Let's go - 10:45am@ February 3 2001 Posted by Ash
Another day, another post.
As if my life just couldn't get anymore exciting.
Seems like a lot of people out there still can't accept the fact that Justin quit. Well he did. And that's that. How many times do i hafta tell you all that HE'S GONE. He is NO MORE. HE QUIT. He's left to do better things with his life. Last i've seen of him, he was playing UEFA Dream Soccer on that Dreamcast thingamajig of his. He probably went to the mall earlier that day or something. Which isn't surprising at all if he did.
I've been checking up on the e-mails he's been receiving. Take a gander and this little baby:
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Your Name: Ben
Your Email Address: ben_stockton@hotmail
Comments:
Ash=Justin Justin=Ash
Thats what me and Will from Gearfactoey think....a PLOY!!!!!
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Let's not beat a dead horse here okay bucko. For the last time, HE QUIT. Comprend? I think i've stressed this more than enough times in my last post. And for the love of God, we are NOT the same person. Where the heck did you get that cockamamie idea from anyway? Justin is Justin is Justin. Ash is Ash is Ash. He quit, he's gone. I'm here and i'm taking over. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out you know.
Now, i could lie to you, but you're grown up (some of you) and I'm sure you'd rather have the straight dope than some phony wind-bag explanation. So yeah, this is my OFFICIAL word on the Justin situation: HE QUIT. In the meantime, just enjoy the slew of posts written by yours truly. I don't really know WHEN or IF he's EVER coming back so yeah, just tag along for the ride for now bub. Who knows, maybe... just maybe... he might come back.
...Yeah, and maybe the Queen of England takes dumps in the woods.
Aside from that lame brain idea of me being Justin and vice versa, there've been a coupla sites that've expressed their confusion on the matter of Justin quitting and me taking over his site.
12:25 PM
Hehe. The way Ash writes reminds me of Justin. I mean really, their writing style is almost similar. Almost, you just have to get rid of all those layers of "stony appearance" to find the sweet trace of Justin.
Or maybe I'm just dreaming. =^^= But Ash sure is funny.
Geez lady, how in the hell are we similar? And what writing style? I don't even HAVE a writing style. All this that you're reading right now, it's not a 'style', they're just my THOUGHTS. Nothing else. Plain and simple. They ain't something that's styled or manufactured like most of Justin's crap. And even if so, i sure as hell don't see that we have a 'similar style'. No siree, no bob. No style from me. Just substance baby. Just substance.
Besides, have you ever actually read some of the stuff Justin posts on his site? The amount of times that kid swears in any given day would even make a sailor blush. Yeah sure he calls his site fubar or some lame-o name like that. And we all know what that F in fubar stands for but it sure as hell doesn't give him the justification to drop the F-bomb in almost EVERY SINGLE POST. I, for one, haven't even mentioned anything remotely vulgar in any of my posts. Unless you count SHIT as being a big bad word, then all similarities end there.
You know, if you ask me, i'd that Justin guy's just tryin'a be like ME. You know how much he's into those Evil Dead movies that he's always raving about from time to time. So yeah...i think if there're ANY similarities at all between use, it's all HIS FAULT because HE's the one who's trying'a imitate ME.
And he does a pretty piss poor job at it too.
Now, i've begun to realize that most of you primitive screwheads out there have absolutely NO IDEA as to who i am. Well YOU have YOURSELF to blame for that. All'a this confusion coulda been avoided if you all weren't so dumb enough as to not having watched Army of Darkness yet. That baby's nearly 8 years old give or take. I strongly suggest that you go out to your local Blockbusters or video store or whatever and BUY Army of Darkness. Renting is for losers, you need to BUY this baby. Even better, get the DVD if you're technologically enough. You'll want the special 2 disc limited editon package if you wanna have the BEST experience in watching this flick. And if you're too CHEAP, just get the VCD or whatever. Just so long you WATCH the movie. Trust me, EVERYBODY needs a copy of this movie. It'll give you a better understanding as to who i am.
And while you're at it, pick up The Evil Dead and Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn. You're a moron if you don't.
You know, even though it's only been 3 days since i started posting here, i can't help but wonder what the hell the appeal of all of it is. I mean, i don't anything out of it. No money at all. Not even a stinkin' nickel. It'd be great though if i're actually PAID to do this but hey, the world would be a perfect place if that were the case. And we all know that nothing's perfect so there goes that notion. I could seriously get bored of all of this weblogging business in a jiffy. I have no idea how that Justin could stand updating this lame-o site of his for seven months straight almost every few hours almost everyday. Either he's got way too much time on his hands or he's just a poor schmuck who'll forever be doomed to live out his 'life' on the internet.
