If any of you have sent me any e-mails within the past two days, you might wanna resend it to webmaster@psykotik.zzn.com. For some inexplicable reason, i haven’t been able to access gMail (it just won’t load up) nor have i been able to get on any instant messengers for the past two days.
I think Jessica Chobot is out to get me.
Well shit. My internets just fixed itself.
But i still think Jessica Chobot is out to get me.
>.>
<.<
From Right On Games:
On Jessica Chobot
Just when you think the Liberal gaming media can’t stoop any lower, they find a new depth of depravity to plumb. Apparently IGN has hired Jessica Chobot, a woman apparently known for her vile Sony PSP licking and her equally vile writing. See Not Safe For Work image here and a sample of the writing here.
This unsavory tart starts out describing the quality of opinions in general by comparing them to the olfactory qualities of solid waste excretion and then moves on to offer some of her own, apparently undeterred by the stench. She then goes on to practically brag about her prowess applying a tongue to a Sony PSP, and explains how thrilled she is that IGN would have anything to do with her.
See? Nobody likes her.
From the GA forums:
– I don’t know her, but since she’s with IGN.. I guess she must be a dreadful human being.
– Great another objective videogame journalist at IGN. They are only hiring people that can thrash nintendo these days.
– Her face is unappealing, and like she said her opinion is an ass crack and I can already tell it stinks.
– She look and sound just like a mandatory girl gamer that we need to look cool and avant gardiste and bringing women into this industry but in fact it sucks because she’s a whore and have shitty opinion not to mention that she don’t know shit about videogames and play freecell sometimes.
– Judging from that that interview this girl knows nothing about video games. Those are the type of responses you’ll off a casual gamer, thats misinformed.
– What the hell is a Chobot? Is it a new variant of Pokemon?
– After reading that article linked in the first post, I feel a little sick. Must’ve gotten a good whiff of her “opinion.” :\
– Oh dear…she’s one of those people who call Sony “Playstation” and Microsoft get called “Xbox”.
– Some of the things that girl comes out with aren’t fit for a 12 year old TeamXBox troll. She loves Playstation, yet she thinks Revolution is crap because “it looks like a Playstation”. Which is not only so contradictory and mind numbingly stupid that it causes my head to hurt but is also utterly wrong since Rev looks nothing like any Playstation system. Incredibly thats pretty much her most intelligent comment as well. I can only guess that her brain must have rotted away through lack of use leaving only stale air behind..
– The fact that IGN have hired this fool to write articles is the last straw for me. Bye bye IGN subscription, you won’t be missed.
– A girl who doesn’t like Nintendo? That should make her popular with the internet scumb…faithful. She didn’t happen to make fun of Macs, did she?
– I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry I am not going to get angry
– I can lick a PSP. Hell I can lick a DS, Xbox, whatever the hell they want me to. Give me a job IGN.
– She knew almost nothing about games. It’s almost as if she started gaming in the PS1/N64 generation. It would show in her writing, she just sounded dumb on the subject. I think she was quietly terminated. Or read what a lot message boards said about her, and quit/ended herself.
– Micro might be repackaged milking, and totally unnessicary with the SP (which is the ultimate form factor for a handheld, I think) and the backwards compatable DS. But you know what it has that PSP doesn’t? Good games, a fucking lot of them. And they’re still coming out, unlike PSP.
– Oh man, I read some of her work on Red-Assed Baboon, and yikes, it does look a lot like something one would expect in a message board flame war. It sounds to me like she wants to be someone who writes in a take no prisoners, shoot from the hip sort of way, except she doesn’t provide anything substantial to back her statements. If she wants to take on that sort of voice she should read more of Milkman’s stuff. He already pretty much owns that turf, but more importantly, he has something intelligent to say. Taking on some sort of tough personna is all well and good, but you need to be able to back it up.
– THE INTERNET AM CRY
Let’s dig into the reader mailbag kiddies! Contrary to popular belief, i still get e-mail! I know! I must be popular or something! LOL! That, my friends, is what i call a crock of shit! Now on with the e-mails!
Chobot Apologism
Justin,
First off, I’ve only ever heard of Chobot through your rants, and have the utmost contempt for IGN and its pathetic, desperate fanbase, anyways.
But don’t say you hate Jessica Chobot. You don’t know shit about Jessica Chobot, and even her image on IGN, which probably isn’t anything like who she is in her private life, is not, objectively, all that horrible.
What you really hate are the cultural tendancies responsible for/represented by her undeserved fame — the very existence of babes.ign.com, and the beyond pathetic, so utterly sexless, sweats-uncontrollably-within-20-feet-of-a-real-woman loserdom and desperation it represents and caters to; the culture where the communal(!) worship of women from afar, or being a monday-morning-quarterback of attractive potential, is considered a valid hobby. And, in that, you and your jerkblog, enjoy it though I, as a pathetic, sexless loser, do, are also responsible.
Yes: Jessica Chobot’s fame is YOUR fault. You must be Jewish to hate yourself this much.
