…we’ll just do an all-text post. Feel free not to read it; it’s more whining than anything else, and not really interesting to anyone but me; you’ll only bitch, and then I’ll have to edit your comments. At which point you’ll bitch more, and I’ll edit more, and really…it’s a vicious cycle. Just hope Suzi posts something over top of it, or something.
I’m seriously edging on the possibility of hating my roomate. I moved to Orlando a few months ago, into an apartment with a friend from high school and some guy he’s friends with. Pete, my friend, is a great guy. Tattoo-covered, Marlboro smoking, metalhead philosophy major with a girlfriend who’s so fucking goth, it probably hurts. He’s pretty funny, pretty cleanly (ie., knows how to use a vaccuum and dishwasher) and is a good enough friend to have sat through a few hysterical crying binges (both in the phone and on person) with me a few times.
Then there’s the other guy, who I’m unfortunate enough to have to share a bathroom with. The guy who still hasn’t unpacked his boxes 3 months into us living here. Who pours himself a glass of that nasty sugar-Koolaid-lemonaide concotion he makes and warns no one else to drink, because it’s his, then spills all over the carpet in a trail back to his room. The 21-year-old guy who dates a 16 year old who has hygeine almost as bad as his…the kind of person who makes me physically ill to the point where I can’t even look at him without gritting my teeth anymore.
He showers every three days, max. I know this because when I mentioned that I have had to scrub out the bathtub four times since we’ve moved in, due to a black scum that mysteriously accumulates to an astonishing degree of filth with a pretty fair regularity, he informed me that he had nothing to do with it, since he only gets in it to shower every few days or so. …Maybe that’s why it happens, dude. Something about stale sweat, and the grease from your disgusting, usually-unbrushed hair. I’ve never had to clean like this before, even with going to the beach during the summer a lot.
So we all decided to share groceries, and just toss in every week, rather than fighting over whose food was whose, and who had what shelf in the kitchen; it worked out well until he demanded change from the $10 he gave me after I brought home a $70.00 receipt. His reasoning being that he didn’t think we needed the various meats (chicken, etc.) that I got, nor the breakfast stuff, nor the noodles, sauces, a bag of chips, toilet paper, sodas, juice, and…well, you really don’t want to hear the whole shopping list. Apparently, he only expected to have to pay for the sliced bread and vineager that he shoves in a bowl together and eats with a spoon. Yet when I cook dinner, he’s the first one in line, a plate clutched between his grubby hands, hovering until he gets what he wants. He’ll EAT the food, apparently, but doesn’t want to pay for it.
Or the time Shawn did his laundry over at our apartment, and used his detergent; I was informed AFTER Shawn had left (because apparently homeboy is too much of a pussy to say it to another man’s face) that I owed him five bucks, since my boyfriend had used his stuff. Which I can understand, if only his Wal-Mart brand laundry shit cost that much. Or if Shawn had used all of it. Or if I were the person who actually USED it, and therefore caused the “extra” expenditure.
It’s finicky, and probably anal retentive, but something about a person who leaves a plate full of dinner scraps sitting on the couch, the fork next to it (ON the couch) until someone else cleans it up isn’t exactly someone I want to live with. Someone who uses the orange plastic cup for weeks on end, leaving it sitting out and never washing it between drinks, no matter what’s crusted onto the bottom, is kinda disgusting.
I’m pretty neurotic about keeping the place clean. I sweep, mop, vaccuum and dust every week before work one day. So the fact that upon coming home at 3 in the morning, after serving drunk, obnoxious private college kids overpriced beer all night, I get whined at that he had to do dishes today…it doesn’t really sit too well. The way I figure it, if I clean and cook dinner most nights and do the dishes afterwards, the occasional load of dishes or general picking up isn’t something I should have to hear you bitch about. I’m certainly not OWED anything, since I’d clean no matter what, and I enjoy cooking…but I don’t owe YOU anything for doing your share, either.
Maybe it’s his voice, too, as shallow as it is. A lisping sort of speech impediment probably caused by his disporportionately large jaw. Maybe it’s just him. A computer science major with fewer people skills than a boarhog, contrasted with more book smarts in the SINGLE area of learning that he’s interested in. A superiority complex that far surpasses anything I can muster, even on the bitchiest day. Selfish, lazy kid whose mother has cleaned up after him his whole life; to the point of doing his laundry for him and folding it…I think he just expects any female he lives with to fall into that role, actually.
