i hate it when that happens...

lizzi · Post by **lizzi** » 12 Sep 2004 15:52

Karma and I have a love/hate relationship. Lately, though… I’ve only been feeling the hate part.

Last monday I took a friend out to a local bar for her 21st birthday... and the scene was hurTING. There were maybe 50 people spread throughout the two levels. No one was dancing and the majority of the attractive males were upstairs playing pool.

Determined to show my girl a good time though, I was relentless in keeping her drinks coming. Another girl that was with us was a much bigger girl; long blonde hair and a mouth that would make George Carlin blush. She was also determined to have a good time, talking to anything with a penis that was in the general vicinity.

We spent a lot of time on the dance floor, but I eventually got bored, grabbed the birthday girl and headed up to the bar to get another drink and a smoke. We walked by big blonde, now fawning over a very tall, built and HOT guy standing off to the side, and they followed us to the bar.

The guy had a lighter and a round of jack and coke's for us before we could even get our cigs out of the box. He introduced himself, asked me a few questions about the birthday celebration and then I noticed that big blonde was now freaking with some guy on the other side of the bar. I looked up at the guy that she had been talking to…

“She was hardcore hitting on you a second ago… and now she ditched you to go freak that guy over there? That really sucks…”

“Well, I really don’t give a fuck. I was talking to her because I knew she’d lead me over here to talk to you.”

Gulp. That was smooth. And surprisingly unexpected. Two points.

But maybe 15 minutes later, the lights come up and we are told to get out. I looked to go find the group and head out but he grabbed my hand.

“What are you doing now?”
“Well, they are all going to wake up some of their friends in the Courtyards. I am going home.”

Yeah, yeah… shut up. He came home with me.

…

So we end up sitting outside on my deck smoking and drinking leftover sangria from our Labor Day BarBQ from that Saturday. He’s funny. Intelligent. Air Force. Engineer. Southern Gentleman. I am seriously getting frustrated because I can’t seem to find any flaws with this guy.

And then he gives me a chance. He asks,

“So… what do you do for a living?”
“Promise not to laugh? … I’m a specialist for a dating service.”
“No way! So you get to match people up?”
“I actually just get to know people. I’m a first round interviewer. We have a lot of requirements for people to join our service.”
“Do you use those in your own love life?”
“What- the service?”
“No, no… the requirements.”
“You know… that isn’t a bad idea.”
“Go ahead. Screen me.”

Ahem. So I deny every sexually charged cell in my body and refrain from making some smart-ass comment and tackling him right then and there and explain,

“Well, I usually just start off asking them about their jobs. It relaxes them and makes them feel more comfortable sharing things with me. After I loosen them up a bit, I go in for the dirt on their past relationships.”

Then it happened. He went into a long monologue about how he was fat and a nerd in high school, but that he lost weight and got in shape by joining a cheerleading camp for the college that he got accepted to. During one of the practices early in the semester, the football coach asked him if he had ever considered playing football (he’s 6’6”). So he jogged over from the sideline to the field and ended up being their starting tight end. So now Mister jock man who knows all the cheerleaders joins the most popular frat on campus and becomes hot shit.

I almost got really intimidated and turned off because he was sounding like a cocky ass. But then he just had to go and call himself out, saying that he got too full of himself too fast. He openly admitted that he couldn’t handle it and that he went crazy over all the attention.

“It wasn’t enough, though.”

He worked as a bouncer at a club in the off-season and decided that he should take a go at stripping. Six months later, he was listed as one of the city’s 50 sexiest men.

“But even that wasn’t enough.”
“How on earth can you top that??”
“How do you think…?”

“Please don’t tell me that you’re a porn star.”

“Well… not exactly. You see, there are the actors. And there are acting scenes, foreplay scenes and then the action scenes. For some of the action scenes the actors have… stunt doubles. Stunt cocks, really…”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!
WHY DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO ME???

For once, I meet an attractive, intelligent, honest and thoughtful guy and no no, liz… that’s just not gonna work out for you. We’ll just make him a STUNT COCK on the side.

