Loathing and More Loathing in Las Vegas

I know you expected to hear from me last weekend, but I’ve been kind of busy, what with my gambling and boozing and whoring and what-not. Since three of you are big fans of mine, I suppose I owe you an explanation for why it all happened.

J-Lo and I called the wedding off on Thursday because the swanky hotel we were getting hitched at was double-booked and someone from the other wedding party decided to call up Entertainment Tonight or some such media outlet, who then informed the rest of the media, who then informed the paparazzi and the general public, which led to the cancellation of the wedding. Or, that’s how the story goes. In reality, I was the one who called Entertainment Tonight, and it was J-Lo (by herself) who called off the wedding.

There are reasons for this. She wanted me to sign a prenuptial agreement that said she got half of my fortune if she decided to divorce me for infidelity. Now, really, who can blame me for something like that? Just because I sleep with two, three, four strippers while I’m out on a movie set doesn’t mean I don’t love her. Well, in a passive-aggressive way, I suppose it does, but that’s not the point. That’s like me having a clause that says if she makes a bad album then I get twenty million dollars. It’s just something that we all know is going to happen.

Really, the cancellation is just a sign of much larger problems, anyway. For example, when I tried to move the wedding to Conference Room B of the Howard Johnson’s on Wilshire, she stormed off with her entourage, and I took that as a no. I didn’t get it, because she wants three-hundred people at the wedding, but she wants privacy. So, I did what any man in the situation would do: I went to Vegas for a boxing match, went gambling, even tried online gambling from sbobet ???????, fell off the wagon and woke up with strippers. Maybe they were hookers or possibly dancers who wanted to try out for J-Lo’s next video, but that’s not the point. The point is I tried, and she backed out on me.

When this all started, we were just another Hollywood celebrity couple. We could have burned down West Beverly Hills and the newspapers would have put it on page 8. Then I made the stupid mistake of proposing and buying her a ring that cost me the better part of a year’s pay (after you take out taxes, agent fees and the “donations” I make to the Weinsteins to keep my career intact). I jumped in with both feet, and now look where it’s gotten me: The movie I did with her is second only to From Justin To Kelly as the worst movie of all time, and we’ve still got one more that could conceivably top it.

So, boys (because most of you are boys, merely looking for pictures of the Olsen Twins naked), let me impart upon the lot of you a piece of advice: When you like a girl, you’re going to get frustrated, and you’re not going to know what to say to her. Then, when you think she likes you as much as you like her, it’s all easy. Then, reality strikes, and you realize that she didn’t like you as much as you thought she did, in which event it’s often because she likes some other guy more than you and failed to mention it over the course of your dating or correspondence.

Just save yourself the heartbreak and always keep one foot out the door at all times, because one day -out of nowhere- she’ll drop you, and you’ll just realize that you were wrong about everything. They’re all blind corners and the end of your relationship is around one of them. As for me, I’ll just wait for my agent to say it’s okay to get married again, if ever. He said once that my box-office pulled an extra twenty-million per picture when I was an eligible bachelor, so he probably won’t, and the closest I’ll get to a happy-ending is watching Chasing Amy, and all I have to fall back on is the knowledge that I was the bomb in Phantoms.

Randomness

My thumbs are hurting right now from playing too much ESPN NHL Hockey and ESPN NFL Football on PS2. I got both games about 4 days ago and i haven’t been able to stop playing them since. I must say i do like ESPN NFL much better than Madden 2004 though. And i like the fact that i can change the main menu music so that Sweet Soul Brother (from Jet Grind Radio) is playing, instead of the standard ESPN theme. ESPN NHL Hockey is pretty good too. It’s probably the best hockey i’ve played since NHL 93 on the Genesis. Although i don’t really like its presentation that much. It’s not as good a ESPN NFL Football. But still. Apparently NHL 2004 comes out today in the states (well.. tomorrow techinically, since i’m in the future right now). I think i’ll buy it just for the hell of it. After all, it’s only gonna cost me like what? US$2.50? Ahahahaha.

So i’m reading this article about the LOTR: ROTK videogame right, and it reminded me of the fact that i still haven’t seen The Two Towers yet. In fact, i didn’t even see Fellowship Of The Ring until it came out on DVD August last year. I think i must be like the only person on earth who hasn’t seen TTT yet. So ROTK comes out in December right? I think i’ll just wait till August 2004 and watch it on DVD. Nyuk nyuk. For some reason, the LOTR movies don’t really interest me that much. Even though i love Peter Jackson movies (Dead Alive, Heavenly Creatures, The Frighteners et al).

I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately. I finally got around to watching True Romance for the first time last night. I don’t know why i never did before. I actually even rented the laserdisc once like in 1996 or something. But i never actually watched the thing. I was only interested in seeing that one scene where Patricia Arquette gets naked. Can’t really see much though. Had to wait till Lost Highway before anybody could get a really good look at her boobers. Mmmm.. Patricia Arquette.

Coincidently, for those of you who’ve seen Matchstick Men, is it just me or does Alison Lohman’s character remind you of a young Alabama Worley from True Romance?

Funnily enough, True Romance was directed by Tony Scott, Ridley Scott’s brother, who directed Matchstick Men.

