I totally understand Justin’s post about having to censor his posts and not being able to say what he really wants to say on his own site. I am having the same problem too. Too many people I know personally know about the site I run. Most of the time I have to watch what I say on it, either to protect myself or other people. It sucks having to do that on my own site which is supposedly an outlet for my thoughts, feelings and for venting. That’s one of the main reasons I haven’t been posting much. Hell, I haven’t been posting at all. So many things have happened lately and I can’t share it because of all those reasons.

That’s all.

And oh, I’m not dead.

First of all, for those of you who actually read the site, i want you to go and read this.

Done? Okay good.

I just thought that post was one of the funniest things ever. Certainly one of the more better ego boosting posts about my site that i’ve read recently. And you all know how much i like to get my ego boosted. I used to have an ego the size of Australia before i read post. Now it’s the size of Australia and New Zealand combined.

But just to clarify about those !!!’s that you see next to some of the links that i have, it is true though about how; if you’re on the list, you’re probably somebody i like. And to a certain extent, it’s also true that if you have a !!! next to your name, you’re also probably somebody i really like. This is especially true for some of those sites.

But for the others, the real reason why i have !!!’s next to their names is because… i’m plugging them. Yep. Plugging them. Or at least it’s just a feeble attempt at drawing people’s attention to them so that they’ll click on their links and give them a coupla hits.

Vicky was suggesting that i maybe revise that system of giving people !!!’s so that it makes it more clearer as to which one’s i really like and which one’s i’m just ‘plugging’. I was thinking of that myself too before she brought it up.

Because really, some of those !!!’s don’t actually stay where they are forever. I cycle them around after every coupla days or so. It can get confusing to some as to why they lose they’re !!!’s after a coupla days.

Like Sung for example. He IMed me yesterday asking where the hell his !!! went and why he even deserved to have an !!! next to his link since he only updates like once every two weeks or something like that. Hehe.

So yeah, i can see how the !!!’s can bring confusion to some people since i’ve never actually clearly explained what they meant.

I used to have the same kinda system on my old layout. Used to have these asterisks’ next to some of the links that i used to have on there. Antwon kept thinking that i had him marked for death because of it.

So anyway, from now on, for the site’s that i really like, i’m gonna have a little <3 next them. And for the site's that i'm just plugging, they'll have a !!! beside them.

I’ve been thinking again about the true nature of this site over the past coupla days. On whether if it’s E/N or a weblog or a journal or whatever. There’ve been several times in the past where i’ve just gone off and done myself ‘another one of those posts’. You know, posts that deal about things i’ve already dealt with before in the past.

This right here is ‘another one of those posts’.

Which is actually kinda pointless because i know that i have dealt with this dilemma… several times before in fact, and yet here i am writing about it again. You’d think i’d learn by now to just let it go after the first time but nooooo.

Then again, i’ve always have been known to be repetitive in my posts. So you all should be used to these ‘another one of those posts’.

Most people who’re in the know usually come here looking around and thinking “Oh. E/N”. Those who don’t are probably thinking “Eh? Angelina Jolie fan site?”. Some might even look at the gratuitous nude naked celebs section and think “Ooh. Porn site!”. Rarely does one ever think “Ah. Weblog”. At least no one’s ever come up to me saying “Good weblog!” anyway.

Not to say that it is a weblog… contrary to what it might suggest in the title of this page (“…bad weblogging”). Actually, to tell you the truth, i don’t even know what to classify this site under. I’d like to think of it as a weblog even though i rarely ever really ‘blog’ that much. On the rare occasion, it does go into journal mode ala FNF, as once pointed out by Thess who proceeded to call me ‘Journal-boy’ for a while. But generally, most people tend to think of it as E/N… or as some would say, E/SMUT. But whatever it is, it definitely is fubar.

That wasn’t meant to be a tongue in cheek joke.

Bu it is true though. Aside from the fact that the site’s called fubar, the site actually IS in fact, fubar. Fucked up beyond all recognition. It may not seem like it at first glance because of the prettiness of the colors and the layout or whatever but once you actually start to read it, it definitely isn’t what one would call ‘normal’. It isn;t exactly ‘unusual’ either but it’s definitely not ‘normal’. At least i don’t think so anyway.

There’s a reason why i called the site what it is. Mostly because it was really half assed in the beginning and i didnt really know what it was gonna be, where i wanna gonna take it or where it was all headed. And so for all intents and purposes, i dubbed the site fubar. Because it really was just fucked up beyond all recognition. Neither really E/N, weblog, porn site nor journal. Just plain fubar.