And being the inquisitive little moron that I am, I decide to ask how many women he has slept with.

“Do you really want to know?”

Oh god.

“Over 30.”

I just had to ask...

“But because of the Air Force I get tested every month. And I only did a couple films and each time I was sterilized from top to bottom.”

Yes, I’m sure darling. Very responsible of you.

We spent the rest of the early morning cuddling somewhere between awake and asleep, and then he left when I did at 8am for work.

Ever since, we have been playing phone tag, but I don’t really know if I want to pursue anything. I’d like to think that I am comfortable with myself and my sexuality… but I don’t know if I could ever do anything intimate with him without thinking about his previous “work” experience.

All joking and cutesy little stories aside, I don’t know if I can handle this. Could you deal with dating someone in the “industry” or even someone with a previous sexual partners list over 30?

So much for being a relationship specialist.

reservrdg8 · Post by **reservrdg8** » 12 Sep 2004 16:01

That's a big fat negative. I wouldn't pursue anything there. Would freak me out.

chizzua · Post by **chizzua** » 12 Sep 2004 16:02

“Well… not exactly. You see, there are the actors. And there are acting scenes, foreplay scenes and then the action scenes. For some of the actions scenes the actors have… stunt doubles. Stunt COCKS, really…”

Stunt cock... why is that needed? Do the actors not like pussy or something?

Ohhhh... nvm I get it. Actors don't have a "porno-sized" penis. Gahaha.

*First post*

*EDIT*

err... *Second post*

JaPeX · Post by **JaPeX** » 12 Sep 2004 16:34

That seriously blows... if it's any kind of comfort, the irony of the whole situation will get you a few laughs... it certainly had me laughing a couple of times (stunt cock on the side...

)

The story was turning out pretty weird for the first few paragraphs because I thought it was justin telling an anecdote.

keno · Post by **keno** » 12 Sep 2004 16:37

Nope, I would never persue a girl with a big partner list, let alone someone in porn. It's just gross, and definitly a major turnoff.

pevee · Post by **pevee** » 12 Sep 2004 17:07

Did anyone else think they were reading a Justin post?

I seriously thought I was hearing about justin' gay asian adventure.

green · Post by **green** » 12 Sep 2004 17:17

pevee wrote: Did anyone else think they were reading a Justin post?

I seriously thought I was hearing about justin' gay asian adventure.

haha YES I spent the first half of the story thinking "what? I didn't know he was gay.."

J-Mah · Post by **J-Mah** » 12 Sep 2004 17:23

pevee wrote: Did anyone else think they were reading a Justin post?

I seriously thought I was hearing about justin' gay asian adventure.

I guess you weren't here when the old FUBAR site was still online. Sometimes other regulars posted instead of Justin.

I wouldn't know what I would do if I found out the girl I was dating was in the industry too. I probably just won't even try to pursue it.

Observant · Post by **Observant** » 12 Sep 2004 17:50

green wrote:
pevee wrote: Did anyone else think they were reading a Justin post?

I seriously thought I was hearing about justin' gay asian adventure.
haha YES I spent the first half of the story thinking "what? I didn't know he was gay.."

That's pretty funny. You front page newbs are silly. Does this dude need to be a stunt cock to have a decent standard of living? I wouls assume that the Air Force would take care of him quite well. It wasn't clear if he was still doing this, or had stopped. If he has stopped, I think you should be fine, if he intends on being a stunt cock for some time, I guess find someone who is a bit cleaner.

WP_LeGeNd · Post by **WP_LeGeNd** » 12 Sep 2004 18:30

so wait he's such a bad actor that he can't even be in a porn movie... that's just plain sad!

Dionysus187 · Post by **Dionysus187** » 12 Sep 2004 19:55

That line was such BS I cant stand it. I've used that to get laid about 5 times. Of course my fake job wasn't air force it was engineer at GM since I live in Michigan, luckily they were too stupid to know most their engineers aren't in michigan heh.

