote:Puzzle,

Your original statement implies the 'Clinton' methods and usage.

If it were a female signaling me that she was into me, sure...touch away.

In general though, if it is a guy or a girl who ISN'T trying to give me a non-verbal cue of interest...hands off.

So when I meet up with you and grope you all over you wont smack my hands away and say "hands off my body"?

vanillachicana · Post by **vanillachicana** » 07 Jul 2005 01:15

I don't like it when people tap me on the shoulder or anywhere. Tapping drives me nuts. I don't like shaking hands, either. I only do that because of cultural pressure.

I do, however, enjoy a good back rub.

Seriously · Post by **Seriously** » 07 Jul 2005 05:09

I don't mind casual touching if I know you for the most part, but most of my friends are female so I got used to it early on.

But, if I don't know you I'd prefer you not break my magic circle (male or female) unless I'm wanting to break yours too. It all depends.

I don't like to be touched on my sides at all, because I have psikologikal problems.

ruprechtjones · Post by **ruprechtjones** » 07 Jul 2005 10:25

I'm one of those hippie huggers. I love hugging. Big bear hugs. Scares the crap out of the accountants at work.

grey_fox24 · Post by **grey_fox24** » 07 Jul 2005 11:03

I'm a pretty open person. I'll hug anyone who's open to it.

However, women who are toucy feely confuse me. I have enough trouble interpreting wherether enough a girl in interested in me, touching me doesn't help.

puzzlehead · Post by **puzzlehead** » 07 Jul 2005 14:40

Why does it seem that when a woman casually touches a man it seems flirty, playful and sometimes sensual while when a man casually touches a woman it comes off as creepy?

I'm definitely a big fan of observing this touching thing and personal space issues when I go out to bars or any place people are trying to hook up. Watching the difficult time men have when they try to breech that personal space barrier and the expression on women's faces is absolutely fascinating. In Fox's case, the look of confusion or lust when a woman does it to a man is also pure gold.

I suppose I do ascribe to the 'Clinton' method of touching. Knowing when to do it to achieve the greatest possible effect seems to be the hardest part. Especially during intern season...

That's it. I'm amputating my hands just for safety's sake.

PART OF THE BOARDS FORMERLY KNOWN AS TJNR

The power of casual touching

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