Hello people who don’t know me! Hello people who do!(all five of you or so) Alright then, now that that’s all said and done…
Aye mateys, diarrhea wins the ‘Worst Shit Award’ indeed. I was sitting here, minding my own business, doing what I do best…. absolutely nothing. Then, all of a sudden, my ass feels the need to scream. So, I try to hurry my way to the toilet without shitting myself and whatnot. Success! I rock so fucking hard, it’s not even fair anymore. Alas, before I can even celebrate, I have to pull down me pants and pull the release valve. …In one explosive clump of diarrhea….*sploosh* ….my ass beckons. I think to myself “Is it over? Can I leave now? Hello? Is anybody there?” Right after that my ass answers “Yes.” and spits out some of the remains of the beast, as if to spit on my thoughts and demoralize me…yeah…it worked. I scream like a girl….um…”AHH!” “Blimey, I’ll meet the rope’s end before this day is done!” I think to myself like a pirate for some reason or another. In fear that my arse is not yet done, I sit; ass wide open, I sit. As I try the good ‘ol push and chomp technique, all I can hear is a squishy sound; like my butthole is salivating at the thought of the great fear I have of what may come next. It’s the sound your moist tongue makes as you stick it to the top of your mouth, then remove it; go ahead and do it a few times, I’ll wait……….. Yeah, it sounded kind of like that. You didn’t do it, did you? Fucking gay…oh well. I give up on the push and chomp after a minute or so. I attempt the open and wait strategy instead, hoping my luck will differ. After a good ten minutes or so I get this awkward, gay,Justin-like vibe; it appears my ass has been open far too long for my liking….I close it tightly and lock the door….to my ass. What? You act like you don’t have locks on your asshole or something? It’s sort of an anti-grud mechanism…or something.
Anyway….it is done for now. As I wipe the ANALJUICE from me arse, I feel the need to see the beast that tried to best me this humble day. I’m quite frightened, terrified even, but I suck it down and take a quick glance at it; oddly enough, I don’t whip my head back after the site of the poo-monster. No, no….not remotely. Actually, I get quite hungry at the site of the ‘lil bugger. My shit looks just like somebody grabbed a can of chile beans and plopped it in the toilet. I think “Aye, that kind of looks like the chile dog I had the other day…go figure. I could go for another right about now.” This could have definitely been a sign of some sort to eat a chile dog or something, but fuck if I’m going to heat up some scurvy chile beans at 4:30 AM. I mean, seriously, it didn’t quite make me THAT hungry. If it were a bit later, people were up, and I hadn’t eaten in several days….I’d definitely give it a maybe. My voracious efforts had paid off…the peril is now over. The clouds seemingly turn from black to white, as they faded away. The sun can now rise, once again. The birds awaken, and I hear their joyful chirping once more. My hair, blows effortlessly in the wind. A gleam in my eye, a smirk on my face…..victory. I am the most powerful being on Earth at this very moment. I am the ruler of my own bowels. I am a hero to my faithful people. I will rule you all with my iron fist! I saved the day Betty! I saved the day…
I got so pumped after my great victory that I figure I’d write about this fantastic journey to all my Derby brethren….alas…..it is not there. Have you payed your dues Bus? The check is in the mail……I can only hope. :'(
(The Bus Man never did pay his dues….and as a result The Derby Empire fell….and fell….and fell some more…until there was no more fell to fall. It was sad….IT WAS SAD…to bad yep to bad)
bubba! You fucking emo princess! I knew you’d sully this site with your words again if Justin let you post. What a polly prissy pants!
http://www.smashy.net/share/polly.wav
Oh well, I’m not complaining, I missed your ass around these parts.
#1 | Comment by smash — November 25, 2003 @ 5:54 pm
when you posted this I had to think about this site…
girls also poop!!!
http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html
#2 | Comment by WP — November 25, 2003 @ 7:19 pm
thats the sexiest thing i’ve ever seen. but…
Teflon Parakeet: everybody knows that girls dont poop
Teflon Parakeet: or fart
Teflon Parakeet: or sweat
#3 | Comment by Justin — November 25, 2003 @ 7:44 pm
bubba = funny
🙂
that is all
#4 | Comment by NGEddie — November 25, 2003 @ 8:12 pm
Wtf Bubba?
What is this scatological bullshit? This doesn’t have anything to do with girls who make videos for their boyfriends and then creep on them and get busted so said boyfriend releases video on the web. It’s all about poop.
I don’t get it.
#5 | Comment by matt — November 25, 2003 @ 9:27 pm
There’s nothing to get Matt. Guy who can’t spell writes about taking a shit. Its a mini adventure. The end.
#6 | Comment by Filbert — November 25, 2003 @ 9:51 pm
I’m just very honored to be named in a Bubba post.
#7 | Comment by grud — November 25, 2003 @ 10:17 pm
hot.
#8 | Comment by lizzi — November 26, 2003 @ 1:03 am
Hmmm. Don’t encourage him, interactive poo adventures are not high on my list of priorities! Anyway its a rip off of a post Justin made last year
/archives/564
#9 | Comment by Filbert — November 26, 2003 @ 2:34 am
You claim tales of poo adventures are not high on your list of priorities, yet you can link them at a moment’s notice. I am confused, and very suspiscious.
(Yes, I left out interactive intentionally.)
#10 | Comment by zant — November 26, 2003 @ 6:36 am
Seems like someone takes "the Shits" way too seriously. Pathetic, yet poetic.
#11 | Comment by Alejandro — November 26, 2003 @ 8:35 am
whooo! way to be back bub
#12 | Comment by bleh — November 26, 2003 @ 8:55 am
you are my rubba rubba bubba
#13 | Comment by Justin — November 26, 2003 @ 9:20 am
That story had a happy ending that made a tear cum to my eye.
#14 | Comment by P. Orno Rocks — November 26, 2003 @ 9:42 am
Ahh…it’s all so clear to me now. Kinda makes me wish it was more interactive, like a choose yer own poop adventure.
#15 | Comment by matt — November 26, 2003 @ 12:58 pm
Damnit Justin…bubba is your Rubba Rubba?
#16 | Comment by smash — December 2, 2003 @ 2:11 am