Have no fear Thess, I’ve heard your cries. You’re not going to have to be the only one posting luckluster content on fubar, I’m here to add some “flavour”. Of course…I have very little of said “flavour,” since I am a mere blip on the radar of late, slipping away from social places such as school and even my friends houses. I am becoming a hermit at the age of 17. So, I’ve forced myself to become rather creative and at the moment I am determined to make myself a purse out of duct tape.

When I was at Call the Office (local punk club area thingie), before I got kicked out for drinking (don’t ask), I saw some chicks from Beal (local artsy downtown highschool where EVERYONE worth talking with transfers eventually) with duct tape purses. Now, I heard through the grape vine that night that they’ll make you one for $15 and they’re cool with stars and such. I got kicked out before I could approach them and ask…Plus, I was busy getting myself invited to a halloween party by ex-student council member and hottie boy who is now in uni (thats entirely not the point, /end hormonal teenage girl rantings here). But I’m ingenious and will do it myself (the purse). I just want to look around only for instructions first. If I can’t find them, then well, I will play around. I already have made wristbands before out of duct tape, stickers, socks, and nail polish (exacto knives are fun! Erm, don’t run with them…)

I must say, I do have a duct tape affixiation. I have no idea really where it came from, but one day I suppose I woke up and decided duct tape was the single most ingeneous product manufactured on the face of this earth. In fact, they have a duct tape plant in this good old city I am living. Amazing, oui?

Anyway, I am a strange girl with nothing to post. I MISS JUSTIN. So, here is some pranks you can try with duct tape that I stole from here, shamelessly.

“Sometimes when you buy used videos from Blockbuster, they still have the little theft strip on them. So if you ever want to get someone good, just remove theft strip and duct tape it to the bottom of their shoe, then send him on a run to the video store.Works great! – Randy M.”

“Secure a 32 oz. soda cup to the top of your car with duct tape on the bottom of the cup. As if you had left it there by mistake, drive merrily along with the radio LOUD so you can’t hear the people yelling to get your drink off the car. When they point and wave, act like they are waving at you, smile and wave back. You would not believe the reactions to this in traffic. People will GET OUT OF THEIR VEHICLE and tap on the window to tell you about the cup! – Stan”

“Here is a fun (and safe) prank to pull on co-workers in an office setting. Most office dwellers have chairs that use a pneumatic piston to control the height. They are also designed to use a persons weight to effect the downward adjustment. While your coworkers are away from their desk, take a strip of duct tape and tape the height adjusting lever to the bottom of the seat. This effectively locks the piston into adjust mode. When they sit down, their weight will cause the chair to bottom out quickly. The looks of utter confusion are priceless. Extra points to brave individuals who pull this one on their boss. – John Callicotte”

Meh, I know this post was completely half-assed…sigh.

The one and only piece of advice that I can admit to learning from a teen romantic comedy from the years 1998-2000 is from the movie Center Stage. Yes, yes, all you male readers are like “Huh? Whats that?” Well, then there’s others who’s girlfriends have made them watch it (wha? fubar readers have girlfriends?!)…Yes, I”m talking all about that fruity ballet movie. And what I learned is that…

“When someone is being a prick, and says it nicely, its only prickier.”

Though, ‘prickier’ is not really a proper word in the English language, that of course can be overlooked and we can all bask in the truth of it all. Hell, I probably misquoted it too. But thats the jist of it. Well, actually, I also learned that in order to attend highschool you’ve either got to be completely gorgeous (i.e. a jock/tramp) or an uber nerd (in reference, see Rachel Leigh Cook’s character in Shes All That). But yes…getting off the point.

And the topic of this is that guys are pricks. And one particular guy of the moment, Curt. Curt being my now ex-boyfriend who broke up with me earlier today on msn. MS-fucking-N. Grr. He told me it was him and that he wants to be friends…The same old lines, huh? Recycled garbage just doesn’t work for me this time. I don’t want him in my life anymore. No matter how much I actually did/do like him. I actually sort of thought we kind of had something there…Apparently not.

I know I’m not the only one hurt in the situation, but he was so damn nice about it so I can’t hate him. I hate it when you men do that.

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Am I not smart enough? Am I that heinously ugly? Didn’t I do everything I could to make sure he was happy? What is wrong with me? I’ve been crying on and off all afternoon. Any ideas? Comments? Advice?

Hey everyone…It’s been a long time, huh? I’ve just come back from a luxurious extended vacation away from my beloved computer courtesy of my psykotik (haha I spelt it like youuuu, Justin) mother. But now I’m back, and my site finally has a new layout.

Isn’t it great what you can learn at 3am when your friends come online drunk? My friend Marc used to come on and ramble about “Jesus’ technicolour dreamcoat” and “Arnoeld Swartnsopfnsdddsa”. Heh. Tonight’s drunk friend happened to be one from the real world, Adam. Of course, during this amusing convo I was talking to Sami who was thouroughly amused.

