he’s lost his mind. i swear he has. justin, i mean. you’ll agree with me. just as soon as you scroll your little eyes down and see who’s posting this little diddy.

(oh my god.. oh no he didn’t… he wouldn’t… is he mad!!!)

apparently! but damnit i love a guy with balls. i already warned him this would probably cost him the integrity of his site but he said…. anything goes. and so it shall. just as soon as i make it clear not to blame justin in his time of temporary insanity. he still deserves all of the love in our hearts 🙂 (aww.. mushmushmush). actually to be honest i’d really like to thank him for this opportunity. i have a few things i’d like to make clear. and on what better forum than on a site called “bad in a good way” ???

let’s be honest with eachother for a moment, shall we?

apparently in some very, very, very small and insignificant ways i have muddied the water with controversy. or, at least managed to do something (technically nothing) to make a few (very very few and an insignificant number of) people–how can i say this–not happy with me? now the funny thing is, the people who aren’t happy with me are people who i have never spoken a word to before…in my entire life! how do people who have never even met me grow to dislike me? how the hell am i supposed to know?? i never asked them… (never had the opportunity 🙁 )

but i could make a few guesses. is it the fact that i had a couple saline-filled silicone bags shoved under my pectoral muscles at the “tender” age of 16? is it the fact that i adore MAC makeup and wear it like it’s going out of style? is it the fact that my warddrobe has pinks, blacks, and blues sprinkled here and there in it??? or maybe it’s the fact that i have a personal site on the web just like everyone else? oh wait, it must be because i bought a webcam and use it on occasion. yes, those are all *perfectly* good reasons to hate me.

do you buy that? i don’t. mandi speculates that maybe people are just jealous of me, or that they think that i am fake. surprisingly both of these things come as a bit of a shock to me. first because, (remember we’re still being honest), i am not even remotely perfect enough for anyone to be jealous of me, and second, because the only remotely fake thing about me is my cup size. my actual breasts–which consist of mammary tissue–are real. it’s the silicone parts beneath them that don’t exactly occur on their own in nature. but does having ‘fake tits’ make me a fake person? think about it. my tits have no more to do with me as a person than the amount of earwax building up inside of your ears at this very moment has to do with you as a person.

i chose to get them, yes. it was a conscious decision, yes. i had my valid reasons, yes. i am happy with the outcome, yes. they are me and i am them, ….no. they’re just boobs! i wanted bigger ones….. to go along with my child-bearin’ hips and semi-broad shoulders. to bring proportionality to my body, to bring balance. to be able to look in the mirror and think “cool my shirt actually fits today.” ..as a bit of a self-esteem booster, yanno? same reason you goobers get braces, opt for contacts over glasses, try to wash all the acne off of your faces, etc. not to have sexually-frustrated guys drool over them or think anything more or less of me–which is why you’ll never see me “bearing all” (these puppies are staying clothed thankyouverymuch….heh heh, sorry guys!).

so now that it (hopefully) makes sense to you that i am not my boobs, perhaps you can come to the mature conclusion that i am not fake for having them. in fact i’m probably one of the more straight-forward, honest, and open individuals you may ever meet. the day that those qualities equates to being fake is the day …. [insert cliche about hell freezing over–or something along those lines–here]

ok so we’ve established why i did what i did, we’ve established that it bears no relevance to my persona, and we’ve established that i’m not fake. oh, and we’ve also established that you have no need to be jealous of me. i am not a threat, i swear and i promise. i won’t steal your man (already got a great one of my own.. [well, two if you count justin he-he-he kidding! ;)] …not that i’d ever do that anyway :P), i won’t bite you (unless of course you deserve it), and i sure as hell will never get all-up-in-your-face or even all-sneaky-behind-your-back to talk shit about you for no reason. so i’d appreciate it if you did the same for me. sounds cool?

oh, and as if you couldn’t tell by this point, i’m not flawless and i know that. that does not make me stuck-up or snobbish in any way, shape, or form. i am well aware that i have my shortcomings–for one thing, i am long winded. (have ya noticed? have ya? i have a real knack for it!). for another, i have self esteem issues. and yet for another, just to put icing on the cake, i can’t spell for shit. but that doesn’t mean i’m not edjumacated. i may be giggly and hyper and even downright weird at times (sometimes i wonder if i have a tendency towards manic episodes..), but that doesn’t mean my head is full of hot air. i just adore having fun, being fun, and that to me, is enjoying myself to the extent where i ‘hehe’ a lot. does that make sense? i hope so.

ok now i fully realize a lot of the problems people have with me stem from their misunderstandings (or lack of understandings) about me, my intentions, and motivations. it is true these things are not always available in black and white for your reading ‘pleasure.’ which is why, to bring this post to an end, i want to extend myself out for you to contact if you ever have any questions for or about me. don’t be shy. you’ll never get any honest answers if you only talk behind my back. i’m really open to answering anything, as long as your questions aren’t obviously stemming from your hormones or anything like that. my name’s crystal, called stal for short. i’m sinnah on aim/aol, hades_hot_angel@yahoo.com if you’d like to e-mail, and my site is at http://www.fallingdust.net/sinnah/ if you ever want to read up on me before you jump to conclusions or make any unfair assumptions. feel free to contact me any time. i’m almost always online. i live a pathetic existance and i’m damn proud of it (haha not really) so feel free to take advantage of that at any time 😉

lastly, i <3 justin for letting me do this. but someone who i've recently developed an even stronger thing for is "trent" (yeah, you baby 😉 ). which is why i have to say this right here and right now. TRENT WILL YOU MARRY ME?????? you can have my babies and we'll name them all after you, it'll be great! ;D haha kidding child, don't get your panties in a bunch 🙂 but please do feel free to contact me so i can spread my lameness all over you like butter on hot sticky buns, baby! thanks for reading kidlets 🙂 hope you feel a little… less tense about me. 😉