So i went out and bought Hostel Part II on (bootleg) DVD last night.

My fiancee flat out refused to watched it with me. What a pussy.

Anyway, i quite liked the first Hostel and was hoping that Part II would be just as good. All in all, it was just ALRIGHT. Part I was a hell of a lot gorier. Part II didn’t seem to have as many memorable torture/kill scenes. Also it felt like FOREVER to finally get to the first REAL kill (the one in the prologue doesn’t count. Plus it sucked).

Also, where’s all the T&A???? Where??? The first one was T&A galore! But Part II? You don’t even get to see BIJOU PHILLIPS naked! BIJOU PHILLIPS! And this is the girl that got all kinds of naked in Bully! Not even so much as a titty shot! Although i think she did show like a second or two of butt and MAYBE bush/lips. FROM A DISTANCE. IN A SAUNA. WITH STEAM OBSCURING WHATEVER PISS POOR VIEW YOU HAVE OF THE GOODS. LAME.

There’s not even a lot of gratuitous random chick nudity in Part II! Probably only like a coupla seconds worth of random naked chicks in a spa.

Okay so maybe it’s inaccurate to say that Hostel Part II doesn’t have ‘a lot’ of nudity. It actually does. Except that it’s a lot of HEATHER MATARAZZO NUDITY.

You know. Welcome to the Dollhouse Heather Matarazzo? Best friend of Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries Heather Matarazzo?

THAT Heather Matarazzo?


Her torture scene was probably the most horrifying scene in the movie. Not because of the torture she goes through. But because it’s HEATHER MATARAZZO NAKED, CHAINED AND DANGLING UPSIDE DOWN.



It’s really quite a sight.

VERDICT: Go watch Hostel Part II anyway. If only to find out what happens after Part I (it starts off exactly where Hostel I ended) and to see what upside down nerd boobies look like. Oh plus the ending is pretty good!

21 thoughts on “HOSTEL PART II

  1. WFT!

    Oh, and… second?

    #1 | Comment by TGM — June 4, 2007 @ 4:28 am

  2. Thats gross.

    #2 | Comment by The Deadly Superman — June 4, 2007 @ 4:30 am

  3. Damn, I thought after like, 5 or 6 years of coming to this site, I would get first, and I was going to celebrate by not being a douchebag and saying “first”.

    TGM, you ruined that for me. I hate you forever.

    But anyway, I have never seen the first Hostel all the way through. I saw the first ten minutes of boobs, and then I made out with my girlfriend for a while, and then when we finally looked up, it was the chinese girl eyeball scene.

    It totally ruined them mood.

    #3 | Comment by The Deadly Superman — June 4, 2007 @ 4:34 am

  4. First posters have latent homosexual tendencies anyway DangerSupes. And I saw the Mattazaro death scene –

    And Justin, you’re leaving out the fact that there’s a whole other set of breasts in that scene.

    #4 | Comment by El Payo — June 4, 2007 @ 5:06 am

  5. ya but that other chick was taking a bloodbath…!

    not sexy!

    although i did fap to that drew barrymore shower scene in doppelganger….

    #5 | Comment by Justin — June 4, 2007 @ 5:13 am

  6. those are kinda nice tits though

    #6 | Comment by same — June 4, 2007 @ 5:15 am

  7. Good for your fiancee.
    (Justin has a fiancee?!?)

    If I want torture porn, I’ll flip on the evening news.

    And agreed, “first” posters are truly semen-garglers.

    #7 | Comment by Theo — June 4, 2007 @ 5:24 am

  8. The Deadly Superman, sorry, LOL, I was trying to make a point about first posters… I guess I did.

    #8 | Comment by TGM — June 4, 2007 @ 6:00 am

  9. first post bitches!!!!

    #9 | Comment by the super cumbucket from hell named chuck norris — June 4, 2007 @ 6:43 am

  10. I LIKE naked heather matarazzo… I have had this weird guilty thing for her since like… that filmclip she was in, the Sheryl Crow “change will do you good” one.

    #10 | Comment by MIK — June 4, 2007 @ 8:13 am

  11. ….thought Hostel was DUMB! Hostell II therefore = DUMBER!

    on a side note….Did Justin just say “Fiancee”???

    -What kind of woman would want a Nerdy Gamer who thinks Bines is Hotter then Alba??

    This must be Bizzaro World!

    #11 | Comment by MacDaddy — June 4, 2007 @ 9:32 am

  12. I always thought she had nice eyes, even if attached to a very unique face. She’s not bad looking at all, really. …and now I know she has nice boobs and nice eyes.

    #12 | Comment by exelis — June 4, 2007 @ 1:05 pm

  13. speaking of Bijou Phillips.. anyone have a link to any of the clips from any of the three movies in which we enjoy her delicious petiteness? I’m too cheap to snag a quick gig of CMA, so I’d, er, be obliged?

    #13 | Comment by Kevin — June 4, 2007 @ 1:47 pm

  14. Dammit Justin, you owe me a new penis.

    And that was due to just seeing the clothed pic of that…thing.

    At first glance, I thought that the gay guy from “Will & Grace” grew his hair out.

    #14 | Comment by The Pope — June 4, 2007 @ 5:23 pm

  15. Damn, who knew the Wiener Dog was a blood sausage? Welcome to the Abattoir!

    #15 | Comment by Brian — June 4, 2007 @ 10:11 pm

  16. heather>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>justin

    #16 | Comment by onetwo — June 5, 2007 @ 1:12 am

  17. You are all forgetting that Heather is a lesbian, which makes her even more über hot.

    #17 | Comment by Louie — June 7, 2007 @ 5:17 pm

  18. […] Dawn Wiener’s sweater puppies in Hostel 2. (Don’t Link This) […]

    #18 | Pingback by Celebrity Cruise Line » Blog Archive » CNW Junk Drawer: Porking a Model is the Best Revenge — June 8, 2007 @ 6:31 pm

  19. hey heather how’s it hangin’?

    #19 | Comment by BDM — June 19, 2007 @ 6:43 pm

  20. if her film career doesn’t pan out, she can always star in the porno equivalent hoisted bondage ho’s tail.

    #20 | Comment by BSM — June 21, 2007 @ 3:08 pm

  21. I’D LOVE TO GAG U N TIE UP UP MAkE U MY LITTLE BONDAGE SLAVE ……HAHA JUST kIDDING , to be frank part 2 hasn’t got as much action …i meant gore sceen as much as part 1 , all n all , it’s still sickening , oh by the way , heather u r HOT!!! ever thinking of doin some bondage pornos ? u’d be great , u ROX !!

    #21 | Comment by master — November 8, 2007 @ 7:10 am

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