Just Hang Up

Oy. What the hell is wrong with my mother? I don’t generally pick this topic for any kind of discussion, because frankly I haven’t got a whole lot I want to say or elaborate on. I’m moving in three days so I thought a courtesy call to my mom was in order. I haven’t talked to her in a couple months. It’s not that the international call to the US is expensive and makes me go broke, but we usually end up talking for a couple hours and that’s sufficient. So one phone call every 6 to 8 weeks is just fine.

So, I restate, I’m moving. I’m moving in with my boyfriend, because we’ve found an apartment. Moving to a bigger city. I thought maybe my mom would at least be curious as to what’s going on in my life. I was wrong.

“Are you pregnant yet?” – teh mom.

“No! What the fuck?!” – teh eve.

And then she wanted to talk about babies. I’m not having kids any time soon, I’m 19 for God’s sake. I told her she has at least a decade to go before she sees grandkids. I have school and work training to think about, stable housing, a car… and to find a guy that will do more than donate sperm and actually be a father and not leave after a year. Just because I’m moving in with him does not mean we’re going to start our own breeding ground. Good Lord.

We talked for 145 minutes. In that entire time, I spoke for about 20 minutes max. ‘Tis no lie. I ended up lapsing out and just talking to my boyfriend online about how my mom just doesn’t listen.

So as she’s telling me about her marriage problems, about how stubborn her husband is and how he never let’s her get a single word in, I’m there on my own trying to fight to get my own words in. I’ve heard this same damn story every time I’ve called, and for the last 2.5 years that they made the mistake to meet each other and fall in ‘love’ – which personally, I don’t buy it. She never asked about my relationship (except if I was knocked up yet) or about the apartment. And she has the nerve to talk about how her husband never lets her speak, when I’m her daughter calling her for the first time in a couple months with my big news about the apartment and my moon&stars relationship.

I thought moms were supposed to get off on that and she could chow on some coffee and chocolate while chain smoking and just listen for awhile. My bubble’s bursted.

Now I remember why I don’t call home. Argh.

41 thoughts on “Just Hang Up

  1. Eve-

    That really stinks. I hate the point in one’s life when you learn your parents aren’t all that you’ve always believed them to be.

    For me, I learned fairly on. I have about as deep and meaningful relationship with my father as it sounds like you do with your mother. Unfortunately, I realized this when I was in 8th grade.

    #1 | Comment by smash — March 11, 2003 @ 5:34 am

  2. She’s only concern about you…about the pregnant part i mean 😀

    Real got post. I was laughing til got stomach pain!

    #2 | Comment by JiL0 — March 11, 2003 @ 6:16 am

  3. Is this Eve’s site now?! No offence Eve, I enjoy your posts, but why is Justin not posting lately?

    Lazy b@stard! 😉

    #3 | Comment by Carl — March 11, 2003 @ 7:14 am

  4. His girlfriend is at his place for a visit. I’m sure they have better things to do than sit around while Justin posts on fubar. I’m making sure things don’t die around here.

    #4 | Comment by eve — March 11, 2003 @ 7:29 am

  5. Go Justin… bust a ball for the fubar junkies…

    Eve, funny shit.. my weeks been shit so far.. and you made me laugh.. 🙂

    First you got ballz, then you gots moxy, then you gots teh humor .. yo go’z girl..

    #5 | Comment by Dave Marshak — March 11, 2003 @ 9:47 am

  6. sucks, eve. maybe you should try telling her that.

    eh, what do i know. i barely have real conversations with my dad and i haven’t seen or talked to my mom in 4 years. i think it is four years. could be longer. i lose track.

    best you can do is not become her.

    #6 | Comment by gabdabary — March 11, 2003 @ 10:40 am

  7. was justin tied to bedpost wen hes girliefren caming for a vitsit?

    #7 | Comment by dikkok — March 11, 2003 @ 10:44 am

  8. Great post!

    Eve makes sure to water FUBAR, she’s not pregnant (There’s hope for me!) and dikkok has returned.


    #8 | Comment by Kingolf — March 11, 2003 @ 10:56 am

  9. dikkok!

    #9 | Comment by gabdabary — March 11, 2003 @ 11:11 am

  10. Eve, can you blow poor Kingolf a kiss? He’s kind of pitiful. All blue and Danish.

    Aren’t parents fun? At least your mom isn’t very selfish or self centered.

    #10 | Comment by grud — March 11, 2003 @ 12:24 pm

  11. President Bu…I mean Dikkok!

    #11 | Comment by Seriously — March 11, 2003 @ 12:34 pm

  12. You think your parens are wack?

    Try moving in with them again.

    Every other day, my mom has great fun naming all the things that are wrong with me.
    The bad part is that she can change me as she will. After all, cutting my hair for getting a free place to live and all the food I can eat is a great deal.

    I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to have a my mom like mine.

    I can’t decide which clothes to wear, I can’t have long hair, I can’t have beard on my chin, all because she thinks it’s girly. (How the hell is beard on the chin girly?)

    I can’t drink beer to my meals. Not a big deal you say? Try Danish beer. Just once. You’ll know what I’m craving.

    I can’t listen to heavy-metal or rock.
    I can’t even fucking swear at home!

    #12 | Comment by Kingolf — March 11, 2003 @ 3:14 pm

  13. Oh, and word to the kiss thing.

    #13 | Comment by Kingolf — March 11, 2003 @ 3:16 pm

  14. *blows kiss*

    You forgot that I DID move back in with my dad, Kingolf. And you can imagine how happy I am to get back out.

    #14 | Comment by eve — March 11, 2003 @ 3:50 pm

  15. Yay!


    Yeah, I can.