The name fits the site really.

The URL fits it even better.

Call it whatever you want… fubar or badinagoodway, it’s still just… well… i’ll leave you to decide what it really is.

But generally speaking, for the sake of simplicity, whenever i do have to explain my site to people who haven’t heard of it before, or heard of E/N for that matter, i generally tell them that it’s an E/N site first. And i proceed to go on further to tell them that it’s kind of like my online journal. A weblog or sorts. But i never mention the porn though. Heh.

Anyway, i originally had a final point to make at the end of this post. I’ve long since forgotten what it was going to be though.

This post is gonna be sort of a downer so don’t read it unless you wanna spoil the ‘happy happy’ atmosphere of the site.

Don’t say i didn’t warn you.

I’d like to address something that’s been bugging me for the past two months. As some of you may have noticed by now, the long time readers anyway, there’re usually two kinds of posts on this site. And they are what Thess would call ‘Justin posts’ and ‘filler posts’.

‘Justin posts’ being the ‘real’ posts. Posts about what i did, what i’m thinking, what i’m going through etc etc. My life basically. They’re usually very far and few in between. The ‘filler posts’ are basically what you’ll usually see on the site. Now more than ever. They’re just posts that have naked women, DVD’s, e-mails and… well… just ‘filler’ i guess. In other words, crap. Usually having to do with very little of my actually ‘life’.

Lately, there’ve been more ‘filler posts’ than there have been ‘Justin posts’ on the site. There’s a reason for this. It’s because i have people that i don’t want reading the site… reading the site. People who shouldn’t even be in these parts of cyberspace in the first place.

Who you might be wondering? Well… how about say… ooh… my parental units?

You see, i KNOW they read my site. And frankly, it just fucking pisses me off. I can’t write as freely as i want, i can’t think as freely as i want and i just can’t do anything as freely as i want anymore on the site. Because i have people i don’t want reading the site.. reading the site. It’s like having fucking Big Brother watching over you. And it’s seriously cramping my style. I fucking HATE the fact that i have to watch what i say on my own fucking goddamned site. It seriously seriously pisses me the fuck OFF. Hypocritically, i actually don’t mind the fact that i have over 2000+ people that i don’t even know checking out the site everyday. Because that’s different. Osama bin fucking Laden could even be reading my site and i wouldn’t care. But really now, if you owned an E/N site… or a weblog or whatever the hell you wanna call you site… a site that has seriously dubious content on it… naked women, swearing, bad bad tasteless dick and fart jokes and just plain indecent stuff… surely you woulnd’t want your own parents reading it now would you?

A few people i know have this same problem too. Sarah’s mom watches over her site. She can’t exactly do whatever she wants on there. Sung doesn’t like the fact that his pastor knows about his site. He just wants to escape from it. And i don’t like the fact that i have my parents virtually breathing down my fucking neck.

It just pisses me off that i don’t even have the freedom anymore to vent on my own site without having my parents knowing about it. Makes me wanna just quit the site and start off a new one on fucking Geocities under a new identity. Fucking hell man.

My stats actually shows my own home IP address hitting my site every coupla hours or so. It bugged Zil to no end that my mom was potentially checking out our sites.

GreyMatter tracks the IP addresses of the people who comment on my posts. So yes, for those of you who’ve commented under fake names each times, don’t think that you’re doing it under total anonymity. I may not know your names but i do know who you are by your IP addresses and i can sure as fucking hell ban your fucking stupid asses from using the site.

It’s cramping my style, i have to censor myself and i can’t just go all out like could before. And it’s bringing down the site because all i can ever hope to do now is to rely on e-mails and fucking naked pictures to offset the lack real posts that i can make. And even when i do write real ‘Justin posts’, it’s severely edited down in terms of things that i want to mention. Having people reading the shit that you don’t want them reading severely cramps the potential of said shit to be good shit.

It’s like the R rated theatrical release version of Requiem For A Dream. You have the MPAA breathing down Darren Aronofsky’s neck having him to cut scenes just to avoid an NC-17 rating. If it weren’t for the MPAA, he could’ve just released the movie the way he wanted to without having to censor anything just to please the MPAA.

Thank God for the DVD format where the MPAA doesn’t have any say as to what gets released as what. And so without having to worry about the MPAA, Darren Aronofsky releases Requiem For A Dream uncut as an unrated directors cut.

I need a ‘DVD’ of my own. I need an IP banning script to stop my personal ‘MPAA’, whomever they may be now or in the future, from viewing my site.

