In lue of recent events, I think it’s time to take advantage of the fact that my network problems are solved, and bring a little bit of sanity back into the internet world. Lies, lies, lies
What is the facination with breasts, fubar readers? I can’t make a similar connection with breasts to heart, compared to eyes being the windows to the soul. Maybe I’m female, well-endowed, having owned my ladies for a good 8 years now, and the novelty has long ago worn off.
In the past, there were requests for me to write about breasts. Sorry to burst your bubbles (no pun intended, har har har) but there won’t be any pictures. It will be a cold day in Hades, when I’m tanning next to Mr. Red and sucking on a blue popsicle until you see snaps of my swingers – that, or a very sweet check able to fund my new “I want to weave baskets” phase.
There have only been a few occassions in life that I wished I were born male and without the extra chest. I was fortunate to bypass the wet dream horrors and sporadic erections in class, but having breasts comes at a price, too. Take for instance, when you’re 10, budding like the flowers you still wear on your pink shirts, and your grandmother has the audacity to take her finger, poke you in your left tit and nearly squeal with glee apon the realization that yes, I WAS GROWING REAL LIFE BOOBERS JUST LIKE HER. No, grams, I never stuffed – we hip and au natural chicks left that up to Charmagne, the tall African American butt shaker of the class. She always had a boyfriend, we still had our barbies.
My ladies came into life without too much impact. I remember admiring these new formations in front of the mirror after locking my door, and often comparing with my flat-as-the Grand Canyon cousin. (Hers popped out around the age of 15, compared to my 10.) She was hopeless, no amount of chest puffing could make the real thing happen before it’s time. Happily, at that age, boys were still more concerned about destroying the neighborhood peace and being the little bastards that they were, than chasing after the little women. We were not women, we were yelling, crying, cradle-playing on the swings, pink wearing, cheap makeup purchasing little girls. I got asked out on my first “date” by Terrance, an African American ADD pimp. I secretly called him at night when my mom was grocery shopping. My mom found out. He wanted my tits, even in 5th grade. Momma ended that one.
Two years after my ladies made their first appearances, and long after I had stopped playing in my mom’s lingerie drawers, I caught up with my mom. She’s not dramatically small, but relatively speaking, she’s not stacked. The first bra I bought, I slipped under a shirt, in it’s pink box, and snuck into a dressing room. I didn’t want my mom buying me those ridiculous lace and triangle things anymore. I was growing up. (Oh memory lane, *gag*)
M’kay, middle school rolls around, and I outshone my class mates in my grades/writing/art skills and in my cleavage. This insued some friend rivalry. I didn’t flaunt, but I was satisfied carrying my 34B babies through the halls, comfortable in the fact that I would never be one of those girls who felt like she was lacking in her feminity due to the lack of frontal protrusion. There were the assholes as well, that would ridicule me and ask if I had implants. Apparently, it was inconceivable for a 14 year old to have perfectly round, full breasts. A “boy” saw them for the first time on his bedroom floor for about 4 minutes before his brother walked in. The school was then informed that, yes, Eve’s breasts were 100% genuine. Too bad that ‘boy’s’ girlfriend had to find out the hard way the real deal. It’s middle school, life’s not fair, get over it. 😉
Time went on, upon entering HS, girls were finally hitting their own growth spurts. The attention was averted from my chest and onto the others’ chests. Men, do you know degrading it is, for male and female, to talk to your chest and not your face? *shakes head* Seriously. Well, girls caught up, but didn’t exceed. The girls that could out-bounce my 16 year-old firmies were the ones that outweighed me by double digits. That was what made them more obvious, I was thin. Even with my inherited child-bearing curvy hips, my breasts were unhidable. By the grace of God, I was at least proportioned well. (At least that’s what my mother claims. Angsty body-conscious teens never -ever- agree with that.)
So, the story doesn’t have an end really. When I was 16 I went through a big growth spurt, and my 36C Victoria’s Secret purchases weren’t really holding it all in anymore. I had to go a step farther and put myself into the 36D class. At that point, I swore if they didn’t get ahold of themselves, I would be on a list for a reduction by the time I was 18. But all is good and well now, they’ve settled down, and it’s stil hard to find shirts that fit well. Try buying a bikini. Pffffttt. To match the top size, I end up with a grocery bag hanging off my ass. Stores long ago stopped selling decent separates or turning a blind eye to mismatched size pieces on bikini sets. That problem probably won’t go away any time soon.
