“…but the timeline!!”

So i was in class yesterday sitting next to this chick and she starts talking about the movie Van Helsing with this other chick.

“That guy’s in it. Hugh… Hugh J… something”
“Hugh Jackman”
“Yeah! Hugh Jackman. He’s hot. I like him”

(potential spoiler ahead if you haven’t seen the movie)

She then starts talking about how Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is in the movie and how Van Helsing kills him (them?).

Now the funny part is that this chick, she starts getting completely perplexed by the fact that Van Helsing kills Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde because she remembers Jekyll/Hyde being in The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Then she just starts going on about how the whole timeline is off and then talks about how both movies are based on books and that she’d read both of them but couldn’t really remember much about them, hence her being confused about the timeline. But she doesn’t stop there, she just kept coming back to the fact that the timeline was off and that Van Helsing couldnt have killed Jekyll/Hyde because he was alive in LXG or something like that. Over and over. Van Helsing. LXG. Back and forth. I wanted to slap her.


What. A. Dumbass.

Then again she was blonde after all. Plus chicks almost always know nothing about movies.

27 thoughts on ““…but the timeline!!”

  1. Funny.

    #1 | Comment by Nukeman — May 11, 2004 @ 4:10 am

  2. Fag.

    #2 | Comment by pangwinking — May 11, 2004 @ 4:11 am

  3. Stupid.

    #3 | Comment by Justin — May 11, 2004 @ 4:11 am

  4. i heard van helsing sucked, but was only redeemed by sucking so hard.

    was she a dz?

    #4 | Comment by b — May 11, 2004 @ 4:12 am

  5. Ya, I hear that the Van Helsing franchise is going to take it in the ass come next week, when movie and video game sales plummett. That’s what you get when you place too much faith in special effects, and not enough in good storytelling. Now Troy, on the other hand, is going to be plenty of both.

    #5 | Comment by JR (Troy troll) — May 11, 2004 @ 4:15 am

  6. Just on a side note, does anyone else hate how contrived and fake that MTV movie screening show is? I remember watching it for Van Helsing, and people made it seem like it was a great movie. Does anyone ever tell the truth on that fucking thing, or is every movie "off the chain" or some other hip hop cliche?

    #6 | Comment by JR — May 11, 2004 @ 4:18 am

  7. ^ off da hook

    Like I give fuck tho. that chick is a fucking tard tho.

    #7 | Comment by sexcrazedwzl — May 11, 2004 @ 4:30 am

  8. "Plus chicks almost always know nothing about movies."

    one dumb chick can not speak for ALL women – you sound almost AS silly as that stupid girl for making that statement!!

    #8 | Comment by Sarah — May 11, 2004 @ 5:10 am

  9. hehehe. i knew that would tick someone off.

    titanic rules.

    #9 | Comment by Justin — May 11, 2004 @ 5:13 am

  10. "Oh but the timeline does make sense because in actuality the two movies don’t take place in the same ‘universe’ so it’s all good. In fact one is in the ‘Fox’ world and one the ‘Universal.’ Also because in Episode 213 at 17:03…"

    You sound like Comic Book Guy at the Xena the Warrior Princess Con.

    The correct non-overly-technical-cares/knows-too -much-about-the-details-needs- to-relax-might-as -well-be-a-trekker reason to be pissed off about what a dumbass that girl was is: "THEY’RE MOVIES. FICTION. IT DOESNT MATTER"

    Thank you.

    #10 | Comment by Lee — May 11, 2004 @ 5:58 am

  11. titanic SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

    please, please, please get over it.

    #11 | Comment by Sarah — May 11, 2004 @ 7:22 am

  12. -Tatinac does suck

    -Van helsing was alright, I thought it was better then Hellboy at least which had a storyline consisting of the first 15 minutes.

    -Kate Beckingsale gave me a boner for days and days from that movie so it gets an extra star.

    #12 | Comment by Dionysus187 — May 11, 2004 @ 8:50 am

  13. Justin you should have amacked her and called her your bitch. Then apologized and ran away from her big jock boyfreind.

    #13 | Comment by Shazzy69 — May 11, 2004 @ 9:18 am

  14. True that movie wasn’t great and Hellboy looked like ass. But what made it good for me was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Pretty good CGI and funnily sick dialogue. Like a giant wolverine and he looked like Andre the Giant to me.

    #14 | Comment by qchad — May 11, 2004 @ 10:02 am

  15. yea shazzy he should of "amacked " her… i think you were looking for the S its right next to the A you hit.

    #15 | Comment by hesey — May 11, 2004 @ 10:32 am

  16. I thought the cgi in Van Helsing sucked monkey ass compared to the technology out there right now, but it was a lot of fun anyway. Take out the bad graphics, corny moments, and the fact that the timeline doesn’t make sense (Frankenstein was long before Jekyll and Hyde, I’m pretty sure) and it’s a laugh riot.
    Plus, Beckinsale looks soooo good throughout the movie.
    Oh, and Shazzy69’s right. You should’ve amacked her.

    #16 | Comment by Harrison — May 11, 2004 @ 10:33 am

  17. who gives a fuck about the timeline. anyone who care s so much about a fictional timeline about a movie has too much time to waste. go read a friggin book.

    #17 | Comment by dryden — May 11, 2004 @ 12:36 pm

  18. I heard that Van Helsing does not compare with the book it came from.

    The comic book!!!!

    Nerds AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    #18 | Comment by fungi — May 11, 2004 @ 12:55 pm

  19. Obviously she hasn’t studied her timecube theory hard enough. http://www.timecube.com/

    Seriously how could Dracula be alive in Van Helsing when he was killed in Bram Stoker’s Dracula? I mean he can’t die twice. Geez they really screwed THAT timeline up pretty good.

    #19 | Comment by Porkchop — May 11, 2004 @ 1:19 pm

  20. "Plus chicks almost always know nothing about movies."

    Oh how true… I couldn’t have said it better myself

    #20 | Comment by Mr2GQ — May 11, 2004 @ 2:02 pm

  21. van helsing suck! the whole dracula " i am hollow " scene is fucking lame

    #21 | Comment by jareth — May 11, 2004 @ 2:54 pm

  22. I don’t want to see the movie, but I heard it’s got twists at the end. Tell me who kills Dracula, is it the Wolfman?

    #22 | Comment by JR — May 11, 2004 @ 2:58 pm

  23. Who gives a fuck? Man…

    #23 | Comment by jesus shit. — May 11, 2004 @ 3:03 pm

  24. Smushed to death!

    #24 | Comment by matrixfu — May 12, 2004 @ 11:04 pm

  25. Van Helsing is a wretched, wretched motion picture, and I cannot say enough bad things about it.

    #25 | Comment by Duante — May 15, 2004 @ 3:05 pm

  26. SO many fucking vampire movies and not one decent ass vamp in them ever… They are either

    1) Sexually Ambiguous

    2) Bald snarling Eastern Europeans guys who look like they popped out of "Dark City"

    3) Corny as shit

    4) Peta Wilson

    Just makes me so mad I want to watch Fright Night and Lost Boys and really go off the deep end.

    And Gary Oldman in a meat suit dont cut it either.

    #26 | Comment by stonesoundjam — May 30, 2004 @ 8:05 am

  27. Uh… "amacking" is a perfectly good slangoid for ass smacking …which is exactly what chicks need to stay in line…Let’s be honest, they want it, they need it and they got to have it. And they don’t need to understand movies cuz we only bring them in the hope of some amacking at the house later.

    BTW, I liked Titanic… its the best Kate Winslet’s tits have ever looked.

    #27 | Comment by Feardemon — May 30, 2004 @ 9:12 pm

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