I have come to the general conclusion that most American moviegoers are complete pussies when it comes to horror movies.
I just finished watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the first time on the official DVD that just came out. I’ve actually had the bootleg DVD for a coupla months now (i think i got it in like October about a week after the movie was released) but i never got around to actually watching it. I also haven’t seen the original 1974 version because i now know better than to ruin a perfectly good remake by watching the original first (a lesson i learnt when i saw Ringu first then The Ring and effectively ruining the much better remake by me already knowing what was going to happen).
So yeah, i pretty much went ‘fresh’ into The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Anyway, after watching the movie, i do what i always do when i watch a movie on DVD and i go into the special features and check out whatever goodies they have in store. And there’s this excellent documentary on the second disc detailing the making of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003. Right towards the end, they show footage of the audience reactions to the film in theaters. You know, where the set up a camera with night vision or something pointed towards the people watching the movie. And you get to see all these people literally flinching, covering their eyes, screaming throughout the movie. And i’m not even talking about just the girls in the audience (which is so completely typical, seriously girls, how can ANYONE be that scared of a movie? *looks at Stacy*) but the guys too. And right after that they have these short little interviews with a coupla guys and girls saying how it was they were “completely horrified” and to quote one COMPLETELY PUSSY ASS GUY, “Seriously, i don’t know what the fuck i just saw” and then he goes on to say how he screamed like a girl.
PUSSIES.
I watched the movie and NOT ONCE did i even remotely react the way these other people did. And that was with me watching it ALONE with the LIGHTS OFF and the VOLUME UP at 3AM in the morning. And i doubt it would have had any effect if i was watching with other people (if anything, watching movies with other people makes the experience even WORSE because you have all these other fucks talking while the movie is running and getting up to take a piss or to get some food or whatever the fuck it is that they SHOULDN’T BE DOING while watching a movie. i hate watching movies in theaters. i hate watching movies with people too). And the ONE instance where the movie actually had me on edge, i would rate the scare at a 3 out of 10 on the shit my pants meter.
Not to knock TCM 03 or anything, i think it’s a very well made movie (i particularly liked the camera track through the head shot) but i was just completely perplexed at how all those people who saw it in theaters reacted to the movie. Actually, this isn’t even the first time i’ve seen this. If you watch the extras on both Final Destination DVD’s you’ll see similar taped crowd reactions to those films too. Incredible. And completely stupifying.
I think the worst example of this extremely low threshold of horror was when my ex-girlfriend actually got pissed off at me for buying The Ring on DVD last year. That’s right. For BUYING it on DVD. See, she saw the flick at the movies and she got so scared of the damn thing that the mere MENTION of it would literally bring her close to tears. I shit you not. I really shit you not. Fuck, i couldn’t even JOKE about that movie around her. So she was over at my place this one time and she saw not only The Ring, but the original Ringu on DVD too. No, not actually saw the movie as in watching it from start to finish, but just seeing the DVD cases. She got so mad at me that she didn’t even want to talk to me. And she actually freaked out when i would leave her alone, like if i left the room to go take a piss or something. WTF. I swear, that was like the stupidest thing EVER. Ridiculous.
So yeah, from watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre on DVD, i came to the conclusion that a large number of Americans are complete utter pussies when it comes to horror movies, and that beautiful girls eventually grow up to be fat old women (you’ll have to watch the alternate opening and ending of TCM 03 to get what i mean). But that’s another rant altogther.
Yeah its true…I don’t even watch horror movies. Thats how much of a pussy I am.
#1 | Comment by Dugas of eenodol — April 3, 2004 @ 6:33 am
Shame on you for completely neglecting to mention the imperial hotness of Jessica Biel.
Also, just cruised by imdb.com and realized Amanda Bynes has been 18 for almost seven hours. Got any pics of her awesome T and/or A?
#2 | Comment by Duante — April 3, 2004 @ 6:41 am
Hahahah yeah I know what you mean, the ring was a weak movie though, I’m not someone who gets freaked out easily by a movie, although the first 30 minutes of the eye was quite scary.
#3 | Comment by WP_LeGeNd — April 3, 2004 @ 6:44 am
TCM 2003 has the environment and leatherface in common with the original TCM. Other than it’s a different movie. Your not gonna ruin anything by watching the original.
#4 | Comment by PorkChop — April 3, 2004 @ 6:46 am
actually i think i already ruined bits of it by watching that documentary. doh!
#5 | Comment by Justin — April 3, 2004 @ 7:00 am
crap movie, not scary at all… and of course they put in video of audiences freaking out, what kind of dvd would it be if it were to show the audience laughing instead of jumping and screaming 😉
#6 | Comment by rei — April 3, 2004 @ 9:25 am
Do you ever think that some of the audience tested for the documentary were actually people paid to act that way to get other people in the audience to think its also scary? And, it may be that some audiences are a bit pussified, but I think most new horror movies aren’t scary anymore. There aren’t any original scary movies anymore, but maybe, there are more gore than scary.
