In her latest ‘article’ on IGN, from what i’ve read in the teaser, Jessica Chobot talks about her favorite Atari games.

Yep. Favorite Atari games.

And you know what that means.

Here are some FACTS some guy made on some gaming forum:

She hasn’t made a single substantial statement about anything gaming-related. She’s just another 32/64-bit era introduced gamer.

She’s your typical internet “gamer”/anime fangirl. She thinks PSX/PS2 are the greatest things ever. She loves FF (in specific, 3D generation FF), she’s into anime, and while she claims that “Nintendo holds a special place in her heart” I’ve seen her say many more bad things about the company than good.

So, simply put: She loves Square and Sony to death, and is very into anime. How many internet girls does that describe? It wouldn’t surprise me if she was into j-rock, cosplaying, and webcamming either. A typical internet fangirl. The most annoying people on the face of the earth.

She tries to make herself sound like the so-called “hardcore, unbiased” gamer by making statements about modding XBoxes, and bashing Nintendo’s ideas, yet professing so much love for them. She goes onto say how she doesn’t play XBox Live (gee I wonder why?), because she’d rather play online games on her PC.. when XBox Live and PC online gaming are not similar enough to be compared this way.

She also mentions Dreamcast and Soul Calibur to up her “hardcore” gamer status, then goes on to talk about how she dumped her b/f who then took the game away from her, which btw is the reason why she stopped playing it.

By bringing her “dumped” b/f into the article just lost her more points. Who the **** cares about her relationship status? Oh wait, that WOULD get rabid fanboys all aroused, huh?

She could have just as easily re-bought the game for herself and not mentioned any of that.. but no, that would make too much sense.

Jessica Chobot makes me ANGRY.

[…] the mere fact that a woman wore a bikini, licked a PSP and did a fair bit of other self-promotion, including one interview on a website does not mean she deserves an article here. Simply not notable.

Nevertheless, i’m capping it before it gets deleted. Although… while she definitely doesn’t fucking deserve a wiki entry, i’m also listed as a Jessica Chobot resource (!). So i’m torn on whether it should be deleted.

Glory hounds away!

They should’ve linked to this URL though. All my Chobot hate posts in one place.

Oh, for your amusement…

Supher x2: man! you were so right about chobot
Supher x2: when i saw her on AOTS recently she sounded a fucking casual gamer
psykotik2k: chobot is a fake
psykotik2k: chobot is like all celebrity gamers. they always say their favorite game is like pac man or something
psykotik2k: who the fuck plays pac man
Supher x2: lol

And really now. Why is it that everytime whenever someone famous gets asked what their favorite videogame is, they always say something old school like Pac-Man or Space Invaders or some shit. You’ll usually hear this on that stupid show on G4TV, Players. Seriously, who the fuck plays those games anymore. I’ll tell you who. Stupid casual gamers who know shit all about real gaming. Stupid casual gamers that can’t handle a game that uses more than one button. And stupid casual gamers like Jessica fucking Chobot who have no right to even be writing about videogames at all. Dumb whore. Eat shit Jessica Chobot. Eat shit and die.

Ya, these stupid casual gamers choose Pac Man because it makes them seem like they’re fucking hardcore or something. Fuck you. A real hardcore gamer will never pick anything below the NES generation. The only people who pick Atari games as their favorite are people who stopped playing when the NES generation came along and don’t know anything about gaming from thereonafter.

Then there’s shitheads like Jessica Chobot who probably only started playing videogames during the Playstation era, and therefore, have no clue as to what Nintendo brought to the game all those years before. So she fucking bashes them without knowing what the hell she’s talking about. Stupid Sony slut. Jessica Chobot is the epitome of the fake hardcore gamer. Just like clueless celebs that pick Ms. Pac-Man as their most favorite game ever, just to make themselves sound like they’re real gamers – real hardcore like – real PLaYeRs.

What’s your favorite game?

SOMETHING IS MISSING. OH. HOW COULD I FORGET.

Many people have been just reaming her with insults, left and right. Mainly because they said she is an over the hill “girl gamer” (in quotes because she is more of a 30 something midlife crisis gamer) with the intellect of a two years old boy. They say she has no gaming knowledge and is a ludicrous choice to be doing game reviews. With explanations such as “just so kick-ass” and “I mean, Oh my gosh, so cool” I tend to agree.

WHO COULD HE BE TALKING ABOUT????

But first, Jessica Chobot (hate) quote of the day!

Who did she have to sleep with to get that job. I mean come on she licked a PSP and now she is suddenly a well informed gamer fit to make reports at IGN. I have now lost all faith in IGN. The only headline I want to see about Jessica Chobot is: Electrocuted From Licking Her PSP Too Much.