I just…augh, I don’t know. It pisses me off that I can go spend the weekend in Cocoa, come back happy and not-bitchy and relaxed, then as soon as I walk in the door, he’s THERE, just SITTING THERE on the couch, saying something stupid.
I suppose it’s my own fault, at least partially, that I let some idiot kid get to me…that I let anyone get me worked up, actually. I think that’s my main thing…letting major problems pass me by, just ignoring them and smiling, but blowing up (internally or where people can see) at small annoyances.
…
Oh, hell. Here’s some more pictures.
Random captures from Jungle Wa Itsumo Hale Nochi Guu:
Don’t EVER move in with someone you don’t know, that type of shit always happens. "I’m up early, with my hair curly, me and Mr. Furley fuckin’ Laverne and Shirley"
#1 | Comment by Mr. Furley — October 25, 2002 @ 1:04 am
w00t! I read it all!
"I have learned not to offer much advice." "cuz who am I?" "Just a guy, like I know how to run your life."
#2 | Comment by Bubba — October 25, 2002 @ 1:13 am
kick the fucker out! i couldn’t handle it =O
have any pics of him? i’m interested to see what he looks like…
#3 | Comment by mike — October 25, 2002 @ 1:36 am
Dear Thess, there are two kinds of CS majors…one type like the guy you live with and the other is a richy rich neat freak that knows less about computers than my dog. My dogs a Jack Russell so he’s pretty smart but you get the point. Neither type has any noticeable people skills. The general rule for dealing with a CS major of any type is to fuck with something they know aka computers. Take his case off and remove a few jumpers, it won’t do any damage but it will take him days to figure out whats going on. If you don’t want to try that then either locate the circuit braker for the apt and trip it when is is working on a project or put arsenic in his kool-aide. Hope this helps.
#4 | Comment by bligityblah — October 25, 2002 @ 1:53 am
ok – you might as well ignore any advice before this or after…
There’s only one solution to this problem – and its motherfucking guaranteed to work-
move.
Brilliant. I know. You’re not going to change this sloth of a waste-of-space. 20 years of in-home conditioning courtesy of his wimpy ass momma won’t be undone with anything that you can cook up. This I can promise you. No amount of talking, pleading, threatening or "jumper-switching" is going to do anything.
So the only part of this equation you control is – you. Thus, you either live in filth (I already know you can’t do that, since you’re about as tightly wound as they come – and hey that’s not necessarily a bad thing…), or leave.
Feel free to edit my post to accomodate your needs more accurately. Afterall, there’s very little I can do to stop you from doing it – we know that’s been already proven.
One more thing. Please don’t beg me for my email again…
#5 | Comment by elPrezidente — October 25, 2002 @ 3:21 am
Hey Thess.. why don you kick him out?? to tell you the truth, that bastard will take advantage of both of you(your friend and you) and he will tease both of you. Hey just kick him out! I hate people that stinks, and are trash, why dont you broom him out with the trash too? Disgusting! And that thing you said about him taking a shower and then the bathtub is all black grease and stuff.. it may be true.. If he doesnt take a often shower, all his dirtiness comes does as acid to the ceramic or to the bathtub. Disgusting!
Hey sis! if you want some recipes, just tell me. I love to cook to and i have good recipes.
Kick him out or charge him the extra work you are doing. Is pleasant if he pays you the extra work you have to do to clean HIS inmundicity, if he doesnt want to pay, let him live in his pig box. If he doesnt pay, kick him, talk with your friend. And let him see that. If you leave on vacations, and you return??? what will you see? that all the neighborhood brought the trash to your house.
#6 | Comment by Gaby — October 25, 2002 @ 3:23 am
Thess-
I think people commenting are a little niave. It has nothing to do with the fact that you don’t know him. It has everything thing to do with you are sharing space with people who aren’t your significant other.
A year and a half ago I moved out (finally) and (unfortunately) back home to the ‘rents. Because my ‘ex’ best friend and I lived together for two years. We had our issues that sound similar to yours. Example, I went to california for a week and left the dishes in the sink when I left to see if, just ONCE, he’d put them in a dishwasher adn run them. When I returned home 6 days later, not only were they NOT washed, but he complained that we didn’t have clean dishes to eat from while I was gone!
