Televison show titles that might as well be nicknames for the penis:

  • MacGyver
  • Knight Rider
  • Remington Steele
  • My Favorite Martian
  • Mr. Belvedere
  • Doogie Howser
  • Magnum P.I.
  • The Incredible Hulk
  • The Love Boat
  • Flipper
  • Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids
  • The Wire
  • Baretta
  • Malcolm in the Middle
  • Smallville
  • Inspector Gadget
  • The Lone Ranger
  • Herman’s Head
  • Shaft
  • Gigantor
  • Speed Racer
  • Mister Ed
  • Bozo the Clown
  • Battlestar Gallactica
  • Jake and the Fatman
  • Dennis the Menace
  • Mr. Magoo
  • Jonny Quest
  • Airwolf
  • The Muppet Show
  • Soul Train
  • The O’Reilly Factor
  • ALF
  • Reeeeeeee!

    Hello. I figured i should update.

    Look! An interesting e-mail.

    Subject: voice mail
    From: Add to Contacts
    Date: Mon, Jul 29 2002 11:36:59 PM EDT

    well well..looks like you got celebs comin to your site and leavin messages now. The ever drunk Scott Ferrall from WNEW in NY and that stupid BattleDome show is voice mail #1. WTG.

    WOW! I have no idea who Scott Ferrall is but WOW anyway!

    This is the voicemail that he is talking about. Can anybody confirm if this is true? Is that really Scott Ferrall? I personally doubt that it is but hey, if it is, then i guess i got celebs comin to my site and leavin messages now.


    Oh. I’ve been meaning to let you know that i haven’t checked my voicemail since the 25th. The stupid voicemail company deactivated my account because my credit card information didn’t check out (i forgot to update my current address with my bank y’see. they still have my old address on file and it didn’t match my current billing address). But i’ve already gone and updated my bank about my current address this past Friday so it should probably be on file by now. I’m gonna give the voicemail people a call and tell to to reactivate my account so i can retreive my damn voicemail and post them all up. There’s probably like *hundreds of voicemails waiting for me by now.

    (*i wish)

    Anyhow, i’m sure all of you long time fubar readers are probably wondering why there aren’t any links to Thess’ page on the site anymore. Reason being is that she just wanted them off the site. Mostly because… well:

    Teflon Parakeet: I’d just rather have no hits at all than run the risk of the majority of the dickwads who post comments having an easy way to link over to me.
    Teflon Parakeet: I’m not better than them, or your site (hits say yours is better, after all.)
    Teflon Parakeet: I just don’t want them.
    Teflon Parakeet: There’s a very large portion of humanity who shouldn’t be allowed to contaminate other people with their stupidity.

    *cry* My site feels so naked without Thess’ links. And it feels weird to have to type out her URL each time i wanna check her site out for new updates and such. I usually used to just click on her name or her little floating head. But alas. No more.

    Anyway, that’s pretty much the reason why you don’t see her linked anymore. No drama. No bad blood. Everything’s still fine. And i still <3 her. =]


    I still haven’t decided who i should use for the layout. Any more suggestions should be directed to the comments section of the post below. Maybe i’ll compile a list of all the good suggestions and make a poll out of it.

  • Heather Graham naked!


  • Heather Graham again.

    Her boobs make me wish i was born a bra.

  • Avril/Layout

    Subject: fan
    Date: Fri, Jul 26 2002 1:33:39 AM EDT

    hey my name is bill i’m 18 years old i jus want to say i think your cute and i like you music

    28/7/02 7:23 AM
    Lilbigin04: is this avril lavigne?

    Yes i still get e-mails and IMs from people who think that i am Avril Lavigne (oh how i wish i was. i’d be touching myself all day if i were… but i’m not. so no).

    So i’ve been thinking, while it’s been tons of fun getting all these e-mails/IMs/guestbook signings and whatnot courtesy of Avril, i’m thinking it’s time to change the layout. Initially, this Avril layout was just supposed to be a one day joke intended for my girlfriend (she really hates Avril you see) and that it’d only be up for a day. But then i figured i’d just torture her some more and let it stay up anyway. Hee.

    This Avril layout has probably been THE most complained about layout ever. Actually it’s probably the ONLY layout that people have ever complained about. To my knowledge i don’t think anybody has ever complained about any of the other layouts.

    It’s funny though. I’ve never had anyone think that i was Claire Forlani or Natalie Portman or Drew Barrymore or Angelina Jolie before with all the other layouts. I switch to an Avril one and BAM. Everybody thinks i’m her.

    Anyway, here’s where you get to help. I need someone new to use. I’m thinking Kristin Kruek. Even though i find her totally unappealing.

    To me anyway.

    Any other suggestions? Leave yours in the comments section.

    This Avril layout will probably be up for a coupla more days (maybe weeks?) until i make a final decision as to who i’m gonna use for the next version of this layout. So until then, you’re just gonna have to live with seeing Avril staring you in the face each time you load up the site. Har har har.

    <3 Avril.

    mp3s anyone?

