A million monkeys on a million computers…

What is it about anonymity that pours into people in code and comes running out like a ball of snot? Someone who I consider close online wondered if my alternate name meant an alternate personality, and you can only blame so much on pots calling kettles black, and even less of that can be assigned to personality quirks. In actuality everyone who uses the internet is a goddamn schizophrenic.

Personality AThe Reinvented: The nice quiet kid, the one who could get the creme of the crop dates if they could escape the horror of the friend zone – Camp X-Ray has nothing on a group of angsty teens and twenty-somethings looking for love in all the wrong places. This type wouldn’t call your female dog a bitch at the Westminster show, let alone attack even the skankiest of mothers (yo momma is sooo…nevermind). Breaking out from the ‘nice guy’ mode takes something extreme in this fast-paced world of pastable gossip and hits today gone tomorrow. Porn usually does the trick, nothing says Typical Guy louder than daily posts that consist of BangBus plugs and open-mouthed women with chests like misshapen missiles. This type is my personal favorite, there’s still a Nice Guy underneath, and if you’re lucky, you’ll get them on the phone.

Personality BThe Critic: Your hometown loser. You remember them, two steps and a crashland behind fashion trend, complexion reminiscent of pink marshmallow peeps after they have been unwrapped and tucked under a couch cushion for two weeks. An outcast perhaps, falling into two categories of catch-phrase: “I would give anything to be popular for just one day!” or “I hate those fucking jocks, they can stare down the barrel of my daddy’s gun tomorrow morning.” Female Bs are most often found bashing camgirls, fem musicians, actresses, Mother friggin’ Theresa if a boy they like online happens to think she’s ‘nice.’ But in the net dogfight the male Bs are god – they rain down criticism and judgment with a fat-dimpled or bone-stencilled fist, leering upon mere mortals from thrones of gore sites or comments sections. ph33r the l33t.

Personality C
The Unsure: Vaguely insecure teen meets world, satisfied with their social life but never quite at home with the bits beneath their skin. You want to like this type in the real world, if not for the constant “Do I look fat in this dress?” brand of questions (note: the correct answer is almost always “The dress doesn’t make you look fat, your fat makes you look fat”). Cs are the root of the camgirl/boy breed, the hardcore campeople who believe wishlists mean acceptance, and “<3" translates to anything other than "So when can I see your tits?" Cs are perhaps the biggest victims of this horrible personality trait - they're building self-respect houses out of shit bricks and amazon boxes, camouflaging with photoshop brushes and a couple flashes of skin. Ignore them, hate them, but never tell them you love them. C is the stray dog that comes back to your house for table scraps even after you buy a bigger dog. And a gun. Personality DThe Older Sibling: Most of those who don’t fall into any of the above categories (or other misc areas including Stalker, Hitwhore, and Canadian) become the older sibling. They listen to your frantic IMs, they wipe your cybertears, and if you want to respond to them with topless pictures of yourself, well worry not, your net big brother will always assure you that it’s natural to take artistic nudes, especially when artistic includes their name scrawled around your nipple. Ds are the ones accused of pedophilia, the boybands of the web surrounded by underage attached fans and the men who hate them for it. They collect gossip straight from the source and dump it like so much child-molesting semen into the collective ear that is internet. Like all older siblings you will feel close to this type, and also like real siblings, learn to be careful – Ds know all your stupid stories and it doesn’t take much more than skipping a turn at chores to have them running to tattle.

This post wasn’t aimed at any personalities in particular. If one of the type descriptions pisses you off it’s probably because the truth hurts more than your free porn being taken away. There are lesser evils and mixes of these breeds but not many. Live it, love it, then get a faster connection.

cheerleader (33k image)

What happened to Sanchez?

First of all, you might be asking… what the hell happened to the Sanchez posts? Well apparently, it got corrupted. I have no idea how but it just did. So it’s like… totally gone now. Which pretty much makes the last three follow up posts to the Sanchez one seem totally out of context. Which is why i’ve decided to just delete them all. I mean, no use having posts that make absolutely no sense staying on the site right? (Actually, if that were really the case, i’d probably have to delete all my posts off my site…)

Besides, the whole Sanchez thing was pretty much a throwaway filler post. In my opinion, it really detracted from the site and wasn’t at all like me. Or something that i’d do. So i’m actually glad to have them striken off from the site.

Anyhow, i’ll try to post something good up tonight to make up for the sad loss of the Sanchez posts. Also, it’s been a while since i really posted up any good nakies…


DerecWired: girlfriend?
DerecWired: is it one of the girls you met that you almost couldn’t remember their names?

anewmaven: wheres your girlfriend?

Typical Lewser: girlfriend?

ok storms: your gf?
ok storms: since when did you have a gf?

Ludoviko0: is cleo like ur fucking girlfriend or something like fucking that?

What? Me? Boring?

Now. Ever since this site suddenly got ‘popular’, i’ve been getting quite a number of IM’s on a daily basis. Not to mention e-mails. But we’re not here to talk about e-mails just yet. I’m here to talk about the IM’s that i get from people. Mostly ranging from them wanting to tell me “Good job!” or “Nice site!” or “How come you don’t have (so and so)’s nude pics on your site?” (I get that a lot) and much recently, people just wanting to see my buddy icon.

