Despite how nice of a person you are, sometimes it’s hard not to notice how easily people can be placed in stereotypes. I was on the road the past couple of days and realized that even though the city I’m moving to is of a substantial size, the population repeats itself. Day to day when you walk down the street, it’s like seeing the same people every day.
So here’s a little break down of the boxes I could make.
Mainstreamers, male and female
They shop at the mainstream stores – the stores that carry the same handful of clothing brands that you can find 20 times in the same shopping lane. You know one when you see one. The guys wear the tight shirts and the fashionable pants, they have their nicely cut jackets that probably cost them half a month’s worth of pay, and their shoes are along the lines of whatever brand costs the most, isn’t sporty, and their overall look if seen in america would be considered clubby or just homosexual. Usually, I just call this bunch the beauty boys.
Then there are the mainstream girls. They’re picking up whatever trends are on the racks for the season. You see them tripping over their own 5 inch heels in any given season, their clothes are so tight you wonder how they actually breathe, and in the winter a thick coat generally appears to not be fashionable enough for them – God forbid they look more than their 90 pound constricted frames.
The disturbing thing about this group is that they are only seen together – only about 10% date or are seen with people that don’t look exactly like them. Both genders are super tanned year around, so in the crowds of paleness they are the orangies. It actually looks terrible, but I guess skin cancer and wrinkles at 35 is hip now or something.
Natural Loungers
This group is not gender specific, they both wear the same clothes – hemp, natural fibers, all in dull colors of t-shirts, super wooly sweaters, and cords or tie-around ankle-length skirts. This is more of a college group than anything else. They also flock together and cook together more than often, because no one understands their ‘save the cows’ motto more than their equals. Needless to say, 75% I’ve met are vegetarians. Often seen unshaved, long haired, and without the extras that consumerism has to spare. The girls almost never wear makeup, they make pottery and do natural crafts in their spare time – something they always seem to have more than enough of. The guys think that water and soap are necessities to be overlooked, and deodorant may also be a disposable item in their toiletry. This particular group of people appears to be the more approachable, but in personally conversing with the person you discover they are actually very close-minded and not accepting of people that do not follow their same values. Also, reggae, ragga, soul filled and angsty are the top choices of music.
Hip-hoppers
I live in the area where German hip-hop was first discovered, created and recorded. You can spot a hip hop kiddie and his or her groupies about 50 miles away. It’s pretty similar to the american brand of little dogs, still nipping at everyone’s heals. They’re the 15 year olds that bring beer to the park and spray the town with their shitty unartistic tag names – eventually they all get caught because they have big mouths. They’re the little assholes that prevent me from sleeping on the train because their minidisc players are blasting whatever new gold-rim car music they could scrounge out of the trash. They think they are the ultimate coolies of the world, that their sagging pants and FUBU will help them live life and fufill their dreams. Every little hiphop kiddie has his g-girl, she’s equallly shabbily dressed and usually sporting a bandana and an oversized coat. I still don’t understand why they all have a habit of spitting, I suppose it’s the human version of a dog pissing on a tree. But they make good for entertainment – unless that is, they never grow up. I’ve seen these cases, and surely these are the worst. Because despite the fact that they add 6+ years to their already 15, they don’t change. They just take it a step farther – they’re the super egos of the party, the super sweaters on the dance floor, the ones with their man-made philosophies that they are their own gods and we need to bow.
Rich Old Women
You smell them before you seem them – either their overpriced department store perfume or their dog’s shit on the sidewalk. Every rich woman seems to either have a dog that’s barely as tall as their shoes, or they have enough fur on their coats, hats, sweaters, scarves, and purses to lay claim to 10 slaughtered animals. Rich old women never go gray, they never go white, they’re branded by super blonde or an all over dark color. They draw in their eyebrows, look haughty at all times like they just stuck the frown pill up their ass, and you can at all times see their dark lipstick creased into their wrinkles. These women are probably lonely and fearing the role mortality plays on them, so they drown out their misery in the showing of money. Oh, and GOLD everything.
Babooshkas
It’s the Russian word for Grandmother. I fit all Middle Eastern women into this category that sport the head coverings and long neck-to-ankle balloon. They don’t speak in public unless it’s to their husbands or female friend – and always in their native language. I honestly think that they play so little of a role in life that they don’t bother to learn German because they have no need. It’s not like their allowed friends besides their countrywomen and male family – or like they’ll ever hold or be allowed to have a job. They dress like the Amish – all dark colors, light colors seem forbidden, if you see a red head scarf it’s almost like seeing a red “A” sewn onto their breasts. Their only unique part is the pattern of their head scarf and their shoes. Both always completely clash with the ultra suppressed woman look.
A Babooshka’s man is also dressed in dark, they don’t speak, they walk with their hands in their pockets and have the facial expression of a car thief looking to score a new ride. Black leather is life’s staple, along with heavy Russian clothing I would die wearing. Any season, they are sweating, and you can smell it.
Homeless Punks
They piss me off. They look like punks and they are too above society to work for the man, but they’re not too good to beg for the man’s money. They have lots of dogs, group together like flies on shit, and pretend to be able to play guitar while they sweat through their holey jeans and black leather jackets. I don’t understand them, I don’t want to. These are the only beggars I have no sympathy for. They choose to not be a part of society except the refuse on the street with an open hand and without a thank you. Fuck them. They can piss off.
Wish They Were Still Young and Thin
Women are ridiculous. Especially women in their late 30s and 40s that think dressing outrageously will make their thighs look smaller. The typical example here, which is country specific, is the whatevertrendwashot3yearsago look for teens – along the lines of that alphabet pants things (writing all over it), lots of bold and bright colors that make you gag – and ALWAYS, their pants are too short. So you have this center of attention thing right from their stretched waistbands down. You see the gut, the thighs that meet until the knees, a cutoff of material somewhere between the knee and ankle and then these really, really horrible shiny colored (red or black) half-boot things. It reminds me of a washed out crack whore or an episode with a morning after sceen of “Absolutely Fabulous.” Kill me now.
Americans in Germany
“Oh My God! That is soooo, like, Germany or something – we have to bring one of those home for mom!!!” I don’t know what happens when the average girl hits German soil, but whatever brain was there to begin with fades into this hyper-talkative, like OMG voice that can be heard two blocks away. They openly comment on everyone they see in a very loud voice, obviously not realizing that 75% of German people can speak English, and that 90% understand it.
American guys like beer, and they’re not afraid to show it. That, or they think they are ultra European the minute they buy some european-styled clothing and can say “Geil!” – which is the German equivalent of “cool.” They’re also known for staring at the girls, commenting on nice asses and creating a loud buzz of headache noise wherever they go.
Everyone else
wallpaper.
