make me a tree

I should say something interesting to amuse you all to no end, since this is the first time some of you might ever have heard of me. That would make a better first impression then me rambling on about a bit of nothing, but eh, well… yeah I just don’t see that in the near or present future so you’ll have to make due with this junk.

I suppose I should use proper case on this site. Bah. I never realized how hard it is to revert back to using ‘shift’ after you stop using it for months on end… Which reminds me, why do I write in all lower case anyway? I guess i just got lazy after a while. That damned ‘shift’ is just too far away, my poor pinkie shouldn’t need to exert itself as such.

Since this is an e/smut site and all, I thought I’d share some of my recent smut discoveries. Ok, well my only smut discovery, but it’s an important one, I swear. As I was saying Oh yes, Susan Ward is not that hot. This came as quite a travesty to me. I have an FHM calendar over my trashcan and this month just so happens to have Susan Ward on it and man, is she HOT! Yeah, at least that’s what I thought. So I went about scouring the internet to see more pictures of her. Well, I’ll be darned if I found more then four good pictures of her. In all the other ones she looks… ::shiver:: not so hot at all.

This vaguely reminds me of the time I was walking the boardwalk with some buddies and I was like “who is that hot girl up there?” and then she turned around and *gasp* she was not hot at all! ::sob sob:: It was awful, and embarrassing! Oh well, anyway about Susan Ward, she’s not so hot. Just look around the internet at some of her other pictures, you’ll come to the startling realization too.

Yes well, that’s about it for my startling smut discoveries, but I’ll be sure to share any other useful information as I find it. But let us now address one more thing, before I leave you all to your humble lives. I do not look like Gary Oldman. To prove my point, I’ve arranged the following case in point:

Gary Oldmannot Gary Oldman
See to the left is said Gary Oldman, yes the actor who was in such notable films as umm, well I know he was in something oh yes! He was in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, yes and he was in the Professional. He was the crazy crack fiend cop who said ërelease the hounds!’ wait no that was something else, that’s it he said, ëI love these calm little moments before the storm’ in a weird voice that vaguely reminded me of Optimus Prime. Maybe that was just me though.

Anyway I was trying to prove a point here, that guy to the right is Gary Oldman, wait no, that’s me. Hence I do not look at all like the guy to the left, that actor dude. Yeah see? Bah! Justin doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Well yeah he was right about the third Olsen, but that doesn’t prove anything.

In conclusion, Susan Ward is not hot, and I do not look like Gary Oldman.

9 thoughts on “make me a tree

  1. gary oldman is seksy as hell.

    oh hang on a sec. which one’s him?

    #1 | Comment by fuzzy — September 18, 2001 @ 2:29 am

  2. !!


    #2 | Comment by fuzzy — September 18, 2001 @ 2:29 am

  3. The guy on the right has beautiful eyes.

    #3 | Comment by thess — September 18, 2001 @ 3:28 am

  4. Will is awesome

    #4 | Comment by Lauri — September 18, 2001 @ 10:15 am

  5. Gary Oldman was also in Romeo Is Bleeding, The Fifth Element, and Sid and Nancy (i’m an endless source of worthless information). And no, you don’t look a thing like him. You’re not scary enough.

    #5 | Comment by Katie — September 18, 2001 @ 1:19 pm

  6. Oh, and you’re also not sweaty enough. That picture is a perfect example, Gary is often sweaty. Oh yeah, and he made a guest apperance on the season finale of Friends. God damn, I need a fucking life.

    #6 | Comment by Katie — September 18, 2001 @ 1:21 pm

  7. wow

    #7 | Comment by deeds — September 18, 2001 @ 5:03 pm

  8. daym! you’re hot! *wink wink*


    #8 | Comment by stalker — September 18, 2001 @ 6:23 pm

  9. Oldman is one of the best actors having ever been playing in Hollywood, commercial films…

    #9 | Comment by Superthruster — July 3, 2002 @ 8:06 pm

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