High-res celebrities get me off,
Adam
OOH IGN. Why did i even let them take my monies for 3 years. I cancelled my Insider account in April. I wish i could say that i cancelled it on account of Ms. Chobot (now) writing for Insider, but alas, i can’t. Though i’d totally cancel it right now if i were still an Insider. On account of Jessica Chobot now writing for Insider. You know the DVD IGN editor. Andy Patrizio or whatever the fuck. I hate that guy. Not as much as i hate Chobot but hated nonetheless. He totally pissed me off back in 2002 or whenever (after Nick Nunziata left) when he totally dissed something i totally liked. I think it was Spider-Man or something. I can’t remember anymore. Now, whenever i see the name Andy Patrizio, all i can think about is how much i HATE him. All rhyme and reason has gone OUT THE WINDOW!!!! Who cares WHY i hate him, i just do!!! But before that happens with Jessica Chobot, i should probably make an official record of my reasons for hate.
WHY DO I HATE JESSICA CHOBOT. Let me count the ways:
1. She’s stupid. Everybody agrees on that. And if you don’t think so, i can pull out even more quotes from around the net from people who do think so! As if the ones i’ve already posted haven’t painted a pretty enough picture!
2. This girl is as hardcore a gamer as those fucking bullshit FragDolls. Oh my God, don’t even get me started on the FragDolls. OOOH the FragDolls… whyioughta… but no. Jessica Chobot. Fucking Jessica Chobot. All you have to do is read what other real girl (and guy) gamers think. I give you this:
Dear Chobot,
Media idiocy pandering to the general 20 some year old male hurts gaming. You’re hurting gaming.
The more this happens, the more we get games like Prince of Persia: Warrior Within. The gameplay was shit and the atmosphere annoying because instead of designing a good game they were too busy modeling a steel thong and coming up with catch phrases.
Do you want this kind of shit to leak over into Square-Enix games?
You’re hurting gaming.
Please stop.
Wait. Did that have anything to do with her faux hardcoreness. Perhaps not. But it did give me another opportunity to use more of those nifty <blockquote> tags in yet another one of my Chobot posts!!!
3. The Nintendo bashing. What the hell is up with that. She’s bashes Reggie, she bashes the Revolution, she bashes the Micro and then what’s this! Picks up Nintendogs at E3 and likes it?!?!?! FUCK OFF CHOBOT. Go back to the fucking Sony booth and lick another PocketShitPortable. There’s nothing more that i hate than FANBOYS. If fact, sometimes, just for kicks, to piss myself off, i actually used to go in and read the IGN forums and it made me want to beat myself to death with an XBOX. I think the XBOX is considered a weapon in Japan because of it’s size and weight. That thing can kill a small child. I’d like to drop an XBOX on Chobot’s head. Wait. How did i deviate from point number three – Chobot’s Nintendo bashing – to dropping an XBOX on Chobot’s head? Who cares! Point is, NOBODY DISSES NINTENDO!!!!
4. Have you read any of her columns on RedAssedBaboon? I’d link you, but if you really want to hurt yourself you’re going to have to do it on your own. Instead, read this thread of comments and follow the links that are in there. And for the lazy, some excerpts:
(On Chobot’s articles)
– Apparently as a female you can ramble on for 1.005 pages with no real point or commentary on anything and have it accepted if you say “video games” a few times.
– She keeps talking about not embracing stereotypes when that’s all she’s doing. Yeah, excuse me but I have to go lick my consoles now. I’m sure to gain a magic appreciation for something afterwards. Right.
325. I’m skipping the last 321 reasons and making point number 325 a solution. An ultimate solution to end all my Chobot hate.
The solution:
I’m going to Thailand to pay Tony Jaa to kick her in the face.
Love the site
Hey justin, been reading your site for about 2 years now and I love it to death. I agree that miss chabert is amazing and that choboring or whatever is a tool and is probably getting paid by sony under the table. Though I will never accept nor understand your dislike for alba and trachtenberger.
Take care,
Ryne
YOU WILL ACCEPT IT. YOU WILL ACCEPT IT LIKE KATIE HOLMES HAS ACCEPTED SCIENTOLOGY. Or i will fly to Thailand and pay Tony Jaa to kick you in the face.
—————
e-mail me at psykotik(at)gmail(dot)com
I don’t find myself literally LOLing too often while i’m on the internets but reading this open letter to Jessica Chobot that i found on the Penny Arcade forums (which was subsequently posted here, where she initially showed up to defend herself) just did it for me.
Ms. Chobot:
My name is Conditional Axe. You may know me from the internet. Lately, you’ve been making a big deal out of the fact that you reputedly have a vagina and also, gasp, play games. I’ve heard that you have even been so boisterous as to place your tongue on a PlayStation Portable, despite the fact that a dead pixel may have gotten onto your tongue. This was a bold move, and indicative of your status as a sexy and independent woman. I’m also a fan of your great interview with respectable news source IGN. That said, please shut the fuck up. Really. Please. Just stop. Bitch.
And then there’s this.
I think we should send them (IGN) a letter, simply reading:
Dear IGN,
Jessica Chobot is a fucking retard.
