You should watch all these movies

Frankenhooker. Have any of you seen that movie? It’s pretty old (1990) and kinda obscure. Very low budget. Very bad in a good way. I remember renting it on VHS and thinking that it was one of the greatest (bad) horror movies i’d ever seen at the time (until i saw Dead Alive which came out 2 years later). Actually to be honest i only started getting into low budget horror movies after 1993. Right after Army Of Darkness came out. So it probably wasn’t until after 1993 did i get to see both Frankenhooker and Dead Alive. After discovering the man that got me hooked on these types of movies, Sam Raimi.

Just in case you didn’t know, i’m a HUGE Sam Raimi/Bruce Campbell fan. Now, when you think of those two names, the Evil Dead Trilogy probably comes to mind first. Funnily enough, my first introduction to Sam Raimi (type) movies didn’t happen with the Evil Dead ones. It was with Darkman which came out in 1990.

I LOVED Darkman. I LOVED it. I thought that it was like the best movie ever back when it first came out. I must’ve watched that movie like, i-don’t-know-how-many times. I even bought the NES game (it really sucked though. unlike the super cool movie it was based on. it played almost exactly like fucking Robocop 2 which was also another shitty game).

Anyhow, 3 years later, Army Of Darkness came out.

And when i saw “From the director of Darkman” on the cover, my vagina went wet. Not knowing that AOD was actually the third part in a series of movies, and having not seen it’s prequels yet, i immediately went out to search for parts 1 and 2 as soon as i finished watching AOD. And i’ve been a Sam Raimi/Bruce Campbell fan ever since.

It wasn’t long til i started seeking out other cult movies from other cult directors.

Like Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive.

Stuart Gordon’s Re-animator.

And, of course, Frank Henenlotter’s… FRANKENHOOKER!

I don’t think many people have heard of Frankenhooker. It’s basically about this guy who starts making a new girlfriend out of hooker parts after his own girlfriend get’s chopped to pieces after an unfortunate accident with a lawnmower.

I think the only other plot synopsis that can top that is the one from Little Otik…

…about a couple who can’t have a baby, so they dig up this tree stump, diaper it up and decide it’s their baby. Oh, and by the way, the tree-stump baby happens to eat people.

So i figured, okay, Frankenhooker. One of the most memorable movies i’d ever seen. Everybody i’ve ever talked to has never heard of it. So i check online to see if it’d ever been released on DVD. And it has! But it’s out of print. I check but they’re all out of it. So is every other site out there. Although i did see people trying to sell used copies on Amazon for like fucking 50 bucks or so. 50 bucks! Outrageous! So then i check eBay and whaddaya know? It’s listed! Some of them even for under 5 bucks! But then i tried bidding on a copy and i kept getting outbidded. My question is, who the fuck would ever want to buy this movie??? (besides me of course)

I actually don’t have a point to make with this post. I’m just pissed that there are other idiots out there that actually want Frankenhooker on DVD (i don’t blame them though. it’s a great movie). They’re still fuckers though. For denying me to purchase the DVD for under 10 bucks by outbidding me each time. Assholes. I’m not paying more than 10 bucks for that DVD.

I think i’ll just go and buy Dead Heat instead.

Joe Piscopo baby!

33 thoughts on “You should watch all these movies

  1. first comment

    #1 | Comment by Joe — February 21, 2004 @ 11:40 pm

  2. Fag

    #2 | Comment by Deviantdope — February 21, 2004 @ 11:43 pm

  3. this movies are awesome!

    #3 | Comment by merr — February 21, 2004 @ 11:43 pm

  4. Aww…no boobs?

    #4 | Comment by bligityblah — February 21, 2004 @ 11:58 pm

  5. I’ve seen all these (faggy) movies, I always seem to drop references to them when my girlfriend is around. Then I give her an odd look for not knowing what the hell I am talking about.
    (Wasn’t that nice of me? I reinforced the fact that I am not a fag by dropping a gf reference. But I still watch faggy movies, I get it..)

    #5 | Comment by (b)Beer(b) — February 21, 2004 @ 11:58 pm

  6. For those who are mad there is no boobs here you go. Mucho Jordan Capri:

    #6 | Comment by SuperNick — February 22, 2004 @ 1:19 am

  7. psykotik2k: dead heat!
    psykotik2k: better than big trouble in little china!
    Teh Bubba: nope
    psykotik2k: yes
    Teh Bubba: nope
    psykotik2k: yes
    Teh Bubba: nope
    psykotik2k: fuck you! 😮

    You fag, Big Trouble In Little China is in a league of it’s own. Best movie ever.

    #7 | Comment by Bubba — February 22, 2004 @ 1:24 am

  8. AoD and Darkman are cool. AoD movies are funny but with most comedies of that type (paradoy, lampoon) in general (except the really good ones) go down hill in comedy. Reason theres no boobs in those is because laughing, being scared and whacking off at the same time will kill you instantly.

    #8 | Comment by Dionysus187 — February 22, 2004 @ 1:25 am

  9. Good boob site SuperNick

    #9 | Comment by krazykracker — February 22, 2004 @ 1:38 am

  10. There are some boobs in Army Of Darkness…yep.

    #10 | Comment by Bubba — February 22, 2004 @ 1:43 am

  11. lots of boobs in frankenhooker. yep.

    and some in re-animator too! i especially like the ‘giving head’ scene. that’s what i call giving head! ahahahhahaha

    #11 | Comment by Justin — February 22, 2004 @ 1:49 am

  12. ???Frankenhooker??? how can you forget the whole thing that got that director famous, the movie BASKET CASE its fkn crazy… frankenhooker is nothing compared to it. Brain Damage is his best.

