I was flipping through the comments on the last post by Lizzie, and WP Legend’s right. Seventy-five percent of Americans are overweight, but -this being America- it’s our God-given right to be fat; it said so in the Declaration of Independence: Pursuit of Life, Liberty and a Double Quarter-Pounder With Cheese.

That’s right, we’re Americans who propelled, “I’m OK, You’re OK” to the top of the New York Times bestseller list, but seem to have forgotten the second half of the title and now see it as, “I’m OK, But You’re A Fucking Asshole, So Stop Criticizing Me Before I Shove This Broomstick So Far Up Your Ass You’ll Be Picking Splinters Out Of Your Teeth.”

We’re Americans, and collectively we’re fat, but rather than simply admit that we have a problem with over-eating, we eliminate any chance of being flawed in any way whatsoever and hire scientists to find the elusive “Fat Gene”. I don’t care if they find the Fat Gene; I want scientists to find the gene that makes people retarded and not take responsibility for anything.

Case in point: The fuckheads who think it’s Ronald McDonald’s fault they look like Grimace and take the whole company to court. If only Mayor McCheese could step in and say, “You’re fat, it’s your fault, fuck you. Here’s five dollars’ worth of gift certificates for your pain and suffering, thank you and come again.”

But it’s a damn good thing we’re fat, because weight-control books dominate the bestseller lists; diet-pills are sold mainly to truckers, college students and essentially anyone else who can’t find good amphetamines; Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers offices are open all over the country… Being fat is a multi-billion dollar a year industry, employing thousands of people across America, who likely have absolutely no other job qualifications. Couple that with the money generated by things at actually make Americans fat, and you realize that our own obesity is the only thing keeping us out of the poor-house.

What can you do on Love Your Body Day? Go to Hallmark and try to find a card to send to someone, and then ultimately realize that the Love Your Body Day is just a giant publicity stunt created exclusively to promote the National Organization For Women at a minimal cost by getting their followers to go all Stuart Smalley and say, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and damn I look hot in these 54-inch stretch-pants…” and then hold rallies for yet-wider seats at movie theaters, airplanes and sports stadiums.

If they had their way, Fenway Park would seat nine people, just to make sure the fattest people on earth could all sit there and be happy as pigs in shit, which is a pretty appropriate metaphor, don’t you think?

20 thoughts on “Counter-Werd

  1. Good lord, it’s getting worse…


    #1 | Comment by radish01001 — October 12, 2003 @ 2:57 pm

  2. goo’ lor’d, what the heck happened here…..? whatever happened to the old fubar 1 year ago?

    #2 | Comment by mysteryman — October 12, 2003 @ 3:01 pm

  3. About a year ago?

    Interestingly enough, that’s about when I came along.

    heh heh heh

    #3 | Comment by Seriously — October 12, 2003 @ 5:39 pm

  4. Wahahahah interesting thought the entire american economy is based on being fat!!! wahhaha didnt actually think about it like that!!

    #4 | Comment by WP_LeGeNd — October 12, 2003 @ 7:38 pm

  5. I’m not fat. I don’t care. Let’s move on.

    Justin…..fucking post please.

    #5 | Comment by grud — October 12, 2003 @ 8:40 pm

  6. I am no longer offended that radish has no interest in my posts. (I wasn’t really ever offended, but I couldn’t think of a better way to phrase this.) That was an excellent post, and clearly radish has no attention span or ability to process anything of substance.

    You’re right, Affleck. Screw NOW and their cheap publicity stunts. Maybe if they started encouraging women to continue hating their bodies, more chicks would start taking diet tips from Lara Flynn Boyle. Those who didn’t have the willpower would hopefully be so filled with self-loathing that they overdose on their diet pills so the rest of us wouldn’t have to look at their fat asses.

    Your thoughts on the diet industry and the reasons for obesity are interesting and largely accurate. But, like a lot of men, you miss the point of NOW, "Love My Body Day", and the feminist movement as a whole.

    #6 | Comment by Amy — October 12, 2003 @ 11:38 pm

  7. Interesting… is it just me or ded Affleck sound like Maddox on that post? Yeah, I’m a retard…

    Well anyways, the reason American is 75% overweight is because of the fact that you are the richest nation in the world, its basically that simple…

    You have made your fortunes taking advantage of poorer nations and half become "large" for it.

    I wonder what the obesity rate is in a place like Haiti or Cambodia?

