hook up?

here are some rules for you horny little fubarbs:

1. If you meet a person at a party/bar/social gathering with alcohol and hook up with said person within the next 24 hours, it was a hook up.

2. If you meet a person at a party/bar/social gathering with alcohol and you dig them in a iwanttodomorethanjusthookupwithyou sort of way, do NOT hook up with said person within the next 24 hours.

3. If you plan on hooking up with someone, don’t EVER expect it to be more than that.

4. If it IS more than that, you should inform the other party involved BEFORE you hook up.

5. If it BECOMES more than that after hookuping� either keep your mouth shut and just enjoy the play, or come clean to partner.

6. Parties involved in random hook ups are not to get jealous or possessive of said hook up partner.

7. If one party becomes jealous/possessive, walk away. quickly.

8. They are called RANDOM hook ups for a reason. When/if one or both parties want to stop the hookuping� that is the end of it. PERIOD.

9. If you think you are DATING and not just HOOKING UP, then you should be able to discuss this openly with other party involved.

10. If every time you hang out you hook up and/or only hang out in order to hook up� you are NOT dating. You are hookuping.

11. If you want more that just a hook up, don’t lie and say all you want to do is have fun.

12. If you are happy and comfortable with yourself and being single� stop obsessing and bitching about guys hitting on you.

13. If you cannot hook up with a person without becoming attached to said person� DO NOT FUCKING HOOK UP WITH THEM AND STOP BITCHING ABOUT WHEN PEOPLE PLAY YOU.

28 thoughts on “hook up?

  1. I think this should be a mandatory course taught to all grade nine students, and then recaped every year during an assembly or something. Just so that it gets drilled in to everyone’s head.

    Follow these instuctions and you wont be left crying to your girlfriends.

    #1 | Comment by J-Mo — December 24, 2003 @ 1:07 am

  2. well i’m not sure if Lizzie is male or female but it sounds like Amy is a tease … but thats not here nor there , Liz u have a point these chicks out here always bitch when u approach them … well cya rubars !!!

    #2 | Comment by freddy — December 24, 2003 @ 2:26 am

  3. I love that it was a girl who perpetuated these comments. You said it, sister!

    #3 | Comment by Kelly — December 24, 2003 @ 2:32 am

  4. don’t get me wrong. i am a girl. and i wrote this about certain females i know… AND males that i have hooked up with in the past that don’t seem to get the rules either.

    both sexes are guilty of it. i should change the pronouns to unisexual, i s’pose. these are just things that everyone should do to avoid getting all dramafied.

    especially later on in life… like post high school… cause this shit is not cute anymore.

    #4 | Comment by lizzi — December 24, 2003 @ 2:41 am

  5. Is ‘hook up’ another east coast/west coast pop/soda type thing? To me ‘hook up’ only means get together, hang out, a date or something. You seem to be using it as synonymous for ‘fuck’? Or does ‘hook up’ mean ‘get some play’ but not necessarily ‘fuck’? Or does ‘hook up’ mean ‘get some action’?

    #5 | Comment by bill — December 24, 2003 @ 3:42 am

  6. You tell ’em, Bill! What a whore… 😮

    #6 | Comment by Bubba — December 24, 2003 @ 5:17 am

  7. Damn, How much hookingup have you done to be carrying such hook up baggage???

    P.S. Wanna hookup?

    #7 | Comment by stinkput — December 24, 2003 @ 9:47 am

  8. i disagree with lizzi’s last comment. actually, this shit *is* cute.

    #8 | Comment by quantum — December 24, 2003 @ 10:09 am

  9. Ahh… i think she means the old Fuck Buddy, or FB for short. VERY Fun, but also VERY difficult to master. Eventually after a while (usually month or so) it becomes apparent one person is becoming attached, things get ackward, a great thing falls apart.

    I seemed to have mastered it (I have FB’s now instead of girlfriends, much less drama, you say male pig? i say young and having fun.)

    Anyway, here’s my take from the guys side, take it as you will.

    You have, HAVE, to lay the rules down before you ever "hook up" as she calls it. AND THIS MEANS that if you begin to fall for her you’re gonna fuck it up too, you must be clear, not wishy washy, works best with someone you can just hang out with without needing sex, and the sex is just a bonus.

    ALSO, let them know this means you have a relationship based on fun, not love, and that you may look for a relationship and it could end at any time, and remember she must be able to do the same. If you are very uncomfortable about hearing a girl having sex the week before and then hooking up with you then you are not going to have fun with FB’s.

    Finally, stay away from really personal things, especially in sex. I tend to think of myself as a bit of a swordsman (I’ve collected many "BFE’s") and learned that if the sex is too good or too personal then attachment begins.

    Now dont get me wrong, one of the best things about FB’s is that you can experiment, ask for thigns you’d never ask a girlfriend for (shave my ass, wouldja?) but stay away from making out for long periods of time, sleeping in same bed together– no, and i mean NOOOO overnights. And i tend to stay away from oral, just straight sex and its fun but nothing too serious.

    The Fuck Buddy can be a great thing, alot of fun, no pressure (so experiment on those new sex moves you read in Maxim (guys) or Vogue (chix) without fear of it not working, cause afterward you can joke about it. BUT it is NOT easy and it can be very painfull, its not easy saying "I dont feel for you that way" no matter how you slice it, so if you dont follow the rules youre fukt… someone will get hurt.

    Oh, and a tip for guys, how to get a fuckbuddy you say? Do this:

    Girlfriend. Sabotage. Be good enough that she likes you, wants you, but be annoying enough that she doesnt want you every day. Call her every single day, be annoying, not too much where she wont want you at all, but juuust enough to where she can tolorate you in spurts, but not as a regular boyfriend.