The thing I focus on though, is that I don’t have any complaints. No, no back pains, though sometimes I get indents from where my bra sits. I’ve never felt bad because I thought I was small chested, one guy did make me feel a little defeminite by declaring he didn’t like “big boobs.” Like I have control over it, right? Well, the future is looking bright. When I’m 50, and youth has fled my body, I will happily be sporting my super-strength-elastic boulder carriers and letting them rest on my tummy.
Hey, at last those eventual grandkids will get a couple cracks out of it, and that’s not so bad.
Thats the best booby story I have heard in my whole life.. I give it 3 thumbs up…. hey hold on… geese what a large thumb that middle one is, wait hold on… THATS NOT MY THUMB…
#1 | Comment by Spewn — August 29, 2002 @ 5:00 pm
I stoppped reading your post when u said u were not going to show your b00bers. U could have at least made an effort to tease us into thinkig that one day u might unveil those mounds of heaven. To make up for your sour behaviour at least post some pics of u completly naked with only a leaf or an arm to cover your womanhood. This way u maintain your respect and give something back to the readers that actually read your posts.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#2 | Comment by grrrrr — August 29, 2002 @ 5:02 pm
ooops thats supposed to be Jese’ not Geese in my first post,… boobers talk makes me type funny
#3 | Comment by Spewn — August 29, 2002 @ 5:10 pm
i’m with grrrr, you lost me when you weren’t gonna show those puppies
#4 | Comment by Jason Stewart — August 29, 2002 @ 5:28 pm
dudes, theres lots of other boobs on this site. just look under the gratuitous nude naked topless celebs. bah :\
#5 | Comment by suzi — August 29, 2002 @ 5:51 pm
She said "boobs". A lot.
We male readers of FUBAR are fascinated with boobs because we are MALE. Plus all the women of FUBAR are A+ hotties.
Justin can sure pick ’em.
#6 | Comment by smash — August 29, 2002 @ 5:53 pm
I am wondering. Guys are so fascinated with boobs. Yet…I don’t know a girl who has the same obsession with penis. Why, why, WHY?
Or maybe I just know a bunch of lesbians in disguise.
#7 | Comment by Amy — August 29, 2002 @ 6:58 pm
Amy your page is giving me seizures…..and show us your b00bs.
#8 | Comment by grrrrr — August 29, 2002 @ 7:41 pm
And I stand true for betting on the right hunny to come through big with the outboobing talent…Biggups Eve, you kick ass
#9 | Comment by Dylan — August 29, 2002 @ 8:01 pm
(o)(o) <--ma ladies 😉
#10 | Comment by eve — August 29, 2002 @ 8:16 pm
Amy, maybe its becuase we can see girls’ boobs. A penis is kinda hard to see, but when I see a pair of nice boobs I sure get excited.
#11 | Comment by Ikke — August 29, 2002 @ 8:33 pm
For God’s Sake guys, lighten up, oh no, she didn’t show us her breasts, like she was going to, does Eve know you, no, if all you want is to see her breasts, do you think she wants to know you, No. Eve writes a great piece about her path to adulthood and all you do is pretend she is some dumb blonde that will flash at anyone, did you not read her post? She has class and dignity and that will never cave into peer pressure by dumb-asses with an overactive sex-drive.
#12 | Comment by Chmee — August 29, 2002 @ 8:35 pm
She entertained us. Thank her. I mean hell man, she couldve linked you to some random porn pic and you all wouldnt know the fucking difference. She cuts. lol like a ginsu knife. lol.
#13 | Comment by Dylan — August 29, 2002 @ 9:50 pm
I just ollied over my 3 month old kitty. It was rad. I am soooooo punk.
#14 | Comment by Chris — August 29, 2002 @ 11:36 pm
Amy, I know a girl with a penis obsession.
#15 | Comment by Keli — August 30, 2002 @ 1:10 am
Keli-
Really? Hook me up with her. I’m dying to be some chick’s boy-toy.
#16 | Comment by smash — August 30, 2002 @ 5:35 am
choice of the moment:
a. eve’s boobs
b. eve’s mind
i’d take her mind everyday and twice on a sunday. sorry guys, but depth turns me on more than size of protrusion.
and screw all those who think otherwise.