    #7 | Comment by Guizhang — October 13, 2003 @ 6:14 am

  8. really i dont care. i like pretty, thin people. Ill bang up a fucking quarter pounder with cheese tho’

    #8 | Comment by vass — October 13, 2003 @ 10:28 am

  9. @Guizhang… Yes, our weight problem is directly and simply related to being prosperous. However “You have made your fortunes taking advantage of poorer nations and half become "large" for it." is outright American-bashing and bullshit t’boot. We give away more foreign aid in a year than either of the countries you listed make (GNP) in a decade. We have one of the most open immigration policies in the world, (and are damn ineffective at stopping illegal aliens so give them asylum every five years anyway) so anyone can come and live here if they really want it bad enough. France and England both have outstanding bills with the US for WWII which we never asked to be repaid, and don’t even get me started on how much money we pored into Japan after a war THEY started and subsequently got their Asses handed to them. Oh, wait. Did you mean Iraq? Hmmm, could it be that the only ones that want the US in Iraq are the Iraqis? Why is that do you think? Maybe because atrocities were an everyday thing before we kicked Sadam and his “women raping, child imprisoning, torturing-ass" sons the hell out. Or could it be that Iran, Syria, or even Turkey (countries not known for human-rights) would love to move in and do the same, just to control the second largest oil country in the world. Oh and Bush has asked congress for 87 Billon dollars to rebuild Iraq while reiterating that we will not be taking Iraq oil as reimbursement for the war.
    …I will shut up now, before I don’t.

    #9 | Comment by matt — October 13, 2003 @ 4:09 pm

  10. I believe everything George Bush says, as long as he reiterates it.

    That’s very giving of him to say that. On my way to work this morning, I’m going to kick the shit out of anyone who looks at me funny. Before I do, I’m going to insist that he’s hiding a weapon on his person, and he was planning on killing me with it. I will leave him bloodied, but will show no embarassment whatsoever when his backpack turns up empty. I will then inisist that the real reason I kicked his ass was because he was a wife beater.

    My benevolence will be demonstrated when I don’t take his wallet when I’m done.

    A bully less compassionate might have.

    #10 | Comment by Amy — October 13, 2003 @ 8:24 pm

  11. Ummm, Amy, you missed the point here. Whether are not Bush’s excuses (and yes they were excuses) for going into Iraq were right are wrong is not what I was pointing out. That saying America got wealthy by taking advantage of poor countries is bullshit, is. And so far Bush has kept his word and we haven’t. So there is (as of yet) no proof this was a "war for oil". If America pulled all it’s forgien aid plus what we give to support international orginazations (such as the UN and NATO) many countries would be in a whole world of shit. (oh, and we could probably balance the budget with it too.)

    But I’m not shy. You think America is a bully? Tell the kids that we freed from that jail (Read: Concentration Camp for those under 14) that we are bullies. See what they say. Ask the american citzens from Iraq that sat and watched video of people being tortured by Husai and Kusai and their "army" to see if maybe one of those people were their missing relatives so they could have closure, if they think America is a bully.

    #11 | Comment by matt — October 13, 2003 @ 10:26 pm

  12. OK, I’ll ask those people. I’ll leave it to you to ask the residents of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

    OR, fucking A. The Native Americans. Or the people brought here in chains.

    The United States was founded by bullies, and has indeed prospered in bullying. It’s a mentality the masses of the U.S. still rejoice in today.

    #12 | Comment by Amy — October 14, 2003 @ 2:32 am

  13. "We give away more foreign aid in a year than either of the countries you listed make (GNP) in a decade."

    As if this justifies anything? The fact is whether you wish to admit it or not, America has made its vast wealth out of exploiting third world countries in Central and South America and in Asia.

    Don’t believe me, read a history book. But hey, that’s Capitalism for you… you were just smarter then us (Well, not the political fractions which you paid off to allow American business to exploit the farmers, arguably they were just as smart as you, just immoral) Hooray! Latin American governments are full of corruption and allow world powers to exploit and rape the lands… hooray for America!

    The fact that you are giving money to governments loyal to the US who use it to buy weapons to tame the population is hardly an excuse for anything.

    "We have one of the most open immigration policies in the world,"

    You do realize that the entire American continent was formed on migration and letting a few thousand uneducated Mexicans cross the bother to do menial jobs and be paid shit any educated person would do for that sort of pay doesn’t mean you are better… it just means you’re better educated…

    Oh and before anyone says that "It isn’t only Mexicans" I was only using Mexico as an example or "Its their own fault that they’re stupid" well, there really isn’t much I can say to justify that… that’s one of the many benefits of being poor.

    And another thing, why is it that Americans always bring up WW2? I mean, seriously people, I don’t wish to offend anyone, but the fact that your Democratic government decided to ally itself with the side of the anti-fascists, means very, very little. Most Americans in the war were not crusading to rid the world of an evil, racist, power hungry pig, they were reacting towards a direct assault on American soil, so they enlisted to kill people who dared invade America. If anyone is thinks I am just talking out the back of my ass, explain to me why Americans didn’t even give a holy shit when the war had begun or didn’t defend Poland or China the way France and England had? To say every single American soldier sought to rid the world of evil is bullshit. They did as told, as did the soldiers on the other side. I know this because, yes, most of the men in my family are soldiers, and many did political assassinations during the tyrannical government. But remember, soldiers do what they are told, no matter what it is.