    I prefer They Live over Dead Heat. Who would you rather have: Joe Piscapo or ROWDY RODDY PIPER. Also brilliant is Hell Comes To Frogtown.

    Required viewing:
    Deep Red, Suspiria, The Beyond, Bay of Blood (Or anything by Mario Bava), Rabid Dogs, Stage Fright, Demons/Demoni, Faceless, El Topo (Alejendro Jodorowski=oddest filmmaker ever), Anything by "Beat" Takeshi (the guy from spike tv’s MXE tv show), Tetsuo, The Guinea Pig series.

    But, for the WORST movie of all time… CRAZY FAT ETHEL 2… so fkn bad that they couldnt even finish making the movie.


    #12 | Comment by Jimmy Knuckles — February 22, 2004 @ 3:08 am

  13. yay! first post!

    #13 | Comment by jb — February 22, 2004 @ 4:20 am

  14. Nice list Knuckles, I especially like the ‘Tetsuo: Iron Man’ mention. You definitely want to add ‘From Beyond’ (Stuart Gordon)… it’s fucking sick and twisted but still manages to give you a boner… which, of course, is the goal of all great cinema.

    Oh, maybe that’s what you meant with ‘The Beyond’? Don’t know that one.

    Justin, all good mentions. I freakin love ‘Re-animator’. Never saw ‘Frankenhooker’, but def will now… if I can.

    And I’m on Bubba’s side: BTILC rocks hard and long!

    #14 | Comment by dr.einstein — February 22, 2004 @ 4:20 am

  15. Damn it, jb, you interrupted my followup to Jimmy ‘the hand’ Knuckles! And with a lame-ass (non) "first post"! wtf??

    #15 | Comment by dr.einstein — February 22, 2004 @ 4:24 am

  16. The best part about Frankenhooker is that the box the VHS came in had this little button you press and it would screech "WANNA DATE?!?" (if you’ve seen the movie, you’ll understand).

    It was cool.

    #16 | Comment by h3 — February 22, 2004 @ 6:42 am

  17. You go from man vibrators…

    to wacko movies.

    You are my hero.

    #17 | Comment by kinkiekitten — February 22, 2004 @ 6:46 am

  18. i vote for army of darkness…i’ll have to see a couple of the others though

    #18 | Comment by ryan — February 22, 2004 @ 8:49 am

  19. What I want to know is when did Justin grow a vagina? ("my vagina went wet")

    #19 | Comment by RedEye — February 22, 2004 @ 9:47 am

  20. I have never heard of these movies.

    #20 | Comment by stacia — February 22, 2004 @ 12:11 pm

  21. ok I regret asking Justin to update, cause being me, i have absolutely no interest in movies (I only watch friends) I rather read the dildo post *points downwards*

    #21 | Comment by dammit — February 22, 2004 @ 12:16 pm

  22. Dark Man was so horrible it was hilarious.

    #22 | Comment by ASL — February 22, 2004 @ 12:36 pm

  23. big trouble in little china destroys these movies …

    #23 | Comment by damnitvigile — February 22, 2004 @ 2:26 pm


    if you want boob’s , you got it
    one of my personal favourites

    #24 | Comment by boreddude — February 22, 2004 @ 3:10 pm

  25. I remember watching Darkman when I was 17, and I thought it was the greatest movie ever. I was so impressed with it, the next morning I insisted my sister watch it.

    Part way into the second viewing I had to apologize to my sister, because I realized the night before I had been just that stoned.

    #25 | Comment by Amy — February 22, 2004 @ 4:38 pm

  26. Yeah I have heard of Frankenhooker, but I’ve never seen it. It was referenced in this book my friend had called like 100 Greatest Movies Never Made. It was talking about this other film of his which never got made, the name of which I can’t remember. The plot was about the rise and fall and re-rise to power of this mobster. The catch was the mobster was made of ice cream, and he commits suicide in the end by taking a hot bath.

    #26 | Comment by Dugas (of eenodol) — February 22, 2004 @ 5:09 pm

  27. Bruce Campbell fan… check out Bubba Hotep, kinda new, limited release, came out recently

    #27 | Comment by Zulu — February 22, 2004 @ 6:37 pm

  28. The only film I’ve seen from that list is Re-animator, and that is a classic.
    Frankenhooker is the best title for a B-Horror Movie ever!

    #28 | Comment by acme — February 22, 2004 @ 6:43 pm

  29. darkman had lame script. how can you like it? it was a cheap movie i cant believe they dvd’d it.

    #29 | Comment by dammit — February 22, 2004 @ 7:07 pm

  30. Rumor is, Bubba Ho-Tep is gonna come out on DVD soon. I can’t wait.

    #30 | Comment by DarckkorioN — February 22, 2004 @ 7:43 pm

  31. here is a good free porn site also

    #31 | Comment by phillabuster — February 23, 2004 @ 9:34 am

  32. Dr Einstein, i meant Lucio Fulci’s masterpiece The Beyond, its a horror movie that he made to get more mainstream, and its one of the best eurohorror movies, but yes, From Beyond is fucking great too 😀 Look up Brian Yuzna if you like gore and hot naked chicks in the same movie.

    Also, Yes Big Trouble in Little China is on any list, but i thought it was automatic that everyone on here has at least seen every John Carpenter and Sam Raimi movie.

    Feel my boomstick 🙂

    Hail to the king baby.

    #32 | Comment by Jimmy Knuckles — February 23, 2004 @ 11:31 am

  33. I’m surprised no one has mentioned "Jack Frost" — not the g-rated Michael Keaton movie — the 1997 horror flick. Classic movie that needs to be seen by anyone who likes this stuff…

    #33 | Comment by stiggzy — February 23, 2004 @ 11:17 pm

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