Hear hear!

So i bought Casshern on DVD last night. Only watched the first 45 minutes though. Then i turned it off, went to eat dinner, and then put on Three… Extremes right after. Don’t know why i didn’t continue watching Casshern.

That said, Casshern really feels like a movie made from cutscenes from a videogame. Very Final Fantasy VII-y. Except of course with live action actors mixed in.

Speaking of Final Fantasy VII, i found some Tifa Cosplay porn the other day. The chick even has big boobs. Just like Tifa. I also found some Dead or Alive Cosplay porn (from the same site) but all the chicks had small boobs. Stupid.

Speaking of Dead or Alive, i hear they’re making a live action movie out of it. Starring Devon ‘weird Cthulhuian looking thing’ Aoki of all people.

Devon Aoki is the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe they’d let this freak be in front of cameras. The only reason they do is because her father is the head of Benihana. They should never waste film on this freaky looking alien again. She puts the inbreds in Wrong Turn to shame. Plus she has no boobs. So how the fuck can she be Kasumi. Fucking idiot casting people. Eat shit and die. You too Aoki. And while we’re at it, same goes for you Chobot.

At least Corey Yuen’s directing. If i can stomach Aoki enough, there’ll probably be some worthwhile fight scenes to look forward to.

By the way, Jaime Pressly, she’s going to be Tina Armstrong. Yet another chick with no boobs playing a Dead or Alive character. STUPID.

Speaking of Corey Yuen, i can’t wait for The Transporter 2 to come out. Did you know that Jason Statham’s character is actually gay? I shit you not. He’s supposed to be gay. A faggot. A queer. I swear to God. I have proof.

So back to Three… Extremes. I have it on DVD. Actually my mom bought it while i was still in the US. Only just got around to watching it last night. I think they’re releasing it in the US sometime this year though. You might wanna pick it up. It’s basically three short films directed by three of the best directors from Asia. Namely Takeshi Miike (Audition, Ichi the Killer, Visitor Q), Fruit Chan (actually i have no idea who this guy is) and Chan-Woo Park (Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Old Boy and the upcoming Sympathy for Lady Vengeance).

I’ll tell you this, Takeshi Miike’s entry, ‘Box’, pretty much sucks. But it’s got a hot Japanese actress in it so maybe it’s worth watching. It’s shot nice, i’ll give it that. And it also has the usual fucked up stuff that you’ll find in Takeshi Miike flicks, like creepy long haired girls, incest, pedophila and an ending that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

‘Dumpling’ actually made me feel sick. It made me sick in the same way ‘Requiem for a Dream’ made me sick (and that’s a good thing). This movie is disturbing. ‘Dumpling’ on the Three… Extremes DVD is actually a re-edited 37 minute version of the original 90 minute feature length film. I haven’t seen the the 90 minute cut but the 37 minute one works well as it is and i really couldn’t tell that it was a (severely) cut down version of a feature length film. Only found out that it was after looking for reviews of what other people thought of this short. Apparently this short version has a different ending from the feature length cut. And boy, what an ending. I defy you not to cringe and look away.

Oh, the movie is about eating dead aborted baby fetuses by the way.

‘Cut’ was great. It’s kind of like ‘Phone Booth’ meets ‘Saw’. But if you’ve already seen Old Boy and know who Chan-Woo Park is, i probably don’t have to say anything else about this short other than ‘watch it’. Because it’s from Chan-Woo Park.

‘Dumpling’ and ‘Cut’. Highly recommended.

Chobot on AOTS

Just so you can hate her more Chobot will be on Attack of the show tonight.

“Jessica Chobot, video game columnist for Redassedbaboon.com (not to mention a renowned licker of the Sony PSP), discusses the trials and tribulations of being a “girl gamer.””

Oh shut the fuck up Chobot. Girl gamer my ass. Can’t believe they’re inviting this two bit whore back on the show. Fuck you G4. And fuck you too IGN. I know you probably had a hand in this.

In other news, look at my sidebar. Now i have a special link for all my Chobot posts. lmao! Unfortunately you’ll still have to endure them on the front page since there’s really no way for me to hide them from here. Ha ha ha! Eat it haters.

By the way, i’m number one on MSN Search for “Jessica Chobot”. I rule.

Next, is to be number one on all major search engines for “Jessica Chobot nude”. Or maybe even “Jessica Chobot naked”. Stupid whore.

Here’s some more hate mail from IGN Babes Whores for this so called “girl gamer”:

DIE JESSICA CHOBITO OR WHATEVER YOUR PUNK ASS NAME IS; NINTENDO OWNS YOU AND YOU KNOW IT SO SHUT YO SEXY ARSE UP BEFORE I LAY IT

– KEN!!!

