Mail!

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To: psykotik@gmail.com
Date: Sat, 21 Jun 2003 12:50:38 -0700
From: “Nic” *********@hotmail.com

Subject: I need some love advice (yes jUSTIN , i’m asking you for help , this ain’t spam and I really need some help)

Ok , first off , I just wanna say that you seemed like the person I should talk to about this. I have a girlfriend , she’s pretty , smart , and all that other crap , but letely there have been a fair bit of problems .You see , she went to this sports day activity thing for sprinting , I was also to go , but she asked me not to , so I didn’t. I find out that she played a little “game” of truth and dare , she ended up kissing , hugging and more with a bunch of guys she doesn’t know. I beat one of them pretty hard (he was a little snot) then she asked me not to do that , we talked for a bit , all was forgiven , well , our class had a pool party , you know what happened , some gorrilla was there , she thought he was good looking , so he ended giving her a piggy back ride , innocent ?!?! NO! She was wearing a bikini and he had his shirt off . Then he ended up having to “save” her , even though they were on dry ground.Now she is trying to guilt me into feeling sorry for her , and forgetting about what happened. At this point , I forgave her , but you know what she does ? She signs up for the same messenger service as him (lycos or something like that)so she can “yell” at him , and I don’t need to worry because she won’t do anything with him .For the love of everything holy help me out.

P.S.I’ll understand if I never ever hear from you , seeing as how you’ll probably never even open this e-mail. Oh well , a guy can hope , can’t he ?

Yours Truly
Nicholas Z.
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Dear Nic,

Since i’m an internet celebrity and therefore one of the most powerful people on Earth, you were right to come to me for love advice. For example, i am so perceptive that i knew immediately that your mail was not spam. This is because it did not offer me a way to lengthen my willy.

However, no willy was longer than Free Willy 3. I had to see that on a plane once and i thought it would never end. The whole time i was eating this horrible, rubbery airline chicken. “Chicken or fish?” they asked me, and i thought, “How badly can they mess up chicken?” Well, i learned my lesson that day, i’ll tell you.

Where was i? Oh yeah. Three words for you Nic: mail order bride.

Sincerely,
Justin

6 thoughts on “Mail!

  1. hush that was good advice.

    okay i’m on AIM now and talking to youuuu lalala whats up lmao

    #1 | Comment by Justin — July 8, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  2. your advice is more homo than your LJ icon.

    #2 | Comment by Cici — July 8, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  3. i have the best icon ever.

    #3 | Comment by Justin — July 8, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  4. my icon is cooler

    #4 | Comment by Cici — July 9, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  5. youre a complete fag for coming on AIM and then signing off. come the fuck back and IM me, thanks bye.

    btw, your advice sucked

    #5 | Comment by Cici — July 13, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  6. I think you two should get married. It would be like a sitcom…

    Like the odd couple but less sex…

    #6 | Comment by OutlawedJoker — July 13, 2003 @ 10:51 am

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