It’s possible you’ll find someone who has a similar temperment who will work out with living with you. But without the slob in your apartment, it is very possible you’ll find new things to be upset about. I think us, humans, love to bitch.
I’m moving back out real soon and buying a house, BY MYSELF. That’s the real answer.
#7 | Comment by smash — October 25, 2002 @ 5:14 am
I ENJOY THE COCK
#8 | Comment by PenguinMessiah — October 25, 2002 @ 6:17 am
That last picture is the bomb.. bitch that was funny shit.. not the post, the picture.. room mates suck ass.. Move out ditch the pig.. I had to do it once.. best thing I ever did, found nicer digs, sweet ass location, it was good shit.
#9 | Comment by spit — October 25, 2002 @ 9:51 am
you guys actually read all that?
#10 | Comment by POOonSHOE — October 25, 2002 @ 9:54 am
wow, Thess you should really kick that guys ass out or really kick his ass and set him straight.
#11 | Comment by J.C. — October 25, 2002 @ 10:22 am
I thought about moving out, till I realized just how ridiculous it would be. “I’ll just break the lease, pay the several-hundred dollar fine for it, ensure that I won’t get any part of my deposit back, pay for a moving van, a new deposit for an apartment, new rounds of fees for turning on electricity, phone, etc…AND leave a friend of mine hanging on rent for this place–I enjoy living with Pete, and I just gotta wait this shit out–he agreed that we’d either find a new roomate or a two-bedroom apartment next year.
#12 | Comment by thess — October 25, 2002 @ 10:40 am
Not that I would enjoy doing this anymore than you would, I say put up a chore list. You have enough on your hands with your job and school, and moving in with people – whether you know them well or not, shouldn’t be an issue. Everyone should have to take on their own responsibility when a place is shared. You are not his mother, but if he runs about with responsiblity skills of a 12 year old (I don’t care how good he is with computers), then maybe he needs a friendly kick of guidance, and a place on the chore list.
#13 | Comment by eve — October 25, 2002 @ 11:01 am
dude, just kill him and throw his body into the ocean.
#14 | Comment by Amy — October 25, 2002 @ 11:32 am
Make some cookies or brownies with lots of exlax, put a "do not touch" note on the plate. It will solve nothing, but provide years of humorous memories. We had a guy that always took others food without equally contributing and was generally inconsiderate. The three days of misery he spent on the toilet was a source of many yuks (for him and for us!).
#15 | Comment by raceman — October 25, 2002 @ 12:00 pm
I moved into a house with a good friend of mine and a buddy of his he met last year. Both these guys I realized are wastes of skin. They are incompetent, and get bent out out of shape when I suggest splitting certain costs or chores. Plus they’re both huge mamas boys. I’m going into Res next year, Fuck this bullshit. I understand how you feel on the lazy roommate situation. Everyone here is right. You gotta get back at him to teach him a lesson. Ex-lax does work wonders, but realize that it may turn back on you someday.
#16 | Comment by shiz — October 25, 2002 @ 12:25 pm
oh, i’d be pretty pissed off too, if i were you.
Jungle Wa Itsumo Hale Nochi Guu!!1 as if i know what that is.
I AM KOREA. HUK HUK
#17 | Comment by dex — October 25, 2002 @ 12:50 pm
gotta love those 21 yr olds who do the 16 yr olds.. "no no it’s not pathetic at all"
i won’t go out with a 16 yr old and i’m only 18.
#18 | Comment by Chris — October 25, 2002 @ 1:13 pm
Stupid leases … Are all 3 of your names on the lease? If dumb ass isn’t you guys can get rid of his ass a.s.a.p. Evict his ass… if you find someone to take over his part of the lease also (providing you can convince him to leave), they can take over his part of the lease, but would probably have to give dumb ass his share of the deposit as his deposit. Everything equals out, and you got a new roomie.
#19 | Comment by spit — October 25, 2002 @ 2:38 pm
As always I agree with Eve… a chore list would be the best advice i could give you…
And.. That was a great piece of writing from your part Thess…keep up the good work….
