I want to slap O’Reilly.

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Yep. Another one.

NEW YORK – This morning, while promoting her involvement with The World’s Most Beautiful Transsexual pageant, Joanie “Chyna” Laurer admitted to taping a celebrity porn video with Ex-WWE wrestler X-Pac. Laurer claimed that X-Pac’s potential return to the league would likely bar the release of the video.

Laurer is scheduled to appear in Las Vegas, Nevada this weekend to judge the aforementioned tranny pageant. The three-day competition, held July 22 through the July 24 at the Riviera Convention Center in Las Vegas, will narrow a field of entrants down to a final 12, who will then take part in evening wear, swimwear, talent, and on-stage interview competitions

Over $25,000 in prize money is at stake in the event. The winner stands to take home $5000 and a trip for two to an exotic location. The entire pageant will be filmed for a documentary and television.

Joanie Laurer left the WWE in 2001 when contract negotiations between the wrestler and her employers failed. Laurer was subsequently barred from appearing as Chyna (a trademark of the WWE) when she posed for the January 2002 issue of Playboy.

I’d hit it?

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—————
To: webmaster@psykotik.zzn.com
Subject:
From: Dragon69chic2@aol.com Add to Contacts
Date: Fri, 23 Jul 2004 16:47:30 -0400

Jessica simisnki
—————

Never let it be said that being an internet geek doesn’t get you the chicks. Or at least hi res pictures of their nipple.

And with that being said, i’m think i’m gonna have to pass on your offer Jessica. Let’s just say that i’m saving myself for Avril Lavigne. Or at least someone like her.

But you know what, i think i’m starting to get bored of being single. But at the same time, i’m also too fucking lazy to go out and meet people. And besides, statistically speaking, i have NEVER been successful at hooking up with girls whenever i make the first move. NEVER. I actually have better luck just waiting it out and letting them come to me (as evidenced by that e-mail up there. although whether or not she was actually serious, and i doubt she is, is besides the point).

Now personally, if i had my pick of the litter, this is what my ‘dream girl’ would be like:

Figure:

Nothing less than a Avril Lavigne and nothing more than a Diana Degarmo.

Avril Lavigne/Diana Degarmo.

Why? Because i’m a skinny guy and i probably wouldn’t look right standing next to anyone who’s more than a Diana. Actually, i probably wouldn’t look right standing next to ANY girl, Diana or Avril, because no girl in their right mind would ever wanna be with a skinny guy like me! So i lose no matter which type i hope to get!

Size:

I prefer short petite chicks. Ideally someone like Avril Lavigne.

Why? Because again, being with someone taller (and more towards the Diana Degarmo scale of things) just wouldn’t look right! It’ll be like (and this is just an exagerration) Jennifer Tilly going out with DJ Qualls or something.

I’m too lazy to find a picture of Jennifer Tilly but that’s DJ Qualls and i think you get the idea.

To put things into perspective, i’m much rather suited to be with a Natalie Portman or an Avril Lavigne…

Avril and Natalie. JUST NICE.

….than a Britney Spears or a Lindsay Lohan. Who are built like fucking tanks.

Britney Spears. Too big for me. Plus i wouldn’t hit it anyway. Britney is a fucking southern trailer trash ho bag

Lindsay Lohan. But despite being a tank, i’d still hit it.

Honorable mention:

Robin from The Real World San Diego. Now this girl is the fucking panzer of all tanks (whatever that’s supposed to mean). Watching me and her having sex would be like watching a tank running over a Mini Cooper. BUT EVEN SO, i would actually still hit it. It’d just look fucking ridiculous as hell.

Kinda like this.

Those girls are built like tanks compared to me at least, even if i’m not exagerrating. So being with someone who has a Britney/Lindsay/Robin figure would just look too damn goofy. And you know people won’t be going “Awwww! You two make such a cute couple!” when they see us together. They’d be more like, “WTF WAS THAT?”

Hair:

Not really too picky about hair. But i do kinda like the layered Jennifer Aniston look. Brown hair would be nice too. Black is fucking boring. I have fucking black hair. I see black hair everyday. But again, hair color and length isn’t really that big of a priority. So whatever.

Brown > Red or Blonde > Black.