So until i implement such a script and until i know for certain that my site isn’t viewable by my parents or whoever the fuck that i don’t want reading it, expect less ‘Justin posts’ and more all around CRAP.

Crap that doesn’t even fulfill it’s potential potentiality of being even good crap. Because of all the fucking ‘censorship’ that i have to employ.

Generally i hate talking about my site in real life. More specifically, i hate having to explain my site in real life. I don’t mind talking about it online on AIM or whatever but i fucking hate discussing my site in real life to people who know me personally. I can understand the need to talk about it with people who i don’t know personally or to people i’ve just met because i wouldn’t want them to get the wrong idea about myself if they even did stumble upon it accidently but people who do know me more personally should know better. And not to take everything that’s on this site at face value. I hate the fact that whenever i go back home to meet my friends only to have them ask me about things that i’ve written about on my site. Just because they took it all a little too seriously. And having me to explain to them that it’s just me on my site and that it doesn’t necessarily reflect how i am or what i think in real life. That’s just my ‘online personality’. If you wanna call it that. You can read through my bio, you can read all my posts for all you want but at the end of the day, you still won’t know who i really am. So don’t go judging me from my website.

I am not my website.

I’ve been keeping quiet about all of this all this time but it just fucking gets to me sometimes. And this time, i just can’t take anymore of it. It’s been a while since i’ve actually vented on the site. Mostly because, like i said, i have to motherfucking censor my fucking self and it’s just goddamned fucking pissing me the fuck off. I NEED to let off some steam.

Fucking hell i feel like breaking something.

—————
To: psykotik@gmail.com
Subject: hidy
From: “Kalen Burke” kalen@cherryfluff.com
Date: Sat, Oct 27 2001 3:34:02 PM -0400

-kalen
http://cherryfluff.com
—————

*humps Kalen back*

Ooooh yeah. Hahaha.

HAH! I knew it! I was just watching Final Fantasy on DVD (again) last night and i have thus confirmed my suspicions of Aki wearing a metal bra throughout the whole movie. An iron bra to be exact. I remember when i did a review of the movie when it first came out and highlighting the fact that she was wearing an iron bra… only to have some fucking idiot e-mailing about how it wasn’t a metal bra and how it was just some chestplate or whatever the fuck he called it.

Well, if you listen to the Japanese commentary on the disc, you’ll be able to hear them talk about said metal bra. The commentary’s in Japanese but there are subtitles. And this below, is word for word what they actually said:

“Aki’s bra projects the hologram.”

– “There’s a device attached to it.”

– “It’s a iron bra.”

“If she takes it off, she’ll die.”

If she takes it off, she’ll die.

HAHAHAHAHA. That’s terrible. Dying just because you took off your bra. Hahahahaha!

Anyway.

So again, about the Final Fantasy movie. I’m sure that most of you hardcore FF fans out there who’ve seen the movie probably felt disappointed by it somewhat. For whatever reason it may be. I for one was disappointed that there were no Chocobos in it.

What i didn’t know (until i listened to the commentary that is…) was that there actually ARE Chocobos in the movie (sorta)! Two of them in fact.

The first one pops up on Aki’s night dress earlier in the movie just as she wakes up from the second dream she has. It kinda looks like drool but it’s actually a Chocobo. You really have to look closely.

Should be too hard. It’s right on her right boob.

The second one shows up on this suitcase that someone’s carrying. During the scene where there’s mass hysteria in Barrier City and that spaceship carrier thing crashes into the crowd. There’s one guy holding a suitcase. It has a Chocobo on it.

In other news:

I found this in my comments. It’s about Libby Hoeler.

“VERY nice to see Elizabeth “Libby” Hoeller is so prominent in the news. Her story was the one taking place in Wisconsin, and the original videos posted of her have her name, address and phone number in the beginning. What a sick ex-boyfriend, he didn’t need to do that. Good thing he ended up getting a 12-moth prison sentence out of it.

Cheers.”

Oooh. I guess her name really is Libby Hoeler. Someone once told me that it wasn’t. Not that it matters anyway. A naked dancing girl is still a naked dancing girl no matter what her name is.

I’m back on the Osama bin Laden search index again by the way.

Before i begin.

If for whatever reason:

1. You hate this site.
2. You hate reading stuff written by people with dicks.
3. You are offended by naked women.
4. You are offended by naked 3D women.
5. You can’t stand fucking bad weblogging with swearing in it.