    “Hmmm, could it be that the only ones that want the US in Iraq are the Iraqis?”

    May I remind you that it was the US government which installed Saddam Hussein in the first place, which trained his troops, which threw a blind eye when he gassed the Kurds and gave him money and weapons to kill Iranians…. Truth of the matter is, Saddam was under America’s pocket and true, was a tyrannical son of a bitch, but he was YOUR tyrannical son of a bitch until he decided he would invade Kuwait against American orders. Now, he is a part of the “Axis of Evil” who eats babies calls your mother a whore and would fuck your sister and not call back.

    “Sadam and his “women raping, child imprisoning, torturing-ass" sons the hell out.”

    Interesting how these same people were trained by the Americans…

    “Oh and Bush has asked congress for 87 Billon dollars to rebuild Iraq while reiterating that we will not be taking Iraq oil as reimbursement for the war.”

    God Bless your democratic, just, intelligent, kind, all around good old boy President who was elected democratically and justly by the people of America.

    Of course he doesn’t have an ulterior motive for invading Iraq, he just wants to free the people…. He doesn’t want the oil or to please his friends who would do the rebuilding of Iraq if God forbid, you were to accidentally destroy a few building, streets and whatnot.

    Its just hard to believe that America, the same country that represents “freedom and democracy” in the rest of the world would actually do such a thing.

    I mean, they never uninstalled Democratic governments that may have not like American imperialism and American corporations and installed tyrannical, oppressive governments (See Guatemala in 1954. Chile in 1973 or Nicaragua in 1981 just to name a few “non-examples”)

    Before I continue and get the immediate back-lash (Which I know I will), I want to say I am not Anti-American, no matter how much I sound it in this last post. I actually admire the American Revolution and admit it was the inspiration for our own revolution (Santo Domingo 1844) To be honest, I don’t really care much for Americans, they can do whatever the fuck they want and I admit, I enjoy American pop culture such as movies and music (And the computer which was invented in the US as well….), but I DO have a very large bone to pick with the American government and what its done in the past 100 years.

    Interesting- I wonder how George Washington would feel of America changing places with England as the oppressive world power who dominates the world through fear of either intervention or economic sanctions.

    Basically, most countries around the world have been in some form or another affected by America for good or bad, most of it sadly being for the worst. True, America does not have a history of colonizing countries it invades, but instead installs puppet governments which follow America’s every order to the point and allow American corporations to install basis to make a shit-load of money off the land or its people. Tell me, which is worst, the enemy who punches you in the face by colonizing thus creating a common enemy to rebel against or the one who stabs you in the back by creating a corrupt, puppet government which sucks out all the lands resources? I won’t take away from you the fact that America government has been intelligent over the years, but that still doesn’t stop it from being the common enemy around the world.

    Again, I remind anyone reading this that I am not anti-American but am in fact anti-American government.

    Oh and one last thing, Matt, I respect your opinion and your stance, and not in one moment have I had the intent of insulting you or any of your countrymen. Believe it or not, I dont hate American people much less anyone who is willing to sit down and debate their stance on something.

    I feel passion about my stance as an anti-imperialist, but am a pretty nice guy (Too nice) and insults on my person or being affect me like a mother fucker.

    On a completly diffent note:

    ¡Que viva el Che!

    #13 | Comment by Guizhang — October 14, 2003 @ 3:01 am

  14. Oh and one last thing, I am not a Saddam supporter, in fact, I think the fucker should be costrated and stoned to death on the street for the crimes he has done to the people of Iraq and humanity in general, not for the oil in his nation.

    And I didnt want America to sound like the "bad guy" of WW2 which they really werent, but I am sorry it came off that way. I know for one that if I were an American I would have fought with all my might in WW2. But to say that the American people all hated Hitler for being a fachist is bullshit, they saw it as attack against American soil, no more.

    #14 | Comment by Guizhang — October 14, 2003 @ 3:06 am

  15. Holy crap, that was fantasic.

    #15 | Comment by Amy — October 14, 2003 @ 3:17 am

  16. Jesus fucking Christ. This is like the second time in a week that I’ve had to say I can’t believe I’m watching flame-wars on fucking Fubar. Ninety percent of the people who read this site don’t bother to look at the comments unless there’s pictures of boobies in there. Ninety percent of the ten percent remaining comment, but only to applaud boobies or decry the lack of them in a post. Ninety percent of that remainder comment their thoughts on the post. The remaining one tenth of one percent go completely fucking insane; even more so than the seemingly random people who are granted posting rights.

    Grow… the FUCK… up.