Adam: yo wut zup
<--boring misspelled convo here-->
Adam: an whos your bf? come have fun wit me forget himo…lol
((Sami: hahaha! why liz, you are quite the hot commodity, now aren’t you ))
Me: His name is Curt, he goes to West. But my friends have all decided hes gay though, so he might not be my boyfriend for much longer
Adam: haha, well make it official an come over here…lol
Me: It’s 3am
Adam: Wheere u live now?
((Me: adam wants me to come over and fool around with him! haha
Sami: hahaha yeah i got that))
Adam: haha, well drive over here…
Me: Nooo. I don’t even have my beginners! I can drive, but not well
Adam: doooo it
Me: noooooo i cant
Me: i’ll die or something haha. my friends already got in a car accident today lol
Adam: haha, well dont hit anything. c’mon, i know ya considering it
((Sami: hahaha
Me: haha silly horny drunk bastard
Me: i’m gonna have fun with him tomorrow
Me: and be like “oh yeah you were SO hitting on me”
Me: i always thought he had a thing for me
Sami: he’s showing his true colors, wigger, drunk, and has the hots for you))
Me: Why do you think I’m considering it?
<--etc, etc-->

So, for about 20 minutes I fucked around with the guy’s head. Haha, he actually wanted me to drive across town at 3 in the morning. LMAO. I find this amazingly amusing. The BEST way to get information out of them is when they’re drunk. And it helps if you have tits, definitely.

I don’t know why I’m posting here, there’s really no point. WAIT! Yes there is!

For all of you who have become fans of my best friend Meg *coughJUSTINcough*, her SITE is now up and running…So go oogle her goodies or something.

Dammit, I thought I disabled his access to the domain!

I can’t believe how funny everyone at this site is. First its “Wow, you’re really Avril?” to “I LOVE YOU LIZ” to “What a nerdy little immature bitch” and now in one voice, you’re all crying out in the words of the mighty and powerful Justin “Show Me UR Boobs!” Amusing indeed.

I want to take this time to explain why my little ramblings are here, interrupting your porn. See, the point of me posting here is because Justin invited me to. In fact, just last night he was messeging me begging me to post more. What a pussy, when I said no, he cried. You’d think he’d get used to chicks saying no to him, huh? (Jokes, jokes! I kill you my friend…) Anyway, to everyone who hates me and is telling me to go back to my site, kindly fuck off. Anyone with half a brain would realize that I’m really not here to bastardize the place, but to have a little fun. You can quit your bitching because I’m not literally opposed to all things porn and Avril. And yes, I might just become a regular feature here. Because in reality, this is not your site and no one really cares if you don’t like me. Actually, I do care because I think I’m pretty fucking cool and am going to do my best to make you all “Liz-bians”, heh. But I will have to think over the whole tit contest ordeal.

Your favourite webmaster gave me a link to porn to post so you all wouldn’t be outraged, but I couldn’t care less and I’ve lost the link. So I’m sure he’ll post it later. Now, I’m going to leave you with the one thing that organized religion sure got right…

Hrm, well it seems Justin was thrilled with my post and has decided to give fubar to me. Therefore, I think there’s going to be a few changes under way here.

1) The name fubar is not only clever and the title of a very cool indie punk flick, but it just won’t do anymore. So, from now on…This site will be known only as ‘LiZ’s SuPeR dUpEr FuN sPaRkLeY pAgE!!!!’
2) I’m sorry but the chicks have to go. No more Avril immunating off the screen. I’m thinking maybe it’ll have to be the particularly dumb one guy from Nsync. The one who wants to go to space and lost really easily on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Lance, right. Hah, he sounds like Cal from the show Undergrads. I need me a layout with him on it.
3) There’s not going to be anymore fucking swearing. So watch your goddamned mouths, got it? Or I’ll fubar your ass, mofos!
4) Britney Spears’ BEST SONG EVER “Lucky” is going to have to play in a continuous loop in the backround, just to get you people all excited.
5) No more porn links…..EVER. Well, maybe Monkey porn or Hello Kitty porn, but only if you’re lucky.

I’m still deciding whether to keep Justin around. After all, do we really need him?

Hey everyone, this is AVRIL LAVIGNE. I was talking to Mr. Justin and saying “dude, you’ve totally got to update, man” and he’s like “Avril, will you do it for me?” And since I’m such a rad chick I said “of course.” So here I am taking a break from my busy schedule of wearing pants that fall down too low, and voicing my very intellectual opinion about Britney, the ho.

Hah, okay I lie. But to the people who have no braincells, I’m sure they’re filling up the guestbook at this moment worshipping. In reality, I’m Liz and although I am Canadian, 17, and I wear ties, I’m as much Avril as Justin is. Canada…Now thats the fruitful land of popstars who think they’re punk, Eskimos (wait, they like to be called “Inuit”) and about 90% of the world’s fresh water. If you make fun of my country I will kick you in the balls. I am very patriotic after all.

Now, as I see it blogging on fubar is a big responsibility, is it not? Considering my little site *cou*teenagevictory.net*gh* gets about no traffic whatsoever, its alright for me to be nonsensical there. But here…Now this is a change. I feel like I owe it to you, the readers to come up with this big elaborate story full of sex, lies and of course…a videotape.

But, I have the attention span of the average fourth grader so instead I’m going to post a bunch of rambling and you are all forced to read on, because honestly can you look at a entry and not finish?

Now, I have been trying to persause Justin for some time now to once and for all prove that he is not, in fact Avril Lavigne. And I have come up with the perfect solution. I think that Justin should sing us just a little bit of “Complicated” and post it on the site. Wouldn’t that just be perfect? He’s always posting .wav’s from his voicemail, I think its time he gave a little back. I want to hear him sing, especially if he’s terrible. The worse, the better.

And Justin, if you’re listening…If you DON’T do this, I will send thousands of mindless teenyboppin’ drones to you. They’ll be everywhere. In your email, messeging you on aim, whoring up your guestbook, on your bed (okay, maybe not)….You’ll never get a moment’s peace.

Okay, thanks for listening everyone. Now you’re probably wondering what the point of this retarded chick’s ramblings was…Well, it all goes back to the one genre that connects the internet together. PORN.

Here is lots of pussy for you dirty old bastards.