More fuckology

Human beings love to be miserable. They won’t admit it, but it’s true. For all their talk of “the pursuit of happiness”, they really wouldn’t know what to do with it if they found it. People crave vexation so much that even when they don’t have anything legitimate to get upset about, they will actually make shit up just so they have an excuse to throw a hissy fit. The concept of the swear word is a prime example of this manufactured aggravation.

A bad word. A curse word. A swear word. A malediction, malison, imprecation, denunciation, execration, anathema, proscription, commination, expletive, disparagement, vilification, or vituperation. Bad language, strong language, foul language, colorful language, blue language, unparliamentary language, profane language, or harsh language. There’s almost as many terms to describe these words as there are words themselves. But are these terms accurate? Is there really something bad about certain words? Fuck no!

As children, we are usually introduced to the concept of a bad word because an adult hits us or yells at us when we say one. “Don’t say that! That’s a bad word!”, *SMACK*! There’s nothing like an open handed slap to the mouth to convince a small child to adopt your point of view. Even when it’s a view based on ignorance, prejudice, and complete stupidity. Of course, the only thing this really teaches the child is that you’ll treat it like shit if it says any of these bad words. It doesn’t explain exactly WHY the word is bad, or exactly WHAT is bad about it. There’s a simple reason for this, and that is the fact that there is NO SUCH FUCKING THING AS A BAD WORD!!!!!

First of all, a word is nothing more than a sound or a combination of sounds, or it’s representation in writing or printing, that symbolizes and communicates a meaning. It’s a fucking tool. Tools are a good thing. Is a hammer bad? How about a screwdriver? Sure, these tools could be used in a bad way. But even that is subjective territory. While you might consider it bad for me to jam a screwdriver into your eye socket, or smash your toes with a hammer, I might just as well find these activities to be a very good thing. But just because a tool may be used in a bad way doesn’t make the screwdriver intrinsically bad. So why should a word be treated any different?

What is it about this concept that everyone seems to buy into? I still want to know why the word is bad. Why, damn it, why!?!? Is the entire word bad, or just a small part? You can say luck. You can say duck. You can say truck, suck, puck, or muck. But you can’t say fuck. Oh no, that’s a bad word! You can say mitt. You can say bit. You can say hit, wit, knit, or pit. But you can’t say shit. Oh no, that’s a bad word! You can say punt. You can say runt. You can say aunt, bunt or hunt. But you can’t say cunt. Oh no, that’s a bad word!

But where’s the bad? It would seem that “uck”, “it”, and “unt” cannot be bad, because all those other words that contain them aren’t considered bad. And the letters F, SH, and C cannot be bad either, since they are all used in numerous other words that aren’t considered bad. Maybe it’s something similar to an unfavorable chemical reaction. Perhaps mixing F with UCK is the literary equivalent of mixing ammonia and bleach. But it’s not just the letters themselves, it’s also the order they fall in. Putting the F after the UCK would not be considered a bad word. Of course, you might offend a few latin pigs if you added an AY after that…

If a word is truly bad, wouldn’t it be really obvious? If you punch someone who doesn’t speak English, there is no doubt in their mind that something bad has just happened. There’s no room for debate, and nothing needs proving. Yet, if you say fuck, shit, cunt, or asshole to someone who doesn’t speak English, they won’t have any clue as to what just happened. If the word really was bad, shouldn’t it be just as obvious as the punch? Again, where’s the bad?

Why are certain words bad? There’s really only one answer to that question. Certain words are bad because a few people decided to set aside a select group of words and say, “These words are bad!”. There is no logic. There is no reason. There is no point. It was a completely arbitrary decision. Had they chosen the word ice instead of the word fuck, we’d all be putting fuck cubes in our summer drinks, and people would scream “Ice You!” when pissed at someone.

Then you’ll encounter people who say they aren’t bothered by a little swearing, but they hate it when people swear many times through out a conversation. “There’s really no need to use that much swearing, can’t you use another word?”. Strange, but I’ve never heard these people call for a cut-back in the use of the words and, the, a, is, an, I, it, & to. You’d think that if redundancy was really at the heart of what was bugging them, they’d go after those words first, which are surely used more often than any swear word.

But the stupidest prejudice held by people who believe in this nonsense is when they tell you not to swear in front of children. Why not? Does hearing a swear word stunt their growth? Does it cause cancer? Does it lower their I.Q.? What the fuck does it matter if some fucking kid hears a fucking swear word? He didn’t even know what a swear word was until you told him about it. But like any good parent, you won’t be happy until every one of your fears and prejudices are instilled into your kid before he starts pre-school. Little kids think swearing is funny because dumb adults make such a big fucking deal about it. Stop it! The time has come to put this silly custom to rest once and for all. With so many real things to worry about, so much legitimate shit to get pissed at, there is no need for this concept to continue for even one more day. Let us stop this unjust discrimination against innocent words, and embrace them for the diversity they offer our language. Let the myth die here.

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