    Most of you may already know about this by now but for the benefit of the doubt, i’m just gonna post about it anyway. For those of you who don’t know.

    I use a Mac. And there aren’t that many good Kazaa-ish Napster-ish Morpheus-ish apps available for Macs. Well, there’s Limewire. And Mactella. But they all suck. So there isn’t really any easy way for me to go searching for and/or downloading mp3s successfully. Save for just hitting up with a moby mp3 or a reel big fish mp3 or a stone temple pilots mp3 search or whatever.

    And most of the time i’ll just end up with really shitty search results.

    But have you ever tried entering index apache mp3 moby instead.

    Or index apache mp3 reel big fish.

    Or index apache mp3 no doubt.

    Or index apache mp3 ludacris.

    Or… well. You get the point.

    Try it. index apache mp3 blablablahwhateverartistblablablah.

    You probably stumble upon site indexes of people’s online mp3 collections.

    Like these ones.


    Experiment. Lemme know what you think about all this in the comments.

    Cool no?


    Quick note to Pumpernickely (it’s like the bread, but with a “y,” isn’t that cute?):

    You’re right–I probably am going through withdrawal from regular penis insertions. It’s been several days, after all. Unlike you, I’m sure, who is a cum receptacle for anyone willing to shove his dick into your scabies-infected asshole.

    I’ll ask my boyfriend to fuck me up the ass tonight, though, and please leave your number in response to this post, so I can call you in the morning.


    I was bored today. So i set up a toll free voicemail thingy for myself! Call the number and leave a message or something! It’s free! (only works if you live in the US)

    Dial 1-800-830-7759

    And then hit 2234663 after the mailbox number prompt.

    2234663 spells out BADGOOD.

    I am so clever.


    Kelly Ripa has an annoying laugh

    I am back.

    I haven’t been online AT ALL this past week. So i check my e-mail and BAM. 53 unread messages. I’ll post up some of the more ‘interesting’ ones in a bit.

    Anyway, random IMer time.

    MrT1549: hi there
    psykotik2k: hey
    MrT1549: hows it goin
    psykotik2k: good
    psykotik2k: tired
    MrT1549: i see
    MrT1549: yeah u probly dont know me do ya?
    psykotik2k: not at all
    MrT1549: yeah and i dont know u, i just got ur name from that web site
    MrT1549: so… how was your day…
    psykotik2k: tiring
    MrT1549: oh i see
    MrT1549: u go to school?
    psykotik2k: college
    MrT1549: what college
    psykotik2k: wmu
    psykotik2k: it’s on the site
    psykotik2k: all the info is there
    MrT1549: what are u studying at the college
    psykotik2k: it’s on the site
    psykotik2k: all the info is there
    MrT1549: oh i see how it is, see if i ever talk to your white euorpean ass again
    psykotik2k: i’m asian

    *shaking head*

    Seriously people, if you’re going to IM me, do NOT ask me questions that can already be answered by READING the site. It’s all on the site.

    Eve has the same problem too.

    cinnfuleyes: I love conversations like this:
    cinnfuleyes: (some guy) hi, i got your SN off your site
    cinnfuleyes: — blah blah
    cinnfuleyes: (Some guy) so, you’re in Germany, were you born there?
    cinnfuleyes: — well, *laughing* I think this is why I wrote my Bio, to avoid these preliminary questions
    cinnfuleyes: *shaking head*

    Before i move on with the “reader” e-mail and comments:

    Stacy from put up a new layout today. It totally sucks! Haha, but omg, I love her! Boobs4LYFE!

    Now let’s begin.

    Fullname: anna
    Where are you from?: san diego, ca
    Homepage Name: avril fanz
    Homepage URL:
    Comments: i just read that u say ur name is avril. gess wut, I DONT BELIVE U!!! UR NOT AVRIL LAVGINE!!! i HATE ppl when they say that there name is avril!!!

    I am not Avril Lavigne.

    Subject: What up!
    Date: Thu, Jul 18 2002 6:50:58 AM EDT

    just wanted to say whats up and that I really like your music write back


    I am not Avril Lavigne.

    Fullname: David
    Where are you from?: Ventura,C.A.
    Homepage Name:
    Homepage URL:
    Comments: Your site rocks keep on going man your a star i just wanted to tell you u rock w/b.

    I am not Avril Lavigne.

    From: “Sandra van loon”
    Date: Wed, Jul 17 2002 11:02:22 PM +0200

    hey who the fuck is that girl on your page (
    I’m an 17 years old girl from the netherlands and i’m straight but she’s a really good looking girl (iand I don’t say that often)
    kisses sandra

    *sigh* Avril Lavigne.

    Somebody shoot me.

    Anyway, as you may have noticed, the site’s been broken for the past coupla days. But everything’s fixed now. Well. At least until it breaks down again that is. Which it will. Always does after a coupla days or so. I’m trying to find a way to fix that. It really sucks having to lose all those comments that Eve got for her last two posts. So yeah, go comment on them again or something. Show her some <3.