Not a particularly interesting one at that.
Hell, if i had a life like his, i'd do more than just quit my site. Speaking of quitting, what's with everyone wanting to quit their sites these days only to come back after a coupla days or so? It's getting LAME. Quitting just for the sake raking in some publicity for more hits is getting OLD. These people who say they quit - only to come crawling back to their sites later - well, they're just MORONS.
Prime example: Justin.
He is a MORON for quitting. He's also a MORON if he comes back after his 'retirement'.
A MORON.
Yeah, that's right. All i need is another phony quitter moron to come out of their 'retirement' 3 days after they quit for me to go apeshit on their ass. After that, they can say hello to disco for me.
Have you ever read the older stuff he's done for his site? They're CRAP. Heck, you don't even have to go that far. Just go back as far back as a coupla weeks. He's was crap when he started and he's was crap when he quit.
I shouldn't even have to point this out but his attempts at being funny are just laughable. It's not even a case of 'so bad, it's actually good'. And what was all that about him being 'the smartest man in the world'? A smart man would never quit regardless of how stale his site's becoming. Staleness is NOT a real reason to quit a site. That's what site gimmicks are for. To give a new lease of life for a site. But i guess it's all for the better that he quit.
Face it, that guy couldn't even think up a good site gimmick to save his life. Yeah. That's right. I betcha that's why he quit. He knew his site was a stinkin' pile of crap and that his hits were falling faster than London Bridge so that's probably why he quit. What an idiot. If i were him, i'd probably just think up another site gimmick to use but obviously, with that primitive intellect of his, he just couldn't do it - so he bailed. Just like that.
Well, good riddance to bad rubbish i always say.
At least he had the right mind in enlisting ME to take over and run the whole show. That was probably the best decision he's ever made during his lousy run as a weblogger. Thank god he didn't just give away his site to some yahoo. That moron'd probably sink it deeper into the pit that it's already in. You should thank your lucky stars that he handed this site over to ME.
Hail to the king baby.
Friday, February 2, 2001
That's right - 8:45am@ February 2 2001 Posted by Ash
Guess what, i'm writing another stinkin' post.
That's right, the world needs another blab-fest from yet another poor shemp about his wonderful life in the glamorous world of weblogging.
I convinced myself to try being at least 10 times better than Justin ever was at weblogging. Yeah that's right, i wanna be the king of weblogging.
For those of you who are about to barf, let me explain. I'm hoping to present a slightly more realistic portrayal about how weblogging should be done. MY way. Yeah. I'm gonna be 'redefining' it. I'm not exactly biting the hand that feeds me, but definitely nibbling at it.
Dear folks, I got to thinking today - what if I turned the ol' spotlight around? What if I pointed that unforgiving spotlight toward you, the reader? Wouldn't that just be a hoot? I can hear you shivering from here...
Anyhoo, the result being the posting up of some of YOUR comments and YOUR e-mails about the demise of that hack Justin. He gave me the passwords to all his e-mail accounts just before he quit so yeah, i have access to his e-mail. Groovy. It's surprising though. People actually read his site? And what's worse, they even actually CARE whether or not he quits? What is the world coming to? His site is CRAP.
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To: webmaster@psykotik.zzn.com
Subject: byebye
From: "Timm Stokke" timm@stokke.tf
Date: Wed, Jan 31 2001 9:30:53 PM +0100
It was fun while it lasted.
Have a greate life! I hope things work out for you!
Timm Stokke
-- freelance webdesigner
http://www.timmstokke.com
http://www.timmdesign.com
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I believe this Timm guy wrote in once before to Justin. And now he's writing in once again. Must be a dedicated reader. If there even is such a thing.
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To: webmaster@psykotik.zzn.com
Subject: Don't quit!
From: "h£h ..h.." dhil148@hotmail.com
Date: Wed, Jan 31 2001 7:26:16 AM -0000
Justin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUH-LEEAASSSEEEE DON'T QUIT!!! =(((
-Dhil
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Well missy. I guess you're just gonna have to live with it. HE QUIT. End of story. I'm running the show now. Sad but true. Actually you should be thankful. So far, i'm doing a hell of a lot better a job at posting than Justin ever did. Anyhow...