Signed,
The Penny-Arcade forums
And then.
Hey, I’m trying to write a reply to Chobot that doesn’t include the words “You’re a stupid whore,” but it’s not working out.
General conclusion: Jessica Chobot is a stupid whore.
The new Kirby TV ad kicks ass! Kirby Canvas Curse for the DS! Now that’s what i call a game! What innovation! Touching IS good! You don’t see that kind of stuff on the PSP!! What does the PSP have in store? Grand Theft Auto? BORING! Innovation what? It’s not even set in a new city! Liberty City? I liked the game better when i played it in 2001! When it was called Grand Theft Auto 3!! Plus, only nerds and fat people play Grand Theft Auto. It’s the only way they can live out their fantasies of going outside the house to have sex with hookers and then killing them afterwards! Real men play games like Nintendogs! Where you can play with puppies, feed them, take them on walks around the neighborhood, put hats on them, teach them tricks, and then bring them to dog shows. Now that’s HARDCORE.
I better not hear about Jessica fucking Chobot playing Nintendogs when it comes out. She is to never ever touch or play any Nintendo product again EVER AGAIN. Stupid old hag!!!!!!!!!!! I’d like to punch her in the mouth. I think she’s writing for IGN Insider now or something. Just so she can prove to the masses that she’s not just some dumb faux gamer bitch who doesn’t know anything about games and anime and shit. You shut up, Jessica Chobot. You shut up and go to HELL!!!!!!!!!
Update:
I AM NOT ALONE!
Excerpt from Acid for Blood:
Jessica Chobot
I can’t take this woman seriously. I make no apologies for that. Maybe it’s IGN’s spin that makes her out to be so… Ugh! Jesus fucking Christ. I’ll leave you to read what real gamers think, because it’s too early for me to type intelligibly.
And some comments:
– To be perfectly frank, I am repulsed by that individual.
– Someone shoot her, then him, then IGn, and then me and then everyone, sweet fuck…
And then some comments from girl_gamers:
– I’m all for hot bitches, but this girl didnt do anything special and doesnt deserve this praise. shes a total dumbass.
– Whatever? She looks like a cover girl and has the bitchy attitude to go with it. Plus, she’s a Nintendo basher. No thanks. By the way, all that licking still hasn’t been able to make PSP outsell the DS.
– Definitely not mine, my dream girl gamer is the girl next door who’s down to earth, average build, cute, smart, knows what she’s talking about (in reference to the “movie preview thing” thing… gee, she wasn’t paying attention) and doesn’t discrimate against a platform for it’s target audience *cough* senseless Nintendo bashing *cough*, it sells and Nintendo has heart and lovable characters, something I believe the other companies lack but that’s a whole other topic for another day.
By the way, i’m proud to announce that fubar is now ranked third when you do a Google search for ‘I HATE JESSICA CHOBOT’.
Jessica fucking Chobot. What a joke. I hate this girl with a passion. A BURNING passion. I cannot stand her. I can’t stand her FACE. I can’t stand her WRITING. I can’t stand her LAST NAME. What kind of a name is Chobot anyway? Eat shit Jessica CHOBOT. Eat shit and DIE!!!!!
OOOOOOHH JUST THINKING ABOUT HER MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL. OMG I HATE HATE HATE JESSICA CHOBOT. I only bring her up because a) i’ve been meaning to but i couldn’t control my anger enough before to write anything more than just FUCK YOU JESSICA CHOBOT 300 times at the time b) a reader mentioned her in an AIM conversation yesterday. He didn’t even have to say her stupid name. A fucking ‘JC’ was enough to tip me off to who it was. He was like “JC ownz”. No, FUCK JC AND HER STUPID PSP. Then we got into a debate about how i think the DS is kicking the fucking PSP’s ass in Japan and about how i think Jessica Chobot is a stupid fucking ugly whore.
So who the fuck is this JESSICA CHOBOT? You know that slore that licked that PSP and somehow got famous for fucking nothing? Yeah, that’s Jessica Chobot. Who the fuck gets famous for fucking licking a fucking PSP? If i stuck a PSP up my butt and e-mailed fucking Kotaku about it would that make me famous? Bullshit! That’s what it is! I never thought much of her when i first saw her licking that stupid fucking PSP. Then she somehow got on fucking Attack of the Show and even then i still didn’t give a shit. It wasn’t until IGN interviewed her did i realize how much i should have been hating her all this time. When she fucking dissed Reggie and Nintendo the way she did in that IGN interview, that just totally set me off. Who the fuck does she think she is??? I hope Reggie fucking kicks her ass and takes her name. And i’m SO glad to know that i’m not the only one who hates the stupid cunt.
That first reader e-mail… fucking says it all. SALUTE to you Mr. Gray. Tell it like it is!!!!!!
And fuck you Jessica Chobot! You’re not even hot! Whoever fucking thinks you are is GAY!!!!!!
Dream woman my ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NINTENDO RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLICK HERE FOR MORE JESSICA CHOBOT HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!