I also saw The Twins Effect. A really surprisingly hokey Hong Kong vampire flick with a title that has absoultely nothing to do with the movie starring two apparently super popular Hong Kong pop starlets whom i’ve never heard of. They’re hyper cute though. Personally i like Gillian a little bit more than Charlene. Charlene is little bit TOO cute. Anyhow, i saw the trailer for TWE a earlier this year and it seemed like a pretty serious vampire kung fu flick. Boasting action sequences directed by Donnie Yen (Iron Monkey, Blade 2, Shanghai Knights). And for most of the part, the fights are pretty sweet. But the movie turned out to be more of a silly romantic comedy with lots of wire fu fighting here and there. Nothing wrong with that though. I quite like the ridiculous rooftop teddy bear fight scene between the two girls. It’s a crazy movie. If Blade was a romantic comedy that starred two super cute chinese pop stars, you’d get The Twins Effect.

I know that quite a few Chinese Malaysians read this site. And i know they all probably eat up Hong Kong movies. What did you think of The Twins Effect? Personally i thought it was pretty disappointing. But then again, after seeing Infernal Affairs earlier this year (possibly the best new Hong Kong movie ever, so much so that Brad Pitt even bought the rights to do a remake), i guess i was expecting a little bit too much from ‘the next big Hong Kong movie’ which was supposed to be The Twins Effect.

I also saw this Korean movie called Volcano High. That movie is crazygonuts. The closest comparison that i can make is that it’s a cross between Harry Potter and the X-Men. With a little bit of The Matrix thrown in. But then again what action movie these days DOESN’T have a little Matrix thrown in?

In other news:

psykotik2k: i’m going to donwload celbe porn
TehBubba: nice
TehBubba: get something good.

*logs into celebritymoviearchive.com*

psykotik2k: wow! i have 540 megs of credit!
TehBubba: haha
psykotik2k: i only had 20 the other day
psykotik2k: now i have 540!
TehBubba: that’s crazy
psykotik2k: lots of people mustve signed up
psykotik2k: and used me as a referrer
TehBubba: you’re lucky you have so many horny fans.
psykotik2k: 😀
psykotik2k: btw im watching how to lose a guy in 10 days right now
psykotik2k: love me
TehBubba: you’re so gay sometimes.
psykotik2k: wheres dad
TehBubba: i dunno
TehBubba: pops
psykotik2k: popa smash
TehBubba: dunno where pops is at matey.
psykotik2k: ESPN NHL IS THE BEST HOCKEY GAME EVER
TehBubba: you know nhl 2004 is going to be better. ea sports has hockey down.
psykotik2k: no it wont
TehBubba: it will be
psykotik2k: i dont like madden 2004
psykotik2k: it sucks
TehBubba: i don’t play madden
TehBubba: i should
psykotik2k: madden gets on my nerves
psykotik2k: the commentary sucks
psykotik2k: espn nhl has awesome commentary
TehBubba: i always like the ea sports commentary.
psykotik2k: they suck
psykotik2k: repetitive
TehBubba: no
psykotik2k: i want to slam my powerbook g4 up your asshole

Anyhow, 540 megs! I can’t believe that many of you actually signed up for that site and used me as a referrer (by entering psykotik_1@hotmail.com) and getting both you and i an extra 20 megs to the 100 megs that you get when you sign up for only $2.95!

Do it again please.

Because if this keeps on going, i’ll probably have more than enough celeb porn credits to last me till 2005.

By the way, Bubba is being a little princess and he refuses to leave comments on the site anymore because he thinks people don’t care about him. He’s doing a Celius Quin/Quijotes Leprous. What an emo.

OMG guess what longtime fubar readers. One of the first ever ‘fubar girls’ IMed me the other day after what feels like two years of not being in contact! I’m sure some of you remember Stal right?

juice2027: stal?
juice2027: like crystal?
psykotik2k: yes!
juice2027: that one girl who was major hottie?
psykotik2k: yes!

He said it. I didn’t. But yes, Stal! Finally found a way to to get in touch again. She sort of disappeared off the face of the internet a while back leaving almost nothing in the way of contact information. But through the wonders of the internet, she recently heard that i was looking for her thanks to this post that i made last year. Now how about that? Anyhow, we got to talking about what’s new, what’s old, and were generally just catching up with each other and she’s still the same old Stal. I’ve almost forgotten how great it is to talk to her. I had to go back into my old chatlogs with her to get all those memories back. And guess what? She’s still as awesome to talk to as ever! She showed me quite a number of new pics, none of which i can post up though, but i really like this one. I thought it was hilarious.

(Context: she had to put on that hairnet thing because she was visiting Publix on an Animal Science class field trip (she’s studying to be a Vet) and the only way they could go behind the scenes to ‘inspect the meat’ was if they wore those hairnet)

(Wouldn’t want you to think she was inspecting other kinds of meat 😛 Although you probably wish it were the case)

(You deviant bastards)

Oh and Banana finally found fubar again. I think we almost have all the old regulars back on the site. He was the hardest regular to get in touch with to inform of the URL change. Mostly because his e-mail address doesn’t work. I don’t know why i even remember him as much as i do. Lots of regulars have come and gone but he’s just one of those that stick out in memory. Maybe it’s because he’s probably like the only other person that actually likes Jenn. Besides me.

Hey

Have you ever held in your piss for so long, like maybe for a whole day or something, and then when you eventually do take a piss, it takes like 3 whole minutes just to get every single drop of pee out of your bladder?

I love it when that happens. It always amazes me.

Aww lookit, she’s so happy!

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!

Huzzah!

Yes! It’s her birthday today! Good timing eh? And so in honor of today being Alison Lohman’s 24th birthday (and her being my current obsession), i have made a little Alison Lohman Gallery out of all the good pics of her royal hotness that i found on the net. And, i figure the more i mention her, the more likely i’ll get Alison Lohman search referrals in the not so distant future. And thus, more hits! I’m such a whore!

Happy Birthday Alison!