PMS

It’s in our natural human instincts to be afraid of things. Say for instance, some people are afraid of bees because they know they might get stung. Some people are afraid of flying because the plane could wreck or whatever. And finally, some men are afraid of their girlfriends just because they might never know when PMS just might sneak up on them. Guys never truly want their girlfriends to be mad at them for no apparent reason (but it fucking sucks) so it’s in our human nature to do whatever possible to make our girlfriends feel comfortable. PMS has many bad side affects from a male’s point of view, but looking from the woman’s perspective, it has a very good side that until now has been their little secret. So it’s time to blow the lid off this ‘magical power’ known as PMS. In just 6 easy steps, you will know everything you need to know about how they use PMS to get whatever you want from you.

Step one: Whining! In this step, the shriller they whine, the better the results. Guys hate to hear their girlfriends whine, so we’ll do whatever necessary to make it stop. This step will usually happen on a football night, since this quickens the results by up to ten times guaranteed. If they’re one of the many gifted women with the talent to produce tears with a snap of their fingers, they’ll do just that. I don’t mean the little whimper with a few tears rolling down their cheeks… i mean the loud tantrums until they get what they so desire. They have to be careful with how frequently they use this step though. Because if they do it too much, that’ll make you think of her as a crybaby. And what woman would want to be thought off as a crybaby.

Step Two: Complaining of stomach pain as often as possible. Even if they’ve never experienced cramps in their entire life, you won’t be able to know this. Because you’re a guy. And guys don’t get girly cramps. This step will immediately get them the star treatment they’ve been craving. Suddenly, you’ll be doing things that you’ve never even dreamed of, like cooking, cleaning, and having deep discussions with her about life. This step may also help them realize if they should dump you. If you go out to the store, buy some Midol, and tell her that she should stay busy, she’ll think you’re no good and that you just want her to cater to your needs. How could you be so selfish?! So be wary of this tactic and act accordingly.

Step Three: Becoming extremely emotional. At random times throughout this week, they’ll cry for no reason at all. Then, when you ask what’s wrong or why they’re so upset, they’ll just respond with a very emotional and tear filled, “You just wouldn’t understand, okay!” Also, every time you say her name, give her a comforting look, or even walk into the same room that she’s in, she’ll flip out on you. She’ll pick a pointless fight about anything that’s been bugging her, or whatever pops into her head at that moment. This’ll ensure that for at least that day, that you won’t bother her with any of the nagging little questions that you might ask. She’ll also be able to get that much needed rest because you’ll just decide to let her cool off… freedom at last for her from you!

Step four: Ignoring you. Yes that’s right. She’ll just ignore you. This will surely prove one of two things. The first thing that it might prove is just how honest you’re being with her. If she’s ignoring you, you’ll surely become nervous and suspect that she knows of something that you’ve done wrong. If you has a guilty conscience, it won’t last for long. If you know you haven’t done anything wrong, then she won’t have to watch you squirm, and she can rest assured at night that you’ve been faithful to her. The second thing that this method might prove is just how far you’re willing to go for her. Regardless of if you’re guilty or not, you’ll bend over backwards to please her so you can get out of the doghouse as quickly as possible.

Step Five: Making things up. Guys have no concept of what goes on inside of a girl’s body besides whats been drilled into our heads at school. That means that we really don’t know what a period and PMS is fully capable of. We love to stay as far away from those subjects, and anything that even sounds like it could be in the same category, as possible. This is truly a blessing for her. This means that if she tells you that there’s an assured cure to stopping PMS for 24 hours, you’ll go to any extreme to find it for her. If they tell you that a foot massage is the ultimate cure all to menstruation cramps because it keeps your blood circulating properly throughout their entire body, you’d’ve already tuned them out by the time they get to the word blood and you’ll agree.

Finally, Step Six: Getting you alone and apologizing for how strangely they’ve been acting. By this time, you’re probably fed up with her, but since you’re still around, she knows you’re dependable and will stick by their side through good times and the worst of times. She may even want to buy you a little trinket of her love or whatever for you. This will assure her that you’ll stick around until the next month’s cycle of craziness.

Note: they’ll only use these steps when they’re feeling deprived of the love and attention that they they deserve from you. If you realize that they’re using these steps too much, then you’ll know for sure that they’re just taking advantage you. But then again, if you’re not a good guy in the first place, and that they have to resort to all these steps for attention, then who cares! You probably don’t deserve her anyway you pig.

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