    I’m thinking about moving out, but then I realize I’m 15…

    Being a kid sucks huge donkey balls with frosting.

    #15 | Comment by Kingolf — March 11, 2003 @ 3:53 pm

  16. Huge, danish donkey balls. With frosting no less. The breakfast of danish champions my friends.

    #16 | Comment by grud — March 11, 2003 @ 4:06 pm

  17. Huge, danish donkey balls and Donkey anal fucking are prime google bait.

    #17 | Comment by Lucy — March 11, 2003 @ 6:58 pm

  18. ha ha reminds me when i was studing away from home… me mum used to complain that i would only call when reserves are low…

    now she keeps calling me for the moo-lah…

    #18 | Comment by beng — March 11, 2003 @ 10:12 pm

  19. I here ya Eve. At one point my relationship with my parents was nada, zip zero. I only live about 80 miles (130Km for you metric folk) from them and didn’t talk to them at all for about a year. Why bother, same crap every time. That was quite a while ago, when I was 18-19 years old. Finally my girlfriend(eventual wife) convinced me to write a letter, and we corresponded that way for a while. Now 18 years later (holy shit I’m old!) I take the Grandkids up to see them every few weeks. While I still find my Mother to be annoying and very opinionated, I consider my Father a good friend and talk to him often. I sometimes wonder how he has done it for 38 years.
    Try a letter, they can’t interrupt you.

    #19 | Comment by AKA postal — March 11, 2003 @ 10:26 pm

  20. Yes.

    #20 | Comment by Bubba — March 12, 2003 @ 2:53 am

  21. eh I moved back in with my dad to help him with his house. We are at each others throats on a weekly basis. Eh, what can you do.

    #21 | Comment by charles — March 12, 2003 @ 4:07 am

  22. Canadian, eh?

    #22 | Comment by Kingolf — March 12, 2003 @ 4:49 am

  23. i dont understand y ppl leave their houses. all u have to do is to make ur parents sign a will proclaiming all their properties to your name and then feed them pottasium cyanide or sumthin.
    btw u hav to be really nice to them first so they sign the will!

    #23 | Comment by luke — March 12, 2003 @ 8:31 am

  24. Bah, that’s boring.

    I’d kill my mom a lot more violently.

    #24 | Comment by Kingolf — March 12, 2003 @ 10:24 am

  25. i seriously just cringed at the thought of killing my mommie. as annoying as living at home with her again for the semester is… i enjoy being there for her and appreciate all she does for me. mommies are people with flaws too.

    eve, maybe you should try telling her how you feel? you don’t have anything to lose… because it sounds like you are already at ends with her.

    wait! i’m sure you probably already knew that and weren’t really looking for advice on what to about the situation. i need to learn how to decipher between real issues and entertaining post material.


    #25 | Comment by starzie — March 12, 2003 @ 12:15 pm

  26. Eve, I think you pushed Kingolf over the edge with the kiss. He’s feeling all manly and wants to kill his emasculating mother.

    #26 | Comment by grud — March 12, 2003 @ 12:18 pm

  27. Great scene from Mad About You way back when:

    Jamie: Why is it that my parents always know how to push my buttons like this?

    Paul: Because they installed them.

    #27 | Comment by RedEye — March 12, 2003 @ 12:44 pm

  28. Now that I mentioned it, I had to look it up (god I love the Web!). Here’s the exact transcript:

    Jamie: "I’m 30 years old, I’m married, I’ve a home. How come my parents can still push all my buttons?"

    Paul: "That’s easy, they installed ’em."
    So you see dear Eve, It doesn’t change as you get older…unless you do a lot of work on yourself.

    #28 | Comment by RedEye — March 12, 2003 @ 12:48 pm

  29. Grud-

    I thought you were on my side?

    #29 | Comment by Kingolf — March 12, 2003 @ 1:06 pm

  30. I’m always on your side my friendly, blue Dane.

    #30 | Comment by grud — March 12, 2003 @ 1:23 pm

  31. Blue Dane is a cheese.

    #31 | Comment by Kingolf — March 12, 2003 @ 2:04 pm

  32. In Denmark, Blue Dane is a cheese. On Fubar, it’s you.

    #32 | Comment by grud — March 12, 2003 @ 3:03 pm

  33. I’m not blue here.

    I’m brown.

    Because someone doesn’t like me.

    #33 | Comment by Kingolf — March 12, 2003 @ 3:10 pm

  34. Alright, now you’ve lost me.

    #34 | Comment by grud — March 12, 2003 @ 3:18 pm

  35. I used html to make my text blue, but someone *cough*thess*/cough* doesn’t like me so she used her modly powers to make my blue go away.

    #35 | Comment by Kingolf — March 12, 2003 @ 3:42 pm

  36. Oh. I see. Kind of like your mother, who makes you cut your hair, shave, and won’t let you drink beer? You’ve got some serious female issues.

    #36 | Comment by grud — March 12, 2003 @ 3:46 pm

  37. Oh, but Eve digs you. She blew you a kiss, so you’re doin’ OK!

    #37 | Comment by grud — March 12, 2003 @ 3:47 pm

  38. I think she unclicked the switch that allowed for HTML. Which is for the best, because I myself would have done evil…

    #38 | Comment by Seriously — March 12, 2003 @ 5:17 pm

  39. The blue went away because it looked ridiculous. The text here is brown. Deal with it.

    #39 | Comment by thess — March 12, 2003 @ 6:16 pm

  40. Thess you facist waitress bitch.

    #40 | Comment by Seriously — March 14, 2003 @ 7:39 pm

  41. http://www.michaelhart.net

    #41 | Comment by j — March 22, 2003 @ 10:12 am

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