Go See My Movie. Now.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, Fubar comes back up just in time for me to make a shameless plug for my new movie, Daredevil, which I did solely as a favor to Kevin Smith, since he needed to get the resale value up on the first issues of the series’ re-release, courtesy of Marvel Comics.

And it’s Valentine’s Day. What can you buy for the woman who has everything? No, seriously, this is an actual question, seeing how I bought J-Lo a ring that cost more than my salary for Armageddon. I mean, I’ve bought her a car, a ring, paid for her divorce attorney… and yet she still wants me to surprise her for Valentine’s Day. There’s no way to stand out from the crowd, seeing how I’ve seemingly got half of the desperate men in America, forty-three Venezuelans, twelve guys in Peru and assorted guys all over the rest of the world sending her flowers. So I can’t buy her flowers. I bet Damon would be able to think something up, but he’s probably still in the institution after Bourne Identity flopped.

I’m sorry if I cut this short, but me and J-Lo have dinner reservations at nine, and then I’ve got to wake up in the morning and talk to Marc Norman about writing a Shakespeare In Love spin-off about my character, Ned, probably due out in late-2004 if I can get it done fast. I’m thinking that in this one, Ned writes a different not-so-well-known Shakespeare play, since the Bard is out sick or something. A “here Ben comes to save the day” kind of movie. And don’t any of you make jokes about Ned writing Coriolanus for Damon’s character. It’s just not funny, and Rupert Everett made the joke when I first pitched the movie to the Weinsteins back in ’98.

In closing, I’d like to thank Justin for coming back and granting me the opportunity to hawk Daredevil to the masses. Go see it. Now. If you’re on the east-coast, you might still be able to catch a late-show, so push all of the couples down and steal their tickets. It’s one hell of a lot more entertaining than The Hours or any of those Oscar-nominated movies. Way I see it, the last time a decent movie got nominated for an Oscar was Good Will Hunting. But, that’s another story for another time, because J-Lo just threatened to take my balls off if we didn’t make our reservation-time.

10 thoughts on “Go See My Movie. Now.

  1. Warning to you mate!
    Hispanic women get incredibly fat over 40.
    One thing though, I thought you were a duck who did commercials?
    How did you get into movies?

    #1 | Comment by Discommode — February 15, 2003 @ 2:52 am

  2. What do you mean after 40….how about after they pop out the 6 kids by the time they can drink (legally).

    #2 | Comment by bligityblah — February 15, 2003 @ 4:03 am

  3. ur so gay k thx

    #3 | Comment by biz — February 15, 2003 @ 6:11 am

  4. Yeah, I know they’re trying to keep their options open for a Daredevil 2, but trust me, it’ll never happen.

    ’cause yer movie sux

    #4 | Comment by Seriously — February 15, 2003 @ 8:51 am

  5. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Daredevil-1120302/

    eh. it doesn’t seem to be faring well critically. will i still see it? only because ben affleck is so gosh darn sexy.

    you have my $5.25.

    #5 | Comment by Justin — February 15, 2003 @ 11:19 am

  6. ben affleck rules (ina non gay way) gonna c daredevil as soon as poss. might be showin my ignorance here (being british and not in the know) but is ben gonna be goin any upcoming films with jason lee? cause those two really complement each other on screen good luck with jLo she was HOT in ‘the cell’

    #6 | Comment by thor — February 15, 2003 @ 12:44 pm

  7. eh I saw it for free thursday night. Bad. Not even close to X men let alone spider man. There is a trailer for X2 though.

    #7 | Comment by charles — February 15, 2003 @ 2:24 pm

  8. Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms yo.

    you know, for a time, before ben affleck got really famous, i’d always confuse him for being edward burns. and so i’d always thought that ben affleck was in saving private ryan. which would’ve made pretty good sense since matt damon was in that movie too. could’ve happened. edward burns is cool btw. i have the brothers mcmullen on LD. with commentary too! the dvd doesn’t have one =P

    #8 | Comment by Justin — February 15, 2003 @ 3:03 pm

  9. Hey Ben-

    "Fuck [Ben Affleck and Matt Damon]. Fuck them up their stupid asses."

    #9 | Comment by smash — February 15, 2003 @ 11:40 pm

  10. daredevil has been banned in malaysia (still pending)… BOO – fucking – HOO

    #10 | Comment by beng — February 16, 2003 @ 9:31 pm

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