Date: Sat, 21 Jun 2003 12:50:38 -0700
From: “Nic” *********

Subject: I need some love advice (yes jUSTIN , i’m asking you for help , this ain’t spam and I really need some help)

Ok , first off , I just wanna say that you seemed like the person I should talk to about this. I have a girlfriend , she’s pretty , smart , and all that other crap , but letely there have been a fair bit of problems .You see , she went to this sports day activity thing for sprinting , I was also to go , but she asked me not to , so I didn’t. I find out that she played a little “game” of truth and dare , she ended up kissing , hugging and more with a bunch of guys she doesn’t know. I beat one of them pretty hard (he was a little snot) then she asked me not to do that , we talked for a bit , all was forgiven , well , our class had a pool party , you know what happened , some gorrilla was there , she thought he was good looking , so he ended giving her a piggy back ride , innocent ?!?! NO! She was wearing a bikini and he had his shirt off . Then he ended up having to “save” her , even though they were on dry ground.Now she is trying to guilt me into feeling sorry for her , and forgetting about what happened. At this point , I forgave her , but you know what she does ? She signs up for the same messenger service as him (lycos or something like that)so she can “yell” at him , and I don’t need to worry because she won’t do anything with him .For the love of everything holy help me out.

P.S.I’ll understand if I never ever hear from you , seeing as how you’ll probably never even open this e-mail. Oh well , a guy can hope , can’t he ?

Yours Truly
Nicholas Z.

Dear Nic,

Since i’m an internet celebrity and therefore one of the most powerful people on Earth, you were right to come to me for love advice. For example, i am so perceptive that i knew immediately that your mail was not spam. This is because it did not offer me a way to lengthen my willy.

However, no willy was longer than Free Willy 3. I had to see that on a plane once and i thought it would never end. The whole time i was eating this horrible, rubbery airline chicken. “Chicken or fish?” they asked me, and i thought, “How badly can they mess up chicken?” Well, i learned my lesson that day, i’ll tell you.

Where was i? Oh yeah. Three words for you Nic: mail order bride.


6 thoughts on “Mail!

  1. hush that was good advice.

    okay i’m on AIM now and talking to youuuu lalala whats up lmao

    #1 | Comment by Justin — July 8, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  2. your advice is more homo than your LJ icon.

    #2 | Comment by Cici — July 8, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  3. i have the best icon ever.

    #3 | Comment by Justin — July 8, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  4. my icon is cooler

    #4 | Comment by Cici — July 9, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  5. youre a complete fag for coming on AIM and then signing off. come the fuck back and IM me, thanks bye.

    btw, your advice sucked

    #5 | Comment by Cici — July 13, 2003 @ 10:51 am

  6. I think you two should get married. It would be like a sitcom…

    Like the odd couple but less sex…

    #6 | Comment by OutlawedJoker — July 13, 2003 @ 10:51 am

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