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To: webmaster@psykotik.zzn.com
Subject:
From: Dragon69chic2@aol.com Add to Contacts
Date: Fri, 23 Jul 2004 16:47:30 -0400

Attachments: 220017.jpg, crazy weekend0021.jpg

Hi, my name is Jessica siminski and I like your site and I wanted to show you what I look like. See for yourself on this HIGH RES picture of my nipple! I saw your site and I like it and I think I want to have sex with you Justin. I am looking to get pregnant and I think you would be a good father. I am also looking to become a model, despite my teeth being crooked and my boobs being so small. What do you think? Should I pursue it? I hope to hear frmo you soon!

PS–Just for the record, I turn 19 on August 20th 2004, so I’m “of age.”

Jessica simisnki
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Never let it be said that being an internet geek doesn’t get you the chicks. Or at least hi res pictures of their nipple.

And with that being said, i’m think i’m gonna have to pass on your offer Jessica. Let’s just say that i’m saving myself for Avril Lavigne. Or at least someone like her.

But you know what, i think i’m starting to get bored of being single. But at the same time, i’m also too fucking lazy to go out and meet people. And besides, statistically speaking, i have NEVER been successful at hooking up with girls whenever i make the first move. NEVER. I actually have better luck just waiting it out and letting them come to me (as evidenced by that e-mail up there. although whether or not she was actually serious, and i doubt she is, is besides the point).

Now personally, if i had my pick of the litter, this is what my ‘dream girl’ would be like:

Figure:

Nothing less than a Avril Lavigne and nothing more than a Diana Degarmo.

Avril Lavigne/Diana Degarmo.

Why? Because i’m a skinny guy and i probably wouldn’t look right standing next to anyone who’s more than a Diana. Actually, i probably wouldn’t look right standing next to ANY girl, Diana or Avril, because no girl in their right mind would ever wanna be with a skinny guy like me! So i lose no matter which type i hope to get!

Size:

I prefer short petite chicks. Ideally someone like Avril Lavigne.

Why? Because again, being with someone taller (and more towards the Diana Degarmo scale of things) just wouldn’t look right! It’ll be like (and this is just an exagerration) Jennifer Tilly going out with DJ Qualls or something.

I’m too lazy to find a picture of Jennifer Tilly but that’s DJ Qualls and i think you get the idea.

To put things into perspective, i’m much rather suited to be with a Natalie Portman or an Avril Lavigne…

Avril and Natalie. JUST NICE.

….than a Britney Spears or a Lindsay Lohan. Who are built like fucking tanks.

Britney Spears. Too big for me. Plus i wouldn’t hit it anyway. Britney is a fucking southern trailer trash ho bag

Lindsay Lohan. But despite being a tank, i’d still hit it.

Honorable mention:

Robin from The Real World San Diego. Now this girl is the fucking panzer of all tanks (whatever that’s supposed to mean). Watching me and her having sex would be like watching a tank running over a Mini Cooper. BUT EVEN SO, i would actually still hit it. It’d just look fucking ridiculous as hell.

Kinda like this.

Those girls are built like tanks compared to me at least, even if i’m not exagerrating. So being with someone who has a Britney/Lindsay/Robin figure would just look too damn goofy. And you know people won’t be going “Awwww! You two make such a cute couple!” when they see us together. They’d be more like, “WTF WAS THAT?”

Hair:

Not really too picky about hair. But i do kinda like the layered Jennifer Aniston look. Brown hair would be nice too. Black is fucking boring. I have fucking black hair. I see black hair everyday. But again, hair color and length isn’t really that big of a priority. So whatever.

Brown > Red or Blonde > Black.

Oh with one exception, i’m not really into curly hair. Sorry =(

Boobs:

One of my ex’s is a double D so there’s really not much more that i could ever want you to have. So at this point, big, small, i love them all. Nothing less than an Avril Lavigne though.

Age:

Well since i am gonna be FUCKING 24 this November, it would probably be a good idea if you were at least 20 or older. Actually it would be even cooler if you were older than me because i actually prefer older chicks (half the chicks i’ve dated were all older than me. then i got bored and somehow started dating younger chicks. now i realize that i like older chicks more because younger chicks can be fucking retarded what with all their stupid ass teen angst and their fucking ‘experimental’ phases and overall fucking NOOB AT LIFE-iness. I fucking hate that fucking stage in life).

Habits:

Preferably a chick that’s into movies, play videogames, lazy as fuck (i.e doesn’t go out too damn much and would rather just stay home and play videogames/watch a dvd/sleep/fool around, doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs, isn’t a fucking elitist when it comes to music (i fucking HATE that – so in other words, you must not mind me putting on an Avril Lavigne CD or whatever), someone who generally isn’t fucking stupid and doesn’t mind me having this website (i’ve had enough of girlfriends that’ve objected to me running this site the way i want to).

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I wanna be with someone just like me who looks just like Avril Lavigne!

Shit, you know, i’d probably have better luck getting what i want by having a sex change, getting some plastic surgery done and turning myself into Avril Lavigne! Then i’d have a mirror installed on my ceiling above my bed and then i’d masturbate to myself all day everyday.

Now THAT would be ideal.

So what’s YOUR idea of your ‘dream girl’? Mix and match using celebrities.

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