#7 | Comment by Dryden — April 3, 2004 @ 9:26 am
Some people overreact in movie theaters because of the chance to act silly in front of other people. When we’re alone there’s no one to act silly in front of, so we’re more subdued. That’s why you laugh more in comedy clubs and make weird noises when you yawn in front of people. We all like to act goofy when there’s an audience but we need a reason to. Acting goofy for no reason makes people think you’re just strange.
#8 | Comment by frank — April 3, 2004 @ 10:06 am
justin, maybe you just need to get in touch with your emotions more. fully embrace the entire spectrum from fear to anger to sadness to even glee.
let them out, my brother… let them roam wild and free…
#9 | Comment by lizzi — April 3, 2004 @ 10:54 am
you mean like when i first saw titanic?
what an awesome movie!
#10 | Comment by Justin — April 3, 2004 @ 10:56 am
I think you are a complee idiot Justin and don’t know what u are talking about. Maybe u should buy a hooker sounds like u need to get your rocks off!!!
#11 | Comment by Big Dick Daddy — April 3, 2004 @ 12:41 pm
let’s not have any references of titanic anymore
#12 | Comment by mah — April 3, 2004 @ 1:17 pm
and when i first read this post i thought it was about pussies… i was happy then sad…
#13 | Comment by mah — April 3, 2004 @ 1:17 pm
I’m in the same boat with you Justin (not a titanic refrence), I’ve never seen the original TCM, but I saw the remake on DVD this week. Not scary AT ALL. I don’t really like horror movies in the first place, but I was expecting to get freaked out a little. Nothing. But in the end, not a terrible movie at all, plus Jessica Biel in that little white t-shirt made it even sweeter XD
#14 | Comment by Dex — April 3, 2004 @ 1:46 pm
yeah, jessica biel. also, i never knew they made bras that good in the 70’s. it’s the best bra i’ve ever seen. incredible. i’d give it an oscar for best supporting role.
#15 | Comment by Justin — April 3, 2004 @ 1:53 pm
I actually just watched TCM 03 last night myself, and its true its true, Jessica Biel MADE TCM 03. I actually thought the original was a little more spooky because it was made in the 70’s(before I was even born). I was more spooked out to wonder if these people were even alive now then the movie itself. All in all both movies are so-so, nothing scary at all on either. The ending of the original probably tips my hat in favor of the original. Nothing beats the truck driver running for his life.
#16 | Comment by tsl141 — April 3, 2004 @ 3:32 pm
Coincidentally, I just got back from Dawn of the Dead. It was pretty fun, but I wouldn’t call it *scary*. Same for 28 Days Later, of which this was reminiscent.
Thinking back, only two movies come to mind as far as scaring me – Blair Witch and the original Night of the Living Dead. I know some people thought Blair Witch was dumb, but it left a creepy feeling in me for like a week. The final shot still lingers in my consciousness. The same for NOTLD- the ending credits scared me more than the movie itself.
I guess, to me, what’s scary is not a zombie jumping out at you, or a guy in a mask and a chainsaw, but certain images that resonate somehow with my psyche. Ringu’s video footage is another example comes to mind. I suppose a shrink would have a field day with this.
So, am I a pussy?
-h3
#17 | Comment by h3 — April 3, 2004 @ 6:43 pm
Dawn of the Dead was hillarious!
#18 | Comment by DarckkorioN — April 3, 2004 @ 6:47 pm
The original Dawn of the Dead psychologically scarred me. Granted I watched it when I was 12. I haven’t seen the new one. I watched the bootleg TCM 2003 and it wasn’t scary at all. I watched Cabin Fever bootleg and I wanted to murder anyone I saw on screen ’cause it was so horrible. I haven’t had a movie scare me in a good-ass time. I want one now dammit! I want to be scared like I was when I was 8 trying to watch Child’s Play or Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th! I want to cry and hide dammit!
#19 | Comment by SuperNick — April 3, 2004 @ 8:32 pm
i recommend exorcist 3. it doesnt have that many scares but when they do come, they come in full force. you just really need to concentrate on the whole movie (which can be hard since it moves at a very slow pace) but i’ll be DAMNED if your heart doesn’t skip a beat at least once during the movie. i rewatched the same movie with 5 other guys in the same room and they all pretty much reacted the exact same way i did the first time i saw it alone, shouting out "FFFFFFFUCKKKKK!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs.
blair witch was fun because i told everyone that it really happened (my friends are really gullible) and we must’ve talked about the movie for like 2 hours after it ended. and then i would freak them out by standing in the corner.
i once lent the movie to this chick and told her it was real. and she fell hook line and sinker. then when i told her it wasn’t, she beat me up pretty good. what a stupid bitch.
