This picture makes me want to kick Avril Lavigne in the vagina.

For no other reason than me just wanting to kick a girl in the vagina.

I got kneed in the balls once. By a girl. In grade school. It hurt like a motherbitch.

One day, i will have my revenge on that girl.

Remember when Lucasarts used to make real games and not just stupid faggot Star Wars games all the time? I spent an entire 24 or so hours downloading every old Lucasarts SCUMM games i could find yesterday. Okay actually i just found a single torrent of every single old Lucasarts SCUMM game ever made so it wasn’t like i was on some Indiana Jones-like interweb downloading adventure.

Here’s a list of games that i kept from the 2.3 gig package.

There were a bunch more but they didn’t seem to be all that hot. Like Maniac Mansion, Zak waheteverthefuck, Simon the Sorcerer etc. So i deleted them.

I’ve only played Monkey Island 1 so far, out of all the games i haven’t played yet. I’m at the end of the first chapter i think. Got all my three trials done, bought a ship, gathered my crew but when i go to the dock to meet up with all of them, they aren’t there. Stupid. Must be a glitch or something. Or maybe i didn’t do something right. I checked a walkthrough and it says they all should be on the dock waiting for me. Fucking faggot game. I quit Monkey Island. Monkey Island makes me angry.

I think i’ll try out one of the newer games. Maybe replay Full Throttle again. I never did finish that game the first time around. I think i got stuck on that part of the game where you’re fighting with the end boss(?) on that truck and it’s heading towards a cliff or something. How great. Made it to end of the game(?), without looking at any walkthroughs (remember this was 1995 when the internets wasn’t born yet). And i get impossibly stuck on the last scene(?). This makes me angry thinking about it. I quit Full Throttle. Full Throttle makes me angry.

Maybe i’ll try out The Dig. Always wanted to play this game. Didn’t Spielberg help out with this game? And i think it has Robert Patrick voice acting in it. Which i used to think was super cool when i read about it in PC Gamer magazine. Of course this was back when Robert Patrick was actually hot shit. I bet i’ll get impossibly stuck playing The Dig too. I seem to recall several magazine reviews (magazine reviews because the internets wasn’t born yet in 1996) mentioning some impossibly hard puzzles. Fuck that. I quit The Dig already. The Dig makes me angry. Visit https://www.headphonage.com/ to find the best headphones for gamers.

In fact, i quit all these games without even playing them because i know i’ll get stuck somewhere along the line because that’s just the way Lucasarts games are with all their motherbitch puzzles. SCUMM games make me angry!!!

I’ll just stick to playing Psychonauts, the closest thing to a ‘real Lucasarts’ game that you can get in 2005. Tim Schafer worked on Psychonauts (he also worked on quite a number of those classic SCUMM games) and it’s got all that trademark Day of the Tentacle/Sam & Max type humor that makes all those old SCUMM games so enjoyable. If it weren’t for all the impossible puzzles of course. Lucasarts makes me angry.

Remember the Jenny McCarthy Show on MTV? I used to love watching that show. Funny as hell. I remember fapping to it every now and then. She was always playing these sexy goofy characters on it (it was a sketch comedy show if you don’t remember). Nobody can do sexy goofy like Jenny McCarthy can.

And that’s hot.

I’ve said it once and i’ll say it again:

Anne. When the hell is Havoc coming out.

I can’t wait for the Unrated DVD of Wedding Crashers to come out. You know it’s gonna happen. All of the Frat Pack’s DVDs have Unrated versions (Old School, Dodgeball, Anchorman etc).

I’m hoping there’ll be more of Jane Seymour in it. And by Jane Seymour i mean Jane Seymour’s boobies. I find it strange that they never really actually showed them full on despite all the hype surrounding her nude scene.

Oh and if anybody’s wondering, those weren’t Isla Fisher’s boobies in the movie. Body double.

I actually thought Isla was a lot younger. Was expecting her to maybe be like 18 or something. Did some googling and turns out she’s much older AND she’s engaged to Ali G.

Go check out Wedding Crashers if you haven’t already. You’ll love Isla Fisher’s performance.

I picked up a bootleg copy of Spartan on DVD for 4 bucks last night. Been meaning to get it for quite a while now but i wasn’t about to spend 24 bucks on it back at Best Buy. Especially when its as bare bones as it gets. Only a commentary track and some trailers? Not worth it. Maybe for 15, but not 24.

Anyhow, i really like the movie. Heard some good things about it and i wasn’t disappointed. I was a little intimidated by it going in, since i’ve never really seen any of David Mamet’s work (and i hear he has a style that you either love or hate). I’ve also heard some people complaining about how they didn’t understand what the hell was going in this movie. Well, those people are probably stupid because i had no problems at all following the vague, yet still very understandable unless you’re a complete moron, storyline.

I say vague because there’s very little expositional dialogue in this flick. It just throws you in heat of things and leaves it up to you to catch up and figure out what’s going on. No spoonfeeding the plot for you in this movie. Unless of course you’ve read a synopsis beforehand. Which i did not.

Val Kilmer is pretty badass in the movie. Reminds me a lot of Jack Bauer. In fact the whole movie kinda reminds of 24. Which is a good thing. I’d love to see a sequel to Spartan but that’s probably never gonna happen. It is a David Mamet flick after all. And how many David Mamet movie sequels have there been? Precisely.

Kristen Bell is in the movie. Playing a whore no less. She gets topless in one scene but you only get to see her from the back. Although there is this other scene, where if you freeze frame it at the right moment, you get to see a nipple! Bonanza!

Kristen Bell is cute. I’d put her right next to Alison Lohman in terms of hotness.

Chop off the top half of her head and i can swear i see Avril Lavigne smiling.

The other girl who’s not Mary Elizabeth Winstead in Sky High. She looks like a less retarded looking Amber Tamblyn in this professional headshot.

(Amber was actually hot in The Ring. But somewhere between The Ring and Joan of Arcadia, her head just totally went mongoloid)

Danielle looks completely different in ‘real’ pictures though. Which was when most of these were taken.

Now, the burning question is…

Does the carpet match the drapes?