Stupid has collapsed upon itself.

“More” leads to an AIM log.

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If you were to listen to physicians even fifty years ago, you’d have been told that masturbation, sexual self-stimulation, often using the hand to rub the genitals, would lead to a wide variety of physical and mental disorders, ranging from hairy palms to insanity. Had they been correct however, most of us would be wearing gloves to hide the sight of our hair-covered palms – for masturbation is one of the most frequently practiced sexual activities. Some 94 percent of all males and 63 pervent of all females have masturbated at least once, and among college students, the frequency ranges from “never” to “several times a day” (Houston, 1981; Hunt, 1974).

Although masturbation is often considered an activity to engage in only if no other sexual outlets are available, this view bears little relationship to reality. Close to three-quarters of married men (age 20 – 40) report masturbating and average of twenty-four times a year, and 68 percent of the married women in the same age group masturbate and average of ten times each year.

Despite the high incidence of masturbation, attitudes toward it still reflect some of the negative views of yesteryear. For instance, one survey found that around 10 percent of the people who masturbated experienced feelings of guilt, and 5 percent of the males and 1 percent of the females considered their behavior perverted (Arafat & Cotton, 1974). Despite these negative attitudes, however, most experts on sex view masturbation not only as a healthy, legitimate – and harmless – sexual activity, but also as a means of learning about one’s own sexuality.

now… i am not one to complain, ::snort:: but our little boobie boy here needs a little bit of a talking to. actually… i tried to give him one, but i guess he just forgot everything we discussed yesterday. so here ya go, bebe… in writing, and with all of your little fubarb witnesses to be like “see, biatch! you fucked up again!”

THE RULES, BIATCH!

1. Take Baby Steps
NEVER try to make big, permanent decisions when you are emotionally fucked. Take some time to breathe it in, de-crazify, and clear your head. “It’s only been THREE FUCKING DAYS.”

2. Avoid ALL Stalker Tendencies
Don’t check the email. Don’t check the IM. Don’t call 80 times an hour. Don’t leave lame voicemail messages. DON’T try to get her back. She needs to take baby steps too.

3. Modify Your Vocabulary
Phrases like:

I am stupid! we know this already. Move on.
I made a mistake! no you didn’t. things happen for a reason.
I’m sorry! for what, ass crack? Being yourself?
Are you sure you don’t want to go? Sigh…
I’ll never be like that again! suuuuuuure you won’t.
But I! but you what?
But still! STILL not buying it, fucktard!
But! NO MORE FUCKING BUTS (or butts for that matter)

are just not allowed anymore. deal.

4. Cut Back on the Self Deprecation
Don’t EVER apologize or make excuses for being who you are. We like who you are! YOU should like who you are. Including all your idiosyncrasies! and your page (even if it is on the boink boink boobie level of retarded). End of story. That’s it. NO FURTHER DISCUSSION NECESSARY.

Good luck. You should know by now that you’ve got a ton of little internet people pullin for you. 🙂

…that i’m slowing trying to cope with reality through humor.

What happened between me and her is certainly no laughing matter. And i really don’t find it funny at all when people take cracks at it. And i’ve been deleting (and will be deleting) any bad taste comments.

What? It’s my site and i can do whatever i want. If you don’t like it, go make your own fucking site.

Anyhow.

Although the post below this one may seem as if i’m totally okay with (Lizzie and me) making fun of the whole situation (the break up), it’s not the situation that’s actually being made fun of.

Lizzie was making fun of the way that i keep blaming myself and the way i whine about things to her on the phone. I keep repeating the same things over and over. We’re NOT making fun of the break up. We’re making fun of the way i’ve been acting.

(I’ve been acting stupid).

I just thought i’d throw in a little context for the post because it’s a little in-jokey.

I don’t want Zoe to think that i don’t care about things and that i just find this whole break up thing funny. Because it hasn’t been.

But i’m gonna need to dull the hurt and pain by looking at the lighter side of things.

Me posting about EMO and then all of this happening.

If i had an LJ, i’d probably be like:

Mood: EMO
Music: Justin Timberlake – Cry me a river

Things are completely over between me and her. I’m not even going to try anymore. She already has someone else next in line to take my place anyway.

In other news, i went insane today. I became the stereotypical jealous ex boyfriend. And i also managed to destroy every bit of a chance that i ever had in getting back together again with her. Ever.

I don’t think we’re even going to be friends anymore. I don’t think she’ll even continue loving me anymore. Not as a friend. Not even as an ex boyfriend.

So, it seems like we’re both going to move on and lead our lives separately.