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To: webmaster@psykotik.zzn.com
Subject: *shakes head*
From: "Better blox" betterblox@hotmail.com
Date: Tue, Jan 30 2001 11:12:08 PM -0800
I quit - 3:00pm@ January 31 2001
I have decided to quit running this fubar site. I have gotten bored
with it and i won't be updating it for a while. Thank you for visiting. It's
been fun.
Bitch.
(this better not be a hit scheam)
hahah
Anyways, Happy trails and all that Jazz
-brian
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Well bub, he quit. What else is there to say? Who knows when he'll be back. Who knows IF he'll be back for that matter. Whatever it is he's trying to achieve by quitting, i don't know. But it sure ain't another one of his half assed schemes to get more hits that's for sure. I mean, come on...he quit. How's he gonna pull off ANY scheme if he's not writing for the site anymore? Face the facts people. He quit. He might as well be dead.
Anyway, that Timm guy actually wrote in AGAIN yesterday:
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To: webmaster@psykotik.zzn.com
Subject: hmm..
From: "Timm Stokke" timm@stokke.tf
Date: Thu, Feb 1 2001 7:41:50 AM +0100
Ash, huh?
I think I remember you ranting on about the Evil Dead series a while ago, and saying how much you digged them.
You know what I think? I think you're Ash. It makes perfect sense. You were tired of writing as Justin -- when everyone knew you. My guess is that you wanted to write anonymously, and with a different style.
But you couldn't do that with your "Justin character" website. People had already a pretty clear idea of who Justin was, and what his thoughts where. Atleast they thought they knew, and you knew that. Changing styles so late in the game doesn't always work out for the better.
So, you created this Ash character. An anonymous character. Someone nobody knows, and that way the person behind the character has no restrictions whatsoever to his writing.
"Ash" starts out fresh. "Justin" was falling into a pattern, and it was too late for him to change. Or maybe not. But now it doesn't matter..
Either way, glad to see that site up again.
(Ey, will you let me know, btw? I won't tell anyone the truth, promise!)
Timm Stokke
-- freelance webdesigner
http://www.timmstokke.com
http://www.timmdesign.com
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Well hello Mr. Smarty-pants. You think you've got it all figured out eh? Well you're WRONG bucko. Justin quit. He is 'no longer with us'. I'm the head honcho of this site now. Anyway, what the heck are ya tryin'a imply? That Justin and i are the same person? You are SO wrong on that one buddy. Justin quit and he's probably off somewhere watching a DVD or something. Last i heard, he said he'd bought 'The Patriot' on DVD this past Wednesday. What an idiot. Doesn't he know he's gonna get broke if he doesn't stop splashing his cash on DVD's? Next thing you know he'll be crying home to mama about how broke he is.
But anyway, regardless of what you think and who you're addressing to in that e-mail, i do strongly agree about when you said "Justin" was falling into a pattern. Have you read his more recent posts lately? They're CRAP. Basically the same thing repeated over and over and over again.
"Boo hoo. I'm broke"
"Ooh. Lookie here. I bought a DVD"
"Bla bla blah my hit count blah bla bla"
CRAP
Anyway. He quit. But then again, with the current 'trend' of people 'quitting' their sites and coming back 3 days later, it wouldn't be surprising if he does eventually come crawling back. Face it. Justin WAS his site. I mean come on, have you ever seen anyone who actually posts as much as he did (Keyword: *did*. He quit the site remember?) on other sites? That was all he ever did. Post. Besides spending ridiculous amounts of money on junk. But that's another story.
A coupla people also posted up some stuff about Justin quitting fubar on their respective sites. The beautiful Jennifer had this to say:
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01.01.31 I wanna welcome all ya'll broke-ass entre-po' niggas...
JUSTIN?!
NO!!! BAD JUSTIN. BAD!
COME BACK. :(
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Sorry lil lady but it looks like he won't be coming back. Not for a while anyway. But hey, who knows, he might someday...but don't hold your breath on that.
Moving on to the next comment, this Simon guy had this to say:
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This can't be happening :: 11:00 :: Simon
Justin just posted that FUBAR is at an end. I sincerely hope he is taking the piss. If that is gone, my list of daily reads can be counted on one hand. STAY YOU BASTARD ;-)!! I sincerely hope this is a joke. If it isn't - the world of e/n and blog has lost one of it's most popular sites. Fuck.
