This Justin guy really pisses me off sometimes. He starts off by dragging me on for three weeks, letting me think he’s Avril Lavigne, talking about this and that… not cybersex, but cyber-foreplay for sure. So anyway, I’m seeing a connection here, and so I went to an Avril Lavigne concert, got backstage and she’s like, “Oh my god! Ben Affleck!” And I’m like, “Good to see you, too, sweetkins,” dropped my pants, and next thing I know I’m slapped with a restraining order. So I get back online and find this Psykotik2k person and I’m like, “Bitch! You lied to me!” and then Justin explained it all and we both had a good laugh over it. Well, he had a good laugh, and I fell off the wagon. God, I hope he doesn’t still have those IM’s logged away somewhere.
So anyway, maybe he felt so guilty that he decided to give me this job, or maybe it’s because he found some jackhole on the internet who hates me and linked him to my name at the end of the story I wrote, and I can’t do anything about it. I mean, I can stand criticism, but this guy is saying I look like Popeye-meets-Rambo, and that’s just the nastiest thing someone’s done to me since Damon convinced me to play Chuckie instead of Will Hunting. He gets an Oscar nomination for acting, and I end up playing second-fiddle to Mork From Ork! Damon’s a manipulative bastard, Justin’s a lying bastard, and this Popeye-thinkin’ fuck is fucking clown shoes. Yeah, you piece of crap, I read your Pearl Harbor review and I ain’t gay!
So let’s talk about breasts. You want proof I ain’t gay? We’re talking about breasts. Now, let’s be honest: J-Lo ain’t got much up top. You ever seen Money Train? Yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ about. I bet you can probably find that picture over in that naked celebrity thing on the left there. I mean, I am a man in pain. Gwyneth? Ha ha, nope, nothin’ up there, either. I think I’m getting known for this, which might be why they cast me against Liv Tyler and Kate Beckinsdale in Armageddon and Pearl Harbor. If I had a thing for Canadian girls, I’d be on the first flight to Toronto for a Leafs game and visit the girls who post here on Fubar.
So, me being Mister Dissatisfied Ben Affleck, let’s talk about the actresses I should’ve nailed on movie sets over these past years: Salma Hayek in Dogma, Christina Ricci in 200 Cigarettes, Claire Forlani in Mallrats, Charlize Theron in Reindeer Games, Kristy Swanson from when I was an extra in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and this chick even though I never acted with her, because she’s really hot! Man, I’d dump J-Lo in a heartbeat for that chick. She must be like a foreign superstar or something. The name’s just so exotic, like Cher or Bjork, who are superstars that I don’t want to nail, but I will if it’ll prove to all of you doubters that I ain’t gay!
[Editor: I’m sure Ben would’ve wanted me to add the Popeye-Rambo link for clarity.]
Bunk……….
#1 | Comment by Bubba — October 20, 2002 @ 7:50 am
Please no more Ben. It sickens me that you have this much free time. Please go make a documentary and leave us to our humble lives. Its one thing that youre always calling trying to be my friend but please this is too far leave the websites i like alone.
#2 | Comment by Dylan — October 20, 2002 @ 8:02 am
ben, you’ve brought the site from site (yesterdays posts) to great again. just what it needed, some hot women. thank you
#3 | Comment by Ikke — October 20, 2002 @ 8:56 am
wtf am i typing there. you’ve brought the site from SHIT to great
#4 | Comment by Ikke — October 20, 2002 @ 8:57 am
At least we’re not reading another Justin Ho’s post. We need smart ass guys to post in here….men with breast fetish, like fine ass…………..explosions, sex, video games, teh usuall guy stuff. Mr. Affleck…..keep on posting.
#5 | Comment by Mike — October 20, 2002 @ 11:18 am
i m just curious if ‘Ben’ is getting mails the way Justin gets Avril fan mails.
"Ooooh Ben! I didnt realize you re such a funny guy! i ve always bought into ET’s quips about you being only a pretty boy! And that you re gay! Turns out you aint after all!
I m your BIGgest fan (note the cap for emphasis..)! Er whats with the Avril Lavigne pictures?
if you do get mails of those variety, pls spread the silliness..
#6 | Comment by tai — October 20, 2002 @ 12:59 pm
oh ben you are too much for me to handle, I think if you came to canada you would wanna see me too 😉 me and Lizzie would be here for you….mmm ben…..haha
#7 | Comment by meg — October 20, 2002 @ 1:19 pm
Not even sure what to say. I was just kind of numb after reading that post. I do appreciate the girls though.