And if:

1. You like good sites.
2. You like reading stuff written by people with breasts.
3. You like sites with no naked women on them.
4. You like sites with no naked 3D women on them.
5. You love good weblogging with minimal swearing in it.

Then you’ll love this site because it’s got practically everything that you don’t hate about mine.

She blogs good, she talks about movies a lot, she LOVES DVD’s!, she plays videogames!, she updates pretty consistently (A sign that she has no life… just like me. Kidding kidding…) and she’s just… ME! Without all the bad parts (Or the good parts depending on your preference towards porn).

What more could anybody ever want from a girl?? Now THAT is what i would consider to be the ideal girl. Good writer, movie goer, DVD lover, videogame player… *swoon*

In other news:

—————
To: psykotik@gmail.com
Subject: fansign
From: “will.hinds.” will.hinds@latenightlogic.com
Date: Fri, Oct 26 2001 11:46:23 AM -0700

Attachments: autosnap.jpg

look even i decided to make you an R rated fansign with underage drinking none the less. so yeah. see you later.
—————

Woo hoo! Where??

FOR THE LOVE OF KIRSTEN DUNST SOMEBODY PLEASE SEND ME A FAN SIGN THAT HAS TITS IN IT. OR CLEAVAGE AT LEAST. FROM A FEMALE. SOMETHING R RATED. I’LL GIVE YOU HITS. YESTERDAY I INCREASED THIS GIRL’S HITS BY 51 TIMES HER NORMAL AMOUNT!* AND THAT WAS WITHOUT A FAN SIGN!! WHAT MORE INCENTIVE DO YOU NEED??

Thank you.

So i was going through the Final Fantasy DVD last night an i stumbled upon an easter egg on the first disc. If you go to the special features and click on the DVD-ROM content, try perssing UP. You should see and Japanese character being highlighted. Press enter and it’ll take you to a short clip of Aki… in a bikini!! Lots of different variations of Aki… in a bikini!!

Coolness!!

They’re actually just the same pics that i posted up yesterday though. The ones of her in the bikini and that leather suit thing (Yes, you’ll also get to see her in that leather outfit in the easter egg).

Of course, you won’t get to see her being completely buck naked but it’s an extremely cool easter egg nonetheless.

So yes, These
ones you’ll be able to see in the easter egg. And as it stands, these two Aki character models were officially rendered by Square. Okay somebody cheekily added the Maxim stuff into that bikini pic but yeah, the Aki model in there is an official Square Aki model. Not at all ‘fan art’. This one, however, you do not get to see in the easter egg. And i doubt that it’s officially made by Square. And even if it was, it was probably either made by some horny Square artist (i doubt it but could be possible… i know i would if i had the power…) or by somebody with too much time on their hands.

Either way, i’m not complaining!

*only sounds more impressive than it really is.

Fucking hell Google. How the fuck am i supposed to get 4000+ hits if you keep taking me off your Osama bin Laden search index after every few days or so??

I was listening to the commentary track on the Final Fantasy DVD last night and it got me think about my search referrals.

Yes. A weird thing to think about but hear me out.

It got me thinking about my search referrals. About all those times i’d gotten referrals from people looking for Aki nude. You know… Aki. Aki Ross. The main character in the movie if you didn’t already know. And so it got me thinking, “I wonder if there are pics of Aki nude out there…”. I mean, if nude pics of the 3D Lara Croft do exist… then surely must be some nude Aki ones out there too…

So on a whim, i just tried looking for them today. And just as i thought, there sure are some nudes of her. They were pretty easy to find actually. Didn’t take too long at all.

• Aki Ross from Final Fantasy in a bikini.
• Aki Ross from Final Fantasy in tight leather.
• Aki Ross from Final Fantasy totally nude as can be.

It’s sad to think that somebody actually spent all that time making that nude pic.

It’s even sadder to think that i actually spent all that time looking for those nude pics.

Look!

“…because she is now plugging all of the big boy E/N sites such as EHOWA, ORSM, and BadInAGoodWay.”

– as seen on thissitegotmelaid.

It’s weird seeing my site mentioned in that same sentence with those other bigger sites.

In other news:

Yesterday i broke my all time high AGAIN. 4144 hits over the previous one day record of 3382.

See? Small hits for small sites (i.e. mine)

Nevertheless, i’m halfway there m ‘i had 9000’ g!!

Today i asked a girl what she thought of me. And she replied with:

LIVINGdeadGURL: that….. u’re probably 1 of the sweetest people I know

Yes. That is gratuitous self ego boosting at it’s best.