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I've said it time and time again people. HE QUIT. And he sure as hell ain't 'taking the piss'. YA GOT THAT?! That's right. You're just gonna have to live with it and start getting used to reading MY posts from now on. And for those of you who still don't have a clue as to who i am, well...
Name's Ash. Housewares.
Later gaters.
Thursday, February 1, 2001
Hail to the king baby - 11:00am@ February 1 2001 Posted by Ash
My name is Ash and I am a slave. A slave to this website. Close as I can figure it, the year is 2001 and i've just been given the duty of running this website. It wasn't always like this... I had a real life, once. A job.
I used to work at S-Mart. Housewares department. I had a wonderful girlfriend, Linda. Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomicon ex Mortis, the Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumarrian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. It took Linda, and then it came, for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. But that didn't stop it. It came back. Big time.
I got sucked into this portal and ended up in the medieval times. Had to do battle with those damn deadites again. The same ones that've been making my life a living hell ever since i went to that cabin in the woods. Then there was this wiseman from that time who struck a deal with me in that if i could get the Necronomicon back from this graveyard for him, he could use it to make this wonder juice that could send me back. I also had to recite some damn words for the whole thing to work but for the life of me i can't seem to remember what the hell they were.
Oh. Yeah. It was something like... Clatto Verata Nn..... Necktie, necturn, nickle... noodle. It's an 'n' word. It's definitely an 'n' word. It was definitely an 'n' word! But anyway... to cut a long story short, i got the book back, i took some names and i kicked some ass.
I thought about staying. They offered me the chance to lead them, to teach them... to be king. But my place is here, so i swallowed the juice, said the words and here I am.
Well maybe I didn't say every single tiny little syllable, no. But basically I said them. Yeah... basically...
Alright now you primitive screwheads, listen up. I'll be running this site for a while. Even though i don't really have a single clue as to what i'm supposed to be doing but yeah, that miserable bastard down there told me to take over. So that's exactly what i'll be doing. Besides, i got nothing else really better to do so i thought i might as well just liven up my days by being his garbage boy for a while.
By the way, see that good looking guy in all the pictures up there? Well that's me. It's not a cousin, it's not a brother, it's not a friend. It's all me. Just me baby... just me.
I had a little talk with Justin earlier on before he decided to quit. This was basically how it went. Basically.
Justin: Hey man...
Me: Well hello Mr. Fancy-pants. I got news for you pal, your site ain't leadin' but two things right now. Jack and shit... and Jack left town.
Justin: Oh... okay. Yeah, i thought so too myself. Know what? I'm gonna quit it right now.
Me: Yeah, you do that.
Anyway, he went off to the mall of something. Probably checking out DVD's or games or something like that. That's all he ever seems to do anyway. I've been reading up on some of the sites that he links to. Hah. They're all damn sight better than the one he's got. I gotta tell ya though...that Jennifer girl that he's always raving about... yeah, she's cute. Heh. I sure wouldn't mind getting some sugar from her.
But anyway, all those other sites are good. His is just shit. Kinda feel sorry for the poor schmoe though. Always complaining 'bout his hits and all that baloney. But really, come on, he knows he gets more hits than most of the sites he links to. I don't even know why in the hell he's even complaining about it.
Don't get me wrong, his site was good once. And when it was good, it was really good. The hits just kept on coming. Big time. But then it got real ugly. And now his hits are just getting lower and lower everyday. I could tell you why it's all going down the drain and explain to you how he could actually rescue it from the pit it's in right now but i'm just afraid that your primitive intellect wouldn't understand it all. So i won't even bother. Bottom line, this site of his... it sucks.
But maybe... just maybe... i can turn this whole site around and make it even more better than it ever was...
...Yeah, and maybe i'm a Chinese jet pilot.
Anyhow, i guess i'll be running the show from now on. I doubt that that Justin guy'll be back for a while. But he'll be keeping in touch with yours truly though... so yeah, i guess i'll be keeping you posted on whatever it is he's been doing.
Duty calls. Gotta head for the toolshed and grab my boomstick. It's in need of a lil spit and shine. Damn i love that thing. I never leave home without it. It's a twelve gauge double barreled Remington, S-Mart's top-of-the-line. You can find it in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger.
That's right.
Shop Smart. Shop S-mart.