#17 | Comment by john — August 30, 2002 @ 5:48 am
my comment is that i used to idilize avril lavigne but thenwhat she did at the vma bushing kelly from american idol out of the way that was a bitch thing to do and i just want to say she lost a good fan i went every concert in canada and she was so cool but now she is a bitch
i think it is pretty cool that she right her own music but she still a bitch
Bye bye
from kayla(ur use to be #1 fan)u suck
#18 | Comment by Kayla keen — August 30, 2002 @ 7:04 am
do people actually give a fuck about your boobs
jesus christ
besides
you probably have enormous pancake nipples anyway
most chicks with big tits have the worst nipples
sickening
i like girls with smaller tits and kickass nipples
to hell with saucer plates
you can keep them
#19 | Comment by gary — August 30, 2002 @ 10:08 am
there, now shut up and read you shallow whores
nice boobography eve. props
#20 | Comment by alan — August 30, 2002 @ 11:33 am
Why the hell do i see a million pictures of an ugly ape shaking its head at the celeb pic gallery? is there a secret to it?
#21 | Comment by visentinel — August 30, 2002 @ 11:40 am
eve’s writing is much better when it is less abstract and is more direct. nice work, woman.
#22 | Comment by swag — August 30, 2002 @ 12:09 pm
(.)(.) s’more like it
#23 | Comment by beng — August 30, 2002 @ 12:12 pm
when you have pancake nipples its easier to spend time working on stuff, say well how about abstract writing for example
#24 | Comment by gary — August 30, 2002 @ 12:31 pm
I love boobs, especially when they belong to Eve!
#25 | Comment by bligityblah — August 30, 2002 @ 12:32 pm
Wow – thanks to alan’s link, I know she’s not just braggin’.
I think it’s kind of funny when chicks say "All you damned guys think about is tits!". We can’t help it. It’s nature baby – just be glad we are attracted to the female form. It’s the same reason male squirrels are attracted to female squirrels – because they have big bushy tails!
#26 | Comment by mkom — August 30, 2002 @ 12:43 pm
yeah, I’m a male squirrel & nothin’ gets me going quite like a female squirrel with a big bushy tail
#27 | Comment by Chuck the Squirrel — August 30, 2002 @ 5:18 pm
I collect nuts. Sometimes a girl squirrel will walk by w/ a nice big bushy tail. Believe me, I stand up and take notice, but nothing really gets me going more than nuts … in my mouth.
#28 | Comment by Big Squirrel — August 30, 2002 @ 5:43 pm
wow. that was a great goddamn post.
#29 | Comment by jesuscicle — August 30, 2002 @ 6:02 pm
thanks guys =) glad you liked the post.
#30 | Comment by eve — August 30, 2002 @ 10:24 pm
Where the hell is justin at?!!!!!
#31 | Comment by J.C. — August 30, 2002 @ 10:58 pm
I like Eve’s boobs!!
#32 | Comment by bligityblah — August 30, 2002 @ 11:17 pm
"dudes, theres lots of other boobs on this site. just look under the gratuitous nude naked topless celebs. bah :\" – You just hate it when the attention’s away from you, don’t you? Aww. Poor little camgirl. Take more bikini shots, that’ll get you what you want.
#33 | Comment by thess — August 30, 2002 @ 11:56 pm
I am going to have to agree with all who said eve’s thoughts are better. Boobs were just the subject but the writing is what is to be admired. I actually visit her sight now after reading that pose. I would have to say you are awesome eve and your writing is something so be admired and jealous of. I have never been able to pen my thougts like that. In a corny catch phrase "you go girl"
#34 | Comment by Tim — August 31, 2002 @ 3:20 am
Thank you Thess, that was my feelings as well.
Post more Eve, & comeback Justin
#35 | Comment by Dylan — August 31, 2002 @ 4:25 am
The mind attached to the boobs just makes me want the boobs more. Imagine the things that mind can make the other parts do. Have I said I like Eve’s boobs?
#36 | Comment by bligityblah — August 31, 2002 @ 12:57 pm
true.
#37 | Comment by me — August 31, 2002 @ 4:25 pm
Man.. I wish I could write like you.. I’m so jealous.. (Not about b00bs tho.)
