What you got in that bag? And where the f00k did you gettit?

Time for a break in the dick parade.

*10 minute blank out staring at screen* I don’t really know what to say. I promised Justin if he emailed me I would post. I’m rusty.

I’m in ‘class’ – “Projekt zur Berufsorientierung junger Frauen” which is translated as a project for the career orientation of young women. The only good thing here is that there’s a kitchen with free coffee and free DSL. And maybe a new friend. But she needs to wash her hair more than every four days. And eat a few cheeseburgers.

After class yesterday I had an appointment with a real man of our times. He’s the director of this place and before he goes into retirement at the end of this year and dies with his tiny pension stuffed under his pillow he’s supposed to help out us “girls” with finding an 8 week place where we can do a praktikum. I guess that’s an internship, basically you work full time in some place and don’t get paid.

The problem with him started right at the beginning by telling me that I should probably pronounce my first name (Samantha) a little more “German” – as in Zumuntu. Apparently being American and having an american name is no longer a good idea for the work scene? He’s so modern and up to date. What made his statement 5 points more ridiculous is that in my class of 15, over half are foreigners from the Middle East and it took me a week to understand their names and be able to pronounce them the correct way – ie. how their own country would say it. No one tells them to germanize their names.

Strike two was that he didn’t realize that my email address was an email address. Obviously he’s never seen that new invention of the internet. Or written an email. Which wouldn’t surprise me because in the 90 minutes I had to stare at my reflection in his glasses and he sat in front of the window that was the cause of my migraine he received SEVEN phone calls. He didn’t politely tell them to call back, he had full blown coversations with Spaniards and Turks that were looking for or found jobs in construction and factories. And I got to quietly sit there with nothing to do.

For being a career counselor he apparently has no idea how to listen to what people want to do and suggest things along the line of what goal they’re reaching for. I threw out the idea of opening a cafe, something I’ve already started, and he told me to do a bakers training. Baking bread = serving coffee? Right.

And he’s so educated he couldn’t figure out where Michigan, one of my most prominent states in the America, was located.

He couldn’t grasp the concept that the name of an american elementary school and a language school aren’t really important in life, and that it doesn’t matter what the meaning or relevance behind the name is.

Or that I didn’t want to work in the fucking warehouse of the construction store (like Lowe’s or something) just because he had a connection there that was also german-american. He said it would teach me better German. I wondered if wizzing on his rug would piss him off.

A real man of our times.

24 thoughts on “What you got in that bag? And where the f00k did you gettit?

  1. "I wondered if wizzing on his rug would piss him off."

    Is there a pun there? I’m saying yes…

    Love the Eve. =)

    #1 | Comment by Bubba — August 29, 2003 @ 5:36 pm

  2. "I wondered if wizzing on his rug would piss him off."
    Only if it tied the room together.

    #2 | Comment by kromekoran — August 29, 2003 @ 9:24 pm

  3. Perhaps he suffers from Alzheimer’s or Dementia?
    That would explain his retirement…

    #3 | Comment by cujo — August 29, 2003 @ 10:37 pm

  4. Gr… Praktik(um?) is the slave labor of the 21th century.

    I’ve still got a week of praktik left 🙁

    #4 | Comment by Kingolf — August 29, 2003 @ 11:01 pm

  5. I think Fubar has more ties to Michigan than you realize there, bub. I’m in Michigan, Justin was (but he abandoned the west side of this state for his native Brunei), Eve is from here originally, and there are like 3 other people who I can’t think of right now.

    #5 | Comment by smash — August 30, 2003 @ 3:46 am

  6. Lyndse’s from Temperance, MI.

    #6 | Comment by Kingolf — August 30, 2003 @ 5:12 am

  7. Holy shit the sites up…damn i havent been here since like last november what the hells been going on…and im from new haven like wut!

    #7 | Comment by freestylefritz — August 30, 2003 @ 8:10 am

  8. Wicked, so glad to have you back Eve. I love your witty sarcasm, I laughed pretty good at your post.

    #8 | Comment by Devon — August 30, 2003 @ 8:50 am

  9. Another Michigander here…!

    #9 | Comment by Stink — August 30, 2003 @ 9:41 am

  10. California represent!


    I lived in Michigan… for like 2 weeks… I got no complaints…

    #10 | Comment by PacManJesus — August 30, 2003 @ 9:53 am

  11. Aww…I was going to say something like "Yeah, but all the cool people live in California." …but zac ruined that theory. =\

    #11 | Comment by Bubba — August 30, 2003 @ 11:29 am

  12. Well, I was going to respond to this — "What the hell? We have a Michigan?", with "The question is, do we really need a Michigan?", but then I realized I was surrounded.

    Entertaining read, Eve. Thanks.

    #12 | Comment by Amy — August 30, 2003 @ 11:46 am

  13. Perhaps he’s just an asshole.

    On the other hand, this "praktikum" really puts all my complaints about the evils of temp agencies in perspective.

    #13 | Comment by Seriously — August 30, 2003 @ 12:10 pm

  14. What the hell? We have a Michigan?

    #14 | Comment by WhoaMan — August 30, 2003 @ 12:58 pm

  15. newflash.

    career counselors are people unable to get a real job. If he was able to offer *any* advice to *anyone* about the practicality of a job, don’t you think he’d advise himself first, and get a REAL job?

    psychologist are nuts who go to college to explain their own insanity.

    #15 | Comment by leekwed — August 30, 2003 @ 3:26 pm

  16. like they say:

    those who can’t do, teach.

    #16 | Comment by Justin — August 30, 2003 @ 3:59 pm

  17. "those who can’t do, teach."

    My Dad always said that. And then he wondered why I had such a hard time with authority in school…

    (I’m actually asleep right now, because it’s 4:39 a.m., and my being awake would be ridiculous.)

    #17 | Comment by Amy — August 30, 2003 @ 4:39 pm

  18. The "Director" of an educating facility, bi-lingual or multi-lingual no doubt, doesn’t do e-mail, and is helping people on the phone while he helps a student as well.
    Hmmmmmmn, yeah, I am convinced, he is a dumbass, insensitive bastard who should be put to sleep.

    #18 | Comment by Discommode — August 30, 2003 @ 11:57 pm

  19. "I am convinced, he is a dumbass, insensitive bastard who should be put to sleep."

    That’s a dangerous statement when you’re talking about Germans. They have arranged that before.

    #19 | Comment by grud — August 31, 2003 @ 2:18 am

  20. Toiletboy: I thought with time you’d get cleverer. I was wrong. He’s not bilingual and it’s not a teaching facility. But the dumbass bastard part sure applies to you.

    #20 | Comment by eve — August 31, 2003 @ 11:33 pm

  21. is there someone in Germany to whom I can report a stalker?
    The person is a Zumuntu, and believe me if ever a name described someone that’s it…….

    Just kidding "oh sensitive one", so don’t get yer knickers in a twist. Disagreeing with your opinion of anything is a dangerous exercise.

    #21 | Comment by Discommode — September 1, 2003 @ 1:28 am

  22. That’s just not right. Disco didn’t do anything wrong. =\

    #22 | Comment by Bubba — September 5, 2003 @ 4:11 am


    #23 | Comment by ALEX — September 11, 2003 @ 8:01 am



    #24 | Comment by Kingolf — September 24, 2003 @ 4:48 am

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