    There would’ve been some posts from Suzi up on the site while i was gone but since the site broke, she couldn’t Greymatter to work so she couldn’t get anything posted up on here. Blah.

    Oh well. In other news, the beanie that i bought for her arrived last Friday.

    She gave me topless pictures of herself in exchange for the beanie. =D

  • Suzi topless

    Oh. For those of you who keep e-mailing me about those pictures of Avril Lavigne without makeup on, STOPPPP. I’ve already seen them. I saw them all while i was looking for pics of her to use on the site. Nothing new to me.

    And i’d still do her if i were given the chance. With or without makeup. ;D

    And as a side note, ALL celebs look horrible without makeup.

    Subject: …and hello to justin
    From: “jessica .”
    Date: Fri, Jul 19 2002 1:41:55 AM -0700

    Lordy, yer interesting. I thought I’d drop you a note to say you made me laugh. I have tits, am I special? Ha ha ha. Anyway, I read that post of yours about stealing magazines. That’s really funny. How come you didn’t steal a Playboy? Just curious.


    Click! Because she’s nice. And because she has just reaffirmed the fact that some people actually DO read the site.

    Do you?

  • I lied

    Okay, so no one else it updating but me. It’s not the ladies of fubar, it’s … just me. Speaking of which – where the hell are the rest of you? Goo’lord.

    I just cleared the log for there were a lot of invalid login attempts. Good try kids, good try.

    It’s 5:46 AM my time. I woke up at 5:15. AM. Apparently the couple hours I slept on Wednesday night, caused me to crash out while trying to get philosophical in my abandoned paper journal. That was at 6 PM. That proves how boring I am to myself, and why I can only manage only every other day updates here and on my own site. And though I tried a watered down version of entertainment here, I still was refered to as an “English teacher,” and my writing as an “Essay.” That is in part, due to the fact that I utter some thousand+ syllables of substanceless small talk on a daily basis, and why I try to avoid the reality of daily life (continuing) interfering with what is published on the internet.

    I’d usually be going to bed at this time, not getting up.

    No one else is up. It’s just me. Another strange thought, to think of 30 people that live here, I am the only one up, and it’s because I actually WOKE up and not stayed up. Yay. A friend of mine (actually my annoying next door neighbor) went on a whim to the Czech Republic after spending the weekend exploring his ex-girlfriend’s “garden,” and helping her move her stuff. See boys – help the girl = play in the garden. Umhmm, and we all thought things had changed. And moving along.

    Czech Republic. For you Americans, it may not be as legendary, as for the average European college student here. Just think of Amsterdam three steps down, and dirt cheap, and you’ll get the idea. A carton of cigarettes cost around 15 Euros, and a ,33L of beer (the average American size bottle of brew) can be as low as 50 cents, and still surpass American quality. A night of partying in a 6 level club until daylight will cost you under 10 dollars, that’s including your hotel.

    That’s the advantage of living in Europe- you want to vacation somewhere with A) Warm weather and beaches, B) get smashed cheaply and satisfactorily, C) get the hell out of Dodge.. you take a train, and you’re there in less than the average time it takes you to get out of ONE State. You travel a few hours, and you’re out of your country here, and in a place that’s not like your own and you’re no longer speaking your own language.

    Back to Czech. Since the neighbor has gotten back from his weekend of foreign, cheap, delight, I’ve been able to profit as well. Now he randomly throws packs of coffin nails in my direction. “Here, you need these more than I do.” I smile, say thank you, and then question whether there’s a double meaning to that. o_0 as in… I need to suffer from lung cancer and blacken an x-ray with tar quicker than he does.. or I’m just more addicted on my pack-a-day habit than he? I also got to sparkly-eyed examine all of his fake-designer buys. The BMW silver and blue watch was rather nice. Another person came back to the house laden down in leather and crystal.

    Note to people leaving Czech Republic – if you don’t want to be thoroughly searched, and everything but your lower intestine being probed, I don’t advise you to leave the country and pass through customs reeking of GREEN, FUZZY, LA-LA LAND, POTALICIOUS MARIJUANA. Duh? A little Visine and some fake designer cologne that you just picked up, should do the trick.

    Happy Traveling =)

    Celebrities Getting Naked

    Hollywood is a strange place for all. The place where individuals and companies reap millions in profits from movies and precomposed words, also appears to be an entrance way for known actresses to suddenly don images of sexiness, and be nude icons to the rest of the hoards of you lust hungry men needing a quick fix for the night. So, some actresses like Jennifer Aniston become livid – or more so, her hubby Brad Pitt, becomes livid, when her breasts are displayed in a newpaper in the UK. They both lay hold to claims that she has never appeared naked anywhere before. Well.. wait until her movie and Friends income starts to dwindle into a slow dribble not large enough to support their Hollywood mansion, and soon their neighbors will more than likely see her as a centerfold. So is the vicious cycle of fame.

    And yet again, as nudity and provacative or controversial pictures are a pseudo every day sighting, the movie industry is taking it from the big screen and putting it directly on advertisement posters. This brings a whole new meaning to platinum and gold on fingers…
    Continue reading