Dolphins used to ‘poke’ Jessica Alba, presumably at her vagina.


Jessica Alba is always careful when she’s scuba diving because she doesn’t like attracting amorous dolphins. The actress discovered horny cetacean mammals got aroused by her presence when she was a youngster while shooting dolphin drama “Flipper.”

She recalls, “I don’t know if anybody knows this but dolphins get excited, even when you are a human being – and they have long, long… (penises). I didn’t know this until I was being poked by a few of them, which was very rude. I think I learned my lesson. I sort of request female dolphins after that because those are horny little bastards.”

Alba reveals the dolphin dilemma became a constant joke at the actress’ expense. She tells MTV News, “Needless to say my closest friends and family did dolphin squeaking noises for the next five years any time they referred to me or called me or talked to me, which was pretty annoying.”


POST BONUS: 14-year old Jessica Alba dreaming of following Flipper to his rape cave…

You’re welcome.

10 thoughts on “I GUESS THIS IS TRUE

  1. this post doesn’t contain any jessica alba pics because i actually dont really like her.

    it’s true!

    #1 | Comment by Justin — August 5, 2012 @ 12:23 am

  2. also: http://i.imgur.com/yYm9S.jpg

    #2 | Comment by Justin — August 5, 2012 @ 12:24 am

  3. So, the truth finally comes out:

    Justin’s “wife” is a dolphin.

    #3 | Comment by Horatio — August 5, 2012 @ 2:49 am

  4. WTF! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OE475H2sDmA&feature=player_detailpage#t=31s – I will never go into seawater with Jessica Alba again … The possible injuries are not worth the great f*** in the ocean!

    #4 | Comment by Germanist — August 5, 2012 @ 5:24 am

  5. So the point of this article is to advise that Dolphins have great taste in teen ass ?

    #5 | Comment by Rod Stiffington — August 5, 2012 @ 3:05 pm

  6. lol@ “dolphin rape cave”

    #6 | Comment by AngelBaby — August 5, 2012 @ 4:46 pm

  7. First it was the black guys, and now the dolphins. I can’t compete with that. I’m sick of these dolphins always stealing our hottest chicks.

    PS: Justin hangs out on beaches with tuna in his pants.

    #7 | Comment by evil monkey — August 5, 2012 @ 9:36 pm

  8. So dolphins like human decoys?

    #8 | Comment by tool — August 6, 2012 @ 1:03 am

  9. http://winawer.org/blog/2012/03/30/science-journalism-blows-it-dolphin-rape-edition/

    #9 | Comment by Dick Trickle — August 6, 2012 @ 3:37 am

  10. Did Jessica Alba just have a wet dream about James The Niggah Hatin’ Dolphin?

    #10 | Comment by Blumpkin — August 6, 2012 @ 4:20 am

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *