dont read more if you’re easily offended. seriously. the stuff inside is gross. smash would probably like it. it’s that gross.
my hero?
hahah. okay so without getting too fist-deep in any debate over how much california’s recall election is a joke (thanks in part to candidates like this one–check out some of the items on that platform! and i don’t just mean the double D’s :p), i’d like to introduce you to someone i’m forced to admire simply because she and i share a common bond: our highschool.
i never knew her, but i could not stop cracking up after reading this article. it’s so tongue-in-cheek it could be porn in and of itself. it’s probably only particularly amusing if you’re familiar with the tightly-wound, slave-driving nature of the school (the sort that often breeds resentment–think of the prep school in the school of rock–which is a great movie, by the way), but it’s still a good read if you have a moment to spare. ;p
for the record, i do not find mary carey all that attractive. my ideal porn-esque looking girl has a body more like this:
rar.
😉
anyway, since we’re supposed to be talking about stuff that is offensive (but funny?), i thought i’d share my studying-for-the-GRE experience. a couple of months ago i was preparing to take the GRE, wherein i needed to demonstrate my knowledge of.. words.. only unfortunately (as you may have noticed!) i am not really skilled with the english language. so my plan of attack was to ask everyone i knew to throw words at me i’ve never heard of, so i could look them up and maybe learn something. that was the plan, anyway. my first word to research?
pederast.
i’m completely unsuspecting. i rush to dictionary.com and type in the word, and in response i get this:
😮
all i want to know is could dictionary.com have randomly displayed a more perfect ad to accompany that definition? honestly.
well if that wasn’t offensive enough, i have a few pedophilia jokes to share, since i remembered to include them (feel free to contribute any that you know of):
Q. what is the best part of molesting a 3 year old?
A. how big your penis looks in her tiny little hand.
Q. what is the best part of fucking an eight year old girl?
A. if you turn her around it’s like fucking a twelve year old boy.
Q. what is the best part of fucking a six year old girl?
A. hearing her pelvic bone crack.
okay, yes, those are disgusting. truly. sorry 😡 i picked them up during my vacation out in colorado where i spent all of my time around a bunch of guys who shared these jokes while repairing engines and other manly(?) things. yes, that is my excuse.
God… I love you.
Best post EVER.
#1 | Comment by embus — October 6, 2003 @ 1:57 pm
Yay, a long post with all the right qualities.
1.Boobs
2.Its bound to piss someone off, probably a chick who doesn’t shave.(or a psuedo-republican with an accent)
3.Boobs
4.Stal
Woof!
#2 | Comment by bligityblah — October 6, 2003 @ 2:15 pm
Great post. I did hear her on a TV interview, and this girl makes Jessica Simpleson sound like Albert Einstein.
Not a glowing endorsement for ol’ Pine Crest! 🙂
#3 | Comment by sexcrazedweasel — October 6, 2003 @ 2:46 pm
come out, come out wherever you are…!
ahahahahhahahaha
#4 | Comment by Justin — October 6, 2003 @ 2:48 pm
Just remembered a pedophile joke:
Q: Whats the best part about having sex with a 12yr old in the shower?
A: Slicking her hair back and making her look 8!
Damn thats sick, bad me.
#5 | Comment by bligityblah — October 6, 2003 @ 3:02 pm
On a second perusal of your posting, I was struck with a feeling that did not muster up in my first reading.
Specifically, the emphasis on the anal variety of intercourse to be inferred when using the word "pederast". If you care to dig even further into my warped imagination, I had taken myself back into the office of the gentleperson whom was responsible for the "P" directory of dictionary.com. What I found to be most recondite about this scenario, is that this gentleman/woman actually found it absolutely compulsory to tack on that little "anal intercourse" addendum. This is something I could not really grasp…
Then I had the thought to cross reference the definition with the unabridged dictionary I have, just to see what it had to say. To my great incredulity, it had this to say:
"ped-er-asty: n. sodomy between males, esp. as practiced by a man with a boy"
So then I was posed with this question, which I urge you all to respond to:
Does language, generally speaking, need a word for this kind of action? Does mankind benefit from defining the word pederast?
#6 | Comment by embus — October 6, 2003 @ 3:56 pm
Sorry, but "pedophile" just isn’t specific enough.
#7 | Comment by Banana — October 6, 2003 @ 4:27 pm
Stal you are now by far the best poster here!!! I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU! will you marry me?
#8 | Comment by WP_LeGeNd — October 6, 2003 @ 4:32 pm
"Does language, generally speaking, need a word for this kind of action? Does mankind benefit from defining the word pederast?
Posted by embus – 3:56pm October 6, 2003"
Most certainly. How else would we describe what you do every day?
#9 | Comment by sexcrazedweasel — October 6, 2003 @ 4:49 pm
ha!
#10 | Comment by embus — October 6, 2003 @ 5:21 pm
ooooooh! BURN!
#11 | Comment by Justin — October 6, 2003 @ 5:32 pm
And OUCH!!! It was HOT!
#12 | Comment by embus — October 6, 2003 @ 5:47 pm
Wow…Sexcrazedweasel finally said something funny. I have to give him credit, considering it’s been the first time since he’s commented here.
#13 | Comment by Smash — October 6, 2003 @ 6:21 pm
Crystal-
Interesting post. One bit of criticism your ideal porn star body is probably just a bit too thin.
Ohhh…and DEFINITELY too old. By like 6-8 years. 🙂
#14 | Comment by smash — October 6, 2003 @ 6:23 pm
Porn star for governor?
omg, CONTROV-okay that’s getting really old now.
