In an effort to redeem myself…

So a friend of mine comes over the other night to hang out and brings his new girlfriend with him. Ok, so I guess they are not girlfriend and boyfriend yet. Dating? Seeing each other? What is the proper terminology you single people use these days? When does it switch from one to the next?

Here is the way I figure it for a guy:
You go out one night and meet a new girl that you find to be to your liking, so you get their phone number. If you talk long enough that night and end up with a good night kiss with plans to call or go out, you are temporarily considered “dating”. This status only remains for about three days, at which point if there has been no further contact, they are just some “chick” you met one night. If you do talk again after the three days, the status does not reinstate until after you actually see them again in person, and only then if you get at least another good kiss.

Now, if that first night you sleep with her, she was a “one night stand”. If you do talk again, then she is a “booty call”. This status can only be upgraded to “dating” once you see each other and don’t sleep together within 24hrs of doing so.

The above scenarios move on to “seeing each other” status once you have eliminated everyone else form your repertoire of “dating” girls. She also has to no longer be “dating” anyone else.

This girl does not update to “girlfriend” status until you have had the talk. The talk involves you or her asking the other, “So what are we?”. Usually this is the girl asking this question in which case you are suckered into the new status by being forced to either be bumped back to “dating” or move on to “girlfriend/boyfriend”. This status is also obtained if you are stuck in “seeing each other” status for longer then three months and all of your boys now call her your “girlfriend”, even if you deny this status. This three months can include the “dating” period of time if you have become especially pussy whipped and your boys are calling you on it. No use denying it, she is now your “girlfriend”.

Although still referred to as “girlfriend” status, the next level often involves the “living together” status. This is obtained the obvious way by moving in together. Whether in your own place or someone else’s, including either sets of parents. This status can also be obtained when you have enough clothes at her place to stay for at least one week, and you actually have slept there that many days in a row. If you have to actually “go get your shit” if you break up, and you need a truck to do it, then you are technically “living together”. This stage can be skipped to move on to the next in some cases, however uncommon in today’s day and age.

The fun part comes at the “engaged” status. Obviously this can only occur when you ask the girl to marry you. Some guys use this as the “keep the bitch from leaving me” cop out in which they don’t actually buy the girl a ring but still pop the question. Usually occurs after she has been nagging him about getting married for some time. Even if this is the reason you ask, you are still “engaged” because she will tell everyone you know. Also, if you have had your “girlfriend” for several years and all of your boys refer to her as your “wife”. Guess what. They just granted you “engaged” status. Denying this status can only delay it for the first ten or so denies, and threatening your buys with bodily harm if they keep calling her your “wife” automatically upgrades you to “engaged”. Basically this “pseudo engaged” is the same as the “keep the bitch from leaving me” but she has not been nagging you as much.

Another status that does not have to take place is the “mother of my children” status. Should have strapped your shit dumb ass. Not going to elaborate on this one, but once this status is obtained it can never be gotten rid of even if all others are removed.

The last status is “fucked”. In layman terms this means you walked down the aisle, put a ring on her finger, and you are now living together. Some will calls this “married” or “wife” status. Even if you love her and you two have a happy marriage, this status is still “fucked”. Why? Because your balls are no longer yours, she is just letting you borrow them. Yes assholes, this is my status, at least I had my balls up until then.

And to keep up with Thess, how bout some free cartoon porn!

15 thoughts on “In an effort to redeem myself…

  1. Jamlink is that man MAN!

    #1 | Comment by Celius_Quin — October 29, 2002 @ 9:14 pm

  2. I got your cartoon porn right here:

    #2 | Comment by thess — October 29, 2002 @ 10:02 pm

  3. Never will I look at crickets the same way. I have no idea why, but when I first read this, I thought it was Justin. Maybe it was the title. No idea why. Bizarre…

    #3 | Comment by Peter the Freshman — October 29, 2002 @ 10:43 pm

  4. me thinks jamlink is referring to justin in some way or the other…

    ke ke ke

    so how should we categorize ze j man

    #4 | Comment by beng — October 29, 2002 @ 10:45 pm

  5. Yeah, as the old adage goes: First comes the engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring, then comes the suffer-ring.

    #5 | Comment by Umgawa — October 29, 2002 @ 10:46 pm

  6. ok i didn’t read the post because it’s beyond long… jamlink, grab a dictionary and look up verbose.. pleeeeease dude.

    #6 | Comment by Chris — October 29, 2002 @ 10:57 pm

  7. One, if all of you miss Justin posting and his presence here, the best thing you can do is stop nagging him about his girlfriend. At least he’s happy, that’s more important that this damn website.

    Two, Jamlink, someday you will be married. You will have kids. Categorizing marriage like you did, and basically the whole status-line of relationships, was .. Well, it makes for a good joke, but I hope that those thoughts don’t extend into real life.

    #7 | Comment by eve — October 29, 2002 @ 11:01 pm

  8. Was the last sentence in the post cut off or something — Jamlink said he was married…..

    #8 | Comment by just like youse — October 29, 2002 @ 11:05 pm

  9. Thess wins the hentai battle, for now. There used to be a lot of nice, free sites, but now…eh, there’s always this:

    #9 | Comment by Banana — October 30, 2002 @ 2:01 am

  10. Yes, unfortunately Jamlink is married.

    #10 | Comment by Bubba — October 30, 2002 @ 3:50 am

  11. I think I’m refrain from commenting on written articles after 3 am my time. I tend to not see everything. How long have you been married Jamlink?

    #11 | Comment by eve — October 30, 2002 @ 8:25 am

  12. Tentacle hentai…Bukkake hentai…Sailor Moon hentai…

    Rawk. I might even post a few nozuri pics.

    #12 | Comment by thess — October 30, 2002 @ 10:08 am

  13. Three and a half years actually. We got married very young. Take what I said with a grain of salt, I love my wife dearly. Just making a joke about how marriage life involves you having to take everything you plan to say or do and consider how the other person will react. The losing your balls statement was because you can’t just walk away, you can’t act like you are single, and you can’t just decide to go out drinking with the boys one night without asking how she will feel first. If you do, good luck with your marriage, call me in four years if you two are still together.

    Thess, I would have never guessed you were a closet, or not so closet, hentai fan! That kicks ass!

    #13 | Comment by Jamlink — October 30, 2002 @ 3:45 pm


    Cartoon boobehs!

    #14 | Comment by Bubba — October 31, 2002 @ 12:18 pm

  15. OK, There seems to be no where else to post. Get rid of these gay looking so called hunk pics from Nov 4. This site is going to shit. Bring back Justin. Bag Thess and Meg (at least until they show tit shots)

    #15 | Comment by T aka Tennessee Jed — November 5, 2002 @ 12:04 pm

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