But it got screwed when my buddies caught wind of my little plan all of a sudden every guy in town was Peter North, then when it stopped working for them they would cock block me by randomly asking people I was talking too if I used the stunt cock line yet. Fuckers.

But yeah the theory behind this is, "my cock is so great and I fuck so well I was a stunt cock in pornos, also I eat pussy like a champ."

Yeah that guy was full of something, and it could fuel a japanese power plant for a month.

quilens · Post by **quilens** » 12 Sep 2004 20:44

tough break

a choice whether you take the next step or not is a hard one.

your still is contact with him so you obiviously like him alot, whether his bullshiting or not is for you to decide as well.

i'd say go for it take a chance, why not

the greater the risks the greater the gains

and at the end of the day you have to decide "stunt cock" or not stunt cock whether there is really something there worth pursuing.

and if it doesn't work out it still make one hellva a story to tell your friends.

Smash · Post by **Smash** » 12 Sep 2004 20:45

WP_LeGeNd wrote: so wait he's such a bad actor that he can't even be in a porn movie... that's just plain sad!

HAhahahahaa. That's what I'm thinking.

If he's a penis double...and he's supposedly good looking....it just doesn't add up.

Burrito · Post by **Burrito** » 12 Sep 2004 22:01

It sounds like you think 30 is too many???? Unless he's really young, that doesn't seem like that many.

Zhurgan · Post by **Zhurgan** » 12 Sep 2004 23:20

This guy is feeding you a lot of crap. I'm in the Air Force, so I know a few things about it. One, Unless he's actually a Flight Engineer (a fancy title for a flying crew chief) then he's an officer and makes pretty decent cash. Two, I think the whole stunt cock thing is crap, The Air Force is worse than 60 year old church ladies about it's image. Hell, if we get caught living with a member of the opposite sex (or if we are caught having sex in anything but the missionary position) we could get in serious trouble (although we never pay attention to the sex one, it's not conducive to a healthy sex life). So if they found out ANY truth behind that story he'd be history with General Discharge IF he's lucky (there are three kinds of seperations from the military, Honorable, General, and Dishonorable/Bad Conduct. If you get anthing other than Honorable, you lose almost all benefits (and we get some decent ones when we got civilian, like GI Bill and Preferred hire stuff). I know a Dishonorable used to mess you up for life, made it impossible to find a decent job. Don't know if that is still true) which means he'd be an idiot to say it in public. But as to the list of over 30 partners, in this day and age, that is nothing. I've known alot of people that can go through more than that over a bad summer. I've even known a girl that sat down and made a list of every partner she had (she was a friend, and I did the same as part of an experiment into the double standards of society). The girl listed over 150 names, and that was just the ones she could remember!! I wouldn't dismiss anyone based on past history like that (well maybe that girl, I mean she was only 23 at the time), I'm more the honestly type. If you lie to me, your done. Like I said though, I think he's feeding you a lot of crap.

And Observant, For the record, I'm a mid level Enlisted member with 10 years in the Air Force. I make just over what is considered the Poverty level, living in a concrete bunker style house built in the 40's (which the military says is all I'm qualified for since I'm Enlisted with a wife and child). I've seen trailers with more room in them than this place. Some of us move not just state to state, but country to country at the Air Forces whim (usually ever couple of years) which can be hell on a family. With that said, and forgive me if this sounds like patriotic BS, you don't join the military for the money (even the officers could make better cash in the civilian world) it's more of a way of life or a calling (that sounds like such BS but it's the only way to say it). Listen to Toby Keiths "American Soldier", It is the closest I've ever heard to what the military life is. We live this way because we chose to. That even sounds like BS to me, but it's the truth. Ack, sorry about the soapbox preachings. I hate when I get this longwinded.

Sorry, we shall return you to your regular broadcast channel with it's program already in progress.

*Steps off soap box, gets can of gas out of trunk, pours it over box, lights match

, mmm fire, lights box.

*procedes to getting out marshmellows, wieners, and guitar. Lets all have a sing along around the bonfire.

Z

PART OF THE BOARDS FORMERLY KNOWN AS TJNR

i hate it when that happens...

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