On the one hand though, maybe she could get political favors from other high muckymucks with sexual favors.
Her slogan: "Ass to Ass for Cali’s greener grass."
Or something.
#15 | Comment by Seriously — October 6, 2003 @ 11:17 pm
Seriously,
she offers a date (no sex) for anyone that contributes 500$ or maybe $5000.
#16 | Comment by smash — October 6, 2003 @ 11:24 pm
Who would pay 5000 for a date? I guess if you have too much money and not enough sex? I dunno but it does give new meaning to the term "public service".
#17 | Comment by scott — October 7, 2003 @ 1:41 am
Stal … you’re such a pretty girl.
And so very, very dirty.
Kick ass. :o)
#18 | Comment by Amy — October 7, 2003 @ 7:57 am
Yeah…she’s starting to win me over. 🙁 Might be that I’m including in every one of her posts. Flattery will get you everywhere with me.
#19 | Comment by smash — October 7, 2003 @ 8:00 am
Hahaha, those are "no sex" wink wink nudge nudge…its only "no sex" in ads that the cops can read. Once the hotel door closes she lands flat on her back. Most guys expect sex after a dinner and a movie. If I paid 5g’s I’d want more than a lapdance.
#20 | Comment by bligityblah — October 7, 2003 @ 12:35 pm
glad you liked it embus :p although honestly it pales in comparison to the real posts on here made by the other people on this site. i’m just throwing stuff out there for shits & giggles 😉
bligity–i dont know; no one seems to be getting pissed off 😡 except maybe smash, but that’s probably just because i haven’t posted any pictures of prepubescent girls. not that pissing people off was my intent, of course. 😉
weasel-i wish i could have seen the interview(s). any of them. it blows not having cable 🙁
justin- 😮 way to host the pictures! and make them all a nice size. i was just going to be lazy about it and let people deal with the horizontal scroll, but that’s just because i’m an asshole 😉
legend- i thought i was already taken by amy but i dont know if she’s still interested :'(
smash – i’m going to leave the sexy-underaged-girl-picture-finding to justin. he’s much better at it than i. naturally.
serioulsy – didn’t intend to focus on the controversial aspect too much; i know it’s overplayed. i just thought the article was hysterical. but i’m easily amused. really easily. it’s sad.
bligity (x 2)- i think people (guys and girls) who were looking to take someone out in hopes of scoring later that night would be much better off demanding the humpage first. that way you can decide if the sex was good enough to reward with dinner and a movie. and if it wasn’t, you didn’t waste your money! 😀 i’m so novel it’s romantic. (only i bet it’s not really novel.. i just live in a cave so i get to think so).
amy – i have nothing but less than three for you. 😉
#21 | Comment by crystal — October 7, 2003 @ 12:39 pm
Hmm sex before the date….marry me! Hows that for a novel idea?
#22 | Comment by bligityblah — October 7, 2003 @ 12:50 pm
what is with this site and marriage proposals 😮
#23 | Comment by crystal — October 7, 2003 @ 12:52 pm
crystal – nah you aren’t pissing me off. And honestly (in case you are starting to believe these things) I have no pedophilic tendencies, justin just loves teasing me because I’m 29 and flirting with 18-21 year old women on this site. So I figure, what the hell, when in Rome…
#24 | Comment by smash — October 7, 2003 @ 2:32 pm
I was actually referring to how I’d made that same comment the past 3 or 4 times anyone said anything political or feminist or gay bashing or whatever. It’s getting old to me, I should really think of something else. Watch.
Implying that feminism is not a valid political viewpoint?
omgwtf CONTROVERSY!!!!!11111!!!oneoneone!!1!
RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE
#25 | Comment by Seriously — October 7, 2003 @ 9:38 pm
i thought i was already taken by amy but i dont know if she’s still interested :'(
Our Vermont wedding is still on! So don’t go marrying any of these boys!
Although, of course, we will have to work out the details of the "open" aspect of our relationship…
Ya know, for the times when the dildo just won’t cut it 😉
#26 | Comment by Amy — October 7, 2003 @ 10:04 pm
?
When would that be?
Just curious. The more you know, and such.
#27 | Comment by Seriously — October 7, 2003 @ 11:22 pm
When would that be?
I wasn’t going to answer this, because I sort of thought that was obvious….
But.
In the immortal words of Banky…
All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dicking.
I disagree only because that’s not all any woman really wants…
But I definitely think it’s on the list.
And there are certainly times when a woman craves the whole man attached to the appendage.
#28 | Comment by Amy — October 8, 2003 @ 10:58 am
Q: Why is anal sex better then oral sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day. . . but anal sex makes your hole weak.
#29 | Comment by Maggie — October 8, 2003 @ 1:17 pm
Maggie-
I love that joke! I shall steal it and claim it as my own. Thanks.
#30 | Comment by smash — October 8, 2003 @ 2:15 pm
I think that joke goes better if you add the word ‘whole’ into the the first part. "Oral sex makes your whole day… Anal sex makes your hole weak…" But then again, I could be wrong.
My favorite pedophile joke ever is the following:
Q.: What’s better than sex with a six year-old girl?
A.: Sex with a six year-old boy.
Q.: What’s better than sex with a six year-old boy?
A.: … Nothin’.
#31 | Comment by Umgawa — October 8, 2003 @ 3:21 pm
Heh…
Heh heh…
Heh heh heh
…the…Governator…
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe…
#32 | Comment by Seriously — October 8, 2003 @ 11:17 pm