#20 | Comment by Celius_Quin — October 25, 2002 @ 3:23 pm
Why dont you have an ezboard or some other kinda msg board, comments suck
#21 | Comment by silentfire — October 25, 2002 @ 3:45 pm
Kill him….easiest way to get rid of the problem. Kill him and feed him to the dogs, then throw the bones in the ocean.
#22 | Comment by J — October 25, 2002 @ 3:59 pm
Spit-
regardless of if his name is on the lease or not, if he lives there a year she CAN’T force him out. he’s a resident by common law standards.
Thess-
Toss him out before he’s there too long, if you are going to give up on him.
#23 | Comment by smash — October 25, 2002 @ 4:05 pm
roommates suck
b00bies do not
#24 | Comment by b00bies — October 25, 2002 @ 5:04 pm
Thess, I enjoyed your post. This is the first good thing I’ve read here since Justin left. I’d like to hear more from you.
#25 | Comment by Jarge — October 25, 2002 @ 6:31 pm
I enjoy having gerbils introduced to my rectal cavity.
#26 | Comment by ra — October 25, 2002 @ 6:53 pm
^ lol
#27 | Comment by mike — October 25, 2002 @ 7:43 pm
Thess, I pleasured myself to your post. This is the first good thing I’ve read here since Justin left. I’d like to get head from you.
#28 | Comment by raisgay — October 25, 2002 @ 7:57 pm
Yup, kick him out, but beat him while he sleeps with a large stick first. Don’t make him bleed too much tho. He might charge you for the excess blood loss. He WAS using it, ya’ know.
#29 | Comment by Lil Kenny — October 25, 2002 @ 9:13 pm
OT… im curious, have the hits dropped dramatically?
#30 | Comment by mike — October 26, 2002 @ 2:40 am
…simply, the worst post ever.
#31 | Comment by shine — October 26, 2002 @ 3:30 am
Damn….my harddrive crashes, I’m out of the loop for two days and all hell breaks lose.
Thess makes the longest post in history and doesn’t get flamed, Eve returns, and no news from Suzi in the whole section. THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!! I don’t know what is scarier, this section of comments or finding out I live less then an hour from Thess! :O Really though, roommates suck. Get married or become a bum. If you get married you have to bend and be bent (take that however you want) and as a bum you can always move easily without having to pay security deposits.
#32 | Comment by Jamlink — October 26, 2002 @ 4:15 am
May I shoot myself now?
*Sniffle* Where did Justin go?!!!!
#33 | Comment by DevNul — October 26, 2002 @ 5:26 am
Hey!!! Who removed my comment?!?!?
#34 | Comment by J — October 26, 2002 @ 6:42 am
man what is happening to this site….everyone good has to come back….JUSTIN!!! SUZI!!!!! i liked this post tho. it wasnt that bad…
#35 | Comment by meg — October 26, 2002 @ 12:13 pm
Nowhere near as good as your posts are, though. 🙁
#36 | Comment by thess — October 26, 2002 @ 5:06 pm
Maybe you should put one of those *under construction* things up, might not make people leave.
;(
#37 | Comment by DevNul — October 27, 2002 @ 6:15 am
All I have to say is this… I feel for you!!! I had a roommate that sounds exactly like this but he was a music major and he showered once a week when he went home to mommy to get her to do his laundry. You can either kick him out or kill him, because damn even all my friends busted on him openly and he didn’t change his ways. Just thought I’d tell you I relate. Great site!
#38 | Comment by Jackson — October 27, 2002 @ 6:44 pm
You know, I had a lot of these same problems with Damon back in the day, but I whipped him into shape real quick. See, here’s what you do:
When you hear him unlocking the door to the apartment, run as quickly as you can to the kitchen and start sharpening butcher knives against one another, saying, "Soon… Soon…" Then, once he sees you doing this, put them away and deny having even touched the butcher knives.
Yet another nugget of wisdom from me, Ben Affleck.
#39 | Comment by Ben Affleck — October 28, 2002 @ 12:36 pm
If you read this, email: Tenn@jubiimail.dk, and tell her to mail me. Nobody will ever see this, so I hereby reveal, that my true name is: Lau.
#40 | Comment by Kingolf — November 2, 2002 @ 6:17 pm