#20 | Comment by Justin — April 3, 2004 @ 9:00 pm
Justing, just so you know… Kate Winslett is in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you liked Titanic because of her, you might like Eternal Sunshine. Oh, and Kirsten Dunst.
#21 | Comment by foodie — April 3, 2004 @ 9:10 pm
"Justing, just so you know… Kate Winslett is in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you liked Titanic because of her, you might like Eternal Sunshine. Oh, and Kirsten Dunst."
Yeah, and it’s also a good movie.
#22 | Comment by DarckkorioN — April 3, 2004 @ 10:09 pm
BETTER THAN TITANIC?!!?! nothing is better than titanic.
#23 | Comment by Justin — April 3, 2004 @ 10:12 pm
The fact that somebody thinks "nothing is better than Titanic" is scarier than any movie could ever be.
#24 | Comment by TheDude — April 3, 2004 @ 11:25 pm
Yeah. Titanic was overrated and overhyped. I saw it and it was a low-point in my life. First I hated it because of DiCaprio (I was young and the girls loved him so I hated him) but looking back on it it was just a mediocre movie.
#25 | Comment by SuperNick — April 3, 2004 @ 11:43 pm
Dawn of the Dead was embarrassingly bad. I understand that characters in horror movies are usually required to be stupid (for example, Biel running into a slaughterhouse instead of staying on an open road in TCM03) but the characters in DOTD take the cake as Most Retarded Ensemble.
#26 | Comment by Another Justin (No Relation) — April 4, 2004 @ 1:31 am
I have a friend who is a college athelete – tough as hell, gets into bar fights all the time but we goto see any chessy "teen" horror movie he screams like a little girl everytime. Its embarrasing when old ladies laugh at his girlish screams. He was even scared by mini-me in austin powers! So, yes people like him do exist.
#27 | Comment by Trav — April 4, 2004 @ 4:45 am
"Best supporting role" 🙂 Its the little comments like these that keep me coming back for more. (this comes a bit late i know, but i’ve been busy) BTW you guys who go to orsm for the pron, do you think its an April fools?
#28 | Comment by BrainDMG — April 4, 2004 @ 9:53 am
you gp out with the weirdest women…
I’ve never met a women as fucked up as any of your girlfriends…
#29 | Comment by NGEddie — April 4, 2004 @ 12:15 pm
I empathise with your ex, because I don’t ever want the BlairWitch DVD in my housse.
I got the absolute heebie-jeebies when I saw that movie and I don’t ever want anything about it around me EVER.
Writing this now is giving me the creeps.
#30 | Comment by Discommode — April 4, 2004 @ 3:44 pm
Just to clear somthing up, best "scary" movie ever: Event Horizon! If you have not seen it, do your selfe a favor and rent, no buy it!
#31 | Comment by BMitt — April 5, 2004 @ 10:52 am
I just had to add… I live out here in Bangkok and have seen all these movies – TCM03, Final Destination etc. I love seeing these with Thai’s (I am from UK) because the entire cinema errupts in LAUGHTER everytime someone dies, or something gruesome happens. Much, much better than ass whipped pussy yanks *screaming*.
Funnily, years back, I saw Scream in NYC (it was my first time in the USA) and I was amazed at how the audience "interacted" – shouting, screaming, people actually talking to the movie. And at the end, they clapped!!!! Jesus!!!! In the uk / europe, noone says a thing, certainly you never hear a scream or anything. Laughter, yes, but thats about it…
#32 | Comment by whatistheshape — April 5, 2004 @ 10:53 pm
Just wanted to add that I think there’s a real split these days in the "horror" genre vs the "scary" genre. TCM03 and it’s ilk are certainly not scary. Genuinly creepy, get in your head movies are far better – and far fewer. Signs, for instance The fist hour of that is definetly one that could be called "scary" – not for effects or anything, but from the way it makes you realise how utterly helpless the general person in the world is.
#33 | Comment by whatistheshape — April 5, 2004 @ 10:56 pm
americans suck
#34 | Comment by kvl — April 10, 2004 @ 12:26 pm
Pussy-ass movie goers aren’t just limited to horror films. The most memorable was a few years back when I went to LOTR: tFotR. When Bilbo’s eyes popped in Rivendell, pussified screams ensued. And not just one or two. Oh no. Damn near twenty or thirty people freaked.
#35 | Comment by slugmonkey — April 10, 2004 @ 10:51 pm
haha. The Ring. My friends and I all have long dark hair, and we love scaring the crap out of our friend André, who almost shits his pants when we imitate that girl…. the one that crawls on the floor? Priceless.
#36 | Comment by BrightEyes — April 16, 2004 @ 5:13 pm
i just can believe how bad i wanna cum in that lil cunt daveigh chases mouth .when i watch her in "the ring" i always jerk off and it takes me only about 1 minute to cum ….gosd what a fuckin littel cunt!!! oooohh!!
#37 | Comment by ss — June 15, 2004 @ 6:49 pm