Oh with one exception, i’m not really into curly hair. Sorry =(

Boobs:

One of my ex’s is a double D so there’s really not much more that i could ever want you to have. So at this point, big, small, i love them all. Nothing less than an Avril Lavigne though.

Age:

Well since i am gonna be FUCKING 24 this November, it would probably be a good idea if you were at least 20 or older. Actually it would be even cooler if you were older than me because i actually prefer older chicks (half the chicks i’ve dated were all older than me. then i got bored and somehow started dating younger chicks. now i realize that i like older chicks more because younger chicks can be fucking retarded what with all their stupid ass teen angst and their fucking ‘experimental’ phases and overall fucking NOOB AT LIFE-iness. I fucking hate that fucking stage in life).

Habits:

Preferably a chick that’s into movies, play videogames, lazy as fuck (i.e doesn’t go out too damn much and would rather just stay home and play videogames/watch a dvd/sleep/fool around, doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs, isn’t a fucking elitist when it comes to music (i fucking HATE that – so in other words, you must not mind me putting on an Avril Lavigne CD or whatever), someone who generally isn’t fucking stupid and doesn’t mind me having this website (i’ve had enough of girlfriends that’ve objected to me running this site the way i want to).

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I wanna be with someone just like me who looks just like Avril Lavigne!

Shit, you know, i’d probably have better luck getting what i want by having a sex change, getting some plastic surgery done and turning myself into Avril Lavigne! Then i’d have a mirror installed on my ceiling above my bed and then i’d masturbate to myself all day everyday.

Now THAT would be ideal.

So what’s YOUR idea of your ‘dream girl’? Mix and match using celebrities.

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24/7/04 6:48 AM
TheGammaddict: you know who has been quiet lately
psykotik2k: LINDSAY LOHAN!?!?!?!!!
TheGammaddict: lohan
psykotik2k: BECAUSE
psykotik2k: SHE’S BEEN FUCKING
psykotik2k: http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/7-7-2004-56353.asp
psykotik2k: FUCKING!
TheGammaddict: fucking bastard
TheGammaddict: i’ll kill him

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And not just normal porn, BEHIND THE SCENES PORN! Some of you may have heard about this one network of porn sites that include bookwormbitches.com, myfirstsexteacher.com, dirtylatinamaids.com etc etc. Well they also have this one site called insidenaughtyamerica.com and it’s basically just a site that has behind the scenes vids of all their porn shoots. It’s actually pretty facinating. Seeing all the pornstars out of character and just being themselves. You don’t really get to see the other side of the industry all that often. At least i don’t. If you’re a real hardcore porno addict, this kind of stuff is probably nothing new.

Anyhow, here’s how to get in.

Go to insidenaughtyamerica.com and click on the members area. It’ll prompt you for a login and password. Don’t put in anything. Just hit OK and you voila! You’re in!

Talk about security flaws.

It only works with insidenaughtyamerica.com though. Doesn’t seem to work with any of the other sites within their network.

Have fun.

Update:

They found out about the trick and fixed it. Wouldn’t have happened if someone hadn’t posted a HYPERLINK to their site from this site in the comments!!!!!

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Would i hit it?

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You know, i think those of us in the US are probably gonna get a slightly censored version (or at least, slightly different version) of the Star Wars trilogy boxset when it finally comes out this September.

Check it out:

• DVD Trailer – French vs. US Comparison

The above comparison features the French DVD trailer on the top, and the US domestic version on the bottom. Both have the same runtime; the comparison illustrates subtle changes made to the new Special Edition version of the film – so subtle, in fact, you will likely have to go frame by frame to catch them.

• More censored goodness (original vs. special edition)

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Got my copies of The Ultimate Versus and 2LDK in the mail today. Which is fucking awesome because i only placed my order like 4 days ago. Usually it takes about a week from the day that i pay to the day that the stuff finally arrives.

I never did mention 2LDK in my last movie post did i? It’s another Japanese flick and it’s part of this Duel Project that this one guy had with Ryuhei Kitamura (the guy who made Versus).