    If you master it, its alot of fun. If you half-ass it and say ‘lets just hook up’ and keep doing it without following the rules you’ll end up with a messy messy situation.

    Class dismissed 😀

    #9 | Comment by Jimmy Knuckles — December 24, 2003 @ 10:13 am

  10. I wouldn’t know about any of this, because I’m not the hook-up kind of guy. Granted, I wouldn’t complain about my lack of a sex-life if I was, and a fuck-buddy may be gratifying, but it’s not fulfilling; at least not to me.

    I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.

    #10 | Comment by Umgawa — December 24, 2003 @ 11:00 am

  11. 1st.

    Geez Liz, bad week?

    #11 | Comment by Spiff — December 24, 2003 @ 12:22 pm

  12. Agreed.

    #12 | Comment by Windsor — December 24, 2003 @ 12:23 pm

  13. Lizzie —

    I was just going for the peck under the misletoe; I do believe it was YOU who slipped ME the tongue.

    And here I was thinking we had shared something special…

    (Events in this comment may not have really happened.)

    #13 | Comment by Amy — December 24, 2003 @ 12:25 pm

  14. Hooking up might be fun…as soon as i get out of High School…

    #14 | Comment by Clay — December 24, 2003 @ 12:26 pm

  15. amy.

    while i adore your mouth for obvious reasons… keep the big thing SHUT about our personal matters.

    #15 | Comment by lizzi — December 24, 2003 @ 12:52 pm

  16. hhmmm….sounds like "experience" talking…or rantin.

    #16 | Comment by Amber — December 24, 2003 @ 12:53 pm

  17. "And i tend to stay away from oral, just straight sex and its fun"

    Stay away from oral does not compute. What’s so fun about consistantly nailing away at some broad you don’t have any feelings for? I’m not against the random hook-up, by any means. I just don’t think I can consider a sexual experience complete if I don’t spend a fair portion of it going downtown.
    But maybe I’m just a bigger fan of the downtown area than most.
    Liz- yer rules are solid though. Wish everyone played by them.

    #17 | Comment by ocho — December 24, 2003 @ 8:27 pm

  18. my friend told me this rule about hook ups that i found to be funny, yet very true.

    >>> if you ever get the chance to hook up with twins, DO NOT let the chance pass. Even if you are in a long term relationship, or are dating someone else, never pass up twins. The ability to hook up with twins is a once in a lifetime opportunity. It is more likely that you will be able to repair your relationship with your woman than it is that the opportunity of twins will ever come your way again. Just do them, say sorry later. You will die happy remembering that you once fucked twins. This will also give you alot of respect amoungst your peers. So to repeat….NEVER PASS ON TWINS!

    #18 | Comment by kvl — December 25, 2003 @ 6:25 am

  19. Christmas sucks anyway. The only thing about it is once its over, it wont be around for another 12 months. Merry Christmas my ass. I’ll be merry when people stop singing christmas carrols and put their decorations away.

    #19 | Comment by Dom — December 25, 2003 @ 6:57 am

  20. Yep.

    #20 | Comment by pangwinking — December 25, 2003 @ 1:59 pm

  21. Amen Dom, damn radio’s been playing 24-7 carrols. ARGH.
    Nice to see a B. quote, Umgawa, maybe I’m not alone with my obsession 😉 Hey.. maybe I’ll check your site out 🙂

    #21 | Comment by Lock — December 25, 2003 @ 2:35 pm

  22. jimmy Knuckles,

    looks like my first & last FB read the bit you said abt how to get a FB ( good enough that she likes you, wants you, but be annoying enough that she doesnt want you every day…) that sounds EXACTLY like him. Unbelievable. Kinda creepy to know that that attitude was possibly put on just to get me in bed but keep me at bay.

    I dont think i was very good at hooking up though…if the sex is great (which it was), i tend to fool myself into believing that its cause i really like the guy when he’s actually the opposite of everything i want.

    But if i decide to go for it again, which i probably will cause my hormones will rule my head, Lizzie’s rules shall be my bible!

    #22 | Comment by Sarah — December 25, 2003 @ 4:08 pm

  23. Anyone who uses the term "hook up" is a fucking retard.

    Eat Shit and Merry Christmas.

    #23 | Comment by Plamvc — December 25, 2003 @ 4:56 pm


    there should be a christmass post up or something! what are y’all doing during the hollidays?

    #24 | Comment by WP — December 25, 2003 @ 11:58 pm

  25. Sarah: no dont feel bad, maybe he was just an annoying guy that couldnt keep you in a regular relationship… not all guys are assholes like me.

    Ocho: dont get me wrong, i like oral as much as any guy… BUT it is a hell of a lot more personal than just sex. Plus, with FB’s you can have as many as you want, instead of a Girl/Boyfriend where theres only one person, so the need for safety is hightened because BOTH of you can be "hooking up" with anyone at any time. Use condoms, no oral, stay away from kissing for more than a few seconds cause even that will cause attachment.

    Oh, and about twins… True. It’s like doubling down on 11 in a game of twenty-one.


    #25 | Comment by Jimmy Knuckles — December 29, 2003 @ 1:07 am

  26. I agree with Lizzie. Nicely put.

    #26 | Comment by Becca — December 31, 2003 @ 1:17 am

  27. kvl i have a question about the twins thing… would you say its better to get with the twins and then lie to your gf/fiance/wife/w/e or to talk the twins into having a 4 way with your gf/fiance/wife/w/e…. or would that take away from the whole twins experiance?

    #27 | Comment by Dantefall — June 9, 2005 @ 2:52 pm

  28. Asking a question to a comment that was made nearly two years ago. Well done.

    P.S. I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for a response if I were you. *thumbs up*

    #28 | Comment by JustSumDude — June 9, 2005 @ 5:16 pm

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