But then people start wanting to get into conversations. And at most times, i’m usually already in the middle of having like 4 conversations at once from 4 other people who IMed me to say “Nice site!” and later on wanting to start conversations with me. Either that or i’m just already talking to X number of people that’re on my buddy list.

Therein lies the problem. There’s only one of me you see, and i only have 100% of attention to give. Once more and more people start talking to me, i’ll have to divide my attention between each person and when that happens, the quality of each conversation just drops a bit… with me having to move back and forth between each IM window thus dividing my attention.

Does that makes sense? I dunno. But let’s just pretend that it does anyway.

So yes, my point is (if i ever do get to it… i tend to ramble a lot… ask my girlfriend), if you ever do IM me and if i’m ever replying to you with really dry boring one word responses, please don’t take it personally and think that i don’t like you or anything like that because as usually is the case, i’m probably talking to like 4 other people at the same time (or even worse, to my girlfriend… and for her, i can’t afford not to give her my 100% full attention…) and well… there’s only one of me and so many of you.

And when such occasions do arise, i’m probably gonna come off as being a really BORING UN-FUN person to talk to. Which i’m usually not. Not all the time anyway. In fact, i can be downright crazy sometimes, as you are about to see…

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“It’s such a beautiful night. I think I’ll kill myself.” -JV

For all of those (numerous I’m sure) people who have stayed home and watched Nickelodeon at 9pm on Friday nights this past year, you were handsomely rewarded. Jhonen Vasquez, mastermind behind such comics as Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, and Happy Noodle Boy had been under contract for 20 episodes of a new cartoon called Invader Zim. The show has been called a “cult hit” despite the channel it’s aired on, and was nominated under several categories in the International Animated Film Society Awards (“Annie Awards”) – in the end director Steve Ressel walked away with one of those awards for outstanding achievement in story boarding.

“I am Testiclรƒยชs, God of rash covered scrotums!!” -JV

Then: disaster. On Thursday 1-17-02, at around 5:20 PM, only a few hours after the staff finished recording the Christmas episode, all of the Zim crew was called into the lounge area for an emergency announcement. There, Jhonen and Mary Harrington broke the news that Nickelodeon was reducing its order for 20 second season Zim episodes down to 6, bringing the series at an end at episode 26, and making them, as a crew, finished as well. The next day all of the story board artists and writers were asked to clean out their offices and be gone by 5 PM.

fuckdo (22k image)

I’m sure most of you don’t give a fuck, but for anyone who had watched the show or was familiar with Jhonen’s comic work and would like to continue to see it translated into animation, you can sign this petition. Also, if you’re going to be watching the Zim episodes, get those babies on tape. Once they’re gone they’re gone, and even I would buy some recordings off of eBay.

And now for some IM fun with Nick.

Typical Lewser: I need someone to spoon.
Typical Lewser: Don’t need anyone to love, just want someone to spoon.
Getting Gravity: you should get a dog.
Typical Lewser: I have two
Getting Gravity: they don’t complain as much, and they give comparable blowjobs.
Typical Lewser: The last time I spooned my dog, he shit on my dress pants, and threw up on my rug.

“Other people only LOOK dead, but are quite alive, as I find out after sticking pens into their eyes.” -JV

More crazy people

Here’s a snippet of AIM convo that i had with this rather amusing fellow.

EUROlu: i just IMed you for your buddy icon, i hear its nice

Yeah. Him and 300 other people.

EUROlu: your girlfriends hot
EUROlu: mm
psykotik2k: she’s mine. you cant have her. ha
EUROlu: lolk
EUROlu: fuck you guy, my girlfriend is halle berry
EUROlu: hey what part of asia are you from
psykotik2k: south east asia
EUROlu: answer me or ill go crazy on you
psykotik2k: brunei
EUROlu: malasya ?
psykotik2k: nope
EUROlu: i thougt u were japanese
EUROlu: do you like japanese people?
psykotik2k: they’re insane
psykotik2k: i’m not japanese
EUROlu: lol
psykotik2k: seriously
EUROlu: ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€
EUROlu: i love asian people
EUROlu: asian people rock my sock
EUROlu: you Yakuza
EUROlu: are you Yakuza?
EUROlu: whats your name, my asian kung-fu friend
EUROlu: Justin ?
EUROlu: are you a happy person?
EUROlu: or a sad person
EUROlu: you seem sad
EUROlu: should I come to Michigan with a doobie or two and make you happy
psykotik2k: hmm
psykotik2k: very enticing
EUROlu: ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€
EUROlu: an asian online friend, since i lost my vietnamese friend vietstarr
EUROlu: but ive found justin, you fucking guy
EUROlu: oh, and not you
EUROlu: this other asian justin
EUROlu: no im just joking habaoeheahoaeohea
EUROlu: fnakfsfn
EUROlu: hey asl
EUROlu: you like my sn ?
EUROlu: you like doobies ?