I read your “interview” with the slut who loves PSP… Do not make her out to be some kind of super woman. It is okay to enjoy “babes” for what they are, dumb eye candy. I will now pledge to not visit this site or and IGN/Game spy site for thye next 6months and I will advise others to do the same.

– Erhan

I totally agree with the letter from the guy who thought Jessica Chobot was vacuous, insipid, pseudo-gamer. Her comments perfectly reflected the MTV,Tech TV generation of gamers that think Nintendo is just for kids and don’t understand that they are innovators that are constantly creating new game play experiences. They created the standard control pad, analog stick, and radio wave wireless controller. Now all these are system standards. Even their failed attempts at gameplay additions show ingenuity and an ability to take risks (powerglove,Virtual Boy). Without Nintendo gaming would not have had the legs to get where it is today; a part of the mainstream. As a gamer Jessica lacks a fundamental understanding that as an industry we must know where we came from in order to get where we want to go.

– Boz

STOLEN FROM THE VIDEO GAME OMBUDSMAN COMMENTS SECTION:

I’m from Puerto Rico. To be famous in PR (and in Latin America) you don’t have to have any type of talent just do exercise and wear a speedo or a bathing suit. Now I don’t like Britney Spears at all. But at least she can dance a little. So for a no talent mall hair hack like chobot trying to be a trendy video gamer who for some reason sells her DS for a PSP because is for 13 year olds, and then she licks it and becomes famous is stuff that should be ignored.

But as much I like to put the blame on IGN I think the blame should be put on RAB and Kotaku, which is the same guy. This hurts alot because I’m a big fan of Kotaku.

Chobot should be put with the curent video game journalism and G4 as the reason nobody is taking video games seriously. Give a Jennfer Taso and Morgan Webb (yes, I believe that she knows video games) over Chobot any day. – Dman

Morgan Webb. Now there’s a true girl gamer. Though she does kind of look like a man if you look at her face from the side. Didn’t Adam Sesslar make fun of her jaw once and she got somewhat pissy about it or something on the air? That’s what i heard somebody tell me. Haha. I love Adam Sesslar. SESSLARRRRRRR! They really should give him his own show. They did a skit once for a fake show that he supposedly left X Play for. I think it was called Meet the Sess. Hilarity.

dman said what I was coming here to say.

Jessica Chobot should drop to her knees and worship at the altar of Brian Crescente every night. She owes everything to him.

The original “OMG she licked a PSP. That is hawt!” post appeared on Kotaku. Evil Avatar later picked it up and Jessica herself posted to the forum and got laughed out of there for her rants that resembled that of a 12 year old. Brian then turns around and gives her a column on RAB and the rest, as they say, is history. He screwed up, and I say this as a huge Kotaku fan.

Is it a little bitterness on my part that someone goes from nobody to huge game journalist because she licked a console? Hell ****in’ yes. I’m extremely bitter that in three months Chobot has become the go-to video game personality. If she appears on 60 Minutes opposite Jack Thompson I might lose it.

But for all my bitterness, I don’t think anyone can dispute that she’s a pisspoor representative for video game journalists or video game players even. – John Scalzo

Fuckin’ A my man. Kotaku can eat shit and die for birthing the hellspawn that is Jessica Chobot. Same goes for RAB too.

We at Double Viking, feel for Justin because he’s right.

– Double Viking

God, i hate Jessica Chobot.

LOL. That’s right! None other than JESSICA CH… hahahaha!! Psyche! Alright you fuckers. I think i’ve fulfilled my one week dream streak of e-shitting on Jessica Chobot. But that doesn’t mean that i won’t be mentioning her every now and again in every other post though! LOLLLLL. Eat it Chobot hater haters! THIS MY SHIT THIS MY SHIT.

I’ve been noticing a couple of search referrals from people looking for an Eve sex tape. You know, Eve. Eve the rapper. She was in the Barbershop movies and i think she has a show on UPN? Just so happens that i got an e-mail two days ago directing me to said possible Eve sex tape.

Link to Possible Eve Sex Tape

Thought you might like this for your site if you haven’t seen it.

http://www.deviantclip.com/?Show=Media&Id=137

Short clip. And personally, i don’t think it’s her. But who knows, i could be wrong. Thanks Jeremy for the heads up.

whoa dude!!

haha!!!

A fren of mine just im’ed me and said basically, “dood, you gotta check out that pepsi girl’s stalker’s site!”

I’m like (of course) WHAT?!

Then I see your site … Calm down man, before her agents have you in f*&king cuffs!!!

But seriously, I just laughed really hard. I mean … sure, she’s hot, and what guy our age wouldn’t want to like … well, totally have her. I am not excluded in that. I’m 27.