#8 | Comment by Jamlink — October 20, 2002 @ 2:51 pm
I am Korea.
huk. huk.
#9 | Comment by suzi — October 20, 2002 @ 3:15 pm
go leafs 11111111111111
#10 | Comment by belak — October 20, 2002 @ 3:24 pm
Now all that’s needed for the full desired effect is a Ben Affleck layout and a page title change to: f.u.b.a.r – Ben Affleck huh? T’is not a suggestion, just an observation.
#11 | Comment by AstroBoy — October 20, 2002 @ 5:11 pm
Hey Ben!
That last chick you say you haven’t acted with, I know who she is.
You remember the Final Fantasy movie: Spirits Within right?…
That’s Aki Ross, the lead-role chick…
For a CGI-girl that’s DAMN fine work, I must say…
#12 | Comment by mt_5318008 — October 20, 2002 @ 5:42 pm
Ben Afflek is doing a great job… I hope that he isnt upset about Push Nevada being canceled and stays on FUBAR.
#13 | Comment by Celius_Quin — October 20, 2002 @ 6:59 pm
I am discontent
#14 | Comment by Dylan — October 20, 2002 @ 10:55 pm
I love you Mr. Affleck. Can I have your autograph?
#15 | Comment by Mike — October 21, 2002 @ 4:32 am
Just to let you know, while some would say that what your doing is indeed satire, many legal experts would tell you that you are doing borderline fraud. Meaning, that you are opening yourself up to a lawsuit if someone had the extra time to sue you. Unlikely, but just wanted to let you know that its a possibility. (this is why you hear "Celebrity voices impersonated etc." on radio commercials. This site does generate a profit and therefore is open to liability.
All fun and games til’ the lawyers get involved.
#16 | Comment by Someone — October 21, 2002 @ 4:55 am
ben should have humped alanis in dogma
or at least a blow job
man what a mouth
#17 | Comment by beng — October 21, 2002 @ 4:58 am
Someone-
You are a jackass. That ‘little disclaimer’ you claim is always heard is NOT always heard. As legally proven in the case of "THE PEOPLE VS. LARRY FLINT" (maybe you heard of it) when it is OBVIOUS that it is a parody because the figure is a celebrity taht little disclaimer is not necessary.
And if it is not obvious to someone logging on to this site that that was not really Ben Afflek, I doubt that sap will have enough rocks in his head to have made it through law school or even understand what they are reading.
#18 | Comment by smash — October 21, 2002 @ 5:20 am
Ben, im starting a boycott of your movies, at first you were humorous now youre becoming very pathetic.
Justin, balance the love and the site, at least 2 posts a week please.
#19 | Comment by Dylan — October 21, 2002 @ 5:25 am
Where’s my autograph? I love you Mr. Affleck.
#20 | Comment by Mike — October 21, 2002 @ 8:19 am
even aki’s cgi b00bies are good b00bies.
ben….are you sad that you can’t even get fake b00bies. although i have heard you’ve gotten J-Lo and her fat ass.
#21 | Comment by b00bies — October 21, 2002 @ 10:26 am
ditto on dylan
#22 | Comment by Prez — October 21, 2002 @ 12:17 pm
5318008 is BOOBIES backwards….ingenious. If we were still in the pager era I would have picked up on that faster. Yes, Prez and Dylan, I think I was trying to say the same in my above post. I think Umgawa is a little too hung up on Affleck. Kind of like Justin and Avril only a dude not a chick. Although it was a good comparison between Affleck and Stallon.
On to different topics, who has seen that movie
"Requiem for a Dream". That movie is disturbing. Except for the "Butt to Butt!" scene. Which is still a little disturbing. I thought that movie was going to be ass. But it turned out to be good, but still a little ass. Overall, it was a good but ass movie.
#23 | Comment by Jamlink — October 21, 2002 @ 12:36 pm
Yeah…and cigarettes are bad for you, everyone knows that, right? Hell, Everyone has KNOWN that for twenty years+ right? So the idea of suing a tobacco company and winning is insane right? I mean…oh wait.
Like people need a good reason to sue people. Just ask that lady who was awarded a million by burning her crotch with McDonalds coffee, dumbass.
#24 | Comment by someone — October 22, 2002 @ 1:17 am
-just a question, smash… do you get all your legal advice from movies? Because if you do, well, lets just say that it speaks for itself you ignorant dumbass.
People like you shouldn’t be able to vote.
#25 | Comment by Someone — October 22, 2002 @ 1:19 am