    #16 | Comment by Umgawa — October 14, 2003 @ 4:29 pm

  17. @Guizhang: to quote Amy “…that was fantastic!” I never take politics personally, I respect your opinion aswell. I hope you didn’t see my post as an attack on you. Differences of opinion are why I love my country. I’ll get back to your post in a sec. Ladies first.

    @Amy: Hiroshima & Nagasaki – Bad example for both bullying and taking advantage of a country. We didn’t just say “Hey there is a bunch of people on an island over there. Lets drop a few bombs on them.” Nope that’s what they did to us. That’s not bullying, it’s opening a can of whoop-ass. Whether the can was too big is another issue. Slavery can’t be argued. (Or only by the stupid.) So the point is conceded. Native Americans? We could discuss this for ages, yes white people did them wrong. As they did the Irish (my ancestors), Africans, Chinese, Mexicans, and everyone else. Of course the same could be said for any country. No one seizes power in a “nice way”.

    Back to Guizhang: Just to be clear – "Its their own fault that they’re stupid" I did not even imply this. (A disclaimer for those that skim) Immigration – Mexicans doing menial labor is not what I was trying to say. But lets take them. Why do they come here then? How about because homeless people in America eat better than ¼ of the world’s population. (Yup, because we are evil) That we educate (if you can call it that) any child regardless if they are American citizens or not. Schools can’t even ask. Lets talk about the other immigrants; the ones who come from hellholes all over the world and can’t fathom why Americans bitch so much. If we spent a day in their past country we might see things differently. The many of them that own their own businesses (small business is at a record high for America and about a third are owned by immigrants.) Yes most Americans are probably more educated than the average immigrant, but at least by have the opportunity to come here and rectify that. Some do, some don’t.

    “You do realize that the entire American continent was formed on migration”
    So was Europe. The only difference is when. Man didn’t spontaneously appear there.

    “Most Americans in the war were not crusading to rid the world of an evil, racist, power hungry pig,”
    A good point, but not the one at hand. All I said was that European countries had some debts with us we never tried to collect on. WWII is the reason for those debts. That’s all.

    “May I remind you that it was the US government which installed Saddam Hussein in the first place”
    So then we are cleaning up our own mess then? I can live with that. I wish we had done it right the first time. Too bad the UN refused to let America depose him then. We could be spending our time trying to turn Canada into a sky resort.

    “He doesn’t want the oil or to please his friends who would do the rebuilding of Iraq if God forbid, you were to accidentally destroy a few building, streets and whatnot”
    America (so far) has not taken any reimbursement from Iraq. Oil or otherwise. If you can name companies getting those contracts (to rebuild) and their connection to Bush, please do. Otherwise this is just another conspiracy theory with no evidence to back it up. However, lots of munitions contracts did go to a company Dick Chaney (VP) has a large interest in.

    “Its just hard to believe that America, the same country that represents “freedom and democracy” in the rest of the world would actually do such a thing”
    Just as hard as it is to believe America is tired of punk-ass cowards using Americans as target practice, killing women and children, goats and cows indiscriminately, and have decided to fight back. That includes countries that publicly state their desire to see America destroyed. BTW since 9/11 terrorism worldwide is at its lowest point since the 70s. Think that may have too do with the fact that America routed two governments that were a pain in the ass (not just for America either)?

    “As the oppressive world power who dominates the world through fear of either intervention or economic sanctions.”
    It’s very easy to blame all the woes in the world on the prosperous. It’s damn near a disease in this country. (America) Don’t blame America because you want to play in the majors but don’t like the rules. America isn’t even 300 years old and is the richest country in the world. That should show any country that rules can be changed.

    We were already way beyond a third world nation when we started exploiting South America. Sure you can blame it on America if you wish, or you could stop bitching that we exploit and shoot the fuckers that let it happen and replace them with people that look out for your peoples. Capitalism is here to stay. Get use to it or you will be left behind. Everyone wants more. More of what is just schematics.

    #17 | Comment by matt — October 14, 2003 @ 8:35 pm

  18. frivolity, frivolity, my kingdom for frivolity.

    There was a time when only a spattering of fubar people would try to be smart, now it’s every living fuck who comments.

    Well stop it!!

    I think we need to excommunicate Amy, because she has fostered a new breed of rent-boys that makes me want to shit.

    #18 | Comment by Discommode — October 15, 2003 @ 5:15 am

  19. on an unrelated note, why do I link my email address and none of you fucks write?
    Not that I want you to, but why then do I do it?
    Must be one of my failings, I see the box and I insert…..mwhahahahaha!!!

    #19 | Comment by Discommode — October 15, 2003 @ 5:21 am

  20. This is interesting.

    My opinion isn’t.

    #20 | Comment by Seriously — October 15, 2003 @ 10:37 am

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