Also just wanned to say wassup to the pepsigirl dood. WASSUP!

reply or trash it … whatever man. Rock on!

– Nate

Mmmm. My infamous Pepsi Girl site. Did you know Mandy actually sent me a personally signed autographed copy of the Maxim issue she was in? How cool is that? TOTALLY COOL IS WHAT THAT IS. Actually the mag is still in Michigan. I had Kat tell Mandy to send it over to Smash’s address to have him send it over to me. Didn’t want to have Mandy spend all that $$$ just to send a magazine overseas just for me. Plus Smash still has like 35 of my DVDs with him. So he can send over the mag with the DVDs once he’s done with them. I’ll probably post up pics of the magazine once it gets here. Which should be just in time for Christmas. Yep.

sm4shy: i got mail yesterday
psykotik2k: what say
sm4shy: mandy amano sent you maxim
psykotik2k: hooray!
psykotik2k: yay mandy
psykotik2k: mandy mandy mandy
sm4shy: i think panties are in there

I think Smash is a filthy liar.

idea to kill jc

Now, my idea involves Elisha Cuthbert, Lacy Chabert, a bowl of ice cream, the Nintendo Revolution, some KY Jelly, and a potato. Might as well throw in some of those DK bongos. I don’t know how it goes together, but the potato is the instument that will kill JC. I think if you shove it down her throat it will work, then everyone will be distracted by the hot girls playing an actual gaming system.

LICKING PSP GIVES YOU HERPES!!!

I LOVE potatoes! No really, i do! I think potatoes are yummy. I’m not even kidding. I’ve burnt many a finger in my quests to make homemade french fries and potato chips during my college days in Malaysia. I may have blogged about it a few times. Potato is love.

You know what i kinda hate but am amused by at the same time? Morning wood. I had a ridiculous case of morning wood that just wouldn’t go away like two days ago. Keep in mind that this was all while i was still in bed. So it wasn’t like i was up and walking around with a humongous erection or anything. I literally had morning wood for what seemed like hours. Actually it probably was for hours. I woke up and i realized i had wood. I was like oh fuck not again (this tends to happen semi-regularly). Not thinking twice about it, i figured it’d just die down in a coupla minutes. So i went back to sleep. I woke up again like.. i dunno.. maybe an hour later or something and i still had morning wood. So i was like trying to keep the fucker down, silence of the lambing it and whatnot but it just popping up like the soldier that it was. Standing at attention. So i said ah fuck it. And i went back to sleep. I think i woke up again like 2 hours later and I STILL HAD MORNING WOOD. And i’m almost certain that it was the same woody from like 3 hours ago. So now i’m getting a little annoyed because i just wanted it to GO AWAY. I tried thinking unsexy thoughts but fell asleep before i even thought of anything. Then i woke up again like 7 minutes later or something and the morning wood was gone. The end.

I would just like to point out that i did not make this.

I swear.

Mmmm. My hate for Jessica Chobot. Acknowledged. On The Video Game Ombudsman no less (a most excellent site that i frequent). Though he seems less critical of her than i obviously am (Boo).

I agree with some of these dectractors’ points, but I think some of them were a little extreme.

I wouldn’t happen to be one of those some now would i?

Here’s an anonymous comment:

I don’t get this woman, or the hype around her. She licked a PSP. Big fucking whoopee. Why am I supposed to give a fuck?

HEAR HEAR!

Oh and i also got quoted on Broken Toys too.

Comments by Mithrandir:

Didn’t we go over this a few months ago with the Ubisoft “Counterstrike Clan” ?

BTW, thanks for making my day, lol, hilarious, especially the pink poster

Followed up with:

see my above post: I read farther on the pink ranter’s website and it mentioned the group i was talking about and referred to as “Counterstrike Clan.” They are actually called the “fragdolls”

YES. The fucking Frag Dolls. See? Even he knows what’s going on with those faux gamers. The Frag Dolls are like Jessica Chobot multiplied by 7 and 10 times more uglier than Chobot already is. Though i’d probably fuck that Asian one. Mmm. Nerdy Asian fetish. Wait. What the fuck. I’m Asian.

Related: Video Game Truth: FRAG DOLLS — EXCLUSIVE REVIEW

Oh and for fucks sake, this site is purple!!!!! Not pink!!@#$%^ GODDAMMIT!

Update:

AIM IM with vaultcomplex 3:27 PM

I thought I would further infuriate you by pointing out the fact that Jessica Chobot or whatever’s latest “article” on IGN is basically a bunch of ads for a few lame websites, plus a link to that silly dancing transformer thing we all saw about a year ago, no mention of video games in her nonsense

CHOBOT!!!!!!!!! *shakes fist*