Unless a miracle happens, i don’t think we’re going to ever talk to each other again.

I never thought i would become this way. But the worst seems to be over now.

Do i still love her? Yes. I do.

Does it matter to her anymore? Right now. No. Maybe not even later. Maybe not ever.

I know that i haven’t really said much about how or why i ended things with my (ex) girlfriend. All you really need to know is that i made a mistake and i broke a promise; that i wouldn’t ever give up on things no matter how bad things got. That i’d always do everything in my power to make things work. I did try. God knows how much i’ve been trying. But no matter what i did, it just wasn’t good enough. And so i gave up. And i broke that promise by breaking up with her… as opposed to continuing on in what would’ve basically been an open relationship, which i don’t think would be fair to the both of us.

There was nothing really wrong with the relationship. It was great. Close to perfect even. It was just the long distance that made things less than perfect. We’re still friends now i guess. But i still love her. And she still loves me. We both still want to be with each other but… she just doesn’t want to be with me as long as we have all this distance between us. She just couldn’t take the distance thing anymore. I wish i was still with her. I miss what we had, even though it wasn’t perfect. At least it was something. Now i have nothing.

I’ve tried everything to get her to reconsider, and to take me back, but it doesn’t seem like she will. Not for now at least. And probably not ever at most.

There’s more to the story of course. Much more, but i don’t really want to talk about it right now. Instead, i’m just gonna share some other relationship stories that i’ve received from some of you guys out there.

Some old, some new. Some not even in context with my current situation. But hey, if you would like to share your own break up stories, you can do so in the comments. Let’s all wallow in our past mistakes and past experiences.

—————
Justin,

peace
gab
—————

l2icochet: i did that a year or so ago
l2icochet: sucks
l2icochet: I was head over heels for this girl, we dated for 5 years, took a few “breaks” for the same reason. whenever we were on break i never felt any different… at least about other girls. i always felt a little depressed about her wanting to go on a break but never really wanted to act on the opportunity. eventually, we got engaged.
l2icochet: then we both moved home, so there was no distance thing any more, and then she decides she doesn’t want to marry me.

This next e-mail was from 2 years ago. I’d just broken up with my 9th ex after i found out she cheated on me. Nothing to do with my current situation but it’s worth mentioning anyway.

—————
To: psykotik@gmail.com
Subject: Crawl
From: Nick Rounds seniorsquirrely@yahoo.com
Date: Sat, Aug 4 2001 12:10:44 PM -0700 (PDT)

Welcome to the broken hearts club, glad you could join us. I’m sorry to hear about the drama between you and your girlfriend. I felt the need to write you because I’ve been through the same shit you have, and had pretty much the same reaction you did.

A year and a half ago I was going out with a girl. Things were great between us, and I fell completely in love with her. After reading her my favorite poem by Edgar Allen Poe, I told her for the first time that I loved her. That next day I was literally glowing with happiness. I felt like I was walking on the clouds. I got home, and she came over to give me some things for my prom on that coming saturday. She got choked up, took me to my room, and told me that she had cheated on me.

It was easily the best, and worst day of my life. It was the hardest fall I’d ever taken emotionally. It hurt so bad, that I would physically ache and feel sick when I thought about it. I was at lost for all words. One part of me wanted to scream, and lash out at her. The other silenced the anger by telling myself that it wasn’t fair, and that she didn’t deserve it. Those emotions don’t help at all when you’re in love with an asshole.

I didn’t break up with her then, because I didn’t know how to react. I mean, neither of us did. We went to my prom, and continued “dating” until two months later when I finally broke it off with her. I didn’t have a magical revelation after I broke up with her, I mean I still don’t think I have the words to explain the situation. I have healed, and I am a stronger person from it though. I don’t regret the situation at all. It made me a grounded person, and taught me to have realistic views on women, instead of the typical cinderella/prince charming bullshit.

I’m not sharing my “sob story” with you for pity. I’m just trying to show you that it happens to the best of us, and you’re not alone. Everything heals in time, but sometimes that time isn’t as fast as you’d like it to be.

I can’t offer you much advice. I don’t really believe that’s something that’ll help you. I can pelt you with enough “advice” and “knowledge” as possible, but closure is something that you will only find on your own. I wish you the best Justin, and hope that you will find peace among the war torn shores of your turbulent mind soon.

Guard your heart
-Nick
—————

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the end.

okay thats not really the end but after this, it’ll be the end.

BURY YOUR DEAD.

Thanks for calling. It meant a lot.

<3

I just broke up with my girlfriend.