#38 | Comment by Sage — August 31, 2002 @ 7:12 pm
::looks at 34A boobs:: eve…you are definitely lucky, you can write and you’re not flat as a board
#39 | Comment by glory — August 31, 2002 @ 10:14 pm
someone post pleaseeeeeee!!!!!
no one has posted for like three days in row
i am gettin so damn bored
#40 | Comment by luke — September 1, 2002 @ 10:17 am
Has ne 1 seen Justin? Oh and Eve (I’m sure ur sick of reading this but) nice post, I hope we get 2 here more from u and ur b00b’s very soon.
and guys 4 more of Eve’s b00b’s cheak out her site, I give it three thumbs up.
#41 | Comment by Sliy — September 1, 2002 @ 11:51 am
ladies any boob is a good boob, so dont wry about your chest
#42 | Comment by J.C. — September 1, 2002 @ 12:15 pm
So..the boobigraphy is up.
When can we have a Penisgraphy from Justin?
#43 | Comment by BBB — September 1, 2002 @ 1:09 pm
*touches Eve’s boobs*
#44 | Comment by claudigoddess — September 1, 2002 @ 2:13 pm
HOLY SHIT! There’s a lot of FUCKING COMMENTS ON THIS POST!
#45 | Comment by Stupid@$$ Ugly Pants — September 1, 2002 @ 3:45 pm
SO I THOUGHT I WOULD ADD A COUPLE OF MORE!!!!!!
HAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
#46 | Comment by Stupid@$$ Ugly Pants — September 1, 2002 @ 3:46 pm
Any word on the problem with a million pictures of a shaking head munky over at the celeb site?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#47 | Comment by visentinel — September 2, 2002 @ 12:30 pm
Amazing post Eve! If only we’d get more boobygraphies around the net, the mysteries and wonderful tales behind those enigmas will be made public and known. We want more!
#48 | Comment by Feldspar — September 3, 2002 @ 1:24 pm
im sorry, but boobs get boring after like three consecutive days. im serious. i mean they are great and all, but geeze… i call it a boob-overload. maybe im just weird…
#49 | Comment by Turtle Boy — September 3, 2002 @ 11:34 pm
*Sniff*
Life without the Orbs is no life.
#50 | Comment by Kingolf — August 23, 2003 @ 5:27 pm
I like girls with Small A cup tities, it make them look like the little budding girls I can’t have!
#51 | Comment by Don — December 10, 2003 @ 9:41 am
Eve, enjoyed your Boobography piece.. But I to do enjoy the site of a womens upper assets, I suppose it’s in the jeans LOL.. But it’s kewl that you choose not to post pics, or a fake link to someone elses, it does show some class, and humor from a difficult age and time.. Thanks for sharing.. Have-fun-Enjoy Randy
#52 | Comment by Randy — February 6, 2004 @ 9:11 am
BOOBS ARE GOOOOOOOOOD!!!!
#53 | Comment by nagaek — March 5, 2004 @ 12:38 pm
Great post. It’s so awesome to know there are girls out there who have big boobs and are perfectly happy with them.
#54 | Comment by hamactor1 — March 7, 2004 @ 5:08 am
What is eve’s site?
#55 | Comment by bigjohn — March 21, 2004 @ 10:10 am
I loved eve’s female look at her boobs. It was honest and proud. I have been lucky to live with 2
women and have affair with a married woman ,who all had great racks. They were no Dummies. The only downside was that they continually get hit on. Unless you want to go to jail better be able to laugh it all off. They do. Makes you look less neaderthal to them.
#56 | Comment by Bringem Young — April 26, 2004 @ 5:45 pm
I loved eve’s female look at her boobs. It was honest and proud. I have been lucky to live with 2
women and have affair with a married woman ,who all had great racks. They were no Dummies. The only downside was that they continually get hit on. Unless you want to go to jail better be able to laugh it all off. They do. Makes you look less neaderthal to them.
#57 | Comment by Bringem Young — April 26, 2004 @ 5:45 pm
Yo Email me those pics and stuff of the real world girls
#58 | Comment by Bam — May 4, 2004 @ 1:27 am
Beautiful girls on the top :))
#59 | Comment by Lingerie Girl — May 5, 2004 @ 12:26 pm
"Move into the country, gonna eat me a lotta nipples.
Nipples come with a can, very nice to lotta man.
and a fuck with me downtown…
If I had my little way, I’d have nipples everyday
Sun soaking bulges in the shade…"
#60 | Comment by stonesoundjam — May 29, 2004 @ 3:51 pm
Last POST
This is me just practicing
#61 | Comment by HugeMexican — June 1, 2004 @ 2:53 am