Imagine, if you will, two Japanese directors who meet at a film festival, each familiar with (and appreciative of) each other’s work. Then imagine a night of binge drinking that leads to the gauntlet being thrown down – a little friendly competition to see who can make the best “Duel to the Death” film. Then throw in a few rules like 1) The script can contain no more than 2-3 characters 2) The film must be shot in seven days and on a small budget 3) the film can only take place in one setting, and most importantly 4) at least one character must die. Thus, the Duel Project was born.

More details about the Duel Project over here.

I haven’t actually seen 2LDK yet, but i do have Aragami on DVD (the other Duel Project movie; Kitamura’s, and it’s fucking great)

Here’s a short synopsis/review of 2LDK from some livejournal i found.

“2LDK, in Japan, refers to an apartment with two bedrooms, and a living, dining, kitchen. The whole movie takes place within the confines of one apartment and only involves two actresses (as per the rules of the Duel Project). They play actresses in the movie as well, competing with each other for the lead role in a film while being roommates together. As their evening in the apartement goes on, they find themselves fighting each other in bloody and ultraviolent fashion. At times it was difficult to watch them tear each others lovely faces apart, but powerful at the same time. Chainsaws, electrical appliances, swords – all used as they duel each other… It was awesome!”

And here’s an excerpt of a review from Film Threat:

“There’s black comedy and then there’s just plain sadistic. Yukihiko Tsutsumi’s “2LDK” is surely on the side of the latter. This little puppy is about as sick and twisted, and yet disturbingly hilarious, as any movie in recent memory. Think of it as a cross between “American Psycho” and that Miller Lite commercial where the two girls… oh I’m sure you remember. Throw in just a tad of “Tom and Jerry” cartoonishness, and you’ve got the cat fight to end all cat fights. The “Apocalypse Now” of cat fights, if you will. Two girls. One apartment. Zero patience.”

Mmm cat fight. Meow!

Speaking of cat fights. Is anybody actually going to see Catwoman tomorrow? May God have mercy on your soul.

Nevertheless, it’ll be interesting to see how it does at the box office come Monday. Me, i’m going to see The Bourne Supremacy. I already have a free ticket from the double dipped DVD that i bought (which i’ll probably sell off because it’s a fucking weak double dip).

Anyway, yeah, so i haven’t been giving the front page much love lately. Been busy with school and stuff. I had to go out and shoot some footage for this commercial that we were supposed to hand in on Wednesday (yesterday). Shot about 20 minutes of raw footage on Monday, for a commercial that’s only supposed to be 60 seconds long. And i spent the next two days editing the hell out of the thing and i gotta say, it came out pretty good. Fucking 66 shots in 60 seconds. I had 3 pages of storyboards for a commercial that’s supposed to be 60 seconds long and had a minimum requirement of just 10 camera angles. If i don’t get an A for it, then there’s no justice in the world (i got an A+ for my last video assignment. oh, it’s all for a Small Format Video class by the way).

My commercial was for Apple’s Final Cut Pro product. Although it wasn’t very Apple-like. It’s more like one of those Geico commercials where you have absolutely no fucking idea what it’s all about until you hear the punchline at the end. I love those Geico commercials.

“…but the good news is i just saved a whole buncha money on my car insurance using Geico!”

I won’t bother to tell you what actually happens in my commercial but just like the Duel Project, mine only has 2 people in it and it all takes place in one location. And i’d probably put it under the suspense/comedy genre. I guess that’s where those 66 cuts went; towards the suspense side of things.

Ahh… quick cutting MTV visuals.

And hey, i also managed to throw in a couple of Raimi-esque extreme closeup zooms.

Mmm… homage-y goodness.

I’d probably post up the commercial but i’m actually in the damn thing (i have one line) and fuck if i’m gonna show you how bad my ‘acting’ was.

How i managed to fuck up pretending to drink a bowl of soup is beyond me.

Suspense/Comedy? 66 shots in 60 seconds? Sam Raimi? See, i told you it wasn’t very Apple. The actual Apple product that i was advertising? Final Cut Pro HD

Oh and don’t worry. My next post will actually have babes and pictures in it. But for now, it’s time to watch The Ultimate Versus.

ps: i also bought ESPN NFL 2K5 for xbox today. i suck at it but hey, if you’ve got Live, add Psykotik 2000 to your buddylist and maybe i’ll let you rape my ass or something.

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